Found a new person in my office that brushes his teeth after lunch, he also happens to be an Ag.
Lunch teeth brushers at work
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Last: 10 mo ago by Milwaukees Best Light
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Westicles
posted 9:37a, 01/13/11
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Not me. I hope that highwayman is plagued with it for the remainder of the month.
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What the ****? This site, this particular board and especially this thread has been phenomenal without even the mention of that ****ing clown. Why did you have to go and gay it up with that out of the blue nonsense?
F yo mama. I was just using an example as to why jetch's comment wasn't 100% accurate.
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Thought of this thread today, after seeing a dude walk in to the facility, wash his hands and take a mirror gander, then head off to the throne.
Seems like a casual way to use the mirror to see if there are adequate free stalls to not have to side up to another fellow dumper without being obivous about it...
Does anyone else pass Grogan Building Supply Co. on Yale every day?
Pretty humorous because it is about 2 blocks away from a Taco Bell.
Pretty humorous because it is about 2 blocks away from a Taco Bell.
my old lady pointed that out last time we drove down there.
Just remembered a disturbing incident I had at the airport a while back. Generally I always have to dump right after getting off the plane. ****ters where pretty packed but I lucked upon an empty stall. Did my buisness and got out. But as I opened the door, toilet still in the process of flushing, dude that was waiting for a ****ter comes straight at me to get the the stall and says to me: "Alright! I get a nice warm seat. Thanks."
I found something about that interaction inherently wrong. I mean I generally don't like seeing the person who dooked before me and try to avoid it if I can. And I'm usually ill at ease when the seat is warmer than room temp because I know it's been recently used, so I sure as hell would never make a random comment like that to a complete stranger coming out of the stall. Just weird to me.
I found something about that interaction inherently wrong. I mean I generally don't like seeing the person who dooked before me and try to avoid it if I can. And I'm usually ill at ease when the seat is warmer than room temp because I know it's been recently used, so I sure as hell would never make a random comment like that to a complete stranger coming out of the stall. Just weird to me.
Very weird.
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Does anyone else pass Grogan Building Supply Co. on Yale every day?
yo.
F me, I'm getting middle stalled again right now...so angry!
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Survival Guide for Taking a Dump at Work
Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.
ESCAPEE
Definition: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with escapee)
Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine guns pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen do not panic, remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH
Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME
Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk-up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
Definition: A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out of the Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out of the Closet pooper before entering the bathroom.
THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN)
Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPERS and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVEN
Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR
Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that occur when work taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH
Definition: A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE
Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential TURD BURGLARS that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.
WATERMELON
Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WATERMELON coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
HAVANA OMELET
Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an escapee. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with an ASTAIRE.
UNCLE TED
Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
FLY BY
Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in, check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
CRACK *****
Definition: A crapper that has seen more ass than a Greyhound Bus. Tell tale signs of a CRACK ***** include pubes, piss stains and streaks. Avoid a CRACK *****S at all cost. Try finding out when the janitor cleans each particular bathroom. Don't forget, a CRACK ***** can become a SAFE HAVEN.
^
Wow, this is the thread that just keeps on giving!
Wow, this is the thread that just keeps on giving!
we have several Uncle Ted's at work.
i'm a camo-cougher every time the door opens.
after that, radio silence until i'm alone again.
after that, radio silence until i'm alone again.
Uncle Ted's anger me like no other. They get a death glare from me if I catch them in the act.
Uncle Teds. I believe the OP gripe falls under the Uncle Ted umbrella.
The WATERMELON requires the CAMO FLUSH for proper sound/embarrassment muffling. It's a combo move that is a modification of the CAMO COUGH, a veteran move that only those masters of the grogan arts can properly execute.
it's true. with modern day toilets, it's imperative to locate the manual flush button on the automatic flush sensor housing. sometimes you can't lean forward far enough...
Definitely does RK. F Uncle Teds.
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it's true. with modern day toilets, it's imperative to locate the manual flush button on the automatic flush sensor housing
Words of wisdom right here.
Why not play loud music in bathrooms?
Am I the only one that giggles out loud when I have a "JAILBREAK" or equivelently loud & horrific movement while someone else is in the bathroom? I know it's juvenile, but I can't help it.
I've had relatives give me the "warm seat" line when primitive camping in the outdoors, and they see you coming back from the outhouse early in the morning...but never someone I didn't know...
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Am I the only one that giggles out loud when I have a "JAILBREAK" or equivelently loud & horrific movement while someone else is in the bathroom? I know it's juvenile, but I can't help it.
Not even close to the only one. I usually have to camo cough to cover up my laughter when someone comes in and is laying down the heavy, wet farts.
Our bathrooms metal paper towel dispenser/trashcan just came unhinged from the wall and slam onto the tile floor. Very literally scared the chit out of me AND screwed up my angry birds game.
Jeebus, reading the description of HAVANA OMELETTE, if you can handle that, with ESCAPEES, and perform the CAMO COUGH and ASTAIRE simultaneously, then you have reached new levels of poopdom.
HAVANA OMELETTE is what happens when I come in extrememly hungover with 2 hours of sleep. Im just trying to **** and not throw up at the same time...
HAVANA OMELETTE is what happens when I come in extrememly hungover with 2 hours of sleep. Im just trying to **** and not throw up at the same time...
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Jeebus, reading the description of HAVANA OMELETTE, if you can handle that, with ESCAPEES, and perform the CAMO COUGH and ASTAIRE simultaneously, then you have reached new levels of poopdom
At that point I am just trying to get the evil out of me. I might give one good courtesy flush and proceed to unleash the beast from my colon.
Why is there no term for a combination of a JAILBREAK and WATERMELON? Also, why no term for that guy who errupts a single large loud brief fart accompanied presumably by a large turd that hits the bowl/water with the same level of intensity?
There is an OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER here at work who regularly does this. And this guy definitely does not do the WALK OF SHAME.
There is an OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER here at work who regularly does this. And this guy definitely does not do the WALK OF SHAME.
i didn't read all of it. does it address that guy that is in the stall for a total of about 45 seconds, door to door? literally a sit, sh*t and done.
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Why is there no term for a combination of a JAILBREAK and WATERMELON?
I have actually dubbed that the Champagne ****. Pop the cork with the first solid turd followed with an assplosion.
dammit! Ignore my previous post. After reviewing, my Champagne **** would actually be the watermelon followed by the havana omlette.
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does it address that guy that is in the stall for a total of about 45 seconds, door to door?
Suggestions:
- IN-N-OUT POOPER
- DIVE BOMBER
- QUICKER SH*TTER
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Also, why no term for that guy who errupts a single large loud brief fart accompanied presumably by a large turd that hits the bowl/water with the same level of intensity?
POTATO GUNNER or SPUD GUNNER
[This message has been edited by MouthBQ98 (edited 1/13/2011 4:36p).]
We used to have a poop giggler at work. I thought maybe she was crying in the stall, but then I realized she was poop giggling. When I told others about the poop giggler, they knew exactly who I was referring to and had heard the poop giggler as well. Not too long after that she got fired for being a drug addict. I don't know why we don't keep those kind of people around for entertainment purposes.
spadilly
Joined:
Aug 29, 2006
Posts:
28,384
How long do you want to ignore this user?
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Am I the only one that giggles out loud when I have a "JAILBREAK" or equivelently loud & horrific movement while someone else is in the bathroom? I know it's juvenile, but I can't help it.
Sometimes I envy dogs and old people who can just let natural bodily functions fly and not even crack a smirk no matter how loud and hilarious it sounds. I guess I'm hopeless.
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