Reminiscing back to the ladies tournament...

5 years and 1 day ago...

Remember when we were hopeful?

"Chewie, we're home."

Best two seconds of any trailer. Ever. Still remember how hyped we all were right in this thread.

Brian Earl Spilner said:

---

"Chewie, we're home."

Best two seconds of any trailer. Ever. Still remember how hyped we all were right in this thread.

---

Man, I still get hyped watching that. Definitely the best trailer ending I can think of!

So kids, it's time for the Star Wars Worst Quote Tournament.

Let's be clear, there are no winners here. This is a bunch of verbal vomit. You can vote for the line you hate the most, the one you like the most, or the one that sucks the most ass. It's up to you. The seeding? I tried some, but then I just gave up and slopped them all on your Internet plate like the lunch lady with the mystery meat. 24 hours or so per round. And I've provided a handy key below on who said what in which movie along with my reason for making it one of the not-so-elite 64.

VOTE HERE!

Jar Jar Stinks Region

1)"Oh maxi big the force! Well that smells stinkerwhiff!"- Jar Jar Binks/TPM
If you were a SW Internet nerd back in 1998, you might have heard this line along with one by Qui-Gon on some pirated audio before the movie came out. And I remember thinking, it had to be fake, there's no way in hell they made a character's voice sound this way. I was wrong.

2) "Meesa hate crunchen! That's the last thing meesa want!" - Jar Jar Binks/TPM
Translated into proper English, this is "I have a certain distaste for rough housing; it's the last thing I could want." Why couldn't they make Jar Jar have a British butler accent?

3) "My forgotten, da Bosses will do terrible tings to me TERRRRRIBLE is me going back der!" - Jar Jar Binks/TPM
Even if you are a total idiot, did you really forget the reason you got banished from your home?
.
4) "Yousa people gonna die?" - Jar Jar Binks/TPM
I've always thought Jar Jar was just being an a-hole here. Like yea dummy, too bad all your land dwellers are gonna get executed.

5) "Senators, dellow felegates" - Jar Jar Binks, AOTC
George Lucas cuts his screen time by 97%, but he still has to sound stupid.

6) "Ooh mooey mooey I love you!" - Jar Jar Binks/TPM
Qui-Gon immediately regrets saving his life.

7) "How wude!" - Jar Jar Binks/TPM
I'd like to think there was some guy who said "George, this sounds really stupid." and Lucas fired him on the spot, but at least he tried.

8) "Mesa cause one, two-y little bitty axadentes, huh? Yud say boom de gasser, den crashin der bosses heyblibber, den banished." - Jar Jar Binks/TPM
Someone lost a bet and had to put this line in there. Nothing else makes sense.

9) "Good relations with the Wookies, I have." - Yoda/ROTS
My buddy and I like to follow it up with Yoda saying, "Knew some Wookies in high school I did; chill bunch they are."

10) "Not if anything to say about it I have! " - Yoda/ROTS
Yoda talking smack after everyone he knows except Obi-Wan has been killed. And it's not even good smack.

11) "Ouch time!" Captain Tarpals/TPM
No ****, Sherlock.

12) "No-ah 'gain, Jar Jar. You-sa goin' to da Bosses. You-sa in big doo-doo dis time!" - Captain Tarpals/TPM
For those few seconds on the swim to Otoh Gunga you held out hope that Jar Jar just had a speech impediment and the rest of the Gungans were bad-asses. But nope!

13)" Hello there the Big Boss Nass, your honor." - Jar Jar Binks/TPM
Boss Nass could have killed him right here and saved me 1 hour and 45 minutes worth of anguish

14) "Exsqueeze me..." - Jar Jar Binks/TPM
I can't even.

15) "The beings hereabouts are kwazy! We shall be robbed and crunched!" - Jar Jar Binks/TPM
Don't give me false hope, Jar Jar.

16)" Yousa had your life played with this-a hue-sun?" Boss Nass/TPM
His slobbering epilectic fit was only the second most annoying part of Boss Nass.

