122 Screen said:
I stumbled upon this page tonight and swam through 20 pages of jocularity! I worked at "The Firm" for 3 years in the mid/late 90s. It was a good gap-fill and throughout my career since, my stories of this hole draw gasps from exec's and HR folks I work with.
A few memories off the top of my head:
- My Sales buddy who was required to go to the Houstonian and bear the C***watching of the VPs; and the fact the VPs left the locker room and entered the gym in a pecking order...Bob first...Terry Jones second...etc.
- My pal above had a sunburn and was told by no-clue-Marketing-VP Dan Egan "you gotta get rid of that sunburn fast. Bob doesn't like sunburns."
- Lyman Maddox teaching classes and his "Boy Howdy's". The clients loved him.
- Nancy Kleckner...
- Having AJ Foyt's Copenhagen sponsored race car in the lobby at a company that prohibited tobacco use
- The Gage brothers -- great guys!
- That chubby VIN product manager who looked like he was about to have a heart attack at any moment. Bruce MIller I think.
- That bogus "certification" program and how the golden children eased thru it for a few dollar raise, and others were screwed out of it.
- "Enter 5 kernels a week. Bob reads all of 'em!"
- Power Workstation...perhaps the most useless endeavor ever.
- Bob's 122 screen and his cell phones listed for "Red car...Silver car"
- The weak launch of VIPARCAT and how everyone manned phones and had dealership parts managers calling and demanding to speak with Willie Daughters as it didn't work.
- Tommy something (Barron?), the heralded VP of programming or something, and how he never attended college a la Steve Jobs. (And his brother Leonard who later was hired as a call center guy.)
- People parking out front and having their windshield swamped with that extra sticky sticker that was near impossible to get off without a razor bade and a gallon of water.
- The annual "Are you bought in" speech by the likes of Michael Creagh and other butt kissers, and the fools who would populate their 122 screens with the message "I am!"
- Bob's annual trip with his VPs and how they all came down the steps of the office on Hollister showing off and laughing before departing for some boat, island, etc.
- Rob Nalley's nose always neatly tucked into Brockman's a$$ in any and every setting.
- Terry Jones' office being the only one with paper over the door window so you didn't know what he was doing in there or who he was with.
- How whenever someone took a job elsewhere, everyone in the dept would ask the departing employee what other companies they applied to, so they may have a chance at other job openings and also leave.
- The "rules" that UCS employees were not allowed to communicate with ex employees; and they were not to discuss salaries with other employees because "someone will always be upset to learn they make less".
- That old dude George Armstrong who left and came back..."the only man at UCS with two 10-year anniversary pins"
- The day the Gateway 2000 laptops arrived and the field team had laptops for the first time ever.
I could go on and on...so glad I found this site. And so glad I'm in a far better place. I wonder if Bob ever let his wife have that divorce?
Ok sorry about all the posts; I promise this is my last post for now.
- Lyman was a nice guy but I'm pretty sure Susan ruled that roost with an iron fist.
- Dan Agan is the one who took me aside to let me know I had eaten outside lunches too many times the previous month and how the company subsidized the dining room and would go broke if we didn't use it. To his credit he seemed a little embarrassed to be having the conversation. He has always seemed like the most normal of those VPs to me.
- I went to elementary school with Baron and ran into him after 15 years or so at UCS. Great guy as is Spencer.
- I ran into Rob, Bob, and the entire VP team on a weeknight at a "gentleman's establishment" and was afraid I'd get fired. They were out for Rob's birthday. Rob had on a hat with a dick on it and motioned to me the "zip your lip" thing when he saw me, then saluted me after I gave him a thumbs up.
- George Armstrong was an odd duck, and given UCS's penchant for getting rid of any old people other than the executive team I was shocked they brought him back. He probably retired making $35k a year.
- I saw an internal memo (hand written like most everything sensitive at UCS in the 90s) from Dan Agan to Bob suggesting that Bob make him VP of Sales and Marketing instead of just VP of Marketing. Dan's note was long and well thought out, with a number of bullets giving all the reasons it made sense. Bob's handwritten response was "No.".
- With all that said, Bob, Rob, and Dan were always really good to me. I knew that place was very effed up, but it was a great start to my career and those guys were always first class to me.
- Carlan Cooper (the really fat VP) was an ass -- and a pretty stupid one at that. He must have known something about Bob for blackmail purposes. Given Bob's focus on fitness there is no other reason I can think of that Bob would condone a moribidly obese buffoon like Carlan on his executive team. My guess is Carlan has dropped dead of a heart attack by now, but I don't really know or care.
