I am probably reading too much into it and I am extremely tin foiled and black helicoptered out right now with all the SEC stuff, but did it occur to you that the Magician roofied her and that was the whole point of his taking her back to his room and you just ruined his date rape for him?

Alright, this one was pretty quick and easy, but I do have to forwarn you, this is not an awesome tale of win, but a sad case of potential win that turned into all sorts of fail.

12) Impromptu strip show

Everyone's gotta have a bachelor party story somewhere in their background, be it their own or someone else's they survived. I've got a few randoms under my belt, others not mine, as believe it or not I have a brain. This was one of the more recent ones I was a part of and while it was not the most debaucherous I'd attended, it had merit within itself. Mainly because the highlight of the evening was not the strippers, but a complete surprise.

We started off at my buddies Fiance's town house downing some beers and just waiting on all of the guys to arrive. The bachelor had placed what was obviously a bowl of cat food on the coffee table hoping to convince some dumbass that it was a snack. Generally I'd have eaten it just for shock value, but I too would rather have seen someone else grab a handful and munch. Even after everyone had figured it out and discussed it aloud, we still managed to find one moron who was obviously oblivious to the goings on around him. "Damn, this tastes like cat food!" Which got a laugh out of everyone in the room. My former roommate asked where the CD player was and the bachelor pointed him in the right direction. Silly ****er had created a "Mix Tape" for the bachelor. We all called him a *** and went about our drinking. I mean seriously, who makes a mix tape for a bachelor party?, or for anything anymore for that matter? Anyways, we were now waiting on the last member of the bachelor party; the bachelors future brother in law. He finally shows up with his sister (the bachelorette) already three sheets to the wind, and we're ready to go.

The best man had arranged for a limo bus type service. Basically a large shuttle bus conversion. Pretty nice little set up, Fridge, full bar, mood lighting and topped off with a cool cat named Elvis to chaufer us around. So we bang on the front cab and Elvis was off to our first stop of the evening. Dinner of course, gotta have something to soak up the poison we were about to be putting into our bodies. So we head down the road out to the Yard House at City Centre. We make quick work of that and decide to scope out the scene over there. The future brother in law was fit to be tied. Boy was adamant that we would not be taking that limo bus to the strip club without at least one random piece of ass. He was on a mission. One thing I can say about him was that he had balls of steel and he was determined, but alas the ladies out there were just too classy to hop on a bang bus with a bunch of random hard dicks.

So we decide to go where the pickin's were a little more fresh and ended up on Washington at the Drinkery. Now we were all still pretty content to just drink it up and then hit The Mens Club, but the BIL was still insistent that under no circumstances would he leave until we had chicks on board. We were all ok with this idea, but didn't really have much faith in the old boy. It really was fun to watch as he went to any group of girls he could find and jump in head first. While observing, I did have to question his standards of quality control. Not that we were in any position to complain if he managed to pull it off, but still eye candy is always preferable. So I did a little cock blocking recon while he was chatting up a less than attractive thing outside. I mean, someone had to keep him properly focused. So mid conversation I hopped in his lap and gave him a big kiss with a little "Hello lover" to top it off. While the girl seemed amused, he was not and it definitely took his focus off her and onto better things.

After he reprimanded me for screwing up his game he honed in on a much more appropriate target. Saw him sitting on the back porch smoking with a little blonde. She looked pretty damn good from the back, but I needed to go in for a better assessment. I made my way over to him, and bummed a smoke off him and asked her for a light. Bingo! This one was ****ing hot. Boy had definitely stepped up his game there and I wasn't about to be responsible for blowing that one. So I just looked at him and said, "I should probably go..." and he knowingly nodded yes. So I left him to his business. I noticed that another girl and a couple random dudes sat down with them, so I'd pretty much began placing bets that blondie was going to stay with her friends. Luckily for me, no one else had a gambling problem as I would have lost my ass. Somehow the boy pulled it off and we soon left with hot little blondie in tow.