Mannequin Skywalker Region
1)" I don't like sand." - Anakin Skywalker/AOTC
To be fair, standing next to Natalie Portman in that outfit, my response probably would have been "UHHHH YESSS I AS WELL ENJOY BIRDS SINGING."

2) "Love can't save you Padme! Only my new powers can to that!" - Anakin Skywalker/ROTS
New powers including ability to change eyes to red/yellow color.

3) "Sandstorms are very ........... very dangerous." - Anakin Skywalker/TPM
This was a very...very bad take that I can't believe made the movie.

4) "My heart is beating, hoping that kiss will not become a scar." - Anakin Skywalker/AOTC
it's been 18 years and I still have no idea what this means.

5) "Believe me, I wish I would wish away my feelings." Anakin Skywalker/AOTC
I wish that I could wish that I wish they had cut this part.

6) "If Obi-Wan caught me doing that, he would be very grumpy." - Anakin Skywalker/AOTC
Cut to Obi-Wan getting his ass kicked by Jango Fett while Anakin has brunch at the resort.

7)" I've been wondering, what are midichlorians?" - Anakin Skywalker/TPM
No you weren't, you were wondering why you can't read a cue card.

8) "You are in my very soul, tormenting me." Anakin Skywalker/AOTC
She sounds like a keeper, Ani!

9) "Don't make me kill you!" - Anakin Skywalker/ROTS
ROTJ had "If you will not be turned, you will meet your destiny!" ROTS has this.

10) "If what you've told me is true, you will have gained my trust." - Mace Windu/ROTS
Uh, Master Windu? I blew up the droid control ship at age 9, helped expose the Seperatists on Geonosis, fought in 5,000 Clone War battles, killed Count Dooku, didn't kill anyone when I landed a ship the size of Rhode Island on Coruscant, but this is going to be how I "gain your trust?"

11) "If you're not with me, you're my enemy!" - Anakin Skywalker/ROTS
Thanks George W. Skywalker

12) "Yippeee!" - Anakin Skywalker/TPM
Only good when they play it over Vader's lines in the OT.

13) "I am more powerful than the Chancellor; I can overthrow him!" - Anakin Skywalker/ROTS
The Chancellor just completed a decades' long plan that involved murdering 99% of the Jedi and taking control of a army of millions of troops; you cut off Mace Windu's arm. Who's more powerful again?

14) "And together you and I can rule the galaxy, make things the way we want them to be!" - Anakin Skywalker/ROTS
I really hope this was the first take and they just gave up. I really feel bad for Hayden having to say so much BS.

15) "Yourself you speak of, or someone you know?" - Yoda/ROTS
Suddenly Yoda is Sally Jesse Raphael

16) "From my point of view, the Jedi are evil!" - Anakin Skywalker/ROTS
Uh, didn't you just murder a bunch of children yesterday?


Padme Ohsodulla Region
1) "Ani, you'll always be that little boy I knew on Tatooine." - Padme Amidala/AOTC
Two days later she's dressed like a $20 Jakku ho sucking the guy's face.

2) "Perhaps with merely your presence, the mysteries surrounding this threat will be revealed." - Padme Amidala/AOTC
This might be the worst line of dialogue ever written. I remember my brother saying "WHat da fuq was that?" in the theater on opening day and us both laughing.

3)"I will not condone a course of action that will lead us to war." - Padme Amidala/TPM
Cut to the 2 days later, Padme firing a laser gun and rallying a foreign race to declare war on the Trade Federation.

4)" It is clear to me now that the Republic no longer functions." - Padme Amidala/TPM
Uh, you've been on the planet for 24 hours. And you come from a planet where they elected a 14 year old to be queen. Shoulda had a cut to Palpy looking at the camera with a wink and a smile saying "works good for me!"

5)"The day we stop believing democracy can work is the day we lose it." Queen Jamilla/AOTC
Get out of my face, preachy.

