*****Official Funny Political Tweet Thread*****
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Riley Gaines Arrested For Making Trans Activists Assault Her https://t.co/0gDWxVTlbh pic.twitter.com/sNKBrdPD0f
— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) April 15, 2023
20+ years ago when I worked at Lockheed, some dumbass did a reply all to a COMPANY-WIDE email.justcallmeharry said:Historic Intel Leak Traced Back To Biden Hitting 'Reply All' On Email https://t.co/5ofsmLk303 pic.twitter.com/Jwl0vyyVRv
— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) April 10, 2023
That was just a quick facepalm...
And THEN...jocularity occurred - another BIGGER dumbass did a reply all to tell the original dumbass NOT TO USE REPLY ALL...
They ended up shutting down the email system for an hour or so after probably 500 people did a REPLY ALL to tongue in cheek agree with dumbass number 2...
I thought about replying all, but that would have been WRONG...
I've got the same talent but with wood working...ravingfans said:
ravingfans said:
On the one hand, my wife might literally murder me in my sleep if I send her that. On the other hand, I'm kind of a jerk…
Flying Crowbar said:justcallmeharry said:Pete Buttigieg tells Al Sharpton that minorities are more likely to die in car crashes for a variety of reasons including:
— Citizen Free Press (@CitizenFreePres) April 16, 2023
"The way roads are designed and built." pic.twitter.com/9ADW5IFFtiPete Buttigieg says traffic fatalities in the U.S. are on "a level that is comparable to gun violence" because of "a lot of reasons related to discrimination" pic.twitter.com/BebyoNoYgU
— RNC Research (@RNCResearch) April 16, 2023
It's always, "The answer is racism. Now, what's the question?"
Living in downtown baltimore, I saw soooooooo many black people walk out into the road without ever looking either way once. It was their birthright to enter the road and cars should just stop because they walked out. Only a saw a few get hit so maybe Mayor Pete is wrong because racist roads would surely have killed all of them
Showertime at the Bidens
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:)
— Dr Jordan B Peterson (@jordanbpeterson) April 17, 2023
:)
:) pic.twitter.com/0kvOAl2PPf
Prankster takes his dog for a “gender transition”
— 1776 (@TheWakeninq) April 14, 2023
🤣 pic.twitter.com/Rklz9BFbLY
Maybe if they quit answering ads like this....justcallmeharry said:Pete Buttigieg tells Al Sharpton that minorities are more likely to die in car crashes for a variety of reasons including:
— Citizen Free Press (@CitizenFreePres) April 16, 2023
"The way roads are designed and built." pic.twitter.com/9ADW5IFFtiPete Buttigieg says traffic fatalities in the U.S. are on "a level that is comparable to gun violence" because of "a lot of reasons related to discrimination" pic.twitter.com/BebyoNoYgU
— RNC Research (@RNCResearch) April 16, 2023
"ROGER - OUT"
Men Demand Reparations From Women Due To Eve Eating The Apple https://t.co/qvpsQew48A
— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) April 17, 2023
If you think I am a liberal, you are incorrect. Assume sarcasm on my part. Sorry if something I post has already been posted.
Democrats Erupt In Protests After Planned Parenthood Begins Offering Puppy Abortions https://t.co/OUEHjVJ2AI
— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) April 17, 2023
If you think I am a liberal, you are incorrect. Assume sarcasm on my part. Sorry if something I post has already been posted.
170,000 felony crimes were reported in New York City last year — the most since 2006.
— Rep. Jim Jordan (@Jim_Jordan) April 17, 2023
Major crimes are up 23%.
But Democrats say NYC is “America’s safest big city.”
Give me a break.
If you think I am a liberal, you are incorrect. Assume sarcasm on my part. Sorry if something I post has already been posted.
It's not the roads that are racist, it's the stoplights.Quote:
Living in downtown baltimore, I saw soooooooo many black people walk out into the road without ever looking either way once. It was their birthright to enter the road and cars should just stop because they walked out. Only a saw a few get hit so maybe Mayor Pete is wrong because racist roads would surely have killed all of them
— Anthony (@Antman0528) April 17, 2023
God bless this man!!
— Kevin W. (@Brink_Thinker) April 15, 2023
pic.twitter.com/4x6YH0cpsU
Damn straightAggie12B said:
buzzardb267 said:Maybe if they quit answering ads like this....justcallmeharry said:Pete Buttigieg tells Al Sharpton that minorities are more likely to die in car crashes for a variety of reasons including:
— Citizen Free Press (@CitizenFreePres) April 16, 2023
"The way roads are designed and built." pic.twitter.com/9ADW5IFFtiPete Buttigieg says traffic fatalities in the U.S. are on "a level that is comparable to gun violence" because of "a lot of reasons related to discrimination" pic.twitter.com/BebyoNoYgU
— RNC Research (@RNCResearch) April 16, 2023
I guess these are the streets bootycheeks is referring to.
Church Institutes Pitch Clock For Worship Leader's Mini Sermons Between Songs
KNOXVILLE, TN In a final attempt to rein in their worship leader, Knoxville's Church on the Rock has instituted a pitch clock for all of the miniature sermons he tries to work in between songs.
"I just want everyone to take a moment to just posture their hearts - like, twelve seconds now, to be exact," said Brad. "Okay, now let me just speak this word of just - crap, we're out of time! Man of Sorrows, here we go!"
