Last night I watched "The Secret" which is the one after "Booze Cruise" where Jim tells Michael he likes Pam.
Michael: Jim and I are great friends. We hang out a ton, mostly at work. But, the fact that he told me his secret and no one else knows says everything about our friendship. And it is why, I intend on keeping that secret for as long as I possibly can.
Dwight: Quick Oscar update. I have conducted interviews with everyone in the office.
Michael: Just go to his house and see if he's sick. I could have done this Investigation in like twenty minutes.
Dwight: Including prep time?
Michael: Just do it.
Dwight: As a volunteer Sheriff's Deputy I have been doing surveillance for years. One time I suspected an ex-girlfriend of mine of cheating on me. So I tailed her for six straight nights. Turns out she was, with a couple of guys actually so mystery solved.
Michael: People are always coming to me. "Michael, I have a secret. Your the only one I trust." No thanks, because keeping a secret can only lead to trouble. Like I was watching Cinemax last weekend. This movie, Portrait of a Prostitute something. Secrets of a Call More Secrets of a Call Girl. And the lead character, Shila, is framed for murder. She goes on the run and winds up working at a bordello in Malibu. I don't, I don't want to live like that. I like it here. I don't want to be Shila, I like being Michael Scott.