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Lunch teeth brushers at work
416,444 Views |
2665 Replies |
Last: 9 mo ago by Milwaukees Best Light
holy ****
I always go with Ye Olde "pretend the sink splashed me" with the droplets thing...
^^ That's a legit excuse at our office.
The counter around the sink is uneven and water collects all in front of it so that all one needs to do is simply lean against it and you have a big water spot right on your crotch.
The counter around the sink is uneven and water collects all in front of it so that all one needs to do is simply lean against it and you have a big water spot right on your crotch.
sweet jesus how do you even find a .gif like that??
google search "how to swing your crotch so urine spots don't appear on your pants"??
google search "how to swing your crotch so urine spots don't appear on your pants"??
quote:
Nothing worse than finishing a big, satisfying dump and reaching up into an empty tp dispenser.
You gotta check that out beforehand. No roll, no go.
I doubt you could get anything but sympathy by asking someone in the next stall if they can spare some squares...
quote:
You gotta check that out beforehand. No roll, no go.
This is fine and all in theory, but a lot of Sundays and Mondays after a long weekend of binge drinking, all your brain power has to go toward keeping the butt hole clinched up so that you don't shat yourself. No time to think about the future.
wait...jetch, you wipe by wrapping tp around your hand? you got foldd man. if you're a wadder you've got issues
only go willy-nilly tumbleweed jumble if the janitorial staff leaves free-range rolls like the ones pictured.
Also if youre in a marathon session for a stubborn gator grogan or an especially violent gut-dropping and you have sufficient toilet paper on hand, use one of the spare loose rolls to send a missile over the adjoining stall if a neighbor decides to join you. A good way to pass the time.
but seriously, son, wad that sh*t up. Im not so worried about having to fold it like an oragami swan. My only concern is getting the job done.
Also if youre in a marathon session for a stubborn gator grogan or an especially violent gut-dropping and you have sufficient toilet paper on hand, use one of the spare loose rolls to send a missile over the adjoining stall if a neighbor decides to join you. A good way to pass the time.
but seriously, son, wad that sh*t up. Im not so worried about having to fold it like an oragami swan. My only concern is getting the job done.
you ever have those hangars.. the ones that just won't fall? Surprisingly, it was in my 20's when I finally discovered I could just wad up and pinch it with pointer and thumb, pull that dangler right off of its post, instead of dealing with a 3 mil thick fudge smear in your crevice.
[This message has been edited by 62strat (edited 12/17/2010 1:37p).]
[This message has been edited by 62strat (edited 12/17/2010 1:37p).]
**** toilet paper. I just keep one of these locked and loaded in my desk drawer.
The 90/10 mixture of tap water and Glade plug in refill keeps the poop cutter chafe-free, clean, and smelling like fresh linens.
The 90/10 mixture of tap water and Glade plug in refill keeps the poop cutter chafe-free, clean, and smelling like fresh linens.
quote:
you ever have those hangars.. the ones that just won't fall? Surprisingly, it was in my 20's when I finally discovered I could just wad up and pinch it with pointer and thumb, pull that dangler right off of its host, instead of dealing with a 3 mil thick fudge smear in your crevice.
I've always thought this would work in theory but haven't actually tried it out...
hangars blow.
Also, the hangars close cousin the 'plop' can catch you by surprise as well. You know when you drop a nice proud musket-ball, but almost as quick as it releases and hits the water the splash somehow immediately manages to hit you RIGHT in the bullseye causing a mild ass-jump off the seat of about 3 inches.
Also, the hangars close cousin the 'plop' can catch you by surprise as well. You know when you drop a nice proud musket-ball, but almost as quick as it releases and hits the water the splash somehow immediately manages to hit you RIGHT in the bullseye causing a mild ass-jump off the seat of about 3 inches.
I've found that if you shake back and forth hard enough, it will usually fall.
quote:
Also, the hangars close cousin the 'plop' can catch you by surprise as well. You know when you drop a nice proud musket-ball, but almost as quick as it releases and hits the water the splash somehow immediately manages to hit you RIGHT in the bullseye causing a mild ass-jump off the seat of about 3 inches.
european toilets are bad about this. they only have about a cup of water at the bottom and it's a good foot from the ejection chute, so when the payload hits the water, it's like an ocean liner being launched into a kiddie pool. "TSUNAMI!!!"
quote:
so when the payload hits the water, it's like an ocean liner being launched into a kiddie pool.
