Interior, Winterfell Great Hall
Aegon Targaryen: "... and a toast to the slayer of the Night King, Podrick Payne!"
Assembled Survivors: "Dilly dilly!"
Podrick Payne eyes Sansa Stark and Danerys Targaryen with a knowing look as they discuss his reward.
Dany: "And now we must discuss the controversial news from the law firm of Fat and Crazy that your warden of the north might actually be my nephew, and thus possibly the heir to the Iron Throne. But how can we prove this? After the tragic accident in which Drogon mistook Bran and Sam for the Night King and Viserion, how can we ever know the real truth?"
Maester Wolkan: "My Queen! A surprise visitor has entered Winterfell."
All eyes turn to see Howland Reed (played by NoHo Hank from "Barry" enter the Great Hall.
HR: "What's up party people! I see ya'll are looking a little glum, so let's kick this off with a joke. What does Victarion Greyjoy call 50 Crannogmen holed up in Moat Cailin? A pain in the Neck!!! But I kid, I heard you guys are wanting me to clarify a really big issue, so here's the Howlmandingo at your service."
AT: "Howland, we met once when I was a lad, but my father always spoke so highly of you. Tell us what transpired at the Tower of Joy?"
HR: "Book version or TV version?"
AT: "TV please, we only have 3-1/2 episodes left."
HR: "I heard that. So, it's me, Neddy Ruxpin, and a few other cats going toe to toe with Arthur Dayne and some other guy - didn't catch his name. So I go full on "Ogre from Revenge of the Nerds fighting that crazy guy in Bloodsport" and within 5 seconds I've got a second air hole in my neck. I"m like OK take a deep breath, let the other guys suss it out, play your cards and come out on top. Pretty soon it's just Young Boromir against the Sword of the Morning and I'm like hey, no time like the present and stab that mofo in the back of the neck - straight up honor killing."
AT: "Er yes, Bran told us that part."
HR: "Bran? Yo, what's up Professor X! How you gonna diss my daughter like that after she dragged your pasty ass halfway across the continent? All she wanted was a little Stark in her, if you know what I'm saying."
Bran: "I can no longer father children for I am the three-eyed raven now."
HR: "Damn, son, what kind of weed you smoking? Cuz I got some stuff fresh out the bog could change your life!"
AT: "If you could return to the Tower of Joy, we're short on time?"
HR: "Yeah, so I always had a thing for Lyanna way back in middle school so I figure, hey I just killed Arthur Dayne, time to put my thing down on this shorty. I bust up in there and boom, girl's straight knocked up by some white blonde-haired poser who is already skipped town."
DT: "This proves nothing. There are more people than Targaryens with that color hair. It could have been Justin TImberlake from his n'Sync days for all we know."
HR: "She's got me there. Hey has anyone seen JoJen around?"
Bran: "He perished North of the Wall. A really fast moving skeleton stabbed him to death, then we were saved 15 seconds later by Leaf."
HR: "Gonna ask you again Bran, what you smoking?"