Favorite Lines from The Office (US)

114,771 Views | 797 Replies | Last: 3 yr ago by Jugstore Cowboy
MW03
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Oh man....these babies are thinnnnnn
HtownAg92
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boy09 said:

I Have Spoken said:

Quote:

When I was in college, I used to get wicked hammered. My nickname was "Puke." I would chug a fifth of So-Co, sneak into a frat party, polish off a few people's empties, some brewskies, some Jell-O shots, do some body shots off myself, pass out, wake up the next morning, boot, rally, more So-Co, head to class. Probably would have gotten expelled if I'd let it affect my grades, but I aced all my courses. They called me "Ace." It was totally awesome. I got straight B's. They called me "Buzz."

You, me, bar, beers, buzzed. Wings, shots, drunk. Waitresses hot. Football Cornell/Hosfstra. Slaughter. Then quick nap at my place and then we hit the tizzown.

Sorry i annoyed you with my FRIENDSHIP!!
Andy: When I got the nickname Bonerchamp, that's when I became me.


Oompah, Loompah, Doopity Dawesome
Dwight is now gone which is totally awesome
Why was he gone, he was such a nice guy
No he was not, he was a total doooosh
Doopity Doom
HoustonAg2106
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fav13andac1)c
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You'll see...
Urban Ag
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HoustonAg2106 said:


Toby is literally the perfect stereotype HR dork.
HtownAg92
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Urban Ag said:

HoustonAg2106 said:


Toby is literally the perfect stereotype HR dork.
This scene is great -- Creed's reaction to the cops, but especially Michael's rant about what Toby is worried about.

HoustonAg2106
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MW03
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From a pure humor standpoint, I think the funniest scene in the entire series is either (1) the fire drill, or (2) when they are learning how to do CPR.

From the standpoint of what this show did the very best, I think the funniest scene is Michael talking about his plasma TV, and especially the moment where he pushes it back "in case you need more room" and it moves like 2 inches.
Definitely Not A Cop
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MW03 said:

From a pure humor standpoint, I think the funniest scene in the entire series is either (1) the fire drill, or (2) when they are learning how to do CPR.

From the standpoint of what this show did the very best, I think the funniest scene is Michael talking about his plasma TV, and especially the moment where he pushes it back "in case you need more room" and it moves like 2 inches.


Probably been said already, but:

Quote:

THAT WAS A 200 DOLLAR PLASMA TV! Good luck affording that with your 0 dollars and 0 cents salary, babe!
HoustonAg2106
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Champ Bailey said:

MW03 said:

From a pure humor standpoint, I think the funniest scene in the entire series is either (1) the fire drill, or (2) when they are learning how to do CPR.

From the standpoint of what this show did the very best, I think the funniest scene is Michael talking about his plasma TV, and especially the moment where he pushes it back "in case you need more room" and it moves like 2 inches.


Probably been said already, but:

Quote:

THAT WAS A 200 DOLLAR PLASMA TV! Good luck affording that with your 0 dollars and 0 cents salary, babe!

Plus benefits!
10andBOUNCE
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10andBOUNCE
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10andBOUNCE
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10andBOUNCE
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Phyllis: How is giving people gift baskets going to get our clients back?
Michael Scott: Gift baskets are amazing, Phyllis. Gift baskets are ... the essence of class and fanciness. They are the ultimate present that a person can receive.
Andy: What about cash? Cash can buy whatever you want, including a gift basket, so it's kind of the best gift ever.
Jim: What about a gift basket full of cash?
Andy: Yes! Cash basket! Nice work, Tuna.
10andBOUNCE
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Dwight Schrute: Once I am officially regional manager, my first order of business will be to demote Jim Halpert. So I will need a new number two. My ideal choice? Jack Bauer. But he is unavailable, fictional, and overqualified.
10andBOUNCE
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Dwight: How would I describe myself? Three words. Hard-working, Alpha male. Jackhammer. Merciless. Insatiable.
10andBOUNCE
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JYDog90
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boy09 said:

I Have Spoken said:

Quote:

When I was in college, I used to get wicked hammered. My nickname was "Puke." I would chug a fifth of So-Co, sneak into a frat party, polish off a few people's empties, some brewskies, some Jell-O shots, do some body shots off myself, pass out, wake up the next morning, boot, rally, more So-Co, head to class. Probably would have gotten expelled if I'd let it affect my grades, but I aced all my courses. They called me "Ace." It was totally awesome. I got straight B's. They called me "Buzz."

You, me, bar, beers, buzzed. Wings, shots, drunk. Waitresses hot. Football Cornell/Hosfstra. Slaughter. Then quick nap at my place and then we hit the tizzown.

Sorry i annoyed you with my FRIENDSHIP!!
Andy's always gettin up in my bidness...Which is ebonics for he annoys the bejeezus out of me.
HtownAg92
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MW03 said:

From a pure humor standpoint, I think the funniest scene in the entire series is either (1) the fire drill, or (2) when they are learning how to do CPR.

