For my 5000th post, I'm going to unabashedly steal Troy McClure's (RIP) legendary Rivalries post and give my best effort (yet fail miserably) to fit it for the 'Tine board.
The following is a list of all things 'Tine Board frequenters should know...
Step 1: Know your Vocabulary - Many of these words get thrown around here daily, and being well-versed in them is recommended:
Step 2: Know your local celebrities – These names should be familiar to you, as they are referenced with relative regularity on here (sports celebs excluded due to the assumption that you know your Astros/Rockets/Luv Ya Blue legends):
Step 3: Know your areas of town - Despite the complete lack of zoning laws, different areas of the ‘Tine come with their own stereotypes and personality. If you’re looking to move to town – be prepared to begin investigating these areas:
River Oaks, Memorial, Katy, Sugar Land,
Richmond, Katy, Cypress, Spring, Woodlands,
Kingwood/Atascasita, Pasadena, Clear Lake,
Rosenberg, The Heights, Downtown, Midtown, Montrose, Uptown.
Step 4: Know the “Best of” Anything in town – So you live in the ‘Tine, but you want the best it has to offer? You better believe its been discussed on here. To cut down on redundancy, here are a few threads that get started roughly once a month:
Step 5: Reppin’ the ’Tine Board – You want to sport the official gear of the Texags ‘Tine Board? There’s only one place to shop: zazzle.com. There you can find the work of crewez (http://www.zazzle.com/crewez) and pvsherwood(http://www.zazzle.com/sherwoodian).
I’m going to avoid listing the notable H-Tine board posters, as I started one but the list quickly became longer and more distinguished than my Johnson. In lieu, I give you the best images to come from this board:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYd8VWJEvnw
PS – If you need to look for an energy provider, just go to www.powertochoose.org. Trust me, that’s the best advice anyone will give you unless you want someone to tell you to join Gexa for the airline miles.
[This message has been edited by TheCzar (edited 3/18/2010 7:55a).]
The following is a list of all things 'Tine Board frequenters should know...
Step 1: Know your Vocabulary - Many of these words get thrown around here daily, and being well-versed in them is recommended:
- H-Tine (or just 'Tine) - The most recent colloquial method of stating "Houston". Made popular by local rappers and their fans; the greatest purveyor of this is Slim Thug (reference: "3 Kings", 1st verse).
- Gnome Talmbout - say it out loud and fast. Now do it again. If you haven't figured out yet, then you're like one of those people that can't see those Magic Eye things and I don't know what to tell you. See Also: Gnome Sane.
- Thoed - A southern term used to acknowledge something that is good about a style or person. Also: Good, or crunk. This term is a shortened version of "Throwed", which is also still acceptable.
- Trill - An adjective used to describe someone/something that is considered to be well respected. Originating from a combination of "too" and "real".
- PSB - Professional Spring Breaker. See: Van Blasingame.
- Lean – A hometown drug made famous by the inimitable DJ Screw. Its main ingredient is prescription-strength cough syrup containing codeine and promethazine. Cough syrup is typically mixed with ingredients such as Sprite soft drink and pieces of Jolly Rancher candy. Also referred to as Drank, Syrup, Sizzurp, or Purple Drank.
Step 2: Know your local celebrities – These names should be familiar to you, as they are referenced with relative regularity on here (sports celebs excluded due to the assumption that you know your Astros/Rockets/Luv Ya Blue legends):
- Joe Horn – resident Castle Doctrine-wielding badass. Voted “Best Neighbor” unanimously by the ‘Tine Board.
- Quanell X – Former Black Panther member and resident Anti-Semite and Race-Baiter. He loves the attention of the camera more than David Puddy loves winning Credit Card Roulette.
- TorsoGirl – I won’t get into the details of this for fear of thread removal. Just know that she was the sole topic of arguably one of the greatest threads in Texags ‘Tine Board history.
- Kristin2Go – Somehow missed the Chronicle’s 33% staff cut. She is many things to many people – Vlogger, M*LF, Sip, Horse.
- Marvin Zindler – Throwed, or Snitch? Opinions may vary, but I imagine he had his slime in more ice machines than any member of this board.
- Local News – Jennifer Reyna, Dominique Sachse, Wendy Corona, Lauren Freeman, Lucy Nolan, Wayne “Dong” Dolcefino, Radar the Weather Dog, The Wheel of MFin’ Justice.
