swimmerbabe11 said:
Knowing that if I were single again and I could end up on a date with someone with your mindset, is actually pretty dreadful.
First of all, yes. Dreadful is the perfect word to describe it. It isn't frightening because no, it's not going to HURT me if some dude calculates my value based on my age and my status as a divorced mother as opposed to who I actually AM. But obviously I wouldn't like it. No more than most men would enjoy going on a date with someone and being dismissed because they didn't make enough money.
Anyway, I'm mystified why this has to be so difficult. It seems like most emotionally intelligent, well adjusted, healthy adults want the same thing. So just be honest about it. Actually effing talk to people and get to know them a little and if it's a good fit, wonderful. If not, it is possible to part ways in a kind and decent manner. Just because someone isn't for me doesn't mean they're flawed or don't have value. And vice versa.
And for what it's worth, I'm not actually competing with 25 year olds. The type of man I would be interested in may or may not be interested in a 25 year old, all other things being equal. But he wouldn't be comparing
me to a 25 year old in the first place because he wouldn't be comparing me to
anyone. I'm not down to be with someone who is constantly assessing my value or attractiveness relative to other women. I'm just not. If a man who won't do that doesn't exist, that's perfectly fine because I've settled for less than I deserve from an emotional/commitment standpoint, and I won't do it again. And anyway, I'm objectively hotter and definitely cooler than I was at 25, so I've got that going for me.