Let's see, you have the keys to the most iconic movie franchise in history, and three of the most iconic Hollywood heroes ever --- Luke the magic farmboy, son of the devil, Solo the galaxy's most beloved scoundrel, and Princess Leia, no further introduction needed.
Together they get the death star plans to the ancient hero of old, who gets them to the rebellion, and they blow up the death star (two of them); they turn the devil himself into a good guy, and save the galaxy from the evil galactic empire that was generations, and 3 bad prequels, in the making.
Heroes of the galaxy.
Peace, love and prosperity.
Yay. good start. Ewoks dancing (ok that part sucked).
Now let's see, here is what you come up with for the next installment:
* solo has a kid with leia, they send him to jedi boarding school. Solo ditches leia and goes off drinking with Chuy (I know, it's Chewie, but this is a multi cultural world now) for 20 years. They put on such a binge they can't even find the falcon, which wound up in some junk heap, though apparently anyone else can the minute it fires up.
* leia apparently does.... well, not much, considering her kid is in jedi boarding school, hubby is out honkytonking, and the galaxy goes to **** immediately again under her watch.
* she then apparently has to start a new rebellion, only one that sucks this time and no one cares about, including luke and han. apparently the best second in command she can find is some smarmy purple-haired captain bligh with a strong case ***** envy.
* meanwhile luke ****s up jedi school and makes another darth vader out of his nephew, then decides that he wants to go hide away and die. why? because he doesnt want to create another vader. never mind trying to create another good jedi, to make up for the new vader he just sicked on the galaxy. He's fine with that.
(but he left a map - i guess he's really crying for help? This is the sensitive century we're in after all).
* luke then spends 20 years sucking tit off of jabba's fat niece and doing who knows what with those frog maids on some ugly island by himself.
* r2D2 is just an old pile of junk in the corner now.
* after 60+ years, leia finally finds her jedi powers to become Mary Poppinssickle in space, and then promptly settles in for a nothing burger the rest of the movie. Carrie Fisher's last act as a true american icon is to say 'dont look at me, follow that pilot I just slapped and demoted, and who I just shot with a stun gun during a mutiny he was staging against my two-faced purple haired second in command, who was leading us all to certain death, all for a cause no one gives a **** about.'
* despite everything hanging in the balance, luke and yoda decide to hang out at the campfire: '**** it, let's roast marshmellows on all that jedi crap that we spent a thousand years putting together and let some random teenager go fight the new evil empire we pretty much created, all by herself "
* Luke then, presumably hung over, decides to force himself to death doing nothing to nobody, which gave the last 15 rebels no one cares about an extra three minutes to crawl in a cave and get ready to be slaughtered.
luckily that teenage girl they wouldn't train or help or even give some better shoes figured out how to find and rescue them by lifting rocks on her own, after luke already checked out.
throw in an annoying multi - time turncoat idiot, a couple of 'doll - selling nothings', a new emperor with no name (but a cool new gold smoking jacket - maybe Snokes is actually Hugh Heffner?), yet another death star, yet another walker attack in the snow, and more crappy CGI on an hour long failed sideshow, and wow, is this the best you can do?
I honestly think just about any fan could have come up with a better story line. Killing off Han, Luke, and losing Carrie Fisher like that is really really ****ty.
