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Lunch teeth brushers at work

416,424 Views | 2665 Replies | Last: 9 mo ago by Milwaukees Best Light
schmendeler
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AG
i'll keep my fingers crossed for you that there is a hook to hang your jacket on.
HBCanine08
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I shall share one of my stories which gave rise to what I call the "human plunger"

When I was 20 I dated an older woman that was 29/30. She wanted me to meet her dad and so we went out to dinner at Carraba's. I had Lasagna and wine for dinner. For dessert I had cannolis and coffee...that's where I ****ed up.

As we drove home back to her apt. I started feeling the bubble guts. To save face I told her I felt like throwing up. We stopped at her old townhouse which she still owned but didn't live in. The plumbing hadn't been used in months. I went in the bathroom and unleashed. As I sat there I also coughed to make her think I was actually throwing up.

I look over and there is less than half a roll, not enough for the job but I had to make it work. I flush and only half of the mess goes down. I start to panic. I couldn't leave the mess in there. I look around and under the sink for a plunger and nothing. I turn on the sink and fan to try and drown any noise I might make.

Here is where my panic takes over. I take off my ring and roll up my sleeves. I make a fist and just look away. I slowly slide my fist and forearm into the brown and white mess. I start to pump the hole with my fist hoping that the suction makes everything go away. I am literally punching through the mess into that hole. Finally after a few pumps it goes down. I am still coughing and making heaving noises through all this. I flush one more time to be safe.

I wash my hands and forearm and try to clean up. Sweat on my face and everything. I walk out after 20 minutes and we leave. I am feeling embarrassed because I am pretty sure she knew what was going on in there. Most disgusting thing I have done. It was the first time and it definitely wasn't the last time I had to use the human plunger. It was like the bathroom scene from "Along Came Polly"


[This message has been edited by HBCanine08 (edited 2/17/2011 10:19a).]
HotardAg07
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AG
You did WHAT???
KT_Ag08
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AG
Dude, no.
TxKng82
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Remind me to never shake Canine's hand if we ever meet..lol
CATAGBQ04
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HBCanine08
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I've been embarrassed to share that story, but it was 5 years ago and might as well share a war story.
TxKng82
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Good Lord how did you get the stank off your hand for the rest of the night?!?!
HBCanine08
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Part of the 20 minutes I spent in there was spent washing my hands and forearm with soap under hot water.
Texaggie7nine
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Tell me you are joking.

HBCanine08
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I wish I was joking. Not my proudest moment. Like I said, I panicked.
Pahdz
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#1200

and canine's story cant be topped
HotardAg07
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Guitarsoup's story still holds the title belt for me, but Canine now has a permanent spot on my hall of fame.
Texaggie7nine
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No amount of humiliation over telling a girl you need a plunger is worse than putting your own hand in dook.

Milwaukees Best Light
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Dude said it definately wasn't the last time he did this same act. I think we can get another 10+ pages out of this guy.
Mr.Ackar07
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I can't tell what is more disturbing, Canine's story or this comment he threw in at the end:

quote:
it definitely wasn't the last time I had to use the human plunger.
schmendeler
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AG
holy sh*t
Arminius
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I can't quite see it, but a fisting/depth perception joke is in there somewhere...
KT_Ag08
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I hope you didn't f-blast this chick later. Talk about potential for some serious infections.
HBCanine08
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Not sharing the second time (also last). It wasn't as bad but it was at another girl's apt. I dated.
Milwaukees Best Light
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Does the Human Plunger get easier the second time, because you know what you're getting into? Or, does it get more difficult because your mind already knows what you're getting into?
HBCanine08
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Mentally I was like f-it. I thought about posting it earlier but like I said, I was embarrassed.

[This message has been edited by HBCanine08 (edited 2/17/2011 11:30a).]
Vernada
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AG
quote:
It was the first time and it definitely wasn't the last time I had to use the human plunger
tamulax33
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Mr07Ag
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Dear Lord! That is the funniest, most embarrassing thing I have ever heard. I don't think I could tell anyone that, even anonymously.

Now tell us your thoughts on fisting the balloon knot.
Texaggie7nine
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So when you are constipated, do you just reach up there and pull it out?

sts7049
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Two Down
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AG


[This message has been edited by Two Down (edited 2/17/2011 12:09p).]
TJJackson
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Mental image cannot be unimagined
Guitarsoup
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AG
There is always a hanger in the bathroom. I hope you saw it on your way out.
Coach K
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quote:
Gotta love a nice cold sh*tter beer after a long day


Nice personalized soap there, goober.
Catch
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Yeah, I'm glad I don't have a problem letting the ladies know when I have to ****. That would save a lot of trouble in Canines world. "Hey babe, your toilet can't handle my man mess, where the **** is your plunger?"

In this case, she didn't even live at that townhome anymore. If I were embarassed, I'd have just risked leaving it there and hope she didn't need to use the bathroom afterwards. Sneak back over a the next day and break down the door, vandalize the place, and make it looks like some punk kids did it.

Not once ever in my entire life would I have considered "Human Plunger". Hell, even if I dropped my iPhone in with my ****, **** it, I'll buy a new one. Not going after it.
Ezra Brooks
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Almost chewed a fingernail while reading Canine's story - but the imagery of his story kept me from doing so.

Hope he didn't eat finger foods for weeks after that experience.
BCOBQ98
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Heck I've had to do that when one of my kids was poopin and the other dropped the tub drain in the crapper.

Wife tried to get it out and made it into a puree. I stuck my hand in, and I mean way in, and got it out.

There was corn in there I swear to god!

[This message has been edited by BCOBQ98 (edited 2/17/2011 1:20p).]
Pahdz
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i work in a small office (less than 10 people here at all times) with 2 regular bathrooms, one hole each. our toilets are standard home models and i swear this one i'm on now is so loose it rocks back and forth enough i could probably rock my daughter to sleep on it.
 
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