Upon first release, then can be remedied by timing your first flush. execute flush about 2.5 seconds before full release, then it just goes down the hatch. A hidden benefit of this practice is the reduction of negative olfaction.
[This message has been edited by 62strat (edited 12/17/2010 1:52p).]
sounds good in theory. but sometimes, your whole body is united in effort to push that last paratrooper out the door in the plane, and a coordinated flush is too much to attempt. especially when most euro ****ters have the flusher in the middle of the tank lid.
*This technique should be executed during the first paratrooper release, meaning usually little effort beyond simply sitting is involved.
ah, gotcha
79, that sink sounds like the sink we have at work. Don't get close to it or you're gonna end up soaked!
i just caught eyes with our cleaning lady who was heading into battle and gathering her supplies from the cart in front of the mens room as i went to deliver some paperwork. The twinkle in her eye made me feel cozy as if she is off to prepare a fresh stall for me and the Captain Tom's annihalation that is on the horizon.
I stopped by my old stomping grounds in a different part of the building to meet some folks for lunch. I had to use the facilities while I was there (just to take a whiz), so I hit up my favorite restroom in that area. It happens to be unisex, so it's usually fairly clean.
Anyway, the seat was down, and since I'm a big believer in karma in situations like this (and am fearful of finding myself having to deuce it over a toilet seat covered in urine), I gently lifted the seat up with my shoe (very gently, though, cause you never know what could be lurking under the seat). In this case, what was lurking was dried blood. From the smell of it, I can only guess it was "that" kind of dried blood.
I didn't bother to go. I zipped back up and hightailed it out of there, trying to hold in my lunch.
Anyway, the seat was down, and since I'm a big believer in karma in situations like this (and am fearful of finding myself having to deuce it over a toilet seat covered in urine), I gently lifted the seat up with my shoe (very gently, though, cause you never know what could be lurking under the seat). In this case, what was lurking was dried blood. From the smell of it, I can only guess it was "that" kind of dried blood.
I didn't bother to go. I zipped back up and hightailed it out of there, trying to hold in my lunch.
Man we have a vendor paid-for dinner tonight at Fogo de seeyalater. In previous years it was at lunch, so usually by 3pm I was ready to go all hiroshima in our private stall. This year it's at 5pm, so I'm gonna have to do it at home. Def. gonna do it in the master bath, I'll need the extra space the elongated bowl provides. It's gonna be feet in the air D&D style like Jetch mentioned earlier.
at least there wasnt a dead soldier floating in the bowl like Tony Montana at the end of Scarface.
quote:
It's gonna be feet in the air D&D style like Jetch mentioned earlier.
The kind where you know it's gonna be so rough, and take so long, and you'll sweat so hard, that you strip to your skivvies beforehand? That's pretty much the best kind.
hah the ad on this page
jetch17
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quote:It will def. be the kind where there will be a shower in order afterwords. toilet paper has an inherent limited capacity at what it can do.
The kind where you know it's gonna be so rough, and take so long, and you'll sweat so hard, that you strip to your skivvies beforehand? That's pretty much the best kind.
[This message has been edited by 62strat (edited 12/17/2010 2:18p).]
quote:
at least there wasnt a dead soldier floating in the bowl like Tony Montana at the end of Scarface
Same restroom, maybe a year ago...there was a used pad in the trash...heavily used...just sitting there. They couldn't even be bothered to wrap it up in a paper towel...just dropped it right on top.
an iPad?
Couldn't tell what brand it was, sorry.
quote:
.there was a used pad in the trash...heavily used...just sitting there. They couldn't even be bothered to wrap it up in a paper towel...just dropped it right on top.
I've experienced the same thing except it was a preggo test stick...right on top for all to see
this thread is starting to 'heavy-flow' in the wrong direction.
Sorry.
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