Sir, no offense intended,but....

You may want to rethink that user name.....


Seriously, glad to hear your OK & cheers to many more years ....

I rented a field to grow some beans in Cameroon while I was in the Peace Corps.

I hired a couple teenagers to help chop down the brush (dumb).

They were taking their sweet time so I told them I would pay them double if they finished by the end of the day (dumber, they didn't finish that day but still expected double and we were negotiating while tired and holding machetes)

To clear the brush I decided to burn it off, during the dry season. I thought I had enough border and black line cleared. I did not. I went to the upwind corner of the field and flicked my bic, and in 10 minutes the fire was out of control. The village was down wind (dumbest). Fortunately the uncut brush at the edge of my field was still green enough not to catch, much. Otherwise 2000 angry Cameroonians would have been chasing me across the plain.

While at TAMU in the 70s we rented a bulldozer to clear post oak behind Texas World Speedway (who rents a bulldozer to college kids?). We didn't know how to drive it but figured it out. After we had the brush piled up we decided to burn it and poured some gasoline at the base of it. It flared up and didn't catch so we decided we needed to climb up on the brush pile and pour the gasoline. My brother volunteered and all of a sudden we hear this loud... woosh. There were some live embers at the bottom. My brother flew off the top of the pile and fortunately was not hurt. Very dum.

I followed Texas A&M football for the last 25 years…..

Recently had a charter with one angler by himself. Winter tides were very very super low. Being that it would be just the two of us throwing artificials and treacherous navigation with low water I took my smaller charter boat .... a 21ft aluminum Lund Alaskan.

When a launch i put a rope from front cleat ofnthr boat to my trailer guide on poles. Back up and brake and the boat floats off trailer. I walk back to end of dock and retrieve rope from guide on pole then secure to dock. I do this 250 times a year. Very smooth.

3 to 4 ft low water had the ramp a little tricky. When I backed down the ramp dropped off so quickly that my guide on pole submerged and my rope floated off of the pole. Now my boat is loose and getting away....with my charter on the way....

I have a nano second to decide.....I run and launch off the last edge of the dock jumping about 8ft or so into my boat. Holy moly..... if the water hadn't been so low I never would have cleared over the gunnels. Lucky I didn't go in the water on a 40 degree day or break an ankle or something.

I'm reminded of my football officiating crew getting critiqued by our chapter secretary, a long time and very well respected official himself who's attention to detail was nothing short of amazing. After a game in the locker room, he would go on and on for what seemed like a long time, then pause, and say, "OK; now in the second quarter..." Meaning, everything he had covered prior to that was just a fourth (at most) of his critique.

I could do the same thing with dumb stuff and say the same, after a full page, "now; when I entered my teens..."

I've told this story on here before, I believe, but we'll relive it since it is very similar to the OP's. A buddy of mine, an Ag (we've known each other since Jr. high), lived in rural North Central Texas back in the '80s. He called me one day and asked if I'd help him load and unload some iron he had made a deal on -- I think he got it free. I told him, sure. So we head out, his truck and trailer and load a bunch of this iron on the trailer. We put about as much as we could on the trailer not thinking a lot about weight -- at least, we weren't discussing it. At the time, I knew little to nothing about pulling, weight ratios, etc. I was probably 20 and he was 22 -- right out of A&M.

The key here is he had an '85 or '86 Chevy short bed single cab truck. Cool truck but not exactly one you'd want to load down or pull the world with. I wish someone would have filled us in on that big secret. I can't say were were grossly overloaded but we were certainly pulling more than we should have.

So we start down the FM road doing, I don't know, 45-50. Nothing extravagant, at least, I didn't think. At some point, the truck sways a little left and I thought he was avoiding a pothole or something. Nope, sways about the same to the right. Then back to the left, and... You get the idea -- its full game on! The trailer had taken control and we basically jackknifed. THANK GOD there was no oncoming traffic and the only casualty was my shorts. He didn't comment.

We straightened up and drove 35 the rest of the way. This explains why I recommend everyone get a 1-ton just to pull a jet ski. Obviously overkill but I never want to go through that again.

Unfortunately, if you want a full dossier on stupid stuff I've done, it would make War and Peace look like a short story.

Had an older woman shark fishing one time. She catches a shark. When they get boat side I use a rodeo rope around the shark to wrestle on board. I told my angler when that shark gets to the boat they fight worse so no matter what i do dont let go of that rod for nuthin!

