Coworkers gonna start callin you "**** shirt".
7nine
Lunch teeth brushers at work
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Last: 9 mo ago by Milwaukees Best Light
I'll just tell them that food got on my sleeve. Sort of true I guess.
Always gotta do the precautionary sleeve roll-up. You never know.
quote:
Ok, so this right here sucks. I'm working in a satellite office this week. The toilet seats are large and contour further down under the ass cheeks region. That's no excuse for what I'm about to admit to, but it needs to be stated up front as a contributing factor.
I just had a soft blowout. Felt real nice to get that rumble out of my gut, but on the first wipe I discover to my horror that I had splurged the back of the toilet seat. The back of my hand and the cuff of my shirt showed the evidence.
Luckily the shirt tail appears to have been spared.
I commenced to wash my hands and shirt cuff furiously after finishing my business, but even with a tide pen I'm unable to fully remove all evidence... a very light spot remains to torment me the rest of the day.
This could have, and should have been avoided with the standing wipe.
standing wipe
quote:quote:
Ok, so this right here sucks. I'm working in a satellite office this week. The toilet seats are large and contour further down under the ass cheeks region. That's no excuse for what I'm about to admit to, but it needs to be stated up front as a contributing factor.
I just had a soft blowout. Felt real nice to get that rumble out of my gut, but on the first wipe I discover to my horror that I had splurged the back of the toilet seat. The back of my hand and the cuff of my shirt showed the evidence.
Luckily the shirt tail appears to have been spared.
I commenced to wash my hands and shirt cuff furiously after finishing my business, but even with a tide pen I'm unable to fully remove all evidence... a very light spot remains to torment me the rest of the day.
This could have, and should have been avoided with the standing wipe.
Touche!
I think you meant Tushy.
7nine
so i switched departments about 3 months back so i had to check out where i'd spend about 30 minutes of my day each day. in a shocking development and much to my surprise this is what appeared. I think this would solve most problems we face when it comes to the work place crapper olympics. I felt this was the proper place to share these pictures
quote:
When I get up to wipe my ass,
I like to pass a little gas;
It clears my hole
And dries the bowl
And shows I got a lot of class.
7nine
Crapper Olympics you say?
Though if you got hit by that, it shouldn't be too hard to find the poopetrator.
Nothing like pinching off a loaf to the sound of teeth brushing.
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Some dude in my office brushes his teeth and pees at the same time. I commend the coordination but that's f***ing mental.
I pee and fart at the same time
7nine
Does your stream stay perfectly steady?
no
7nine
Does anybody else have "**** all over the back portion of the toilet guy?"
Some days I walk in with sphincter set to full clench sweating pellets and if it's not on the back of the seat its shot gun blasted on the back of the toilet rim above where water flows. I can't even use another stall in the bathroom after that and have to walk pidgein tied to the elevator and another floor.
At first I thought it was an Asian standing on the seat trying to egg drop it into the bowl until I noticed the spattering that went under the seat. I hope this man is found, caged and put down
Some days I walk in with sphincter set to full clench sweating pellets and if it's not on the back of the seat its shot gun blasted on the back of the toilet rim above where water flows. I can't even use another stall in the bathroom after that and have to walk pidgein tied to the elevator and another floor.
At first I thought it was an Asian standing on the seat trying to egg drop it into the bowl until I noticed the spattering that went under the seat. I hope this man is found, caged and put down
quote:
At first I thought it was an Asian standing on the seat trying to egg drop it into the bowl until I noticed the spattering that went under the seat. I hope this man is found, caged and put down
I had a "bolter! bolter! bolter!" moment today. Waiting for my coffee to brew in the break room when I let loose one of those creeping farts that's like a giant boa constrictor slowly creeping up on it's prey - slow, silent, methodical, seemingly goes on forever.
The coffee brewing was quickly overwhelmed by the smell of death and destruction. I had to make a quick break with the duck walk down the hall to the crapper. I was worried that there might actually be skid marks, but alas my fears were (thankfully) unfounded. I felt sorry for the poor soul that had to enter that hellhole after I got done defiling the toilet and air within the room.
But I felt like a new man after, so all is well.
The coffee brewing was quickly overwhelmed by the smell of death and destruction. I had to make a quick break with the duck walk down the hall to the crapper. I was worried that there might actually be skid marks, but alas my fears were (thankfully) unfounded. I felt sorry for the poor soul that had to enter that hellhole after I got done defiling the toilet and air within the room.
