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RickSawyer
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10:33p, 6/8/18
AG
Jim likely has much better advice for you but I can tell you that my wife could not make the choice to sober up for me.

She could however make decisions that would effect my lifestyle should I continue drinking... and I did continue drinking for a while and it did damage our relationship but I stopped digging one morning when I realized that my wife and family would be gone soon if I didn't make a change.

There isn't a one size fits all solution to drinking problems but there is a one size doesn't fix a thing problem... enabling the problem behavior does not solve problem behavior. I recommend doing some deep self reflection to see if you are setting healthy boundaries for you and your family, real expectations for a partner and appropriate consequences for bad behavior.

-Rick
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14Clubs
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In reply to ProgN • 11:55p, 6/8/18
Prog,

It was a good step to try to get her to rehab. No one wants to go to rehab, (I sure as hell didn't) - especially when it is suggested by someone else. Don't give up, though. It takes what it takes sometimes.

I would find an Al-Anon meeting. First, there are going to be people there that can help you with your personal situation. They will all have experience with what it like to have someone they love exhibiting the same kind of behaviors as your wife. Second, they will know some people from an AA group (some of them might even attend both groups as they have an alcohol problem themselves). They can get a group of women from AA to meet with your wife and talk to her about alcoholism, their stories, how it affected their life, and their recovery. It's a process called 12-Stepping in AA (it's the 12th step of carrying the message). There is just something about hearing it from someone who has been there and understands everything your wife is going through. Whatever she is experiencing (loss or whatever), someone will have been through it)

Also, maybe give Al-Anon a chance for yourself. You might be able to find some healing there.

Good luck!

1961 Days here, One Day at a Time

ETA: If you don't want to go to an Al-Anon group, just call an AA group number in your area. They will help you in pretty much the same way I described above. They can get women from the group to come talk to her.
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ProgN
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In reply to 14Clubs • 5:55a, 6/9/18
Thank you
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reb,
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In reply to ProgN • 7:05a, 6/9/18
AG
Prog, once people get in there, rehab is the most wonderful experience of one's life for many people. It was for me. It really is like being born again, its a happy time that sets one free, not a time of punishment and misery.

I pray your loved one gives up the fight against the bottle and surrenders. My suggestion for you is to go to Al-Anon. When it comes to her drinking, you didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it.
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ProgN
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In reply to reb, • 7:07a, 6/9/18
Thank you
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aggiejim70
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9:10p, 6/10/18
aggiejim70
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9:32p, 6/10/18
AG
Rick, I appreciate your kind words, but all I can do is ditto what is already been said. Prog, I'm a recovered alcoholic through AA. As such I'm encouraged to share my experience, strength and hope stay sober and help others recover. But, that's not what you're looking for, you're looking for advice and maybe a miracle. Take care of yourself first. Find an Al-Anon meeting and attend a few meetings.

You know, this just shows the idiocy of drinking for problems. I've never heard of or know anyone that ever solved a problem though booze. Never heard of anyone drinking a loved one, two or for legged back to life, never heard of a marriage made right by drinking, never heard of anyone getting fired and getting their job back by drinking etc.

You're going to have to bite the bullet and do something about this, 'cause if you don't and you wife drinks herself to death you'll never forgive yourself.

If you get her into re-hab and dried out, then maybe she'll want to give AA try. If so, we'll be here for her.

Gig 'em
The person that is not willing to fight and die, if need be, for his country has no right to life.

James Earl Rudder '32
January 31, 1945
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ProgN
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In reply to aggiejim70 • 9:09a, 6/11/18
Thank you Jim
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reb,
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In reply to reb, • 11:01a, 6/13/18
AG
reb, said:
Howdy fellas.

Working a Step 5 on Monday.


I don't wanna but here goes nothing. Ugh. I remember being embarrassed and drained after my first fifth step years ago so I didn't get that great relief that most other people talk about. But whatever, what must be done must be done, nose down and grind on.
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reb,
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In reply to reb, • 4:25p, 6/13/18
AG
i actually feel quite peaceful now that its done. yay.

am i the only one doin stepwork around here?
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14Clubs
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In reply to reb, • 3:47p, 6/14/18
I have worked the steps through with a sponsor start to finish twice, but not in a couple of years.