7ft plus shark comes to side of boat.... I lasso.... shark flips upside down and tail smashes that rod straight into my anglers face.... her dentures fall out overboard.... I jump over the top of the very aggravated shark to recover the customers dentures....

I get them....swim around to other side of boat and throw them in then recover myself back into the boat.
..

Customer tells me with her no teeth speak "I still have the rod captain Grem! i still have the rod!"

So we get the fish on board. Get dentures reinstalled for pictures.

Back at the dock she says "these dentures were $3000 here is half...." $1500 tip for a very stupid move.

I have shared the full story before but decided to kill a deer with a knife. It was touch and go and I barely won.

I once decided to use the front end loader on my tractor as scaffolding to repair a loose piece of tin on the roof of my barn and let my ranch manager operate the tractor to raise and lower me, fully realizing I was in a pinch point but all he had to do was use the front end loader to go up and down. He decided to forget how to put a tractor in park and backup a tractor and crushed me, 11 days in ICU later I learned my lesson.

I think you need to fire the guy that hires your ranch managers. First you have one that damn near kills you…. then you have one that doesn't know how to tell a male cat from a female cat.

IDK, but I can't relate a lot of stuff because I don't know if the statute of limitations has run out.

But, I'll relate this.

My first boat was a 1756 G3 w/ 40HP Yamahopper. I pulled it w/ a 1993 Honda Accord w/ special receiver hitch that I had installed somewhere.

I launched near Palacious at Oyster Lake. IYKYK. Not a improved ramp, but the hard packed sand had not been a problem for the front wheel drive accord at all.

I come back after dark and there are a bunch of kids there drinking beer and fishing w/ an array of temporary lights.

Being nice and not wanting to disturb their fishing, I decide I can load the boat on the bay side. I get the trailer in the water and load the boat, but get stuck trying to get out.

I enlist the teenage kids to pull me out w/ the promise of a 12 pack I had in reserve.

Should have just backed her in the middle of their party.

Not even the dumbest thing but.

The first time I got a nitrous oxide cheater plate for my muscle car. I advanced the timing instead of ******ing it.

On the very first pass at the dragstrip, I bent two rods and had to trailer it home. Except I'm 16 and I don't have a trailer. This was before cell phones and I had to beg everyone I could think of for help from a pay phone.

Oh look like I'm censored above. Let's use the word reduce now instead.

Hilarious censor. The whole world has gone soft.

Spent the first 37 years of life just following my dick around, I've got a story or two…

In high school, I was a lifeguard at our local YMCA. Prior to the pool opening every Saturday morning, we would have mandatory lifeguard training and one Saturday after the conclusion of training my supervisor and I were talking as we walked back to the guard shack when she made the comment I need to get a maintenance worker out to replace these florescent tube bulbs.

Completely oblivious to the fact that I had just gotten out of the pool and was drenched, I reached up, grabbed a bulb, and proceeded to remove it. I got hit by an electric current that made every hair on my being stand upright. Not my best moment.

I bought a 43' non-running Sportfisher located 5.5 hours away from me as a project boat...

But, I'm stubborn, and would do it again.

Maybe not the dumbest thing I've ever done overall, but the dumbest outdoor related thing.

It was back in 2016 or 17 when I lived in Billings, Montana. I bought a really nice Kimber Select Grade .280 Ackley Improved. The price had gone down from $1350 all the way to $950 over at least a year. At 950 I'm thinking it's now or never, so I buy it.

I reload, so of course I get the dies, bullets, etc. I find out about this new powder called Reloder 26. People online are talking about amazing speeds and good accuracy in the .280AI. So I pick up a pound of the powder and put together some loads. At the time, there was no published data available, in this caliber. So I do the brilliant thing and go by the "proven results" of some random people on message boards. They are saying, "59, 60, 61 grains should be great and top out at 3000 fps with 175 grain bullets". I'm thinking, no problem, let's see how fast it'll go and what I get for accuracy.

So I'm at the range and the speeds went all the way to 3084, 3042, and 3061 fps with 61.0 grains of Reloder 26 and a 175 grain Berger Elite! Looking back, I should have never loaded that. The published data from Nosler today shows 2900 fps with 59.5 grains and their 175 grain bullets.

Went to law school.

Claude! said:

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Went to law school.

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Outdoor law school?

