Health & Fitness
Sponsored By

Mental health venting thread

13,065 Views | 135 Replies | Last: 1 mo ago by ATM9000
G. hirsutum Ag
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG
I need a place to post the random assortment of crap flowing through my head. Comment, post advice, tell me to get help, post your own troubles. I don't care. I just need to vent.

I am not ok. I wake up every day and convince myself I'm ok because I have no other choice. But the reality is I'm not. That uphill battle is completely exhausting. Even my good says it's a fight and if I let my guard down slightly then "daddy is angry" or "daddy is in a bad mood". Which then actually does get me in a bad mood.

2019 was absolutely brutal on me and my wife. Started the year off with fighting with a former friend to get him into rehab after he allegedly tried to commit suicide. That ended badly and did some really deep emotional damage to me. My best friend almost died twice, ended up in the icu for 24 days. My marriage was almost on the edge because of my wife's job and the other crap going on. My in-laws decided to retire too early and move to the same town with us only to realize they are broke and need to work again and couldn't find work. I was unexpectedly fired without reason from a job that I was very successful at in September. I went from making 120k a year to on unemployment and working hourly as I can find something overnight. Ended the year with my in-laws moving in with us and then kicking my daughter out of her room until they can find a house to rent.

My mental health genetics suck and my anxiety and depression can be rough. Was having suicidal thoughts 8-10 times a day not long after the firing. Ended up reaching out to a hotline in Octoberish and got on meds soon after. Luckily that is all helping a lot but GDit it is still a battle. 3-4 days a week my first thought the second I open my eyes is about putting a bullet in my head and I have to talk sense into myself to get them out. Sunday through Friday for the most part I feel fine most of the day but you can set your watch by panic attacks and depression on Saturday as everyone is home and I have no more refuge to regroup.

My symptoms have improved enough that I'm hesitant to increase my dosage for now but certainly not ruling it out. I have decided to start my own business and is going ok, but building a business is tough especially like this.

I would never actually go through any suicidal stuff as I have way too much to live for but my understanding is that these thoughts are a pressure release valve in my brain so please don't freak out about me. I really just need to vent into the void for a bit.
Potcake
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG
You didn't really mention it but is your wife aware of all this? It would probably be a lot better if you weren't dealing with it on your own. If you're religious talk to your pastor. You need some support. Hang in there for your family and yourself.
G. hirsutum Ag
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG
Ya she knows, most of it anyway. My doctor knows, my dad knows some and he's gone through similar stuff so he can relate. He's also a retired doctor so he can tell me if I need to change something. I've got some good friends too that we talk a lot. New pastor just got here Thursday, he's only 30. Don't want him to move away yet LOL
K Bo
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG
I don't really know what to say but I wanted to say something to let you know that you're not alone. I've been to some really dark places but I never gave up. I'm happy to see you're willing to let all that out of you. That's really important and I think you've already started to work your way out of this. Talking to a psychotherapist helps me a lot and I would recommend that to everyone. Maybe give that a shot? There's a quote by FDR that I like to remember when sh*t get's really tough: "A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor. Just keep going. Life is ******* hard but it's going to be ok.
Ragoo
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG
Your in-laws need to go. Or they need to pitch in and pay you rent.

G. hirsutum Ag
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG
It isn't so much the money. They are contributing. It's just having extra people around. Luckily my house has enough space but it's just annoying. They've been here a little over a month. They were supposed to move out last weekend but the house they found wasn't ready. So today was the day but my FIL went to look at it yesterday and now he is saying that house is unsafe. So now they are back to no plans. Luckily MIL is working though so that helps them. That's the reason they moved in in the first place. My daughter who is 6 is getting tired of not having her old room but she's doing well. I stay confined to my bedroom most of the time now because it is my last frontier
Ragoo
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG
Then paying you gives them more incentive to find their own place. There can always be something wrong with any place they find because a free roof is the easy fallback.
Hoosegow
How long do you want to ignore this user?
Check out these folks.
https://www.ifred.org/

They are trained to deal with this and direct you where and how to get help.
Class of '94
G. hirsutum Ag
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG
I've gone to counseling before and it helps some. My issue right now with it is money and time. One of the things I struggle with (and I believe a lot of males struggle with) is I don't know the words to describe what I'm feeling. Guys feel all the same emotions a girl does but they manifest as anger and we don't have the depth of our emotions to get those words out.

