Zombie Jon Snow said:aggiehawg said:one safe place said:Southlake said:
With all these security cameras, how can a dude step outside and take a piss in his yard at night?
I turn my back to my cameras just to be courteous
ROTFLMAO! About a dozen years ago, The Hubs went berserk about camera security on the ranch, including right on the back of the house big deck. He had one TV in the ManCave tuned to those cameras. So shortly after they were installed, he stepped outside to pee off of the deck.
He comes back in and I give him a thumbs up.
"Great profile shot...of your d*** while you were peeing. Your face, not so much."
He changed camera angles.
I've had cameras for a decade or more inside common areas (with doors) and outside front and back and garage. Some great family moments for sure. But my wife seems to be the star of some of the most infamousWell anyway I saved all of those moments and more in a folder of proud family moments.
- wife went out drinking with our adult daughter who was driving so my wife got hammered. Came home, long drive, and had to pee so bad she was running/stumbling to the door. Gets to the door and can't find her key.... Hiked her skirt up bare assed in the front yard and took a leak while my daughter is screaming "MOM No...wait I've got the key".... too late. Of course I heard this and came outside to witness the end with my wife now having fallen over laughing in the yard (not where she peed)
- wife drives up in her SUV, rather high step. Lawn crew is there. Opens her door steps out in heels, catches one foot on the runner and the other is uneven due to the heel in a crack of the driveway and down she goes, tumbling and rolling into the lawn right in front of the mower. Purse goes flying, drink spills. She also had too much in her hands.
- I was out of town on this one. Wife hears our cat at the back door in the middle of the night screeching like a major cat fight. She run to the back door wearing very little as she was asleep. Cat runs in. She looks out and sees a bobcat there and steps out and grabs a pillow off the porch furniture and runs at the bobcat throwing the pillow. He runs off and she goes back, but the door closed behind her and she's locked out. Spends the next 5 minutes knocking on the door and finally throwing rocks at my daughters window until she wakes up and lets her back in laughing their asses off.
- Daughter is in the kitchen and using a ninja juicer for the first time. She pours the slushee or whatever into a glass without removing the extremely sharp blade thing first. Of course it falls out and slices her hand pretty badly. She faints at the sight of her own blood and knows this. She runs for the couch before the wave hits and screams. Flops on the couch and her body has gone fully rigid and blood is pouring out of her hand. Mom grabs some kitchen towels and wraps her hand and starts trying to rouse her which works eventually. Daughter rests a bit. Mom makes her get up and go to kitchen sink and rinse the wound while going to get bandaids/gauze tape tells her "don't f-ing move". While she is gone daughter makes the mistake of looking at it again and start to feel woozy. She walks off (well stumbles would be more accurate) along the counter with one hand steadying her, head tilted back and walks smack into the part where the oven sticks out to the edge of the counters head first (whack). Down she goes again. Mom comes back in to find her slumped on the floor bleeding again. "God damn't Katy WTF". I literally arrived home right about at this moment to find my daughter passed out and blood everywhere and my wife (who doesn't handle these things well) yelling and cussing at her. I had no idea what happened until I watched the video later.
- My son decides he can sneak out past the cameras by doing it fast. As I recall he was not supposed to leave the house for some reason. Probably 18 at the time. He waits until I'm distracted in the back of the house somewhere. His buddy comes down the stairs first and heads to the front door. He opens it and signals to my son who comes running toward the front door, looking back to see if I'm gonna catch him. Unfortunately the front door kinda mostly closed on it's own momentum and the friend has left. He runs smack into the front door at full speed cracks his head and goes down hard. I heard the noise of course of a loud thunk and the door slamming and come out to find him slumped by the door rubbing his head. I just started laughing and said, "dumbass... I can't wait to see that one on the cameras."
- Ok this one involved me sort of and the wife does not think it's funny. We have a three legged cat we rescued (had to have a mangled front limb amputated). And some other cats. I'm home alone and sitting on the living room couch /recliner thing on my computer and with some football on. All of a sudden I hear a rather loud splat and some decorative stuff comes crashing down from the little ledges at the top of the stairs above the living area. I get up to investigate and don't see any cat but I assume one of them must have been climbing around that stuff and knocked it off. I find the other cats sleeping but the three legged one is MIA. I go back and look at the cameras and sure enough she was up there - all you can see is her falling and splatting on the tile just outside the room I was in but out of my view. Three legs did now allow for a graceful landing and she hit kind of hard and then the stuff crashed down around her. She got scared and ran off found her hiding under a bed. We now have plexiglass everywhere there is railing so she can't fall. My wife got mad at me as if I should have caught her or something.
I wanna party with you, cowboy!
You're from down South,
And when you open your mouth,
You always seem to put your foot there.
And when you open your mouth,
You always seem to put your foot there.