But I felt like a new man after, so all is well.
quote:Sorry. Sometimes that initial blast after a bout of const is more than the limitations of physics and bowl water can handle. I'm guilty of back-bowl spackling after catastrophic failures of the blow-out preventer. Sometimes I can actually feel myself launching off the seat, further painting the toilet horizon with my jet wash.
Does anybody else have "**** all over the back portion of the toilet guy?"
Some days I walk in with sphincter set to full clench sweating pellets and if it's not on the back of the seat its shot gun blasted on the back of the toilet rim above where water flows. I can't even use another stall in the bathroom after that and have to walk pidgein tied to the elevator and another floor.
At first I thought it was an Asian standing on the seat trying to egg drop it into the bowl until I noticed the spattering that went under the seat. I hope this man is found, caged and put down
I typically will give a few extra flushes to try to rinse the lava back into the sea. I am a gentleman, after all.
quote:quote:Sorry. Sometimes that initial blast after a bout of const is more than the limitations of physics and bowl water can handle. I'm guilty of back-bowl spackling after catastrophic failures of the blow-out preventer. Sometimes I can actually feel myself launching off the seat, further painting the toilet horizon with my jet wash.
Does anybody else have "**** all over the back portion of the toilet guy?"
Some days I walk in with sphincter set to full clench sweating pellets and if it's not on the back of the seat its shot gun blasted on the back of the toilet rim above where water flows. I can't even use another stall in the bathroom after that and have to walk pidgein tied to the elevator and another floor.
At first I thought it was an Asian standing on the seat trying to egg drop it into the bowl until I noticed the spattering that went under the seat. I hope this man is found, caged and put down
I typically will give a few extra flushes to try to rinse the lava back into the sea. I am a gentleman, after all.
Checkmate! I'm literally having to hold back the tears right now.
I have to make an admission that very few of my friends know. It is embarrassing yet at the same time exhilarating. I bought a bidet add on for my home toilet. Ever since, I pretty much will only deuce it up there. Luckily I'm close to work so I can go home for lunch to release the hounds. It is a new world when you have a bidet.
7nine
not gonna lie. it would be nice to move to that from the wet wipes.
quote:
I have to make an admission that very few of my friends know. It is embarrassing yet at the same time exhilarating. I bought a bidet add on for my home toilet. Ever since, I pretty much will only deuce it up there. Luckily I'm close to work so I can go home for lunch to release the hounds. It is a new world when you have a bidet.
Swampass
I would love a bidet to cleanse the rain forest after a mudlside. But it would have to be a warm water one. No way in hell would I voluntarily endure a jet blast of ice cold water to the starfish/taint.
No swamp ass if you dry off.
I didn't want to have to run a hot water line so I went with the basic. Funny thing, you would think your balloon knot would be extra sensitive to freezing cold water, but its not.
I didn't want to have to run a hot water line so I went with the basic. Funny thing, you would think your balloon knot would be extra sensitive to freezing cold water, but its not.
7nine
quote:
No swamp ass if you dry off.
I didn't want to have to run a hot water line so I went with the basic. Funny thing, you would think your balloon knot would be extra sensitive to freezing cold water, but its not.
Why not add a bleach line and groom the knot simultaneously ?
quote:Or at least add a Febreeze tank so you get a dash of spring rain added to the wash water.quote:
No swamp ass if you dry off.
I didn't want to have to run a hot water line so I went with the basic. Funny thing, you would think your balloon knot would be extra sensitive to freezing cold water, but its not.
Why not add a bleach line and groom the knot simultaneously ?
If you want to fork out the big bucks, the Japanese style bidets have temp control, warmed seats, angle control for his and hers, air drying and more.
7nine
Honestly, I am very intrigued by the idea and concept of having a bidet. But if I had access to one, I would have no idea what buttons or knobs to push or turn, when to do so, and for which body parts they are to be aimed. The instruction manual would likely be confusing, and internet searches would likely be horrifying.
I just got the basic model that adds onto your toilet. Quick install with existing plumbing. Has a sprayer that operates on water pressure that you control with a knob that controls the pressure so you can go for a light sprinkle to a full on firehouse. The angle is not adjustable but it always seems to be right on target.
7nine
Link please. I want to spray my hiney.
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