When I talked with the hotline that was one thing they helped with was helping me realize that I felt dejected. Once I could assign a word to it it helped. I know therapy is good for that also. I need to check on what our cost would be but I am really pinching every penny while my business gets going.
G. hirsutum Ag
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG
Yes I agree. While they are making the best of it they absolutely hate being here with us. They thought this whole deal was lined up, they even had a deposit paid. So we waited for 3 weeks and the company is dragging ass about it. MIL is bipolar and she refuses help so that makes things much worse especially when she's trying to find a new place to live.

The day they set a move in day I had some really dark thoughts. I had a really strong urge to jump off a building. Never had that thought before, that wasn't long after I started meds so apparently they can make you think things like that.
queso1
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG
Sorry man. I've never been suicidal or depressed but I have dealt with incredible self imposed stress. Naval Ravikant on JRE led me to a life changing perspective. Not him in particular, but some of the authors that he recommends like Bruce Lee, Krishnamurti, Alan Watts and eastern religion like Buddhism and Taoism.

I think these eastern religions are better suited to deal with existential and daily life issues than Abrahamic ones. Meditation, exercise and mindfulness is very helpful in realizing that life and the things we worry about aren't really important and most of our fears, worries and problems are fake and created by us.

I've had a significant change in life perspective.
raidernarizona
How long do you want to ignore this user?
I don't know you Seven, but just reading this has me in tears! I'm a survivor of suicide. I lost my brother to suicide 6 years ago. I loved him dearly and I know there's a lot of people that love you the same way. I wish I had something more profound to offer, but I would just encourage you to not suffer in silence, because you think no one wants to hear about your struggles. Tell your pastor! That's what he's there for. Prayers for you brother!
FC12
How long do you want to ignore this user?
Where are you located? If in DFW, let's go fishing. You need to find a good outlet. What is something you are interested in that you could become involved with? Gaming? Hunting? Outdoors? Rock climbing? Mentor to youth? Sports?
ocag
How long do you want to ignore this user?
So sorry you are going thru this. Different circumstances, but I've been there. Thank the good Lord, it is in my rear view mirror now but I remember. I'm not a professional, can only tell you what worked for me. First, meds were crucial. Not quick, nor always easy getting the right ones and the right dose. Do not underestimate how much they can help. A good doc is crucial. Second, talking to a professional. Friends, family and even pastors are so important but you need to be able to bare your soul and not scare anyone. Since money is a concern, don't hesitate to ask for a discount when you call. Not always possible, but it worked for me. No matter what the cost, remember you are worth it. Third, all the other things....exercise, fresh air, doing things you used to enjoy, volunteering. Think of items one and two like triage. They are needed to get you thru to where item 3 will carry you forward.

Will be praying for you. It does get better. It's been five years for me. Still have bumps in the road, but no more meds or therapy although I wouldn't hesitate to go back to them if needed. Actively doing things on item 3 keeps me on an even keel.

Please keep us posted.
G. hirsutum Ag
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG
Thanks. I'm in south Texas. I have some hobbies that I enjoy and try to focus on some that provides some temporary relief. I was exercising 3 days a week for several months but when I got laid off I quit which was when I needed it the most. With two small kids my available time is pretty limited. I try to go fishing or hunting when the opportunity arises and I have several projects I work on to keep busy. But that relief is only temporary
FC12
How long do you want to ignore this user?
What would be your best day? If you could think of a day, where you could say if this day had "x" and I was able to do "x", what would that day be? How many varieties of those days can you think of?
G. hirsutum Ag
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG
Not really sure how to answer that. Can't think of any one thing that could happen that I feel like would help me have a good day. Once I wake up and shake my thoughts out I pray that I choose to be happy and generally that helps me. The new preacher moved here this week which is a step in the right direction to help repair some of the damage from the friend last January. Getting my in-laws out of my house would be a good step into allowing me to at least try to recover some from the rest of the crap. My marriage is great but my in-laws are sucking the life out of my wife. My kids are pretty awesome and I have good things happening at work but a lot of work is uncertain still, hope this coming week has some answers. But I feel there is little that anything material would significantly impact me at the moment. Chemical imbalances are tough to fight through and just take time.
Woods Ag
How long do you want to ignore this user?
What part of South Texas? How can I reach out to you off TexAgs?
G. hirsutum Ag
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG
Woods Ag said:

What part of South Texas? How can I reach out to you off TexAgs?


Victoria. Email in profile
aggiebrad94
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG
We are the Aggies, the Aggies are we.

YOU are not alone.
Diggity
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG
Seven said:

My marriage is great but my in-laws are sucking the life out of my wife. My kids are pretty awesome


These two things right here are more important than anything else in your life. Just keep working at keeping those relationships strong and finding work that you enjoy. Count yourself lucky because a lot of people don't have all those things.

