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How is it possible to get poop on the front part of the outer rim? Walked in today and found someone managed to do this.

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Somehow it spun the largest one around enough to break the plane of the seat, and smack the front of the bowl, right at the gap in the front of the seat.

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Welp

I was once in Sonoma with some guys in a bar downtown. There was about 15 of us and we were pretty much the only people there and no chics. About 10 of us started to leave because of the no chick thing. I started out with the majority so I could let loose a build up. As I was catching up to the group, I turned to see a group of college aged chicks on a bachelorette party.

I ain't no idiot, so I sucked it back in and went back into the bar. Now it was about 7 guys (2 old farmers) and 20 mostly hot chicks. As I am talking to different girls, I could feel the need rising more and more. I took a glance at the bathroom and decided to make it happen. The song "Shake your Groove Thing" came on and the three girls I was closest to starting singing, "shake your b00bies, shake your b00bies, yeah, yeah". They also started to shake their b00obies.

Well, that definitely scared the curious turtle. Lucklily, I was able to converse more and try to get them to motorboat me. About 5 minutes later, I had no choice. I either went now or have a lump in the wrong side of my pants.

The bathroom was very small and the stall didn't have a door. I figured that because I had held it in so long that it would be fast and a no wiper. Of course not. It was fast, but Jr couldn't be alone and had to come out with daddy. Jr wasn't so solid. More like McDonalds sof serve ice cream. He also left a mess. I was scrambling to wipe as fast as I could and at that time, didn't know about baby wipes.

Just as I am reaching around, the door opens and hits me in the legs. I look up to see a guy walking in and he says loudly, "Oh, I am so sorry!". I look over his shoulder and the three hottest chicks in the entire world looked into the bathroom to see what all the commotion was.

I still had a lot of paperwork to do and didn't even want to wash my hands to make it faster. I kept thinking that maybe those chicks didn't see anything. As I came out the door, I see them huddled by the juke box and talking. Just as I thought I was in the clear, they all look at me, get quiet, whisper, and then bust up laughing.

I went to the hotel alone that day

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It was like watching a meteor hit a bus, obliterating the exact seat you just vacated.

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Our bathroom is a one staller, one urinal that is adjacent to the lady's bathroom.

I think they are mirror images sans the urinal so the one stall toilet backs to a wall and then the ladies one stall toilet backs to the same wall. I also think the plumber plubed it in a "T" fashion so its like a backwards teeter-totter. If you are sitting there doing your business and a lady sits down you lift a little bit. If it is a large lady and lets gravity bring her to bear, you'll clear air.

I have since correlated the height I acheive to the each specific lady on this floor.

[This message has been edited by Ciboag96 (edited 2/27/2014 12:41p).]

Little did I know this was about something else other than brushing at work.

I guess I'm glad I started reading and burned about 2 hours at work.

Nice effort put into this.

Ass Missiles!!! Soyuz butt rockets!!!

Turd teepee? That's unpossible!

Some idiot is playing jazz/elevator music on his phone speakers in the stall next to me right now.

Speaking if connected commodes, I was camping at a primitive campground once, and it had a rickety old two sided pit toilet. Basically a double sided outhouse emptying into one pit.

You notice some interesting things when you've been primitive camping in the bitter cold. The first is that you don't want to be the first one to take a morning duke, or your ass will almost freeze to the toilet lid. Let someone else take that bullet and warm it up for you.
The second is that while the air above ground may be freezing, the air below isn't, and it wants to rise. So you get a little extra stanky slow updraft. It warms the crapper up relative to outside, but damn it also reeks.
The third is you always take the upwind crapper. If you're using the downwind crapper, and trying to wipe, you take a risk of severe updraft issues with your used paper. If someone else happens to open the door while you're dropping something, the breeze would blow into their crapper, overpressurize it, and go down through their crapper hole into the cesspit, and then back up out yours with enough force to blow your falling paper back up against your backside.

You're getting all technical with physics and ****. Just crap in the woods Holmes.

The wife brought home some armadillo eggs from T-Bone Tom's last night.

My o-ring is still burning from the japs after the morning grogan.

I was pretty nervous about that one - our crapper at work is worked like a rented mule and in need of replacement with one of those industrial pressure washer type toilets, so flushing is always a gamble on whether or not you'll be making an emergency plunger push or not.

This guy next to me is talking and muttering to himself in the middle of his chocolate explosion. Quite disturbing.

I recently changed jobs where the average age of employees went from 28 to 52, and I've now noticed a number of men who, when coming from both the stall and urinal, will walk to the sink, undo their pants (belt, button, and zippers) and proceed to adjust everything. Is this a new phenomenon?

This was on The Chive today, and is absolutely beyond disturbing. So naturally it fits well here.

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Some idiot is playing jazz/elevator music on his phone speakers in the stall next to me right now.

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Sure it wasn't Jetch watching some classy porn in the stall next to you?

I read a survey once where 27% of adult makes confess to cranking one off at work at least once.

I make sure to turn down the volume when stall cranking... If someone comes in to wizz, just jangle your belt buckle a bit and act like youre retucking, then proceed with dropping a goo rope into the water below when they leave.

If a pooper comes in next to you, just gotta waistband tuck your boner and abort the mission.

Also, drape a piece of TP over the auto flush so it doesn't react to constant jackhammering while standing in front. Plus when you barf out of your thing, it makes for a nice tidy towel.

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I read a survey once where 27% of adult makes confess to cranking one off at work at least once.

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And the other 73% are lying.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4jfxAVaDFw

I'm just gonna leave this here

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This was on The Chive today, and is absolutely beyond disturbing. So naturally it fits well here.

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You could ALMOST deal with maybe them setting the food down in a container, but the burger is ON THE FLOOR.

Yeah... I don't think the 3 second rule applies to the floor of a ****ter

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I make sure to turn down the volume when stall cranking... If someone comes in to wizz, just jangle your belt buckle a bit and act like youre retucking, then proceed with dropping a goo rope into the water below when they leave.

If a pooper comes in next to you, just gotta waistband tuck your boner and abort the mission.

Also, drape a piece of TP over the auto flush so it doesn't react to constant jackhammering while standing in front. Plus when you barf out of your thing, it makes for a nice tidy towel.

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thank you for that

**** some dude just sat down in stall next to me on phone with a client. I'm currently trumpeting my anal orchestra as hard and possible flushing when possible.

Jesus Christo he's now letting forth the fury of his azzhole mid conversation. Flushing and all. Meanwhile he's talking about trucking some lease crude out in west texas.

He just grunted slightly mid sentence

Sounds like he is trucking his own crude right now.

Just walked in on a guy who was brushing his teeth. Thought we didn't have those here.

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trucking some lease crude out in west texas

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Based on my brothers' descriptions of onshore O&G field types, this type of thing is more routine and expected.

[This message has been edited by MouthBQ98 (edited 4/8/2014 3:47p).]

After all these years, I still have yet to learn how someone can sh*t so hard, it blows sh*t all up the backside of the toilet and all the way up onto the bottom of the rim.. What are some of you guys eating?!

Read the Ryan's steakhouse thread. It explains how it can happen in detail.

So pumped this thread is back!

Back on the original topic, I have been thinking about this thread. There is a woman at my office who is obsessive about brushing her teeth. I have seen her scrubbing away like crazy at various times throughout the day - 9:30am, 1pm, 3:30pm. She doesn't just brush, she goes after those teeth like they just took a bite out of Harry Lime. I am amazed she has any enamel left on them.