Malibu2 said:
My children are young and sex isn't a topic we will get to yet, but I have started thinking about the messages that I want to give to them, mainly because Christianity wasn't entirely helpful. My approach will be heavily emphasizing gravity and responsibility around sex. It should never be a casual thing and it can have life altering consequences. But after 18 if they are in a committed monogamous relationship with someone that is responsible and emotionally healthy, I'm not going to preach marriage as the only appropriate time to have sex.
Definitely shouldn't be talking to them about it until puberty, but the average age of first exposure to porn is 9 years old (4th grade). And we're not talking booby pics in a playboy. If your kids have friends with phones, you can basically guarantee their seeing some nasty crap, unless you have done a solid job or prepping them. Just a heads up.
Now a question: if they have met a wonderful person at 18, and they want to have sex, why not just get married? Only reason not to get married to this wonderful person is because they may not be all that wonderful. If they have integrity, treat you well, have the same values, know how to disagree and discuss rather than argue and fight, and have the same life goals, what are you waiting for? Get married! Have sex! Lots of it! It's awesome. Tax breaks start sooner.
I may be wrong, but I do believe if every kid was trying to get married by 18-20 years old, they would be able to keep it in their pants, and they'd cut deadweight "project" boyfriend/girlfriends much faster. If you're 18 and the person you're dating still needs to grow up, cut them lose and let them waste someone else's time. Go find your spouse and go to town. Instead we have a culture of dating for many years as the norm, and people keep losers around for far too long.