And a good Monday morning to the Tine board.

6) Piss drinking hottie at The Dungeon.

Admittedly, this one isn't so much a F'd up story as it was a WTF moment, but always fun to share. Being that all my New Orleans trips have now blended into one giant drunken haze, I can't really remember when it happened or what reason I was even there, but I do remember that it was my first trip to The Dungeon. I don't know who recommended it to us, but I was sold on the name alone, so we promptly went out in search of it.

It had to be well after midnight when we finally got there because they don't even open until midnight and the joint was packed. Grabbed a beer and promptly began wandering around to check out the scene. If Trent Reznor, Marilyn Manson and Anne Rice opened a bar together, this place would be exactly how I imagined it. Fair mix of straight up goth punk metal regulars and random tourist like myself. Definitely felt out of place, but really enjoyed the feel of the place.

Finally had to hit the head so found my way to the men's room. Had an old biker dude clad in leather sitting up by the men's room watching the door. Not sure if he was just there to watch out for shady **** going down or to show us tourist how to find the bathroom as it is literally hidden behind a secret bookshelf door. Anyways, I was probably about 3 back in line with another 2 dudes behind me. Pretty sure I was the only non-frat boy waiting on the pisser. All the sudden this hot little blond in a short denim mini skirt and white tank top walks up to us, looks down the line towards the men's room and nonchalantly asks, "So, you boy's waiting to use the bathroom?" Sounded like one collective "Yep" from the lot of us. Without missing a beat, or cracking a smile she flat states: "Well, y'all can just come piss in my mouth." and turns around an walks off.

From that point there was a long moment of silence. Pretty sure we were all just processing what happened. The silence was finally broken with a whole lot of "What the ****?"s, "seriously?"s and what sounded like little school girls giggling, though that may have just been me. We all became instant friends at that point asking each other if she did in fact say what we thought. Probably the most I've ever talked to random guys in line for the men's room ever.

I turn around to see the biker dude just shaking his head. So I ask, what the Hell? What that chick for real? All he could say was that he'd never personally pissed in her mouth, but she was a regular there 3 nights a week and word on the street was that she was a straight freak.

Now, I didn't really feel like getting out of line and chasing her down to see if she was serious because I really had to pee and didn't want to lose my spot in line if she was full of ****. So I hit the head and promptly went on the lookout for her. Bumped into my boys before finding her and of course had to tell them the story, so then we were all looking. Finally found her, but to my dismay, the frat boys had beaten me to her and had her surrounded. Stuck around for a good while stalking her, Um, I mean observing. Just waiting for a chance to get in there, but the frat guys were never more than a foot away from her for the rest of the night. Finally gave up on my quest around 4am as the frat boys seemed much more determined than me.

I've returned to The Dungeon now every time I go to New Orleans in the misguided hope that I'll once again find the piss drinker. I mean honestly, I don't think I'll ever get another chance to legitimately use the opening line, "So, you really like to drink piss?" again. Top ten on my list of biggest missed opportunities.

7) Random "bum" I gave a ride to.

I believe this story falls under the F'd up and Thoed category.

I was on my way up to a party in Houston when I noticed that I was low on gas. So I stopped into the Chevron station at Bay Area Blvd and 45.

As I was filling up I noticed this guy bouncing around the station from pump to pump wherever someone was filling up. So I'm cursing Chevron's slow ass pumps hoping that I'll finish up before he makes his way over to me.

No such luck. I notice as he's getting closer that he has a pretty severe limp. No clue if he was handicapped or if he'd been injured. He's wearing a blue and red basketball jersey along with matching cap and shorts. No clue what team, so feel free to imagine whatever team you'd like that wears blue and red. Not to be racist now, But I should probably clarify that he is also white, as even I'm starting to imagine a black man as I type. He was probably around 23-25 years old, a tad bit scruffy, but all and all appeared a bit better off than your average bum.

He finally approached me and said "Yo Man...". I instinctively cut him off with my standard, "Sorry bro, I don't carry any cash on me". I could tell by the tone of his response that he was obviously frustrated. "Man, I don't need cash, I ****in got cash!" as he pulls out about $500+ to show me. So now I'm confused, and a bit curious. "Sorry man, what do you need?" And he tells me he needs a ride.

So at this point I feel a bit bad about confusing him with a bum, and even though he still appeared a bit shady I told him that if it wasn't out of my way then I'd give him a ride. Damned if the dude wasn't going my way. Just needed to get to another gas station up 45 at Fuqua. So I told him to hop on in. I noticed he had a hard time getting in and that he used his right arm exclusively. I didn't ask him about it, but I ended up getting the story anyways.

He finally got buckled in and said, "Thanks Man, My **** of a girlfriend stole my ****ing car." To which I responded, "Dude, that's ****ed up. You know where she went?" Told me, "Nah man, ain't no tellin with that *****. She's ****ed up on crack and definitely has no business drivin, but I guess that's what I get for leaving the car running. All I can say is "Wow". But he then assured me that I didn't have to worry about him. He'd been clean since he got all cracked out and had a stroke. Which explained the limp and the dead arm. Unfortunately his girlfriend did not learn from his misfortune and was still an addict.

At that point I figured we'd gotten to know each other well enough to enjoy some tunes together, so I turned on my radio. Had my 'Disturbed' Album in at the time and as it came on his eye's lit up. He asked, "You like these guys?" and I told him "yeah man, this is a CD, not the radio" So I turned it up and began head banging with my new crippled, crack dealin, cracka ass gangsta friend all the way to the convenience store/gas station where his buddy was working and could take care of him from there. Now normally I wouldn't be jamming out in my truck like that, but figured it was a better option than making further small talk with my current co-pilot.

Finally made it to his destination. He thanked me and offered some cash for the ride. I had to decline as I figured that would negate any good karma I had coming my way for doing my good deed of the day. Plus, the story alone was worth more than money to me. Might have negated the good karma anyways as I couldn't help but give him a sarcastic little "You stay clean now, ya hear!" shout out as I left. Thought it was kind of a dick move on my part, but feel I earned it at that point. Since then I have limited myself to picking up only female bums as I am anxious to hear his girlfriends side of the story.