Robert: Jim, would you prefer a nature metaphor or a sexual metaphor?

Jim: Oh, god, nature, please.

Robert: When two animals are having sex, one of them

I can't believe this one hasn't been posted yet. I think this is the funniest back and forth in the entire show.

Pam Beesly:
It's whom when it's the object of the sentence and who when as the subject.
Phyllis:
That sounds right.
Michael Scott:
Well it sounds right but is it?
Stanley:
How did Ryan use it, as an object?
Ryan:
As an object.
Kelly:
Ryan used me as an object.

Just keeping the thread going ...

Quote:

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Dwight Schrute: I am going to be your new boss [chuckles]

Dwight Schrute: It is my greatest dream come true. Welcome to the Hotel Hell. Check-in time is now. Checkout time is never.

Jim Halpert: Does my room have cable?

Dwight Schrute: No. And the sheets are made of fire.

Jim Halpert: Can I change rooms?

Dwight Schrute: Sorry, we're all booked up. Hell convention in town.

Jim Halpert: Can I have a late checkout?

Dwight Schrute: I'll have to talk to the manager.

Jim Halpert: You're not the manager? Even in your own fantasy?

Dwight Schrute: I'm the owner. The co-owner. With Satan!

Jim Halpert: Okay. Just so I understand it, in your wildest fantasy, you are in Hell, and you are co-running a bed-and-breakfast with the Devil.

Dwight Schrute: Yeah, but I haven't told you my salary yet.

Jim Halpert: Go.

Dwight Schrute: $80,000 a year.

---

Snip, snap, snip, snap

They removed my uterus.
I still have a vagina.

Michael Scott: Sounds like a good dentist... What's his name?

Dwight Schrute: *crickets*

Dwight Schrute: Crentist.

Dwight: "Being a salesman is the 2nd easiest job in the world!"

**Dwight looks at the camera.......

"Being a mom"

I always liked Pam's expression on the Valentine's day episode. She was slowly getting pissed that she didn't receive a gift from her boyfriend while everyone in the office was getting bigger and bigger presents. She mentioned it to her boyfriend who then said: "Valentines day isn't over...let's get you home and you are going to get the best sex of your life."



I sometimes say that to my wife when she is exasperated with something I've done. She rolls her eyes.

Michael: ''Well, happy birthday, Jesus. Sorry your party's so lame.''

Michael: ''Toby has been cruisin' for a bruisin' for 12 years. And I am now his cruise director. And my name is Captain Bruisin.''

Dwight: "Count Choculitis. Really, Jim? Is this because you know I love Count Chocula?"


And this whole exchange from Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration's "bachelor party" in the warehouse.

Michael: "BEEF! It's what's for dinner. Who wants some man meat?!?"

Dwight: "I do Michael. I want some man meat!"

Jim: "uh Michael, Dwight would like some of your man meat."

BOY HAVE YOU LOST YO MIND CAUSE I'LL HELP YA FIND IT!

Booze Cruise - the first episode I ever watched - Captain Jack played by Rob Riggle

Captain Jack: I need a volunteer to come up and hold my stick.
Dwight: Me me me!
Captain Jack: Ah. Usually it's a woman.
Dwight: I'm stronger.

Not really a quote, but the episode where Dwight convince Holly that Kevin is ******ed is greatness:

FancyKetchup14 said:

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And this whole exchange from Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration's "bachelor party" in the warehouse.

Michael: "BEEF! It's what's for dinner. Who wants some man meat?!?"

Dwight: "I do Michael. I want some man meat!"

Jim: "uh Michael, Dwight would like some of your man meat."

---

"Is that the same grill you grilled your foot on?"

"No......Yes. But i got all the foot off of it!!"

Apologize if already mentioned, but I wheeze laugh at these ones every damn time.

Quote:

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You might be surprised to learn that I've only been to one other wedding. It's actually a very cute story. My Mom was marrying Jeff. And they asked me to be ring bearer. I was understandably emotional and somehow my pants became wet. Long story short: Jeff's dog ended up as ring bearer. And the irony is that after the ceremony that dog peed on everything and nobody said 'boo'.

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Quote:

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I once went 28 years without having sex. And then again for seven years.

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"oh, that's a button!"

we say that one all the time, doesn't even fit into many scenarios but it's just so damn funny

Pahdz said:

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"oh, that's a button!"

we say that one all the time, doesn't even fit into many scenarios but it's just so damn funny

---

There were these huge bins of clothes, and everybody was rifling through them like crazy, and I grabbed one... And it fit... So I don't think that this is totally just a women's suit. At the very least it's bisexual.

I dont quote the Office as much as other shows but I
do use this one quite a bit

Beer me that CD

Dwight: Forget everything you thought you knew about ab workouts.
Jim: Done.

LHIOB said:

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I dont quote the Office as much as other shows but I
do use this one quite a bit

Beer me that CD

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It gets a laugh like a quarter of the time...

Ag_07 said:

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He don't give a F about nothin!!!!!! - Creed

---

Reminded me of the Ryan scene right before that, where he is talking with Kelly about babies and then gets inspired by Michael to go hit on Erin. And then comes right back to Kelly.

Quote:

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Ryan: I'm not scream-- I'm not screaming.
Kelly: That's Meredith's cake. It's her birthday.
Michael: I don't care. I have an appetite for life! [eats cake] Mmm. Mmm! Oh, god. That's Lemon.
Ryan: Good for you, man. Good for you.

Ryan: He takes what he wants.

Ryan: You know what? I think you're attractive, and I wanna sleep with you.
Erin: What about Kelly?
Ryan: You read my mind.
Erin: [quietly] Is this a joke?
Ryan: Yep.

Ryan: It's hard to live that way man. You gotta really not care what people think about you. I-I don't know how you do it, Michael, I-I-I can't be that cold.
Michael: You'll learn, baby. You'll learn.

---

Watched the Happy Hour episode last night which includes Stanley doing 25 pushups on a bet from Michael so he can go home early, Dwight hooking up with Isabel again, and Date Mike showing up.

Dwight: Angela versus Isabel. Height, advantage Isabel. Birthing hips, advantage Isabel. Remaining child-bearing years, advantage Isabel. Legal obligation, advantage Angela.

Michael: So, what do you do?
Julie: I am an ESL teacher.
Michael: Really?
Julie: Yeah.
Michael: See, I didn't think you could teach that. I thought that was something you were born with. What am I thinking right now?
Julie: Are you thinking that I said 'ESP?'

Hi I'm Date Mike, nice to meet me

My favorite from Michael:

I lost Ed Truck... and it feels like somebody took my heart and dropped it into a bucket of boiling tears... and at the same time, somebody else is hitting my soul in the crotch with a frozen sledgehammer... and then a third guy walks in and starts punching me in the grief bone... and I'm crying, and nobody can hear me, because I'm terribly, terribly... terribly alone.