I've never dealt with serious depression but I lost one of my best friends to suicide. He was bipolar and I was know how much he struggled/suffered.

Best of luck to you my friend. I hope you can find the right therapy and medications to help with the pain.
G. hirsutum Ag
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG
Thank you. I am lucky to have good relationships. Not sure I would consider my depression serious or not, or maybe I can handle it better? My dad has a cousin that can't keep a job and won't leave the basement because his is so bad, considered electro shock therapy to help it. I can still function, just my brain doing what it does. I know it will pass and I'm feeling better than I was. Like I said it seems like you can set your watch by it. 9am until 8pm Saturday I'm pretty miserable. Sunday is so/so and by Monday I'm doing ok again other than random passing thoughts.
aggiebrad94
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG
As long as you know there is a "better," then I think you can find it. I will pray that you never lose sight of your "better."
G. hirsutum Ag
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG
Yes I know the future is bright. Just feel isolated and burdened at the moment. Wish I didn't have these dark thoughts but I literally can't control it and it sucks
pasquale
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG
I would suggest just seeing a psychotherapist as someone to generally talk with and communicate not so much for changing meds but just talk. As I've gotten older I've had to change my way of thinking (totally opposite of how I was raised) and have made myself more open and expressive in my feelings.

Also, with the in-laws in your home this is great opportunity for a once a week date night with your wife. Also, date nights with your kids away from the house.

I know you are dealing with more than just a "funk" as we all go through that from time to time. You have support here!
River Bass
How long do you want to ignore this user?
You are not alone.
I just try to remind myself as often as possible about the things that I am grateful for and the things that I have been blessed with and then I pray and thank God for it all. It helps to take my mind off the bad.
proudaggie02
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG
I had a really rough patch this time last year; a lot was due to post concussion syndrome from a car accident and then losing my job. The things that worked the best for me were exercising very often (I know time is tight, but I had to make time) and trying to think of things in terms of opportunities and not as burdens/worry about failure. I also leaned heavily on my faith and put all I had into my family. When my young daughters would comfort me when I was struggling, it motivated me to fight for myself and for them.

I'm sending prayers... you'll get through this.
G. hirsutum Ag
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG
In-laws are trying really hard to be out of here by Saturday, allegedly. They are in for a world of hurt as they had basically zero planning for retirement. FIL had a small nest egg set back but his main plan was social security. He has been a mechanic for 40 years and his body has shut down so the day he turned 65 he retired. The only thing they own is two older cars. MIL struggled to find a job but finally found one right before Christmas so she's a month into it.

They are paying us $500/month in rent but outside of that and some food they haven't had any utilities or cable internet etc. Even with cheap rent and much lower bills they are blowing through their savings much faster than they expected. All of their kids have seen this coming for years but they refused any advice. So this dark cloud is hanging over both of them and sucking life out of my wife.

My MIL mental health bleeds over onto my wife. The ONLY ONLY person MIL will talk to is my wife. So my wife feels an obligation to spend time with her and try to help her feel better. But all of her energy is getting zapped by that. Luckily I think they have had some productive conversations around her mental issues and how she really needs medical help. The silver lining here is that my wife has watched her mom her whole life and is determined to be the opposite.

FIL just lays on my couch all day watching espn and movies from 8:30am until about 9pm looking like he's trying to hold it together. To top it off he and I are don't get along politically at all. He's been obsessed with the impeachment stuff. MIL told him he can't talk politics but he can't help himself. Every trump commercial during the SB last night or every news segment that he watches he has to say something. I just ignore it but it's annoying. It's crazy how someone just sitting there all day can drain you mentally.

The walls around my psyche that I have built up to protect myself have come crashing down one by one. Stability at church, crashed
Stability at work, crashed
Sanctuary of my house, gone
Sanctuary of my office at my house, gone
Sanctuary of my bedroom, half and half depending on how my daughter does that night
I couldn't even get 2 minutes alone in my bathroom yesterday because my FIL was using the other one and my daughter came beating on my door

I came home one day after work and my wife completely rearranged the living room. It completely scrambled my brain. I couldn't even talk, I just went and laid down in bed. It's just a stupid couch and I normally handle change well but there has been so so so much that I just shut down.