6) "Will you defer your motion to allow a commission to explore the validity of your accusations?" - Chancellor Valorum/TPM
At this moment I was praying Superman would appear and heat vision Zod into atoms.

7) "I know ... somehow, I've always known." - Princess Leia, ROTJ
Uh, if you've "always" known why are you kissing the guy, more than once I might add.

8) "You're a good person. Don't do this!" - Padme Amidala/ROTS
Is he? You know he killed Jedi children and the Tusken children. Granted they're like animals, and he slaughtered them like animals, but you get the point.

9)" I don't know you anymore!" - Padme Amidala/ROTS
Padme trying to work that alibi.

10) "Obi-wan...there...is good in him. I know there is...still" - Padme Amidala/ROTS
Obi-Wan, I have been an incredibly strong leader at a tender age for 2 movies; I liberated Naboo, I fought in a battle on Geonosis where everybody else was either a robot or had a lightsaber or a jetpack, I fell out of a troop transport about 70 feet and didn't even have a bruise, I've helping start a rebel alliance and I just had 2 kids, but oops, I'm dead.

11)" I'm not going to die in childbirth Anakin I promise you." - Padme Amidala/ROTS
Biggest giveaway since Biggs told Luke they'd hear all about it when they got back.

12) "But I was going to Tosche Station to pick up some power converters!" - Luke Skywalker/ANH
In case my old friend Mark Smith is reading this('94), I've never heard a better impersonation of this line than yours. Classic Luke whine.

13)" A communications disruption can mean only one thing. Invasion!" - Sio Bibble/TPM
Sio Bibble has some great pipes, but i mean, what if the batteries died? What if the server was down? What if someone needed to update the software? He was right of course, but still.

14) "We will tell her for you. We are sure her heart goes with you." - Padme Amidala/TPM
You're never going to see the kid again, TELL HIM YOU'RE PADME. Who's he gonna tell, Yarael Poof?

15) "Coruscant! The entire planet is one big city!" - Ric Olie/TPM
Ric Olie is the original captain obvious. We used to think of other lines for him to say, such as "Wow! Qui-Gon has a huge lightsaber burn on his chest!" "Oops! Anakin, your mom is dead!"

16) "I want to put my fist through this beautiful city." - Rose Tico/TLJ
Rose, you can't waste time making political comments, you have to get back to your heist that DOES NOTHING FOR THE PLOT.



The Rest of the Garbage Region
1)" Dad, I think we're being tracked!" - Boba Fett/AOTC
Really, maybe because the radar screen is beeping and showing a ship RIGHT BEHIND YOURS?

2) "Look I can't hold forever. If you reach him, tell him Leia has an urgent message for him about his mother." - Poe Dameron/TLJ
We laughed at the first part, then the second part a little less, then the third part even less, then not at all. Yeah, there were some awkward moments there.

3) "Around the survivors, a perimeter create!" Yoda/AOTC
For God's sake Yoda, is it going to kill you to say "Make a perimeter?" Do you need to say anything? These guys are trained from birth soldiers, I'm pretty sure they know how to make a circle.

4) "We're going to win this war not by fighting what we hate, but by saving what we love." Rose Tico
I really wanted Finn to sacrifice himself for character development. Then neither one of them died. Awful.

5) "This is such a drag" - C3PO/AOTC
Anthony Daniels is the greatest ambassador of Star Wars and you're giving him a line that would have embarrassed Ahmed Best.

6) "It's over, Anakin! I have the high ground!" - Obi-Wan Kenobi/ROTS
Look, it's been 15 years, and granted Anakin does do the same move earlier in the fight on the floating on the lava railroad car. But if you took Muck back to 1983 and told him the legendary Anakin/Obiwan duel was going to be decided because Obi-wan was standing on a slight incline, I would have refused to grow up.

7) "And don't forget, she's a politician, and they're not to be trusted." - Obi-Wan Kenobi/AOTC
Get your politics out of my favorite character's mouth, Georgie.

