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Obama said,"Sorry, in light of this last election, I'm concerned about us as women and how we think. And what is really going on. What is going on in our heads where we let that happen, you know?"

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Prosperdick said:

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CanyonAg77 said:

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Obama said,"Sorry, in light of this last election, I'm concerned about us as women and how we think. And what is really going on. What is going on in our heads where we let that happen, you know?"

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Sort of how I felt when her husband got elected. Although, given how McCain has acted the last 10 years, I'm not terribly upset about Obama winning that one.

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Think about this...if McCain had won everyone would have been so sick of him that they probably elect....gulp, Hillary.

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Burnsey said:

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Prognightmare said:

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Time to start sending all the illegals to London. Seems that they have an invite, and if they don't like it, well it's going to be much harder to swim back this time!

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And if it weren't for James Woods and Iowahawk, I don't think that I'd have purposely read a tweet since that time.

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WASHINGTON - Today's uncovering of secret multi-agency program for shipping illegal Gibson guitars to Mexican drug cartels left red-faced officials of the U.S. Department of Justice scrambling for an explanation amid angry calls for a Congressional investigation.

"I have ordered all agency personnel to fully cooperate in any Congressional inquiries, including all reasonable document request, as soon as we can redact them with Sharpie pens and lighter fluid," said U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder.

The secret program came to light early this morning in the border town of Nogales, Arizona, after what was described as a wild battle of the bands between members of the Sinaloa cartel and Los Zetas, two of Mexico's most notorious violent drug gangs.

"Usually these guys are armed with Mexican Strats and Squires, Epiphones, small caliber stuff like that," said Pedro Ochoa, 36, an eye witness to the sonic melee. "This time they were packing the heavy firepower."

The steady barrage of power chords and piercing solo attacks attracted the attention of nearby U.S. Border Patrol agents, who arrived at the scene just as Los Zetas broke into Led Zeppelin's 'Immigrant Song.' By the time the dust had cleared, U.S. Border Patrol Agent Oscar Jimenez was found in a catatonic state of headbanging. He was later flown to University of Arizona Hospitals, where his condition is listed as seriously rawked.

The spandex-clad suspects were able to flee back into Mexico, but not before abandoning their arsenal of axes - the quality of which shocked Border Patrol agents.

"I've been working the border for over 25 years and have never seen a weapons cachet like this," said Patrol Supervisor Mike Foreman. "A '53 Goldtop, a '59 Black Beauty, Flying V's, a whole armory of SGs. Enough for an entire guitarmy. It's a wonder there weren't any total shreddings."

Suspicions that the U.S. Department of Justice was involved in the case first arose after agents noticed "Property of the U.S. Department of Justice" embossed on the back of each guitar. A trace of the serial numbers confirmed that they were confiscated only days earlier by DoJ agents from the Gibson Guitar Company in Memphis.

Responding to a Freedom of Information Act request, Justice Department officials admitted that the guitars were part of a complicated sting program know as "Operation Fast and Fretless," ostensibly designed to stem traffic of illegal guitars and amplifiers between the U.S. and Mexico. The multi-agency program - involving Justice, ICE, TSA, EPA, IRS, FDA, Fish & Wildlife, USDA, and the Bureau of Whiskey, Groupies & Hotel Rooms - reportedly encourage border area pawn shops to sell the guitars to known drug kingpins.
Justice spokesman Gary Evans said the Nogales incident yesterday showed the program was a success. "By putting American guitars in the hands of Mexican gangs, I think we've proven what we've warned all along - that Mexican gangs have access to American guitars. Hopefully this will lead to sane and sensible guitar controls."

Despite the defense of the program, Darrel Issa (R-CA), Chairman of the U.S. House Committee on Heavy Metal Affairs is expected to call hearings soon.

"We need to get to the bottom of this thing before it gets out of hand," said Issa. "We have reports that Justice is also providing Colombian cocaine gangs with AutoTune."

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The Iowahawk typepad blog was genius. I wish he still maintained it. My favorite post ever was his sendup of the FBI raids on Gibson Guitars for importing fingerboards made from unfinished exotic woods and Operation Fast & Furious.

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"There's a faculty panel symposium on Cuban health care over at Schaffer Auditorium," he said. "I suggest we attend, because there won't be any more where we're headed."

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DAY TWO: BEATRICE, NEBRASKA
After crossing the muddy mud-colored mud of the Missouri river we had finally arrived in Omaha, the last stop before our maps became strictly conjectural. From here on out, until we reached Austin, we would have to rely on our wits and our training in journalism to navigate through hostile red enclaves.

Luckily we stumbled upon a primitive university in Lincoln. We were surprised to encounter a native maiden, Heather, who had taken graduate studies in Lacan and Franz Fanon. She directed us to the cinderblock hut of a kindly Semiotics missionary, Professor Mintz.

"We may be doing the Lord's work here, gentlemen, but the local tribes do not always look kindly on it," he warned. "Last month one of our tenured friars merely told his students that Bush was the anti-Christ, and he was viciously attacked by counterarguments. He was so traumatized he had to report the student to the disciplinary committee."

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Burnsey said:

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Prognightmare said:

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Time to start sending all the illegals to London. Seems that they have an invite, and if they don't like it, well it's going to be much harder to swim back this time!

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Prognightmare said:

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brad5q said:

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Please just quote the text when replying and not the picture of that thing! Really don't need to see it again.

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Ugly women need love too Brad.

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Tom Hagen said:

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I'm wondering if Woods got "shadow banned". I haven't seen one of his tweets since the 12th

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Prognightmare said:

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Prognightmare said:

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You should see my tweet back to John Legend. That liberal tool is only surpassed by his wife on the annoying scale.

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