Here's my real problem with the Yankees. Well, my main problem, I've got like 500 problems with them overall.
You traded for Joey Gallo knowing exactly who Joey Gallo is. And now that you're tasting success in the win column, suddenly you're too good for Joey Gallo.
Great, you're 44-16 in the standings, congratulations on your June championships. But when the chips are down in October, you're going to need someone at the plate who is not afraid to swing at the big pitch. And miss that pitch. And the pitch after that. And the next one as well.
Let's look at that lineup. Aaron Judge is killing it, 24 HR, 48 RBI, .318 average, which obviously means he's back to cheating. And that's cool. If I could cheat and be a threat for the Triple Crown, I would cheat too. When the Houston Texans used to be mediocre as opposed to total trash, I was always in favor of Brian Cushing using steroids, because he was way better on steroids than off. So Judge will cool off when he gets caught cheating again.
Then there's Matt Carpenter who has caught lightning in a bottle in his first 10 games. Only, it's not really Matt Carpenter, it's his evil twin who has made a deal with Satan to resurrect his career. That's why he's got the moustache, just like Evil Spock had the goatee on Star Trek. .
Then you've got Joey Gallo, aka Joey Giantsbane, Joey Stormcrow, Joey Suncrusher, Joey Thunderfist, Joey Gallo, the Sword of the Morning. Here's the deal, that Booney doesn't seem to get.
Joey Gallo is the most consistent hitter in baseball today.
He's going to get a hit every 5-7 at-bats.
He's going to get a walk every couple of games.
He will hit a home run AT LEAST ONCE PER WEEK.
He is not going to kill rallies with ground balls, because if he can't hit a home run, he will intentionally swing and miss at those pitches in order to keep the inning going.
Back in 2017, the Texas Rangers, in their infinite wisdom, installed King Donkey in the lineup because they know what good baseball smells like, and they appreciate the kind of guy who goes out there and almost hits his weight day after day. In the glory years of 2017-2021, Joey guided the Rangers like few before him, helping them win games at a blistering 42% clip.
Then they decided, they weren't going to get any better than the 78-84 mark that Joey dragged them to TWICE and they abandoned the USS Rooster and sent him to New York, where he made the Yankees so good that they briefly flirted with the idea of naming the ballpark, the House That Donkey Built.
But then, he got bigger than Boone, and that shallow-ass jealous SOB started benching him. This has become four things.
- A travesty
- A sham
- A mockery
- A travesthamockery.
News on the street is that the Phillies are trying to crown themselves by adding Joey G to the fold, because Harper and Schwarber need help striking out 10 times a game.
Let's get Joey where he's appreciated, and soon. The fate of the strikeout record depends on it.
Life is better with a beagle