Malibu said:
FWIW, I'll hit the 10 year mark this summer. In the 10 years, I can maybe count 2-3 times total that I was mad (as opposed to temporarily annoyed) at my wife or vice versa. Those frustrations never lasted more than a few days, and lead to honest conversations that lead to concrete actions from both the required party. My best friend and I have been best friends since 7th grade (now mid-30s) and guess what, we've pissed each other off before too. I don't think there's such a thing as human interaction without conflict. Just find someone that fights fair, fight fair yourself, and just be nice.
I don't have all the answers, but I have really enjoyed being married and have personally found it to be pretty easy. That wasn't intended as a boast, more of just an honest assessment of where I'm at. It's not always sunshine and rainbows, but 99% of the time it has been, and 1% of the time it wasn't all that bad.
I hope i'm not giving the impression that I think marriage should be sunshine and rainbows all the time and that there should be no conflict. I've been in serious relationships before and I fully appreciate the fact that human conflict with people you love is an inescapable fact of life. The people I love the most drive me nuts sometimes.
Sounds like you have what I eventually would like to have. A loving relationship with some bumps in the road, but those bumps lead to good honest conversations with one another rather than harboring anger and resentment. My mom's side of the family always had this mentality that we should not show our negative feelings and resist the urge to show anger. I completely disagree with this approach. I think there's nothing wrong with telling someone that they're pissing you off for XYZ reasons and you'd like things to change. Confrontation does not bother me and it's waaaaay better than being passive aggressive and suppressing emotions. Whoever I marry must be on the same page as me with this.
Controversial take time: I think bachelor parties involving strippers because "iTs YoUR LaSt nIgHt aS a FrEe MaN!!!11" are trashy and pervert the idea of marriage. I do find the jokes about marriage being miserable to be completely tasteless and not funny. I do think people who make those jokes often and describe their spouse as a controlling ball and chain are unhappy in their marriages, or maybe they lack the self-confidence to be themselves despite what their spouse says about them. Helping one correct bad behavior is one thing, but if your spouse tries to change you as a person and tries to stop you from being who you are, then your spouse doesn't love you for who you are. I've seen far too many people rush into marriage during the "honeymoon phase" at a young age and then things change significantly years down the road. I think many people rush into marriage for the wrong reasons--namely, pressure from their SO and family, and that is a recipe for disaster.
All in all, I am cynical about marriage because I've seen a hell of a lot of bull**** in our southern, conservative Texas culture. I am happy that my generation, the millennials, are being wise about marriage and waiting until an older age to do it, if at all. I'm also happy that we're having fewer children than our predecessors. There's nothing wrong with doing it young if it's for the right reasons, but you get the idea. I'm happy that we're rejecting the idea that you "must" get married and that you're flawed if you don't do it. Like it or not, we have seen the staggering divorce rates of earlier generations (whatever that number may be, either way it's a lot) and as a result are rethinking the idea of marriage.
Edit. Sorry for the long post. TLDR I have lots of thoughts on marriage and I don't hate the idea of it, but I don't like the ultraconservative "you must get married because reasons" approach to it and think it's harmful to lots of people.