One pitch, one out for ***LEADOFF DONKEY***, as he flies out to the warning track.

He has had trouble against tonight's starter, batting .286 against him lifetime, which is like .550 for a normal baseball player

Most major league managers, faced with the choice between letting the guy who leads the team in home runs continue to bat as his team trails by one in the bottom of the 8th, or replacing him with something called "Kyle Garlic" who has all of 2 HRs on the year, would keep the LEADOFF DONKEY in the game.

I don't think I need to tell you what Rockhead did, instead.

Joey ends a disappointing night 1 for 2 with no Ks.

We focus on strikeouts here-and we'll get back there, I promise-but there is another type of baseball futility that is taking the major leagues by storm.

I speak, of course, of the pitching prowess of the Oakland Zombie Athletics, who have a team ERA of 6.95. The second worst team in the Majors, the Kansas City Royals, have a team ERA of 5.14.

The Major League record for awfulness in pitching belongs to the 1930 Philadelphia Phillies, who finished with an ERA of 6.71 for the 154 game season, NOT helped by Hall of Famer Grover Cleveland "Pete" Alexander, who stumbled to a 9.14 ERA in his last season.

Why does this matter to strikeouts, you say?

Even with the balanced schedule, Seattle's Teoscar Hernandez still has 8 more starts to come against this collection of misfits. He was only able to strike out once last night, allowing Matt Olson to tie him once more for the Major League lead.

It would be a travesty if the Zombie A's tank job ends up deciding the strikeout race.

(There are signs of hope, however: Teoscar is not the kind of whiffer who is going to let a little thing like playing against a team that couldn't make the Triple A playoffs get him down. He has 11 strikeouts against Oakland in 5 games this year.)

They don't have many dudes in their pen with good K/9 numbers. Teoscar will have to do most of his damage in his 1st AB against the starters.

Rockhead is going with one of his patented "let's not even bother trying" lineups today. Donkey and Correa will be in the clubhouse receiving foot massages, while Edouard Julien (BA .194) who plays second base like he has poutine gravy on his glove, leads off and Matt Wallner, who is batting .000 five days to Memorial Day, patrols right field.

YokelRidesAgain said:

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Rockhead is going with one of his patented "let's not even bother trying" lineups today. Donkey and Correa will be in the clubhouse receiving foot massages, while Edouard Julien (BA .194) who plays second base like he has poutine gravy on his glove, leads off and Matt Wallner, who is batting .000 five days to Memorial Day, patrols right field.

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You gotta watch out for Correa, last time he got a massage he cracked a rib and had to give a hostage video while his fiancee looked over his shoulder.

Donkey apparently pulled a hamstring racing to the dollar hot dog stand last night, after he was pulled from the game for a pinch hitter.

He is considered day-to-day.

The Mariners have 4 guys with 60+ strikeouts. Real team effort

Leadoff walk-a-donkey.

Pretty Little Bluebirds pitching not giving him anything to miss.

AB #2: Classic DonKey form!!

AB #3: Second K swinging!!!

I believe I just saw Hall of Famer Rod Carew, the antithesis of a modern baseball player, skulking about the press box.

Do you know that lugnut finished his career with almost THREE TIMES as many hits as strikeouts?? What kind of stat line is THAT?? (Joey Gallo, of course, has well over a thousand Ks and under 500 hits.)

I think it's spelled anesthesiologist, doc

Programming note:

For our fans in Texas, one of your only two opportunities to see KING DONKEY in the Lone Star State starts tomorrow and runs through Wednesday. Somehow, limited tickets are still available!

If you miss this one, you will have to wait until September 1-3, when he returns to the Metroplex in his glory.

Meanwhile, ***LEADOFF DONKEY*** continues his charge up the strikeout leaderboard today, and could drive his average back below the Mendoza line if he can go 0 for 3, or better.

4 ABs, and Gallo has picked up 2 strikeouts, to go along with a hit and a lousy fly out to CF, which I tuned in just in time to see. Only the 6th inning, so he might get 1 more crack at a 3rd.

And an E4 on a rocket off the bat of Yordan.

PatAg said:

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This is a weird thread full of weird people

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YokelRidesAgain said:

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Will the Astros' blown save set up Donkey for his second Golden in three days???

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It was there for the taking but the Astro pitcher couldn't get anything close enough to entice a swing. 4 pitch walk

redline248 said:

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YokelRidesAgain said:

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Will the Astros' blown save set up Donkey for his second Golden in three days???

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It was there for the taking but the Astro pitcher couldn't get anything close enough to entice a swing. 4 pitch walk

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He must not have thrown the Donk pitches he can't handle, like a speedy pitch, a bendy pitch, or a slow-y pitch.

Mr.Ackar07 said:

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With an 0-2 showing in todays game so far, Gallo's career batting average has dropped to .199

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What really matters is that his two strikeouts so far pushed him past Dave Henderson and into a tie with Colby Rasmus for 272nd on the all time list.

That pug Henderson needed 5,677 at bats to strikeout 1105 times, whereas Joey is at 1106 after only 2970.

Cheese eating surrender monkey Edouard Julien, who is stealing Donkey's leadoff spot tonight, just blew a chance at a Golden Sombrero with a two out walk.

Dies Irae said:

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Gallo has the benefit of advanced analytics

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Henderson was also known to bat with his eyes open. Serious disadvantage.