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Lunch teeth brushers at work

422,868 Views | 2665 Replies | Last: 10 mo ago by Milwaukees Best Light
David_Puddy
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3:13p, 12/13/10
AG
quote:
next tangent: toilet seat covers?

do you go through the turmoil of making the huge crinkly commotion trying to get said peice of parchment perfectly aligned before landing your ham on the seat at risk of slip-sliding around mid-grogan and knowing every reposition or slight move will alert others to your preference?

Or do you enjoy rolling the dice of sitting bareassed with the still warm feeling from the previous users efforts before unleashing the beast?


I grab the seat cover 100% of the time. Something about getting someone else's ass germs that just bothers me.

Oh yeah, and I always go to the handicap stall. If it isn't available on my floor, I go to the next floor until I find one that isn't occupied. Ninja needs his space.
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Jackal99
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3:14p, 12/13/10
AG
quote:
i'm too impatient to use a seat cover, but sitting on a warm toilet seat is about as disgusting a feeling there is


Then WTF do you do, hover like a chick at the Chicken?
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jetch17
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3:14p, 12/13/10
AG
Handicap stall 100% of the time, or the private Costanza 1 seater in the back of the building.

A man can really get some thinking done back there.
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Jackal99
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3:15p, 12/13/10
AG
Nothin' better than getting paid to take a s***.
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Westicles
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3:15p, 12/13/10
AG
Wait, there are people who really use those seat covers? I'm usually prairie-doggin it and already rolling the dice on whether or not I'm going to make it on time anyway. No time to cover the seat.
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David_Puddy
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3:16p, 12/13/10
AG
I'm like a gargoyle, perched atop a ledge.
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David_Puddy
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3:16p, 12/13/10
AG
The seat cover takes all of 2 seconds to dislodge.
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jetch17
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3:17p, 12/13/10
AG
that reverts back to the mobile porn viewing, you do NOT want to run the risk of touching tip to rim.

If your place of business has those nice long seats with the space in the seat that can alleviate the problem, but then your sitting there mid grog with a civil war cannon aimed up, thus crossing channels in case theres a residual pee that needs to happen before the conclusion of said drop. This practice typically needs to be done on its own occasion.
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Westicles
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3:19p, 12/13/10
AG
Lotsa wisdom in your post there Jetch. You should write a book.
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David_Puddy
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3:19p, 12/13/10
AG
Jeeee-sus!
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jetch17
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3:20p, 12/13/10
AG
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CATAGBQ04
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3:21p, 12/13/10
AG
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Jackal99
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3:24p, 12/13/10
AG
Know what else is great? Being the first one in there after the restroom's just been cleaned. I'm talking before the floor is even dry. Smelling that industrial strength cleanser and seeing the little foam bubbles in the toilet , and knowing that my filth is about to trump it. It's one of the few highlights of my day that gives me a bit of satisfaction. I've unintentionally determined the cleaning lady's schedule, and on a good day, I can time it just right. The notion of punishing a fresly-cleaned American Standard brings a smile to my face just thinking about it.

[This message has been edited by Jackal99 (edited 12/13/2010 3:25p).]
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KT_Ag08
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3:25p, 12/13/10
AG
A+++
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OnlyForNow
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3:30p, 12/13/10
AG
This is so great!

We have a two urinal and two stall men's room on my floor but on the 6th floor there is a one urnial one stall that is the Taj'mahal of bathrooms. The lights come on when you enter and only go off when you leave.

And yes I use the seat covers 100% of the time, even in this throne room of thrones. The 4th floor bathroom is distugishing with many people suprisingly of all Asian decent who work as drafters or contract PEs and they piss all over the floor in front of the urinal they don't even try to get it into the bowl.
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jetch17
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3:31p, 12/13/10
AG
Being greeted by the blue water of glory, like cleansing the Cosby's in the waters of Lake Minnetonka.
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jetch17
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3:33p, 12/13/10
AG
i guess the stream from tiny asian peens has to gain some force before making it to the lower lip of the urinal?

we have these honeycomb lookin mats below ours that play damage control for all the stubbies in the office.

[This message has been edited by jetch17 (edited 12/13/2010 3:33p).]
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sts7049
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3:36p, 12/13/10
AG
quote:
Know what else is great? Being the first one in there after the restroom's just been cleaned.


agreed. i'm usually here early enough to be the first one in, but sometimes this fat f-er beats me to the punch. he doesn't know it, but him and i are at war for who gets to the sh*tter earliest. i'll be here by 6 if i have to. he doesn't know who he's up against.
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deadhead aggie
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3:37p, 12/13/10
AG
anybody have one of those "i think i'll sit on the commode, pick my nose and flick the innards onto the inside of this here stall door" guys ?

you squat, lean forward and the door is a mere 14 inches from your face.....you then notice the residue from someone else's nasal cavity....and oh, the different colorations......
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MouthBQ98
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3:37p, 12/13/10
AG
First floor toilets are only for the desperate. Too much traffic.

Gotta find a floor that's mostly ladies, or go down to the basement level and use that one...by FAR the cleanest and least traffic.

I don't know why people think a little microscopically thin layer of waxy paper is going to keep butt funk from the last 100 toilet users from making contact. It'll soak through.

My worry is always the backsplash from that first big turd. Gotta put a little pile of paper in the bowl to cushion the fall and mute the splash....

