*****Official Funny Political Tweet Thread*****

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Showertime at the Bidens
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ravingfans
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Aggie12B said:

Dangerous Insurrectionists Seize Capitol Building

WASHINGTON, D.C. America's government was thrown into turmoil last night after a small band of insurrectionist traitors stormed the Capitol building while waving the flag of a foreign power.
"This is a dark day for the country," said Representative Thomas Massie, watching in disbelief as the events unfolded on TV. "Not only did these lunatics make it all the way into the sacred House Chamber they waved the flag of a hopelessly corrupt foreign nation and made off with $50 billion. How did we let this happen?"
Sources say the plot to attack democracy was spearheaded by conspirators at the highest echelons of government, including Nancy Pelosi and VP Kamala Harris. "This is anti-democratic," said Massie. "No one voted for this."
Already, citizens are asking for help tracking down and detaining all involved so they can be thrown in solitary confinement without bail for years and years. "We must show no mercy to traitors and insurrectionists who threaten our democracy," said Senator Josh Hawley. "I vow to hold these people accountable by hauling them before hearings and yelling at them on TV. That's about all I can do, unfortunately."
At publishing time, Harris and Pelosi had been seen checking their bank accounts to see if their Christmas bonuses from Ukraine had cleared yet.

Courtesy of The Babylon Bee[url=https://babylonbeelive.com/][/url]


This is "Not the Bee" material!!!
ravingfans
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More Weather reporting...

ravingfans
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And more...

ravingfans
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And some more mildly NSFW weather reporting...

ravingfans
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And even more...

ravingfans
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And finally, some Snowplow reporting...

ravingfans
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A man in Denver, CO. decided to write a book about churches around the country. He started by flying to San Francisco, and started working east from there. Going to a very large church, he began taking photographs and making notes. He spotted a golden telephone on the vestibule wall and was intrigued with a sign which read "$10,000 a minute."

Seeking out the pastor he asked about the phone. The pastor answered that this golden phone is, in fact, a direct line to Heaven and if he pays the price he can talk directly to God.

The man thanked the pastor and continued on his way. As he continued to visit churches in Seattle, Denver, Green Bay, Chicago, Milwaukee, and all around the United States, he found more phones, with the same sign, and got the same answer from each pastor..

Finally, he arrived in Texas . Upon entering a church in Fort Worth, Tx., behold, he saw the usual golden telephone. But THIS time, the sign read "Calls: 25 cents. Fascinated, he asked to talk to the pastor. "Reverend, I have been in cities all across the country and in each church, I have found this golden telephone and have been told it is a direct line to Heaven and that I could talk to God, but, in the other churches the cost was $10,000 a minute. Your sign reads 25 cents a call. Why?"

The pastor, smiling, replied, "Son, you're in Texas now. This is God's country...it's a local call."
hunter2012
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TRADUCTOR
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Reminded me of cheepah sin 25 25 25 25 25 25 25 25 25 25 25 25
MostlyHarmless
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Zarathustra said:



I wonder how feminists feel about the very word 'female' being wiped out.
nortex97
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Buzzy
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rab79 said:


Meh. This is assuming you take the cash out option. If you take the annuity, you end up keeping roughly $827 million after taxes.

For those taking the cash option, the biggest winner is the lottery commission because you just gave up $533 million right off the top.
Wild West Pimp Style
txislandag86
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aggiejayrod
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MostlyHarmless said:

Zarathustra said:



I wonder how feminists feel about the very word 'female' being wiped out.


Angry because they're never not angry
FDT92
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Buzzy said:

rab79 said:


Meh. This is assuming you take the cash out option. If you take the annuity, you end up keeping roughly $827 million after taxes.

For those taking the cash option, the biggest winner is the lottery commission because you just gave up $533 million right off the top.

You don't think you could do better than 5% ROI (annually)?
LOYAL AG
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MostlyHarmless said:

Zarathustra said:



I wonder how feminists feel about the very word 'female' being wiped out.


Women are being canceled and they seem to be all for it. Fourth generation feminism is the elimination of actual women in favor of men.
A fearful society is a compliant society. That's why Democrats and criminals prefer their victims to be unarmed. Gun Control is not about guns, it's about control.
ravingfans
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TRADUCTOR said:

Reminded me of cheepah sin 25 25 25 25 25 25 25 25 25 25 25 25


Hmm, haven't heard that one?
Aggie12B
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justcallmeharry
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S
If you think I am a liberal, you are incorrect. Assume sarcasm on my part. Sorry if something I post has already been posted. Just the way it is!!
justcallmeharry
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If you think I am a liberal, you are incorrect. Assume sarcasm on my part. Sorry if something I post has already been posted. Just the way it is!!
captkirk
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captkirk
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captkirk
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MostlyHarmless
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justcallmeharry said:



Is that a festival celebrated by JOC's (Jews Of Color)?
dcowboy808
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MostlyHarmless said:

justcallmeharry said:



Is that a festival celebrated by JOC's (Jews Of Color)?


"Don't you mean the REAL HEBREWS?!?!" - YE
captkirk
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justcallmeharry
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If you think I am a liberal, you are incorrect. Assume sarcasm on my part. Sorry if something I post has already been posted. Just the way it is!!
Ag with kids
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captkirk said:


I hope he has to remember that in a bad way...
ravingfans
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Not funny, just political...

captkirk
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captkirk
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captkirk
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ravingfans
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ravingfans
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