swimmerbabe11 said:
If I had a stay at home hub, I would brag on him too. Not because because I'm trying to be empowered, but because I'd be proud of what a wonderful husband I have who would do that for his family.
It sounds like you are reading your bias into it.
Actually been there. Sort of. When I was in my graduate studies we had our first. The wife worked a swing shift so I was at home with the kid at night while she worked.
The income I brought in was 0 and even though our bank accounts were joint, whenever we went out or made any sort of purchase she was the first one to pull out cash or a card because she was the one earning the money.
That was a punch to the gut every time she did it. And then when we got together with friends and she would "brag" about me after talking about what she was working on at her job the looks of sympathy I got from the other guys in the room were hard to take.
The thing is this: women's desire in men has changed since the birth control pill. The birth control pill is basically an estrogen supplement and tricks women's bodies into thinking they are pregnant. Studies show that women who are pregnant prefer men with more feminine features to men with more traditionally masculine features.
Evolutionarily it makes sense. Women who are pregnant are looking for a mate who will be capable of sharing and nurturing the offspring and be less likely to bolt for some other female. These feminine or less masculine men don't mind not being the providers because they have no innate drive to compete for resources, be at the top of the hierarchy, accomplish things, etc. so in that kind of a situation, where you have a less masculine male as the stay at home spouse, although most women value men with some sort of drive and as soon as the woman stops valuing the man's contribution to childcare and gets frustrated by his lack ambition and drive the relationship is over. This usually hits around the time the kids are 7 and up.
The problem is that while a large portion of women are on the pill, most men who are masculine are still MEN. And even though they will stay at home because they love their wives, they are still going to feel some dissatisfaction at the fact that they are not out there competing and they are at the bottom of the societal and male hierarchies. And no matter how much they deny it they still feel emasculated every time their place at the bottom is put on display.
You can deny it all you want and it sounds like you fit in the camp of "gender roles are societal constructs". But biology is very really and the hormones that run through our bodies program is with innate drives that affect our sense of self worth and actialization when they are not fulfilled. Men with even small amounts of testosterone are going to feel the effects of being low on the societal totem pole. Women are going to value their partner's contribution to nurturing the children up to the point that it gets old and they begin to admire and develop romantic feelings for the more "ambitious" men they meet at their job or at the gym. those old biological pulls are going to come into play and the relationship is going to come crashing down.
Biology is a *****. And no matter how "enlightened" you are you can't escape it.