From the standpoint of what this show did the very best, I think the funniest scene is Michael talking about his plasma TV, and especially the moment where he pushes it back "in case you need more room" and it moves like 2 inches.
The CPR part had about 20 things jammed into a few minutes:

Kevin asking quitting and saying to "call it" after 20 seconds.
Dwight harvesting organs and Hannibal Lecturing the face.
Nard Dog jamming to the Stayin' Alive beat, which causes Kellie to start dancing.

10andBOUNCE
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"You have no idea the physical toll that three vasectomies have on a person!"
Stupid Sexy Flanders
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HtownAg92 said:

MW03 said:

From a pure humor standpoint, I think the funniest scene in the entire series is either (1) the fire drill, or (2) when they are learning how to do CPR.

From the standpoint of what this show did the very best, I think the funniest scene is Michael talking about his plasma TV, and especially the moment where he pushes it back "in case you need more room" and it moves like 2 inches.
The CPR part had about 20 things jammed into a few minutes:

Kevin asking quitting and saying to "call it" after 20 seconds.
Dwight harvesting organs and Hannibal Lecturing the face.
Nard Dog jamming to the Stayin' Alive beat, which causes Kellie to start dancing.




"First I was afraid, I was petrified..."
TheDraw
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Stupe
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Creed makes that scene to me.

That pause after his line....
FancyKetchup14
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Michael to Toby:

"If you had any friends, you would understand. Friends joke with one another: 'Hey um, you're poor.' 'Well hey, your mama's dead.' That's what friends do. You're so white."
cp2011
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Stupe said:

Creed makes that scene to me.

That pause after his line....


Creed is responsible for some of the more under-the-radar funny moments in the show.

Murder episode:

Creed: Sorry I'm late boss. What's going on?
Michael: Sir! There has been a murder and you are a suspect.
Creed: Ok...Hang on just a sec. Let me just get settled in and I'll be right back.
(Cut to Creed peeling out of the parking lot)


Koi pond episode:

Michael: I could get a fish for a 5 cent worm.
Creed: Oh you're paying too much for worms, man. Who's your worm guy?


Gossip episode:

Creed: Did one of you tell Stanley that I have asthma? Cause I don't. If this gets out, they won't let me scuba.
Creed (talking head): If I can't scuba, then what's this all been about? What am I working toward?


Michael's birthday when they're all at the skating rink. Cut to Creed for 2 seconds in the arcade blasting zombies
Sex Panther
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Tell Angela it's for Creed... she'll know what it means
TCTTS
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This thread has made me want to rewatch the entire series yet again, which I already did just last year. Every last quote is gold.

This isn't a quote, but I do have a funny, Office-related story...

Like a decade or so ago I was home in Texas for Christmas and my mom and sister had been at the mall doing some Christmas shopping. The second they got home my sister burst in the door and goes, "We just saw Angela from The Office at Dillards!" I laughed said there was absolutely no way Angela from The Office was in the Wichita Falls Dillards and that it must have been someone who looked just like her. But my sister swore up and down it was her, and said that they even exchanged a look, a look from Angela that my sister interpreted as, "Don't blow my cover," so my sister didn't say anything to her. I again said there was no way, to which my sister said, "Look her up!" So I did, and sure enough we discovered that Angela Kinsey is from Archer City - right outside of Wichita Falls - and went to Baylor. Between my sister and I, the news got out and before long, multiple friends were saying they saw her at whatever restaurant or out and about as well over that Christmas, and some even got pictures with her. I always felt bad because we totally blew her anonymity. I don't think anyone else would have believed it was her, or been on the lookout, if they didn't know she was actually there.

The Falls must be some kind of weird, NBC-star magnet because one of our friends is a real estate agent there, and he said he was selling a house for a family who had a few, random, framed pics with Tina Fey in them. He asked what that was all about and it turns out the wife is Fey's cousin. Not only that, but apparently Fey has been to Wichita Falls multiple time to visit. According to the cousin, when she goes out in public, she dresses as much like a homeless woman as she can, so no one recognizes her. I've never seen her there, but now, every time I go back, in the back of my mind, I'm always on the lookout for homeless Tina Fey.
Wabs
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Wabs
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Stupe
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I agree. That is why he was my favorite character on the show.

Quote:


Michael: I could get a fish for a 5 cent worm.

Creed: Oh you're paying too much for worms, man. Who's your worm guy?
I use "Who's your ____________ guy" a lot no matter what the situation.


One of my favorites:

boy09
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TCTTS said:

This thread has made me want to rewatch the entire series yet again, which I already did just last year. Every last quote is gold.


Same. I'm already on season 4...

I rewatch the series at least once a year, if not twice. And it's still great.
jokershady
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Stupid Sexy Flanders
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"Dwight, you ignorant ****"
ac04
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FancyKetchup14 said:

Michael to Toby:

"If you had any friends, you would understand. Friends joke with one another: 'Hey um, you're poor.' 'Well hey, you're mama's dead.' That's what friends do. You're so white."
Stupe
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My favorite Toby quote is from the finale when they were on the panel and someone asked something about if there lives seemed less meaningful since the filming stopped.

The only line was Toby:

"Yes".

Felt like crying for a made up character when he said that.
 
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