Congrats.Ageco1991 said:
Been sober almost 11 months and it is the best decision I have ever made. I attend AA meetings and work the program. Can quit drinking and still be a dry, miserable drunk. AA is a great program if you really want to quit and live a different life. I still tailgate and go out. I thought at first everyone noticed but now I realize nobody really cares if I drink or not except those close to me that caught the brunt of me when I was drinking. If anyone wishes to quit and know more about AA please reach out to me.
Its amazing how self-conscious we are about drinking. We feel that it is so glaring that we aren't drinking when in reality the only people who ever cared were frat bros trying to get fish drunk in college.
The reason why we feel its such a big deal is because drinking had such an outsized place in our very worldview and value system that we lost all sense of perspective. This is exacerbated by the disease nature underpinning the thoughts and feelings we are aware of. That's why even being aware of our myopia regarding substance is far from sufficient, we have to overcome a biopsychosocial outlook of existence that is prior to and undergirds our conscious awareness. Thats why we have the steps, we have to replace that distorted view of the universe we spent so much time lovingly burning into our mesolimbic dopaminergic pathways.
In addition to a brain disease and mental illness, I consider addiction to also be a learning/memory disorder. It affects ones consciousness top to bottom and leaves nothing unperturbed. The maladjustment of the pleasure/hedonic mechanism of the human brain (and really, all mammals) is so fundamental that it corrupts all processes. It takes a long, long time to shake the feeling that its normal not to drink (if we ever get rid of it) that is not typical of any other learned truth.
Thank god theres a solution. The more I learn about addiction, the more incredible it is to think I'm surviving it, and how completely ****ed people are who are caught in its grip until the denial can be overcome and they wake up.