How do youbhabe 4 young children and THEN decide you don't want to be with your spouse? When I think young I think under 5. I cant imagine being with someone long enough to put down roots so large that you have a family 2x the average size and then just saying screw it. If there was cheating involved I can inguess understand, but if he did the cheating then huge red flag.
Why is dating after 35 such a beating?
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Last: 5 mo ago by aeon-ag
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Me reading this thread.
Yea i wouldnt want you to and i wasn't insinuating that he cheated or anything I was just saying that splitting after 4 YOUNG kids seems insane. I mean, they had to just have had the last one pretty recently and it sure seems like you could see the inevitable coming before knocking out kid 4. Unless they are stupid and had another kid to save a marriage.
Either way, they are both gonna have issues finding the next one for very similar reasons.
Eta: Also, I do think it is a little naive to buy the guys story on a first date, especially since he wasn't up front about having nearly a full basketball team worth of kids.
Either way, they are both gonna have issues finding the next one for very similar reasons.
Eta: Also, I do think it is a little naive to buy the guys story on a first date, especially since he wasn't up front about having nearly a full basketball team worth of kids.
This is one small reason I like Hinge more than Bumble. There is an option to reveal you have kids already.
Four kids. His profile description should be MUST LOVE KIDS.
Four kids. His profile description should be MUST LOVE KIDS.
I don't get the kids =/= no date thing, but oh I want kids later.
I've never viewed kids as a dealbreaker. If anything it shows a level of responsibility absent from many. Especially after 35, if you don't have kids my question would be why not?
If someone is over 35 and "wanting kids someday" but aren't capable of loving anyone's kids but their own I have some bad news: they would be considered a geriatric pregnancy and the health risks go up for the baby and the woman. Not too mention a woman isn't going to "bounce back" so well physically at that age.
Those don't sound like things I'd want to go through with someone. I ain't about to hit the reset button.
I've never viewed kids as a dealbreaker. If anything it shows a level of responsibility absent from many. Especially after 35, if you don't have kids my question would be why not?
If someone is over 35 and "wanting kids someday" but aren't capable of loving anyone's kids but their own I have some bad news: they would be considered a geriatric pregnancy and the health risks go up for the baby and the woman. Not too mention a woman isn't going to "bounce back" so well physically at that age.
Those don't sound like things I'd want to go through with someone. I ain't about to hit the reset button.
Not directed at you. Just a general statement.
I've only gone on one date where the woman said, "it concerns me that you have kids," and I was like, "well they're not going anywhere."
Not exactly sure what people expect dating late in life, but to each their own.
ETA: and I agree four is a lot.
I've only gone on one date where the woman said, "it concerns me that you have kids," and I was like, "well they're not going anywhere."
Not exactly sure what people expect dating late in life, but to each their own.
ETA: and I agree four is a lot.
I would/have dated men with kids. The only people I don't swipe right on is if they want kids, because I can't give them that since I had a hysterectomy in 2020.
This thread makes me hella sad for my friend who was widowed this year. She's not yet nearly at a place to date, but she has two babies.
AggieArchitect04 said:
Not directed at you. Just a general statement.
I've only gone on one date where the woman said, "it concerns me that you have kids," and I was like, "well they're not going anywhere."
Not exactly sure what people expect dating late in life, but to each their own.
ETA: and I agree four is a lot.
Some people have kids and some people don't have kids. Some of us prefer to date the ones that don't have kids. Hth.
Ag_N_Houston said:Sea Speed said:
Eta: Also, I do think it is a little naive to buy the guys story on a first date, especially since he wasn't up front about having nearly a full basketball team worth of kids.
I think once he realized it would be the ONLY date, he just wanted to talk to someone about it.
Just curious and not judging- did he realize it would be the only date after u learned he had 4 kids and informed him it was a deal breaker or was there another red flag?
The lady I've been dating for about the last month is 44 with two HS aged kids. Fingers crossed that things keep going well
Ag_N_Houston said:
He asked me if 4 kids was a red flag and I told him it was. There was another flag, but it was more yellow than red.