8) "Well if droids could think, there'd be none of us here, would there?" - Obi-Wan Kenobi/AOTC
Doesn't every droid in every movie think? Does R2 save Padme from random Geonosian assembly line with a subroutine?

9)" Viceroy, I don't want this stunted slime in my sight again!" Darth Sidious/TPM
If you Google "stunted slime" there are zero references other than to this line. Because it makes no freaking sense.

10) "Why do I feel we've picked up another pathetic lifeform?" - Obi-Wan Kenobi/TPM
Obi-Wan on the rag?

11) "Patience, my blue friend." - Qui-Gon Jinn/TPM
Is Qui-Gon a racist all of a sudden? Or a colorist at least?

12) "Jabba, you're a wonderful human being." - Han Solo, ANH
Just don't use that part, George!

13) "I don't sense anything" - Qui-Gon Jinn/TPM
Now look, Qui-Gon is great, but consider the situation. He says he doesn't sense anything at the exact moment that a Sith is appearing via hologram like 250 feet from where he is! And from that moment on people/robots are trying to kill him, he's getting attacked by monsters, saving the Queen, getting his hand slapped by the Jedi Council, back to Naboo, another fight, then killed. He didn't sense anything and then got like 45 minutes of sleep for the next 2 days, at the end of which he got gutted like a fish. And he didn't sense anything???

14) "A little something I picked up from my pal Needles, best street racer in all of Corellia...till he crashed...and died...doing this!" - Han Solo/Solo
Why is there a Back to the Future 2 reference in Solo?

15) "I'm telling ya, you will never have a deeper sleep than curled up in a Wookie's lap." Rio Durant/Solo
I'm not saying anything mean because Rio is voiced by Jon Favreau, who gave my daughter the joy of Baby Yoda.

16) "I'm sure you've noticed that Lando has feelings for me." L337/Solo
At its best, Solo was a fun heist movie, like a good episode of Firefly. At its worst, it was weird crap like this.

Quote:

---

But I was going to Tosche Station to pick up some power converters!

---

This is not a bad line...it's a great one. It perfectly captures Luke's attitude before finding Leia's message. Chores? That's not fair I! I want to go hang with my friends....gahhh!

You left out "hold me like that day on Naboo" or whatever it was. Geez the prequels were so bad. So so bad. Such a waste.

George Lucas is the best and worst thing to happen to Star Wars.

Quote:

---

15) "Coruscant! The entire planet is one big city!" - Ric Olie/TPM

Ric Olie is the original captain obvious. We used to think of other lines for him to say, such as "Wow! Qui-Gon has a huge lightsaber burn on his chest!" "Oops! Anakin, your mom is dead!"

---

I laughed at this for a while.

How are we to possibly vote in the worst quote brackets? I'm completely overcome with analysis paralysis after reading through that. It's all complete dogsh^t.

MuckRaker96 said:

---

5 years and 1 day ago...

---

Still get goosebumps thinking about being there.

The trailer and the moment BB-8 rolled out on stage were epic

My best friend who I've gone to see every SW movie with since the special editions was working as a principal of an elementary school in 2015. I couldn't get him on text to let him know the trailer was out, so I called the main office of his school and told him I was the regional superintendent of HISD and I needed (name here) on the phone right now.

He was only upset about it until he saw Han and Chewie.

I love the worst quote bracket already because the seeds mean nothing and there is so much crap in there. To date:

#1 "Oh maxi big the Force! Well that smells stinkerwhiff!"

and

#2 "Love can't save you Padme! Only my new powers can to that!"

are running wild with 100% of the vote.


I had an idea for a future tourney that will literally take like a month and require suggestions, will elaborate later. Should take us well into the summer part of Quarantine 2020.

Quote:

---

Apparently someone has decided to try and ruin every poll I do with massive entries from one IP address and I didn't feel like dealing with it last night so I apologize for the delay.

---

I will probably never understand how people decide what is important. Like, most people don't care enough to vote for president, but someone out there is cheating because they feel really strongly about the unofficial texags google docs star wars worst quotes poll.