Fortunately the last two days my morning suicidal thoughts haven't popped up. So hopefully they are waining a bit. I have a pretty good week planned out work wise so hopefully it pans out some.
AGGODDESS
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG
Hang in there... easy to say, I know. We've all experienced times of hopelessness at some point and it seems to be a lot of this stems from the fact that you've been responsible to "save" people who don't want to be saved. Couple that with the encroachment of your own personal space out of obligation and the resentment must be through the roof.

Both my husband and I have struggled with hopeless feelings after some hard times in our lives (son passed away) and it's when we finally break down, together, that we find the strength to keep going and re-center. We tend to put it all on the backburner and push through for so long and then the bubble just busts, but then we re-center again. If that makes sense. Is there any opportunity for you two to get away for a bit to just be? Like nothing fancy just outside of the walls of your home around a campfire or a body of water? I would assume you guys got married because you love each other... it's time to get back to the basics. All this other interference sometimes we forgot those things. Even like your situation with the rearranged furniture -- the fact wasn't the furniture is moved.. it's that the few things you can count on to be predictable and "anchored" suddenly wasn't. Times like this make those situations so much more impactful when it even really isn't about the actual thing...

Lastly, I'm self-admittedly an as**ole so keep that in mind when I say this, but, at some point, you both in a unified manner need to start drawing boundaries. It's not your job to ruin your lives saving them. Assuming you're married you made a commitment to each other to put each other first.... and your child. Don't feel bad to come up with a deadline and explain and be frank why... you're trying to save your lives and help them restart theirs by forcing a timeline. You won't get a medal at the end of all this for the efforts --sometimes you just have to step back some and draw some hard lines. They may be butthurt for a while but they'll get over it... they know this isn't what you guys should be responsible for.
aggiebrad94
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG
Seven said:

Yes I know the future is bright. Just feel isolated and burdened at the moment. Wish I didn't have these dark thoughts but I literally can't control it and it sucks
It's a vicious circle that our minds take us in sometimes....

Dark thoughts --- feel guilty for not controlling dark thoughts ----- more dark thoughts ----- more guilt / shame

You've admitted you have dark thoughts. That is a reality right now. Don't waste time beating yourself up about having them right now. Acknowledge them, address them, mull them over, compare them to other thoughts, and then send them away. Sometimes this happens in seconds, sometimes in hours.

I'm glad you continue to speak with the future in mind.
G. hirsutum Ag
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG
So far today they seem very determined to move out by this weekend even if it isn't the best house or apartment. My wife found some apartments that are very nice. I ran over there got them an application got him a tour and found one with only one shared wall, only one story, with a really badass kitchen, it's under their budget and it's available today. But he has to think about it because the living room is too small. My wife can probably get them into it though.

Luckily she and I have a night away planned for next weekend. We are going to a concert and staying in a hotel. That will be fun. We spent two nights in San Antonio pretty recently. We spend time together but she is just distracted by this. We have a date planned for tonight.

One day, one hour at a time
Watchful Ag
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG
OP - it sounds like you have too many things going on at once. I'd consider disconnecting for a while, and catching your breath. Take a season (or all of 2020) to systematically de-clutter your life, recalibrate your heart, and focus on what's truly important - your family.

THE IN-LAWS
It sounds like you hate having your in-laws around, and I can understand why, but forcing them out before they're ready might actually end up being a bigger burden for you down the road. Especially with parents ... I would be slow to act in this situation. Work with your wife on a few ways the parents can physically help out more around the house and with the kids. Don't just focus on whether or not they're paying their part.

YOUR WIFE
Be deliberate in reminding her how great a job she's doing at being a mother, wife, and daughter. Try thinking of just two (2) things you could say or do EVERYDAY that would brighten her mood.

It doesn't have to be some grand gesture, just think of little touch points filled with encouragement. Some quick examples below:
  • Text her a video with the kids in the background screaming how much they love her. Five seconds long max
  • Leave her sticky notes of encouragement in places she would never expect it: laptop screen, steering wheel, etc.
  • Massage her shoulders at night if y'all are laying around watching tv, or carve out 30 minutes for her to go take a hot bath once she gets home from work
  • Instead of paying for expensive flowers that die too fast, just go outside with the kids and pick her a few flowers from wherever. Pro tip ... women don't actually care about how pretty the flowers are, they just want to feel loved.

HOUSE/SANCTUARY
This will sound crazy, but I'd heavily consider getting rid of all but one (1) TV.
Sell them. Donate them. Leave the living room TV, but get rid of the others. And while you're at it, I would only subscribe to one (1) streaming service.