Over the past years, the amount of time Brad spent telling the congregation how to feel about a worship song began to exceed the amount of time actually spent worshiping. "Believe me, Brad - we get that it's time to lay down whatever worries we came into church with," said congregant Jared Taylor. "I love you, man. But we have to put you on a pitch clock. The keyboard player is getting hypoglycemic back there playing the same three chords on repeat while you read the entire book of Philippians between songs."
According to sources at the church, Brad will be allowed thirty seconds between songs and twenty seconds for improvised expositions during an instrumental bridge. "Any infraction of going over the time limit will result in the sound guy turning Brad's mic down," said associate pastor Bob Howell. "Three strikes, we cut his mic completely and the backup singer takes over. We recognize the pitch clock may upset traditionalists, but this rule change will shave off about thirty minutes per church service. It was just stretching too long to keep the interest of the casual congregant."
At publishing time, church leadership had also announced a ban on the shift between seventeen different guitar pedals between songs.
Courtesy of The Babylon Bee
KNOXVILLE, TN In a final attempt to rein in their worship leader, Knoxville's Church on the Rock has instituted a pitch clock for all of the miniature sermons he tries to work in between songs.
"I just want everyone to take a moment to just posture their hearts - like, twelve seconds now, to be exact," said Brad. "Okay, now let me just speak this word of just - crap, we're out of time! Man of Sorrows, here we go!"
Over the past years, the amount of time Brad spent telling the congregation how to feel about a worship song began to exceed the amount of time actually spent worshiping. "Believe me, Brad - we get that it's time to lay down whatever worries we came into church with," said congregant Jared Taylor. "I love you, man. But we have to put you on a pitch clock. The keyboard player is getting hypoglycemic back there playing the same three chords on repeat while you read the entire book of Philippians between songs."
According to sources at the church, Brad will be allowed thirty seconds between songs and twenty seconds for improvised expositions during an instrumental bridge. "Any infraction of going over the time limit will result in the sound guy turning Brad's mic down," said associate pastor Bob Howell. "Three strikes, we cut his mic completely and the backup singer takes over. We recognize the pitch clock may upset traditionalists, but this rule change will shave off about thirty minutes per church service. It was just stretching too long to keep the interest of the casual congregant."
At publishing time, church leadership had also announced a ban on the shift between seventeen different guitar pedals between songs.
Courtesy of The Babylon Bee
Chicago Mayor Warns That If Local Walmart Locations Close People Will Have Fewer Places To Shoplift
CHICAGO, IL After Walmart announced plans to close 4 store locations in dangerous Chicago neighborhoods, Chicago Mayor-Elect Brandon Johnson issued a dire warning that this will leave many Chicagoans with fewer places to shoplift.
"Citizens of this great city have the fundamental right to steal merchandise in their own communities without resorting to traveling to other neighborhoods," said Johnson at a local protest against the store closings. "If our youths don't have a safe place to work, shop, shoplift, loot, fight, do drugs, terrorize citizens, and smash windows, they may participate in riskier shoplifting, looting, and drug-consuming in affluent communities where cops will actually bother to arrest them until my Soros-funded DA lets them back out on the street. We can't let this happen!"
Walmart executives insist the move is nothing personal. "We're just tired of our cashiers and store greeters getting beaten up and every store losing millions of dollars," said district manager Darnell Monahan. "We'd prefer our workers not get beaten up and robbed and all that stuff. Sorry!"
At publishing time, civil rights leaders warned that if Walmart went through with the move, they will encourage Americans to boycott shoplifting there entirely.
Courtesy of The Babylon Bee
CHICAGO, IL After Walmart announced plans to close 4 store locations in dangerous Chicago neighborhoods, Chicago Mayor-Elect Brandon Johnson issued a dire warning that this will leave many Chicagoans with fewer places to shoplift.
"Citizens of this great city have the fundamental right to steal merchandise in their own communities without resorting to traveling to other neighborhoods," said Johnson at a local protest against the store closings. "If our youths don't have a safe place to work, shop, shoplift, loot, fight, do drugs, terrorize citizens, and smash windows, they may participate in riskier shoplifting, looting, and drug-consuming in affluent communities where cops will actually bother to arrest them until my Soros-funded DA lets them back out on the street. We can't let this happen!"
Walmart executives insist the move is nothing personal. "We're just tired of our cashiers and store greeters getting beaten up and every store losing millions of dollars," said district manager Darnell Monahan. "We'd prefer our workers not get beaten up and robbed and all that stuff. Sorry!"
At publishing time, civil rights leaders warned that if Walmart went through with the move, they will encourage Americans to boycott shoplifting there entirely.
Courtesy of The Babylon Bee
— Declaration of Memes (@LibertyCappy) April 16, 2023
If you think I am a liberal, you are incorrect. Assume sarcasm on my part. Sorry if something I post has already been posted.
Some people have a higher tolerance to mayhem than others...
“It’s wrong to say that it’s mayhem”
— End Wokeness (@EndWokeness) April 17, 2023
Mayor Lori Lightfoot reacts to the violent riots in Chicago this weekend: pic.twitter.com/5fTXv0nlSe
If you think I am a liberal, you are incorrect. Assume sarcasm on my part. Sorry if something I post has already been posted.
Let's be honest...that could easily be a Not the Bee story.ravingfans said:Riley Gaines Arrested For Making Trans Activists Assault Her https://t.co/0gDWxVTlbh pic.twitter.com/sNKBrdPD0f
— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) April 15, 2023
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