And yes, the men's room usually stinks and has pee droplets splattered everywhere, but I've heard about ladies rooms and "hovering" from women I know, and that has to make a terrible mess....plus we males don't have to worry about certain biological processes.
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sts7049
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3:38p, 12/13/10
AG
quote:
the waters of Lake Minnetonka


sweet jesus, you're killin it today
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David_Puddy
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3:41p, 12/13/10
AG
quote:
Westicles
posted 3:15p, 12/13/10



Wait, there are people who really use those seat covers? I'm usually prairie-doggin it and already rolling the dice on whether or not I'm going to make it on time anyway. No time to cover the seat.


So what happens when the gentleman before you took a piss there and there is residue, or even worse, someone has left a few public hairs on the seat?
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Latrobe
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3:42p, 12/13/10
AG
Freshly cleaned John...........

There is nothing more satisfying than walking in the bathroom and seeing that toilet seat up and toilet water so blue that it looks like lake Louise on a crisp spring day.

I usually give an audible "He'll yeah! Who's the Man???!!!" when i see this. It makes my day! Thank you Rosa.
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CATAGBQ04
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3:42p, 12/13/10
AG
quote:
Gotta put a little pile of paper in the bowl to cushion the fall and mute the splash


Great tip...I'll keep that in mind next time I go in and it's freshly cleaned...don't want bleach water splashing up on my undercarriage...
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sts7049
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3:42p, 12/13/10
AG
i definitely wipe down the seat, but trying to get a cover in the proper orientation is like trying to get a perfect tear on saran wrap...it's just not possible.
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jetch17
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3:42p, 12/13/10
AG
Mens room doesnt have to worry about any T-rockets or sanitary napkin mishaps.

the worst presents typically left for the next patron are either just a stray nugget that didnt make it down, some spiral skids, copenhagen shavings left in urinal, or an occasion ink pen the fell from grace.
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CATAGBQ04
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3:44p, 12/13/10
AG
Copenhagen pouches left in the urinal
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Mr07Ag
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3:53p, 12/13/10
AG
It's always awkward when you are working late and have to drop that last one of the day before you head home. You walk in and the clean(ish) smell greets you when you open the door. You see the aforementioned "blue water of glory" and get all giddy like a kid at Christmas. Then the worst happens, you see movement in the restroom and realize someone else is in there with you. After a mini heart attack thinking someone is going to beat you to the freshly cleaned stall you realize it is just someone from the cleaning crew. You unfortunately make eye and this poor soul is completely defeated, hanging their head in shame and know by the way you are doing the puckered-butt run to the stall, all of their hard work is about to be undone in the worst fashion. I grin like an idiot all the way to the throne.
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Westicles
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4:24p, 12/13/10
AG
quote:
So what happens when the gentleman before you took a piss there and there is residue, or even worse, someone has left a few public hairs on the seat?

You really think that little thin piece of paper they call a seat cover is going to stop that urine from touching your ass cheek??? Dream on.

Wipe that **** down with some toilet paper before sitting or move to the next stall.
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David_Puddy
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4:27p, 12/13/10
AG
The seat cover offers enough protection from the ass AIDs that still linger even after a good wipe down.
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CATAGBQ04
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4:30p, 12/13/10
AG
The handle on the bathroom door or your keyboard are probably dirtier...
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Mr07Ag
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4:30p, 12/13/10
AG




[This message has been edited by Mr07Ag (edited 12/13/2010 4:31p).]
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tamulax33
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4:38p, 12/13/10
AG
Nothing in this world is worse than the urinal s h it.

A gentleman (who remains to be formally charged but we suspect it was a new hire since this has only happened twice lately) in our office has done it twice now when the stalls are not to his liking (I guess a little p iss on the seat isn't his cup of tea). Well it was so bad that the regular cleaning crew did not clean it and instead locked the bathroom until they got a specialist cleaning crew in there. Needless to say, this messed up a lot of people's 'schedules' and my private suite bathroom was flooded with people from the other side of the building. We even had to post signs that state the urinal is for #1 and the stall are for #2.

And now people have discovered that our bathrooms on this side of the floor are single suites. So my safe haven is now in jeopardy.
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HotardAg07
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4:38p, 12/13/10
AG
I used to always use the handicap restroom to conduct my bowel symphony, but a few weeks ago I was taking a dump and reading texags and a guy on a wheelchair came into the restroom, and checked the door, and then turned around. I felt so bad I was just wasting time using the only handicap restroom on the floor, I cleaned up and rushed out. As I got out the stall door, I heard the elevator beep and he was clearly going downstairs to use the other restroom. I felt so bad... never again. As long as I'm on the floor with a guy with no legs, I can't bring myself to use the handicap anymore.

Oh and BY FAR the most awkward moment of my work bathroom career was when I was pooping in the stall next to the urinal and somebody missed the urinal and his urine struck the ground and splashed up on my legs. What do you do in that situation???

Far less awkward, but more funny was when a guy in the stall next to me went to get his toilet paper and dropped it and it rolled all the way to me 2 stalls away. He had to embarrassingly ask me to roll the toilet paper back because there was none left in his stall. Funny stuff.

Oh yeah and one day at work someone must have gotten laid off and decided to wreck someone's day, because they took a huge **** in the bathroom and then filled the toilet TO THE TOP with toilet paper. Must have taken 2 or 3 rolls at least, but it was all soaked up with crappy water and there was no way that thing was going down without someone manually removing the chitty toilet paper.

[This message has been edited by HotardAg07 (edited 12/13/2010 4:39p).]
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David_Puddy
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4:43p, 12/13/10
AG
quote:
Oh and BY FAR the most awkward moment of my work bathroom career was when I was pooping in the stall next to the urinal and somebody missed the urinal and his urine struck the ground and splashed up on my legs. What do you do in that situation???


Not sure what you did, but you definitely just made me cry/laugh in my office after reading that.
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