However,
3, 6 & 7 in some form every day.
10, 11, 12 in daily practice of the principles.
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Groundislava
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1:32p, 6/15/18
534 days here.

I was scared to drink and drive (even just a couple beers at happy hour with friends) so I would just drink at home. I developed into a binge drinker/closet drinker on the weekends and my roommate went out of town one weekend. I drank so much liquor that when I stopped for the work week, I went through some pretty bad withdrawals during the entire week. Three hours of sleep a night, the scariest night terrors, and the occasional tremors. I couldn't write my name at work because my hand was shaking so much.

I tried quitting a couple times and then I would eventually convince myself I could moderate. Each time I tried moderation, I would fail even harder than before (Alcoholism is no doubt a progressive disease). During the third failed attempt, I went on a week long bender because I had time off from work. I was so out of control that my family took me to the ER and I ended up spending a weekend in a psychiatric hospital because it was my 2nd trip to the hospital due to alcohol-induced panic attacks. This was the week before Christmas and I made sure this was my rock bottom. I haven't touched alcohol since then and my life has done a complete 180.

Easily the best decision of my life and I'm proud to say that I quit before my 30's (I was 29 when I stopped). I sure wish I had quit sooner but I needed to hit my rock bottom.

I don't know if you guys go on Reddit but there's an awesome community there for people wanting to stop drinking.

https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/
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redass89
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1:47p, 6/15/18
8 years sober. Was drinking a fifth of whiskey a day so I could "function", on opioids, plus using pretty much any other drug I could get my hands on, as well as homeless for a little while. Spent 7 days in ICU detoxing when I finally went to rehab after a botched suicide attempt.

Now I'm happily married, just had my first child, work an amazing job that allows for a wonderful life for me and my family, and lead a small group through the church. You can do it!
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RickSawyer
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In reply to Groundislava • 2:49p, 6/15/18
AG
Groundislava said:
534 days here.

I was scared to drink and drive (even just a couple beers at happy hour with friends) so I would just drink at home. I developed into a binge drinker/closet drinker on the weekends and my roommate went out of town one weekend. I drank so much liquor that when I stopped for the work week, I went through some pretty bad withdrawals during the entire week. Three hours of sleep a night, the scariest night terrors, and the occasional tremors. I couldn't write my name at work because my hand was shaking so much.

I tried quitting a couple times and then I would eventually convince myself I could moderate. Each time I tried moderation, I would fail even harder than before (Alcoholism is no doubt a progressive disease). During the third failed attempt, I went on a week long bender because I had time off from work. I was so out of control that my family took me to the ER and I ended up spending a weekend in a psychiatric hospital because it was my 2nd trip to the hospital due to alcohol-induced panic attacks. This was the week before Christmas and I made sure this was my rock bottom. I haven't touched alcohol since then and my life has done a complete 180.

Easily the best decision of my life and I'm proud to say that I quit before my 30's (I was 29 when I stopped). I sure wish I had quit sooner but I needed to hit my rock bottom.

I don't know if you guys go on Reddit but there's an awesome community there for people wanting to stop drinking.

https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/
I like the stopdrinking community as well. Good inspiration in there.
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aggiejim70
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In reply to reb, • 7:52p, 6/15/18
AG
Yes any of us that have been sober thru AA and happy about it are working the steps. Just like the Big Book says most of our spiritual experiences have been of the learned variety. Oldtimers told me that if you want the lights to flash, bells to sound and glass to shatter, go make love on a pinball machine.
The person that is not willing to fight and die, if need be, for his country has no right to life.