Gotcha. Well if he wasn't up front in the app at least he was up front on the date I guess?
swimmerbabe11 said:
This thread makes me hella sad for my friend who was widowed this year. She's not yet nearly at a place to date, but she has two babies.
I think widows and widowers are kind of exempt from the rules here as previously discussed.
THE_CHOSEN_ONE said:AggieArchitect04 said:
Not directed at you. Just a general statement.
I've only gone on one date where the woman said, "it concerns me that you have kids," and I was like, "well they're not going anywhere."
Not exactly sure what people expect dating late in life, but to each their own.
ETA: and I agree four is a lot.
Some people have kids and some people don't have kids. Some of us prefer to date the ones that don't have kids. Hth.
And that's fine. But when you complain about dating or finding someone after 35, remember that you've already written off a large subset of the dating pool.
Who knows, maybe that special single 35+ someone is normal, not married, has no past trauma/drama/baggage, doesn't have kids, has a stable career/income, yet values personal relationships, and has just been waiting for the right person to come along.
Hope that helps.
For a lot of people, I think the hesitation to date someone with kids is much more about the ex than the children.swimmerbabe11 said:
This thread makes me hella sad for my friend who was widowed this year. She's not yet nearly at a place to date, but she has two babies.
Been a while since I was on there, but back in the day Hinge had some good questions that helped you filter. Kids, religion (I think), booze, smoking, weed. Nice to be able to deal with some of the show-stoppers without having to address it in your profile.chiken said:
This is one small reason I like Hinge more than Bumble. There is an option to reveal you have kids already.
Four kids. His profile description should be MUST LOVE KIDS.
Last time I looked at Bumble it seemed like it had gotten a lot more like Hinge so maybe those are in there now.
AggieArchitect04 said:THE_CHOSEN_ONE said:AggieArchitect04 said:
Not directed at you. Just a general statement.
I've only gone on one date where the woman said, "it concerns me that you have kids," and I was like, "well they're not going anywhere."
Not exactly sure what people expect dating late in life, but to each their own.
ETA: and I agree four is a lot.
Some people have kids and some people don't have kids. Some of us prefer to date the ones that don't have kids. Hth.
And that's fine. But when you complain about dating or finding someone after 35, remember that you've already written off a large subset of the dating pool.
Who knows, maybe that special single 35+ someone is normal, not married, has no past trauma/drama/baggage, doesn't have kids, has a stable career/income, yet values personal relationships, and has just been waiting for the right person to come along.
Hope that helps.
I haven't complained, and haven't had any problems. Hth.
AggieArchitect04 said:
Who knows, maybe that special single 35+ someone is normal, not married, has no past trauma/drama/baggage, doesn't have kids, has a stable career/income, yet values personal relationships, and has just been waiting for the right person to come along.
Hope that helps.
I am all of those things because of the past trauma and baggage.
define older kidsAg_N_Houston said:AggieArchitect04 said:
I don't get the kids =/= no date thing, but oh I want kids later.
If someone is over 35 and "wanting kids someday" but aren't capable of loving anyone's kids but their own I have some bad news: they would be considered a geriatric pregnancy and the health risks go up for the baby and the woman. Not too mention a woman isn't going to "bounce back" so well physically at that age.
I'm not sure if this was directed at me, but I've been pretty clear about my view of dating someone with kids. I will/have dated someone with older kids, but not young kids. I don't intend to have any of my own.
Even if I did date guys with young kids, four is a lot.
THE_CHOSEN_ONE said:AggieArchitect04 said:THE_CHOSEN_ONE said:AggieArchitect04 said:
Not directed at you. Just a general statement.
I've only gone on one date where the woman said, "it concerns me that you have kids," and I was like, "well they're not going anywhere."
Not exactly sure what people expect dating late in life, but to each their own.
ETA: and I agree four is a lot.
Some people have kids and some people don't have kids. Some of us prefer to date the ones that don't have kids. Hth.
And that's fine. But when you complain about dating or finding someone after 35, remember that you've already written off a large subset of the dating pool.
Who knows, maybe that special single 35+ someone is normal, not married, has no past trauma/drama/baggage, doesn't have kids, has a stable career/income, yet values personal relationships, and has just been waiting for the right person to come along.