Purchase a plan that keeps the women happy (Hallmark & Disney), but one that doesn't have ESPN, FOX, CNN, or any political channels. Don't worry - we can help you make small tweaks to this in the fall when the Ags play. The only content those 24/7 news channels (including ESPN) spew is negativity. Get it out of your house ASAP. You'll be shocked at how quickly this will lighten the mood throughout.

Lastly - and this is a big one - stop working from home for a while. I know it might be next to impossible since you started your own business, but find a way to get out the house for most of the working day because it's clearly not healthy for you (or anyone) at this point. There's too much negativity floating around for it to not influence your thoughts and feelings.

Find the cheapest way to work from a coffee shop, book store, or library, but get out of the house ASAP. It'll help you focus on your actual work, eventually allowing you more bandwidth for the problems back home.

YOUR SCHEDULE
Far too often we're cramming more things into our daily schedule than we can handle. STOP adding, and start removing.

Take a look at your family's daily/weekly routines and find ways to simplify. Talk with your wife on prioritization and how to more-evenly distribute tasks amongst all the adults in the house. Approach this part with caution though, because you'll lose all support if you come across as non-appreciative for the sacrifices everyone (including your wife) is having to make.

Take your time with this, and maybe even utilize each month of the year to remove one (1) major tasks that's negatively effecting the family. Your life didn't get this chaotic overnight and unfortunately you won't be able to fix everything that quickly either.

YOUR FAITH
This should be your #1 priority. If you're not squared away with Jesus Christ, none of the other pieces of the puzzle will fit.

Download The Bible app and scan the daily plans/devotionals. I'll even recommend one of my recent favorites: Tongue Pierced.



Move churches or study groups if needed. Volunteer for anything, but either way get connected to people who care about you. In the end, you'll have to let go of trying to control everything because you can't grow spiritually if you don't have faith in Jesus' plan for your life.

I'm in Houston, but happy to help in any way I can. I'm praying for you!
AgEng06
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG
Wow. That's a hell of a post, and one that contains stuff we can all strive to do.

Thanks for the post!
TommyGun
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG
Great post!

My wife and I have consolidated down to one TV in the living room. It has Amazon Prime video and that is it. We've cut out cable and Netflix and do not miss either of them. I was getting sick of watching over politicized sports and over dramatized news. As for Netflix, we just really do not connect with any of the shows on there anymore and felt like so much of what is produced today is dark and negative. We kept Amazon since we already have prime and we can stream movies and kids shows. Overall, it's felt like a great decision for us. Our evenings are already busy with chasing a toddler around and trying to get some kind of workout or outdoor activity squeezed in. We feel like we've gotten a lot of time back and we have been going to bed earlier and feeling better each morning. It also allows time for more intimacy which is always a great thing.
Boo Weekley
How long do you want to ignore this user?
Sorry you're going through all of that OP. I have had a few very tough years recently and know how difficult it can be. Long story short, I violated marital vows (not a traditional affair, but I was going to places in Houston on a regular basis that I had no business going to), my wife (who was an opiate addict unbeknownst to me) ratcheted up her intake significantly before getting fired, failing 3 rehabs and almost dying twice. Her "rock bottom" was relapsing after a month of sobriety and meeting up with a heroin addict from rehab who gave her stuff spiked with fentanyl. She felt herself passing out within seconds before he decided to try to take advantage of her sexually. Once he saw that she has OD'd, he decided to drop her off on the street a few blocks from Ben Taub in Houston and luckily a Good Samaritan got her into the hospital just in time.

Some other stuff on top of that as well, but all I will recommend is to try to incorporate regular prayer and meditation (I prefer to do this outside for some reason) and try to push yourself physically at least 3-4 days a week. I cannot state how important physical exercise is when it comes to mental health and depression. It won't just magically cure everything, but at least for me, it has been far more effective than any drug or cocktail of drugs could ever be.

Counseling helped us at times when we felt our marriage might be on the brink...my wife suffers from legit PTSD probably resulting from when an ex BF of hers committed suicide out of the blue. She got to where she felt that she needed opiates to live...feels like a miracle that she is two and a half years sober. Never thought I'd be able to say that. She still has bad days/periods, but she is healthy and happier than I ever thought she'd be again.

Things WILL get better, but you can do things now to help improve your physical and mental health, in turn improving your current situation and positively influencing how you handle it.

Lastly, I would even recommend getting bloodwork done at your next Dr Appt to screen for any imbalances or deficiencies. Sending prayers up for you and your family.
Page 1 of 4
 
×
Verify your student status
See Subscription Benefits
Trial only available to users who have never subscribed or participated in a previous trial.