- Dr. Brown – The Brown Hand Center continually puts out local commercials rivaled in their awesomeness only by Thunderbolt Transmission. The dude isn’t allowed to perform his procedure or be employed at his practice; is an apparent alcoholic/druggie and wife-beater. But damn that’s a happy looking family.
- Tom Penders – The Coog High basketball coach has never met a conspiracy or referee he didn’t love. His unbeatable permfro and interviews make him a celebrity in his own right.
- Ashley Benton – Teen. Murderer. Thief of Hearts? One of the houstontexan contingent has proclaimed his love for her, with her beauty being rivaled only by the C&D Scrap Metal Girl.
- Local Rappers – it never hurts to become well-versed in the local culture & music scene. TheCzar recommends a steady diet of UGK, Paul Wall, Chamillionaire, K-Rino, Geto Boys, Z-Ro, & Slim Thug.
- Illegal Aliens or Katrina Refugees – These two groups have committed every crime in Houston since 2005.
- Dunvale WalMart – The place is a celebrity in and of itself. Just ask jetch or RaginKajun.
- Lesbians - Two of them make queso daily and place illegal handicapped parking signs across town. Another one was elected mayor. There is more than one Roller Derby league in town. These lintlickers are making a name for themselves around town, and if you think about the law of averages, this can't be a bad thing.
Step 3: Know your areas of town - Despite the complete lack of zoning laws, different areas of the ‘Tine come with their own stereotypes and personality. If you’re looking to move to town – be prepared to begin investigating these areas:
River Oaks, Memorial, Katy, Sugar Land,
Richmond, Katy, Cypress, Spring, Woodlands,
Kingwood/Atascasita, Pasadena, Clear Lake,
Rosenberg, The Heights, Downtown, Midtown, Montrose, Uptown.
Step 4: Know the “Best of” Anything in town – So you live in the ‘Tine, but you want the best it has to offer? You better believe its been discussed on here. To cut down on redundancy, here are a few threads that get started roughly once a month:
- Steakhouses: http://www.texags.com/main/forum.reply.asp?forum_id=38&topic_id=1184850
- Golf: http://www.texags.com/main/forum.reply.asp?topic_id=603876&forum_id=38
- Burgers: http://www.texags.com/main/forum.reply.asp?forum_id=38&topic_id=1210774
- Tex-Mex: http://www.texags.com/main/forum.reply.asp?forum_id=38&topic_id=1144825
- ”Authentic Mexican”: http://www.texags.com/main/forum.reply.asp?forum_id=38&topic_id=910851
- BBQ: http://www.texags.com/main/forum.reply.asp?forum_id=38&topic_id=983724
- Jewelers: http://www.texags.com/main/forum.reply.asp?forum_id=38&topic_id=607136
- Sushi: http://www.texags.com/main/forum.reply.asp?forum_id=38&topic_id=1299041
- Teeteries: Only two matter, and Westicles was kind enough to give his rundown of them:
quote:
--Head to The Mens Club if you're looking to look at the best looking teet dancers in town. Upside: They aren't going to constantly harass you for a lap dance or the VIP room. As noted, they are, IMO the best quality. Downside: They actually follow the rules and wear pasties and those slightly more skimpy than boy short things (no thongs)
--Go to Treasures if you're looking to get your load off in a dark corner or upstairs. Plan on spending considerably more money because of this. More or less a brothel (if you're into that sorta thing). You'll be harassed constantly to do said activities by good looking dancers. No pasties or boy shorts here. They don't give a ****.
Step 5: Reppin’ the ’Tine Board – You want to sport the official gear of the Texags ‘Tine Board? There’s only one place to shop: zazzle.com. There you can find the work of crewez (http://www.zazzle.com/crewez) and pvsherwood(http://www.zazzle.com/sherwoodian).
I’m going to avoid listing the notable H-Tine board posters, as I started one but the list quickly became longer and more distinguished than my Johnson. In lieu, I give you the best images to come from this board:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYd8VWJEvnw
PS – If you need to look for an energy provider, just go to www.powertochoose.org. Trust me, that’s the best advice anyone will give you unless you want someone to tell you to join Gexa for the airline miles.
[This message has been edited by TheCzar (edited 3/18/2010 7:55a).]
