Stasco,
With all due respect, that was a lot of words and unqualified psychological analysis when a simple "I don't know you, nor do I understand who you are" would have sufficed.
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What came through in your blog posts was the intense self-hatred that you felt. I was sad to read about it. I know that the Sacred Heart of Jesus was infinitely more grieved and sorrowful than I could ever be to see that pain and suffering in you. I am no psychologist, but I fear that pain and self-hatred still exists, and has only been papered over. To escape that pain, you have created a new identity for yourself. You created Natalie. And Natalie is a new person, in the Greek sense of the word - a mask through which you present yourself to the world. You created Natalie so that you could kill James Natalie. I know that you cringe to see that name, and I don't use it lightly, or to hurt you. That cringe is your old self-hatred revealing itself again.
No, that pain and self-hatred certainly does not exist anymore. You can ask those closest to me, the same people who actually know me. I didn't "create" a new identity to mask over pain. I embraced who I am, and the pain/self-hatred went away.
Also, please do not use my deadname. It makes no sense, as it is not even my legal name. My legal name is Natalie, although I'd prefer you just use "PacifistAg" on here instead of bringing identifying information onto the board. Someone on this board had attempted to doxx me before, so I'd appreciate if you'd keep that information off this board.
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For posting your birth name here, I may be accused of dead-naming you. But doesn't that just reveal the truth in what I already said? You have tried to kill and bury your old identity. I can't say that I blame you or judge you for it. I have never walked in your shoes, but I believe you when you describe the agony you have felt throughout your life. I can believe that it would come as a relief to feel that you have escaped from the person you so hated in yourself.
No, it doesn't reveal any specific truth here. The term "deadname" is not one I chose. It's simply the term that is used. It has no deeper meaning beyond that it is the name of our pre-transition selves. I haven't tried burying my old identity. I'm largely the same person I have always been, I have the same interests as before, my faith is deeper than before. I'm simply just living as the person I've always been, but had to mask.
Oh, and you'll be accused of deadnaming because that's exactly what you did.
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But if you know anything about Sacred Scripture, you know that Christ's perfect mercy is restorative, not palliative. He came here, and took the form of a man, and hung dying and broken on the cross not so that He could cover over your wounds or anesthetize them, but so that you could be healed. Because He loves YOU, James Natalie. You were made perfectly in the image and likeness of God. He who knew you before He formed you in the womb. He who breathed life into you, and loved you from the beginning. You are a masterpiece.
Okay, again, I want to stress that you stop deadnaming me. Not only is is disrespectful, given what's happened on this board before, it poses a risk to me. Stop.
And yes, I am the beautifully and wonderfully made daughter of the King. I was formed in the womb, and was born a transgender woman. I don't believe I am a mistake.
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It is good that you seek to serve Christ. As should we all. But notice in Scripture that before Christ sends anyone else out on a mission, He first calls them in to Himself. He is calling you in, James Natalie.
There so much self-righteousness here. You know nothing of me, my faith, or my calling in Christ. Please stop deadnaming me. Please stop offering unsolicited, and grossly unqualified, psychoanalysis that is rooted solely in a few blog posts you read.