Corporate phrases that equate to fingernails on a green chalkboard. I will not miss these in retirement and I refuse to use them

I'll start. Let's hear them!

"Tweak." The first time I heard this, I was fresh out of college at a team meeting in Chicago. The trade manager said we are going to "tweak" such and such? "Huh?" I didn't learn that word in Chicken Proctology at A&M!

"Football". As in Lex is going to carry the football for us in finding new ways to use duck eggs.

"Quarterback." Different than "football." It means, "TCR doesn't know jack about this project, but he is going to Quarterback you team of imbeciles who also don't know jack about this project and we are going to have another meeting soon, that TCR will lead, and report back to us of how y'all haven't done squat or don't know jack."

There are more. Let's hear 'em!

Lex said:

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Lex and her duck eggs, classic Lex.

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Absolutely!

Bubble up seems to be the latest one for me. As in, "we'll bubble this up to senior management to review.""

Feels like there was one of these threads recently, but sure why not. Most annoying phrases:

Good call out
Looping you in
Lean into
Bubble up

Just of the top of my head. Oh, and someone already said "circle back to".

Give me a few minutes to "curate" a response… ugh!

More:

"Buy in." The project that TCR is quarterbacking really sucks, his team sucks and it serves no purpose. We need to create false hope based on impossible outcomes so that you can "buy in" as a team to your failures. Buy in is bottom up.

"Synergy". Different from Buy In. Synergy is a top down phrase that is designed to force you to accept corporate and management inabilities and ineptness, and parrot false accolades. The CEO or VP comes in at TCR's next meeting for the project he is quarterbacking and says, "I'm Wowed with the synergy that this project has created with our corporate values."

Curate. That is a solid one.

I also like the passive aggressive 'Like I said.... '

journey

Unnecessary*

The spelling police are here!

Touch base...UGH i can't stand that one.

SuhrThang said:

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Give me a few minutes to "curate" a response… ugh!

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Or to "craft" a reply.

well_endowed_ag said:

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Unnecessary*

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It is what it is

A word which is ironic given you can use synonyms with far fewer syllables.

FightinTAC08 said:

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Touch base...UGH i can't stand that one.

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"let's play heads up ball" from the individual who watches the least amount of sports in the entire building

BRICKS AND CLICKS MUDDAH****AAAAS

Circle the wagons
Optimize
Let's put a pin in it
Low hanging fruit
Boil the ocean
Let's table this
Ducks in a row
Think outside the box
Move the needle
Net-new
Pick your brain
Take this offline
Deep-dive
At the end of the day
Unpack
Actionable insights

God, these were "off the top of my head." I don't miss these.

Some more good ones:

Change Agent
Rainmaker

"Change Agent": our company is teetering on bankruptcy, so we brought in a high powered "change agent" to lay off most of you and make the rest of you scared to death to even breathe wrong.

"Rainmaker." Sold a product one time to a customer that was overpriced and was something they really didn't need. We are going to teach everyone how to be Rainmakers.

As many acronyms as the CSuite can use seems to be the goal at my old company. Just itching to sound like the smartest person in the room.

713nervy said:

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Circle the wagons
Optimize
Let's put a pin in it
Low hanging fruit
Boil the ocean
Let's table this
Ducks in a row
Think outside the box
Move the needle
Net-new
Pick your brain
Take this offline
Deep-dive
At the end of the day
Unpack
Actionable insights

God, these were "off the top of my head." I don't miss these.

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Can you use "boil the ocean" in a sentence for me?

I have zero corporate experience but that one sounds like something I can really f the few guys who work with me up with lol

I am also going to steal, "Boil the ocean!"

They latest one making the rounds is : "I want to socialize the topic…"

We have a new SVP (ex-military) who loves his military analogies/jargon:

- "Going to throw a grenade in here with this problem of…"
- "We'll invite you to the meeting so you can provide air cover…"
- "Lets deploy some cautionary rules of engagement…"

No harm no foul right? True except for all of the suck ups in the group (not ex-military) have adopted as part of their vernacular and saying the same crap at every possible turn. Absolute cringe worthy.

You've got to give us context on that one.

"Open the kimono" means to share the inner workings of a project; to be fully transparent; to not keep anything hidden.

Example: To gain client trust, we need to be forthcoming but let's not open the kimono and give away all of our secrets.

You might end up with a call from HR. It is not an appropriate thing to say.