A week after graduation and a week before my first wedding I grab 2 buddies and an extended cab truck and drive straight through to Trenton NJ to pick up some surplus equipment I'd bought. After loading the flatbed trailer way past capacity we make it a ways before we blow a tire on the trailer on an interstate in PA. Because we're on a shoulder of an interstate and I've been up for thirty something hours I grab the closest jack. A Hi lift aka the widow maker. We somehow get the trailer up even though it was way way past Jack capacity and the tire changed. Well now how to get it down. Well on the lack of sleep I decide to lay my 200 lbs across the bar and inch it down. Well now I'm laying on the bar with no where to go. I tell my buddies to back up and I'll roll off. Well I'm not that fast but just fast enough. I get off just as the old farm Jack slams the bar back up. It catches me on the cheek and I get married the next week with a cut across my face.

If you've ever used one of these jacks you know this was really really stupid. I have no idea how I got lucky enough to not make solid contact and break my face.

One night, a couple of buddies try to drive off and leave me out at a friend's house out in the country. As they hop in a mustang and start the car, I run and jump on the roof.
MISTAKE #1

I am spread eagle on the roof and try to hang on the windows as they turn onto an oil top road.
I fully expected them to stop and let me in.
MISTAKE #2


They get up to maybe 15-20mph as we come to the stop sign at a state highway.
I really really thought that was the end of the ride and they would stop and let me in the car!

NOPE!!!

They rolled the stop sign and turned onto the highway.

It was 4 miles into town. They sped up on the highway to I suppose 45-50, and although scared, I was still laughing thinking how crazy this is! I'm holding on for dear life just knowing that my two best friends from birth were finally going to pull over and let me in!

NOPE AGAIN!!!

About that time, I felt the driver grab my left wrist and passenger grab my right forearm and yell "Hold On!!!" and my buddy punches it!

I honestly still wasn't THAT worried since they were holding onto me......UNTIL my body started to lift off of the roof. That is when real fear kicked in. I must've yelled (or screamed) enough for them to slow down.

Did they stop? nope..... kept rolling (although much slower) until we got to the stop light in town. They stopped, I hopped in and they just thought they were freaking hilarious!

That is the #1 occasion where things could've gone very very bad for me, at least involuntarily. There are a couple others that were MUCH safer but were more voluntary....

Suburban Surfing. Opening the passenger doors on the suburban and grabbing the roof rack and standing on the running boards while going down the highway!

Driving on the interstate, opening the sunroof, putting the car on cruise control, crawling out sunroof and sitting on the roof and steering with your feet.

I thank God every day that my kids are not as stoopid as I was.

*at least I never ran over myself and broke my own leg

The day after my honeymoon in Vegas, I took a taxi to the rental car place in order to return my rental car.

HarleySpoon said:

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The day after my honeymoon in Vegas, I took a taxi to the rental car place in order to return my rental car.

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That must have been one heck of a hangover!

HarleySpoon said:

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The day after my honeymoon in Vegas, I took a taxi to the rental car place in order to return my rental car.

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We may have found the winner of the contest.

Use a grinder without eye protection..... for the 10,000th time.....

Weld in flip flops....for the 200th time.....

Use a grinder without the handle bar.....for the 10,000th time....

Once told my wife she was becoming her mother.

CyanideJenkins said:

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Once told my wife she was becoming her mother.

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Former co-worker had a real gem of a wife. And large and generally unpleasant woman.

She had an adult son that lived with them on and off between bouts of being a non-loser.

The son had done something really stupid and expensive and maybe involved the cops. Mommy tried to handle it all for him.

My former co-worker told her to "be sure to button up your shirt after you get thru nursing him".

It did not go over well.

Spring break in latter half of high school, fishin' buddy and me leave Houston on Friday after school and head for S. Padre. Get to the old causeway pier how many hours later that drive takes. Fish until it starts to get light and head up the beach with intentions of wade fishing on the bay side of the Padre Cut. Get to the cut and make a left turn to get to the bay, go a ways, and the truck stops going. Tires have sunk up to the hubs in whatever slick, grey clay exists there that isn't hard-pan sand. Spend the next 4 hours removing that clay from under the truck a handful at a time to get down to the hard-pan, and clearing a runway behind to get some momentum. Successfully get the truck halfway back to the road and get stuck again. 3 hours of clearing now (we've gotten efficient) and this gets us back to the 'road'. Limp back to the Ol' Surfside Inn 8 hours past check-in time sunburned severely, starved, but too tired to find food. Didn't even catch a croaker.