I'm pretty sure it was the promise of free drinks all night that finally convinced her to come with and I for one was looking forward to getting her a couple lap dances. Don't know why, but it's always more fun at the strip club with a chick in the mix. So we all pile in the limo bus and are once again on the road. Somehow I was lucky enough to wind up at the front of the limo bus for that ride along with the Bachelor, BIL, Best man, and random hottie. The bachelor and the BIL were chatting up the blonde as we all drank and just enjoyed the conversation. Somewhere along the conversation it came up that she had a nine month old child that her mother was babysitting so she could go out. This was very impressive as she still had a pretty tight little body. I guess she enjoyed the compliment because she soon pulled down her pants to show he c-section scar along her panty line to prove it. The doctor had to have been an artist as it was barely noticeable. So now we've all gotten a nice look at her in her lacy pink panties. Pulls her jeans back on and sits back down and we begin asking what it is she does. Evidently she didn't have a job at that time because she hadn't been able to find anything since she got out of prison. You could tell by the look on everyone's face that none of us really knew how to react to that bit of info, So we all just laughed. Nothing like partying with a convict sportin' a 9 month old. Now while I'm sure she actually did tell us what she was in for, I instantly forgot as the situation took an odd twist. For the life of me I have no idea how it transitioned from her child bearing prison life to her stripping, but before I knew it she was up on the bachelor giving him a show. She basically pulled her top up exposing her tits, and then dropped trow again, but this time she dropped the panties as well. So it was an awkward dance with her pants and panties at her knees and top just pulled above her tits, but she did the best she could with the short time alloted, and it was still very much an unexpected treat.

Now I know there is a general rule of thumb that cameras are not allowed at bachelor parties, but anyone who knows me knows I always carry my camera. This was no different, and while it may be a bit hypocritical considering my previous story regarding Houdini taking up skirt shots, I feel there's a difference between sneaking up skirt pics and taking party pics of a girl who is clearly ok with exposing all for the camera. I can justify it any way you'd like, but bottom line is while I failed documenting many of the events in Vegas, I was quick on the draw here. Keep in mind, all of this happened within the last few minutes of a 10-15 minute drive from The Drinkery to The Mens Club. So we were literally pulling into the parking lot as I snapped my last pic before she pulled up her pants. Already I knew this was better than the strip club because there were no pasties, the panty clause went right out the window, and we didn't have to pay her ****. Now I was super excited to see what kind of show we were going to get inside and even moreso on the ride back after a **** ton more drinks.

We stop right up in front of The Mens Club and the bachelor, BIL, blondie and a few others head straight for the front door. I held back at the limo bus because the boys who'd sat in back wer all very anxious to have a look at the photos, being that they were too far off to witness any thing good except a possible nipple. We were all cracking up at the whole situation. Elvis hops around and of course I have to show him what all the commotion was about. He gave me a hearty "God Bless You sir!" and a hand shake. I joked with him that the photos where his tip. He just smiled said, "That'll do." as we walked towards the entrance. Once we get throught the front door blondie comes walking straight over to me and tells me they won't let her in. I ask why and she tells me she didn't have her I.D. on her. This was not cool. So I go to the young girl working the door hoping I could smooth talk her into allowing her sans I.D. "Hey there, Can't you just make an exception here? She's with us and we're going to spend a lot of money in here. Besides, she's a girl, I thought girls always got a pass anyways." She looks at me like I'm a moron "Dude, she's ****ing 18, we can't allow her in here." I just look at her and say "Do what now?" Evidently when blondie told me she didn't have her I.D., what she meant was that she did not have her fake I.D. and accidentally handed them her real I.D. confirming her age. We actually would have had a better chance getting her in with no I.D. at all. This was a total shock as the Drinkery was always checking everyone's I.D.'s at the time, so we never even thought to question her age. But she happened to use her fake I.D. there regularly enough to know all the door guys and they didn't even bother checking her any more, which was how she came to be among us. In one fail swoop it turned out we were all contributing to the delinquency of minor who was single mother with a criminal record. Granted, that was the exact situation we would soon be in with half the strippers there, but it was still a game killer.

Now, while all of that was odd, a tad shady and a bit creepy after the fact, deep down we were all a little sad when we had to put blondie back on the limo bus and have Elvis drop her back off at The Drinkery. Even more sad was afterwards when I did a head count in the club to find that we were all accounted for. Not a single one of us dumb mother ****ers thought to "Keep her company" on the trip back. I figured, of all people, the BIL who did all the leg work would have snapped to right off, but nope, he too was with us. The mood soured quickly from that point and I ended up buying everyone's way into the champagne room in hopes of bringing life back into the party, but it was all for not as we'd already gotten the best show of the evening and nothing was going to top what I'd already imagined could have been. Ideally I'd like to think that Elvis did the right thing, took a detour and took care of that for us so that at least someone on the limo bus took a little piece of that ass home with them, but that's just the dreamer in me. Though technically I guess I still have a piece of that ass, since I just haven't had the heart to erase those photos. Creeper factor +1!!



[This message has been edited by Catch (edited 8/17/2011 8:38a).]