In less than seven hours, viewers on here will join others from around the country. And you will be watching the lamest biker battle in the history of Tuesdays. Tuesdays... that word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by failing plot points. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it's fate that today is the 9th of December, the day Brokeback Mountain was released in 2005, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom, not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution -- but from aggravation, frustration, and gratuitous scenes of pale ass and prison butt sex.
We're fighting for our right to live, to exist, to watch decent TV in peace. And when we win the day, the 9th of December will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day when the world declared in one voice:
"We will not watch this beyond tonight!
We will not vanish without a fight!
We're going to live on!
We're going to survive!"
Today, we celebrate our Independence Day!