pinkdog said:

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God, I feel discouraged. Last night at my home AA meeting I really broke down sobbing, like ugly crying meltdown and had to excuse myself from the room. (Hard to picture from me, right?) I feel like I can't face those people again. I'm a crier and I'm always the only one that cries. I know I need to just get over myself but it is a humbling process. I

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Easier to say this, harder to feel it - separation between mind and heart / logic and emotion but... who cares? You want to cry at AA and you feel like crying at AA... then cry. It's your emotion, you are allowed to feel it and that should be the safest of safe places to feel 'things'.

Jim likely has better advice for you as I didn't go through AA but through the therapy I have done I have learned that I must allow myself to feel something in order to understand it, digest it and let it pass. Years of drinking taught me that bottling up emotions doesn't conduce positive results for me, personally.

Hit 6 years sober on Sep 10th. Staying the course! Keep it up guys.

-Rick

pinkdog said:

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God, I feel discouraged. Last night at my home AA meeting I really broke down sobbing, like ugly crying meltdown and had to excuse myself from the room. (Hard to picture from me, right?) I feel like I can't face those people again. I'm a crier and I'm always the only one that cries. I know I need to just get over myself but it is a humbling process. I

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Pink, as you travel the road of happy destiny, one of the things your gonna loose is your terminal uniqueness. I assure you, you're not the first, or anywhere near the last, person to break down and cry at an AA meeting. People come into AA with feeling of regret, guilt, and shame because they're regretful, ashamed, and guilty. It's much easier, in the short run, to reach for the bottle have one, get tall and to hell with 'em all. That kind of thinking will pass as you go through the steps and address your particular situation. It works, it really does and you'll be there in a week, or month or year to help the next person that breaks down in a meeting. Don't drink and we'll see you Thursday.

I made the 30 days !!!!

I find myself at the beginning of my journey. This is day 3 for me.

Saturday night, after staying up all night Friday smoking brisket and pork butts for the game, I blacked out and apparently got into quite the disagreement with my wife. I remember seeing 43 seconds left on the game clock and saying "welp, time to hit it hard, I guess."

This isn't to place blame on the football team for my issues. I woke up Sunday morning with that too-familiar feeling of time to either apologize to everyone or just stay off my phone for 48 hours until the shame goes away. I told my wife I wanted to stop drinking, and we had a long discussion about it. She was very supportive. She did at one point mention wanting to be able to share watching A&M on fall saturdays with our future kids but the way it was going, Saturdays were going to have to be a "taking the kids to the park all day" time. I realized I can't remember watching a single snap this season even though I've had the games on every week.

I have been drinking pretty much every night for a while. Recently, just 2-4 beers a night, but at least once or twice a week, I hit it hard. I actually know I've pulled back a little bit from a point not too long ago when I was drinking at least 3/4 of a fifth every night. Bourbon at home, gin while travelling. That said, the nights I have really tied one on have gotten much more volatile in the past year. Lost friends and family types of situations.

I've done a sober month each of the past few years, and every single time I'm shocked at the benefits, but I always catch myself, about two weeks in, not counting up the days since my last drink, but rather counting down the days to my next. That alone would be enough for me to want to take a longer-term reevaluation of my relationship with alcohol, even if I were in a vacuum with no family or friends to worry about.

Thursdays are always the rough day at work that leads directly into tying one on, typically starting sometime between 2:30-3:30 in the afternoon, so I definitely want to join the meeting this week.

I do have a question for folks who have tried different things before committing to AA. I've been looking at One Year No Beer since yesterday, and I was curious to see if anyone in this thread had tried that and how it compared to your experiences with AA. I'm not 100% committed to never drinking another drop in my life, but I am committed to not drinking today or tomorrow, and so on until I figure out what in the hell is going on with me and how to best handle it.