chiken said:

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FYI. No one sent me anything. I am an undesired.

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713nervy said:

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Dear Ags4DaWin,

When you present statements of widespread generalizations gathered on a highly subjective topic and promote them as fact and as reality…
When you offer these things with sympathy for women and in attempt to be helpful, I make up that you truly believe these things and that you believe that you are being helpful to women.

What I hear is a man trying to tell me my worth as a woman on behalf of the billions of men on the planet - so that I can be informed that I am not worth very much. I hear that I should have stayed as hot as possible for the sake of clinging to my husband and made do with what I had, because now that I'm getting older and am no longer in my physical prime, few men are going to want me. What I hear is that you are telling me that I should have just been grateful that someone wanted me at all.

I feel terrified of you. I feel hurt for having read your posts. You are peddling messages that are very hurtful to women and to our society. You call them truths, but facts are not subjective.

What I tell myself is that if you really cared about women then you'd listen to what women have to say about their own lives, because they are the experts, not you. You'd hear women when they expressed feelings of pain and fear for the things that you're saying and reconsider whether you were really being helpful.

May you remember that "helpful" is just the sunny side of control when nobody asked for the help, and think hard before offering this kind of wisdom to women again.

Okay bye!

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aglaohfour said:

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Well. I just read this whole thread and it gave me a lot of feelings. None of them were really good feelings except finding out that Alias has a giant hot tub. And thinking about the viagra boners I could potentially enjoy if I adjust the age range on bumble to 50+.

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pinkdog said:

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Yes, telling her that she is pathetic is very helpful at this point. Feeling hurt and terrified are not valid feelings here? Especially (as has been mentioned several times now) that MOST men think this way.

Think of some horrific things in history that came from people simply having less value than others. Think of what happens currently as a result of some people having less value than others. Look at the disabled community. I've seen first hand what happens especially with people that have intellectual disabilities/low IQ. It is absolutely horrible what happens to these people. They are "less than human" in some eyes.

If the majority of men truly feel this way, that's one thing. But we don't have to normalize it or minimize the feelings women have towards it. It's amazing how non chalant people are about dangerous ways of thinking.

It's a very different meaning to just talk about it versus seeing up close and personal what happens to people who are undervalued. Maybe you haven't seen that, but you can respect the feelings of others.

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TexasRebel said:

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Dating isn't any better.

Nobody wants to get off their damn phone to give anything personal a try.

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713nervy said:

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Dear Ags4DaWin,

When you present statements of widespread generalizations gathered on a highly subjective topic and promote them as fact and as reality… We view rhe world in generalizations. We make large decisions based on generalizations. They give us a valid starting point from which to draw conclusions and then when viewing individual and unique cases we can decide whether the generalizations apply. That is how we are built. Yes, I recognize that there are unique cases. But almost everything I have said has actually come from women, articles written BY women, and sociological and psychologucal studies.
When you offer these things with sympathy for women and in attempt to be helpful, I make up that you truly believe these things and that you believe that you are being helpful to women.

What I hear is a man trying to tell me my worth as a woman on behalf of the billions of men on the planet - so that I can be informed that I am not worth very much. I never said YOU are not worth very much. YOU are a human being, a person and unique, wonderful, and beautiful creature. Social staus within a heirarchy and individual self worth are two completely different things.I hear that I should have stayed as hot as possible for the sake of clinging to my husband and made do with what I had, because now that I'm getting older and am no longer in my physical prime, few men are going to want me. What I hear is that you are telling me that I should have just been grateful that someone wanted me at all. I never said that. What I did say os that as we age the relationship dynamic changes and women frequently misstep within that dynamic. There are PLENTY of ****ty husbands out there. That being said, if you were married and your husband had some minor flaws and you knew 1) How difficult it was going to be to find a partner after divorce 2) how easy it would be for your husband to find a new partner would you be more inclined to proactively work together as a couple to resolve those things AND overlook those flaws. I never said a woman should be beholden to her husband because "he can do better at 35 than you". I am saying that the relationship dynamic changes and alot of women who have been fed lies don't adjust to the new dynamic and they make some choices that do not serve themselves well as a result.

I feel terrified of you.Terrified of me? Why? I have not called you or any woman on here names. Nor have I said anything negative about women. I have stated observations I have made regarding the social heirarchy of dating and how misperceptions lead both men and women to be unhappy in their relationships. I feel hurt for having read your posts. Again. Why?You are peddling messages that are very hurtful to women and to our society. How are they harmful? To state the fact that many women falsely believe they will gain more satisfaction by divorcing at 35 or remaining single until 35 than by working out a marriage or seeking out a stable, loving relationship? Again, how is this stating this truth bad? You call them truths, but facts are not subjective. Facts are readily observable phenomenon in nature. The statistic back up everything I have claimed and while those claims are not true 100% of the time. They are true a majority of the time and frequently enough to say they occur with regularity and are general social rules. In sociology that is the best you can usually do.

What I tell myself is that if you really cared about women then you'd listen to what women have to say about their own lives, because they are the experts, not you. A person who is mired within an uhealthy pattern of behavior or who has an inaccurate worldview is often times incapable of diagnosing and treating the issue themselves. That is why doctors are not allowed to do it and discouraged from treating family members. That is why people seek ojt therapists. Emotions and personal bias get in the way. If you think I haven't listened to women, friends, relatives, etc and heard their difficulties and struggles and really heard what they have to say before coming to these conclusions you are sadly mistaken.You'd hear women when they expressed feelings of pain and fear for the things that you're saying and reconsider whether you were really helpful. I feel bad that you fear these comments. Nothing I have said has been threatening or aggressive. YOU must accept the fact that YOU are the one who controls how you react when someone says something you disagree with. I am not responsible for that.

May you remember that "helpful" is just the sunny side of control when nobody asked for the help, and think hard before offering this kind of wisdom to women again.

Okay bye!

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TexasRebel said:

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I once started texting a girl who was sitting across the booth table while we were on a date.

She apparently forgot we were on a date.

Not only did I get to read about how boring and "old" I am, but we made plans to go bowling after she got away from me at dinner.

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