For those of you who don't know, Texas longhorn coach Jeff Banks recently divorced his wife and abandoned his four children to be with a pole dancing stripper. She actually pole dances with a live monkey, but that's a topic for another day.

Anyway, here is longhorn coach Jeff Banks' pole-dancing stripper girlfriend tweeting at Bryce Anderson, a high school teenager, about how he looks good in white and orange:

Something about that white and orange looks good on u !

— dani (@dani_andjb) August 3, 2021

I'm not even sure what to say about this other than just, wtf. I don't know if Banks put her up to this because he thought it would be a good way to recruit players to Austin or what, but it is beyond the pale. That program is an absolute smoldering dumpster. This is just bizarre.

To those of you who might say "well, this isn't reflective of Jeff Banks or the longhorn football program. Maybe she's just trying to help out and went a little too far," I give you Jeff Banks' stripper girlfriend, actively participating in the longhorn "all gas no brakes" recruiting pitch, having her photo taken in front of the same "all gas no brakes" stage setup as all the coaches and players:

pic.twitter.com/jlPs7FkgAn

— dani (@dani_andjb) June 28, 2021

sorry in advance for missing the point, and also for making light of this but...


someone leave's his family for THAT??

But where's the damn monkey?

She's kinda chunky.

Shoefly! said:

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But where's the damn monkey?

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That is where my interest was peaked as well.

SHOW ME THE MONKEY!

Those nails are downright scary, looks like she's got a lot of miles on her frame.

Too much beer in that little piggy

Shoefly! said:

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But where's the damn monkey?

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Check out her twitter feed. Has pics of the monkey.

TBH I kept seeing these references to a stripper who uses a monkey and thought it was some type of inside joke of which I was unaware. Nope.

Weird thread is weird.

Fedup said:

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She's kinda chunky.

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Plow Assassin liking dat ATX BBQ a little too much.

Gonna have to get a stronger pole.

Keep Austin weird

And regarding monkeys - I hear they like to utilize the owner's ear to release primal needs at times.....

Oh look, the sips added the State of Texas outline around their field logo. Gotta remind errbody that "We're Texas. Pay no mind to the Agriculturals"

I don't really care about why banks divorced his wife, but that dude is clearly a disturbed codependent weirdo.

There is no reason a man chooses to put up with all the crazy that being with a stripper entails unless he himself is a personal train wreck.

I think there a have been rumors about it for a long time but the dude is a serious loser. well paid and an above average recruiter, but a loser nonetheless.

Nobody said NIL benefits had to be paid in cash!

Fedup said:

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Those nails are downright scary, looks like she's got a lot of pounds on her frame.

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AgFormerlyInIrving said:

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sorry in advance for missing the point, and also for making light of this but...


someone leave's his family for THAT??

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that's where "all gas, no brakes" takes you.

I thought he was the tight end coach.

I seriously doubt any end on that is tight.

hedge said:

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Wasnt he with us for a while ?

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Yes but that pre Pole Assassin

All ass, no brains

Banks, what a f'n loser.....

PneumAg said:

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pic.twitter.com/jlPs7FkgAn

— dani (@dani_andjb) June 28, 2021

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Great; now even Wolverine is being recast as a black woman. Too far!!!