Hope that helps.
I haven't complained, and haven't had any problems. Hth.
That could mean you are the problem. Hth.
Huh, what problem is there?
The women in this situation is screwed no one will take her on with 4 kids.Sea Speed said:
Yea i wouldnt want you to and i wasn't insinuating that he cheated or anything I was just saying that splitting after 4 YOUNG kids seems insane. I mean, they had to just have had the last one pretty recently and it sure seems like you could see the inevitable coming before knocking out kid 4. Unless they are stupid and had another kid to save a marriage.
Either way, they are both gonna have issues finding the next one for very similar reasons.
Eta: Also, I do think it is a little naive to buy the guys story on a first date, especially since he wasn't up front about having nearly a full basketball team worth of kids.
yep she will be pumped and dumped sucks but thats how it goes.swimmerbabe11 said:
This thread makes me hella sad for my friend who was widowed this year. She's not yet nearly at a place to date, but she has two babies.
Pirate04 said:AggieArchitect04 said:
Who knows, maybe that special single 35+ someone is normal, not married, has no past trauma/drama/baggage, doesn't have kids, has a stable career/income, yet values personal relationships, and has just been waiting for the right person to come along.
Hope that helps.
I am all of those things because of the past trauma and baggage.
So damn perfect.
swimmerbabe11 said:
This thread makes me hella sad for my friend who was widowed this year. She's not yet nearly at a place to date, but she has two babies.
Your friend will have better odds than the woman her age with no kids and/or never married.
I've known several guys that actually like the mom with no baby daddy in the picture, me included. In the most non-creep way, she can have my number when she's ready.
Pirate04 said:AggieArchitect04 said:
Who knows, maybe that special single 35+ someone is normal, not married, has no past trauma/drama/baggage, doesn't have kids, has a stable career/income, yet values personal relationships, and has just been waiting for the right person to come along.
Hope that helps.
I am all of those things because of the past trauma and baggage.
Nobody makes it to 35 without some form of trauma and/or baggage. Nobody. You are exactly as you are meant to be and there is NOTHING wrong with you.
no she wont_lefraud_ said:swimmerbabe11 said:
This thread makes me hella sad for my friend who was widowed this year. She's not yet nearly at a place to date, but she has two babies.
Your friend will have better odds than the woman her age with no kids and/or never married.
I've known several guys that actually like the mom with no baby daddy in the picture, me included. In the most non-creep way, she can have my number when she's ready.
Honestly, things can happen. I'm only halfway joking around when I say that I was already a single parent when I said things were over. The separation started when my youngest was 9 months old. She was a lot easier than the first, which was my ex's reasoning for not really doing much in the way of parenting but it was just a bad environment for either of the two to be around. They got in the way of screwing around on her iphone and macbook and I didn't like seeing the older one get yelled at for being a kid or wanting attention.Sea Speed said:
Yea i wouldnt want you to and i wasn't insinuating that he cheated or anything I was just saying that splitting after 4 YOUNG kids seems insane. I mean, they had to just have had the last one pretty recently and it sure seems like you could see the inevitable coming before knocking out kid 4. Unless they are stupid and had another kid to save a marriage.
Either way, they are both gonna have issues finding the next one for very similar reasons.
Eta: Also, I do think it is a little naive to buy the guys story on a first date, especially since he wasn't up front about having nearly a full basketball team worth of kids.
The signs were there already, even long before the first was born but it can be hard to see them until after the fact.
Definitely, even with divorced people in general. Mine was amicable with no bad blood between anyone and I didn't realize how bitter people can get when theirs don't work out so cleanly. The person I was seeing earlier this year went through all kinds of problems but a couple months in I'm not sure whether the problems were really his or her having issues of her own. I'm definitely more reluctant to date people who aren't too far out of their divorce.bagger05 said:For a lot of people, I think the hesitation to date someone with kids is much more about the ex than the children.swimmerbabe11 said:
This thread makes me hella sad for my friend who was widowed this year. She's not yet nearly at a place to date, but she has two babies.
Kids, I guess if it doesn't end up a clean split I could see it really making someone difficult to be around if it's something that rules their life.
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