James Earl Rudder '32
January 31, 1945
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reb,
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In reply to aggiejim70 • 10:00p, 6/16/18
AG
There is truly no end to the pithy sayings. I love that pinball one.
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The Hefty Lefty
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10:51p, 7/9/18
AG
Anyone familiar with Greenhouse Addiction Treatment Center in Grand Prairie?
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aggiejim70
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7:24a, 7/14/18
AG
I have 10,000 days today, if my Aggie math is right.
The person that is not willing to fight and die, if need be, for his country has no right to life.

James Earl Rudder '32
January 31, 1945
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RickSawyer
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8:12p, 7/14/18
AG
Awesome work Jim! I am 1,041 today.
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ptothemo
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11:27a, 7/15/18
AG
Very well done, Jim! That's an awesome number! You too, Rick!

Numbers like 10,000 and 1,000 used to scare the hell out of me but not so much now. Seeing others getting to them in a healthy and driven manner definitely helps with that. 484 for me today.
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14Clubs
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11:55p, 7/17/18
Congratulations Jim!

2,000 days for me today.
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aggiejim70
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11:29p, 8/9/18
AG
Bump to see how everybody is doing!
The person that is not willing to fight and die, if need be, for his country has no right to life.

James Earl Rudder '32
January 31, 1945
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RickSawyer
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7:24a, 8/10/18
AG
Will hit three years clean in a month!
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RickSawyer
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3:22p, 9/9/18
AG
Three year sober birthday today! Celebrating with a jog, coaching little league and spending time with my family. I do love this!
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wbt5845
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In reply to RickSawyer • 3:44p, 9/9/18
AG
RickSawyer said:
Three year sober birthday today! Celebrating with a joh, coaching little league and spending time with my family. I do love this!
Congrats Rick
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agman08
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9:50p, 9/9/18
Original date 9/8/16 - 11/12/17
New Sobriety date 5/31/18
101 days and counting!

Congrats Rick Sawyer!
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agbuck
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4:32p, 9/16/18
Day 395 myself!

Hearing things like day 10,000 and 1000 I couldn't even fathom. Now I just see all those days stacked together and smile and think, if he/she can do it so can I. I want some of what they got! Spent 25 years being a binge drinker/alcoholic. Can honestly say at the age of 48 I have finally found my inner peace. Such an amazing feeling to NOT be waging internal warfare anymore.

I have heard the expression from some AA old timers-- "You can have too many years and not enough days"- .Hearing this was really profound for me. Granted I am not even close to having this issue, it still reminds me to stay focused and not become to "comfortable" in my recovery.
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ptothemo
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6:43a, 9/19/18
AG
18 months today - woke up and ran 18k this morning - free, easy, and thankful for the day
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RickSawyer
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In reply to ptothemo • 6:44a, 9/19/18
AG
Awesome! Great job!
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K Bo
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9:44a, 9/19/18
AG
I've been dealing with some family issues since about December of last year and recently accepted that I had fallen back in to an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. Yesterday I began training for the Houston Marathon so going to take this opportunity to clean up. Ideally, I would like to abstain during the entirety of the training (and beyond) but I am setting a shorter, more attainable goal of 30 days. Today is day 4.
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RickSawyer
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9:53a, 9/19/18
AG
Atta boy K Bo!
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Removed:09182020
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7:54p, 10/1/18
AG
Day 365. So proud of myself. Here's to 365 more.
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RickSawyer
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In reply to Removed:09182020 • 8:17p, 10/1/18
AG
Malibu said:
Day 365. So proud of myself. Here's to 365 more.
Way to go. Awesome accomplishment in and of itself! Hope you have seen a noticeable change in your life as a result of your hard work.
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Rocky Rider
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8:55p, 10/16/18
Ageco1991
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12:52p, 10/21/18
Been sober almost 11 months and it is the best decision I have ever made. I attend AA meetings and work the program. Can quit drinking and still be a dry, miserable drunk. AA is a great program if you really want to quit and live a different life. I still tailgate and go out. I thought at first everyone noticed but now I realize nobody really cares if I drink or not except those close to me that caught the brunt of me when I was drinking. If anyone wishes to quit and know more about AA please reach out to me.
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