I'm not sure what in the Wide, Wide World of Sports is going on here, but the following things happened today:

1) King Donkey was inserted into the game in extras at, get this, ghost runner.

2) He subsequently scored on a sacrifice fly to right, which is less horrifying than actually hitting a sac fly, but still terrible.

3) Instead of striking out, our hero ended the 11th inning by popping out on a bunt. After the game, Rockhead insinuated that the bunt sign was NOT on and that Donkey was probably bunting because he was actually, literally unable to see.

This situation has enormous potential. A Blind Donkey is like Super Mario finding a fire flower. He better be leading off tomorrow.

For the first time since 2019, King Donkey is in center field, which is the perfect place for a blind player with MLB 36th percentile sprint speed.

In honor of this momentous occasion, a tune:

Centerfield (Joey's version)
(To the tune of John Fogerty's "Centerfield")

Well, I scratched my eyes and washed my hands
This virus cannot stay!
There's a blur again, new contacts on my face
A' roundin third, I'm headed for home
A pink eyed handsome man
Don't think you understand, how ill I feel!

Put me in Coach, not too sick to play, today!
Put me in Coach, the pus went away, hey!
Look at me, I can't see, centerfield!

redline248 said:

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Wow, what a treat you have. Gallo and Teoscar matching up like two heavyweights

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The showdown ended 2-2. Teoscar had a chance to strike out in the top of the 10th with two outs, facing Twins reliever Jorge Lopez, who can't find the plate without GPS and pitches like Donkey bats: closed eyes, full hearts, can't lose.

Disappointingly, he hit a useless groundout.

After a bunt horrifyingly advanced the ghost runner to 3rd base, Baldelli did the right thing, for once, and pulled Joey from the game, shielding him from the potential trauma of a game winning sacrifice fly.

With less than 6 hours to go until the trade deadline, it's time for another look at baseball's strikeout leaders! Trade rumors are swirling around Major League leader Teoscar Hernandez (143), with some reports linking him to the New York Yankees. They clearly need another right handed batter who strikes out constantly!

In second is Phillies superstar Kyle Schwarber with 140, then Eugenio Suarez, who has fallen well back at 130. Ryan McMahon of Colorado and Josh Jung of the Rangers round out the top 5 with 129.

Our hero, Joey "King Donkey" Gallo, sits at a disappointing 114, good for only 16th place. His season has been foiled by two trips to the IL and the nefarious machinations of Rockhead Baldelli, who keeps burying Joey at 8th or 9th in the lineup (if he allows him to play at all) and pulling him after 2 or 3 at bats to "play the matchups".

As much as it would break my heart to miss out on any of Donkey's remaining 28 home starts, it is time for the Twins management to do what is best for the game of baseball and move Donkey to a team where he would be an every day starter.

I refer, of course, to the Oakland Zombie Athletics, who would pencil in Joey at clean-up for the rest of the year. A minor sticking point is that the Zombie As do not have any players that the "first place" Twins, or any other team, would want. Word on the street is that the Twins braintrust is eyeing a shiny new batting cage, but the Zombie As are balking at the Twins' demand to throw in a bag of baseballs.

Dies Irae said:

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2nd cleanup. Will do wonders for his LOB stats

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It's official. The Donk is staying right where he is. Given the Twins' love for free swinging left-handed hitting outfielders, maybe they will resign him for next year.

It should be noted that King Donkey is playing first base tonight, as he was during his red hot April, when he hit .226 (that's like .485 for a regular baseball player).

I will, of course, be there at Target Field all weekend to record the Donk's ongoing pursuit of immortality.

Astros fans might want to avert their eyes tonight, as one strikeout will equal, and 2 strikeouts surpass, the mark in Donkey's long chase of former Astros great Ken Caminiti for #240 on the all-time list.

YokelRidesAgain said:

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Dies Irae said:

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2nd cleanup. Will do wonders for his LOB stats

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It's official. The Donk is staying right where he is. Given the Twins' love for free swinging left-handed hitting outfielders, maybe they will resign him for next year.

It should be noted that King Donkey is playing first base tonight, as he was during his red hot April, when he hit .226 (that's like .485 for a regular baseball player).

I will, of course, be there at Target Field all weekend to record the Donk's ongoing pursuit of immortality.

Astros fans might want to avert their eyes tonight, as one strikeout will equal, and 2 strikeouts surpass, the mark in Donkey's long chase of former Astros great Ken Caminiti for #240 on the all-time list.

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Caminiti did his work with performance enhancing cocaine and strippers, should have an asterisk.

RogerFurlong said:

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Y'all ever thought of just texting each other this info? Weird to have a thread this long with 3 posters.

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Thank you for joining us!

Please send us your jersey size, and let us know if you want to pay the extra $100 for Joey's autograph!

Whifflepuff