Saw it on Amazon tonight.

Free is certainly the right price for this movie

I just saw this on Amazon too. I generally disliked it. In fact, I laughed more at this one sentence from TC's review than anything in the movie:

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I've defended Dane DeHaan in the past, but dear God, in his role as Valerian, he's like if Keanu Reeves somehow lost 50 pounds along with whatever tiny shred of charisma he has.

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This is the single most accurate description of a character in a movie I've ever seen.

So after starting this topic I never came back to it, and actually gave this a rent on an evening in a few months back.

Yes, it really is that bad.

There's some entertaining parts and the world itself is pretty cool, there's a few good set pieces and taken alone there's some interesting set ups. But geez it's bad.

The leads have zero chemistry, like bad high school musical zero chemistry, and the dialogue is on the same level if not worse. The story has some really weird random plot devices and scenes inserted that seem to serve no purpose but allow them to connect the different set pieces together. People complain on here about how some films they've seen weren't logical or made no sense, but this one genuinely makes no sense.

Visually there's some genuinely cool parts, the VFX overall are solid and the art direction is really interesting in places. But the movie itself is just not good.

texasaggie04 said:

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I just saw this on Amazon too. I generally disliked it. In fact, I laughed more at this one sentence from TC's review than anything in the movie:

Quote:

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Quote:

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I've defended Dane DeHaan in the past, but dear God, in his role as Valerian, he's like if Keanu Reeves somehow lost 50 pounds along with whatever tiny shred of charisma he has.

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This is the single most accurate description of a character in a movie I've ever seen.

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Watched about 45 minutes of it and gave up. The only reason I stayed that long is I had a sincere desire to see Valerian get smashed into a Jackson Pollock-esque oily stain.

I might be in the minority but I pretty rarely turn off movies, I might quit really paying attention but I'll usually let them play out.

That said, I think this is actually worth a watch as there's some fun bits if you go in knowing what you're getting. Free on Amazon Prime is the right price

Champ Bailey said:

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Saw this picture the other day. It's like Cara stole Tilda's eyebrows for herself.

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Does this movie affect your opinion of Fifth Element at all? I don't really like FE and I really didn't like the look of this one from trailers. I'd have to be careful not to let my opinion of one affect the other, like "I knew this director was a hack" or something.

Just curious!

I think this movie reminded me of Lucas's overuse of CG environment and my brain just said, "no, not even on redbox/netflix/tv".

Also blows my mind that there are folks out there that think 5th Element isn't greatness.

I love the fifth element. I was flipping through channels the other night and stopped on it for a bit.

I think if we're being honest, the plot is just as nonsensical as Valerian (and the CGI much worse)

One of the movies has Bruce Willis though.

amercer said:

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I love the fifth element. I was flipping through channels the other night and stopped on it for a bit.

I think if we're being honest, the plot is just as nonsensical as Valerian (and the CGI much worse)

One of the movies has Bruce Willis though.

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Not even in the ballpark.

The Fifth Element stretches a bit in places, like any scifi, but all the events are connected and there's a consistent narrative throughout.

Valerian had no cohesive anything.

rhutton125 said:

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Does this movie affect your opinion of Fifth Element at all? I don't really like FE and I really didn't like the look of this one from trailers. I'd have to be careful not to let my opinion of one affect the other, like "I knew this director was a hack" or something.

Just curious!

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Doesn't at all for me, what it does do is make you realize how valuable an outside producer can be.

Besson is obviously capable of making great movies, but he had no oversight in this film and it's painfully obvious.

Again, I love the fifth element, but the plot didn't make sense and was basically just and excuse to get from one awesome set piece to another.

For instance:

What was the priesthood about? It was important enough to get an audience with the president, but was completely blown off. There was a backstory the placed it in modern times but it was around when the moon was formed as well?

Who's the bad guy? A giant space rock? Who can use the telephone? And apparently has cash to pay all the other baddies?

The giant blue singer stuffed the rocks in her body? That's worse than a jellyfish that lets you see the past?

The priesthood had been around for hundreds (thousands?) of years and had enough pull to get an audience before their claims were dismissed as unimportant by the pretty clearly inept administration.

The bad guy is the ultimate evil, the way it/Mr Shadow connected with Zorg isn't ever quite explained but Zorg funded the "baddies".

The Diva (I'm assuming) swallowed the stones to keep them safe and was mortally wounded, she told Corbin where the stones were before she died.

Yes, that all makes more sense than pretty much any of Valerian.

Thank you fig96 for appropriately defending the greatness that is The Fifth Element. Considering the age of that movie, I think it has aged exceptionally well. So much fun to watch

amercer said:

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One of the movies has Bruce Willis though.

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Also, this.

I love fifth Element. This I enjoyed, but can admit it's not "good" by any typical measure. That said, I thought the aliens and worlds and technology were all a lot of fun.

texasaggie04 said:

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amercer said:

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One of the movies has Bruce Willis though.

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Also, this.

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Fifth Element just has better actors in general. Ian Holm and Gary oldman are better than anything in Valerian.

I think 5th Element didn't take itself too seriously. It's way better to be a campy B movie intentionally than to be a B movie with delusions of grandeur. That said, I haven't actually seen Valerian. Big fan of 5th Element, but no interest in Valerian after the previews and reviews.

Fenrir said:

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texasaggie04 said:

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amercer said:

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One of the movies has Bruce Willis though.

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Also, this.

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Fifth Element just has better actors in general. Ian Holm and Gary oldman are better than anything in Valerian.

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Zero stones! ZERO CRATES!!!!

AgLiving06 said:

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Saw it on Amazon tonight.

Free is certainly the right price for this movie

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I finally watched this last night on Amazon. I did not recall this thread nor how many times I had posted in it so that's always a little weird to see your own comments you have no recollection of.

Anyway, I thought this movie was silly. Commentary:

1. Never heard of cara delevigne before this movie came out nor since it was released but she is HOT. You are gay if you don't agree with me.

2. TC's description of Valerian is amazingly spot on and was exactly my thought within 5 seconds of seeing him on screen. He is so brocephus it is unbelievable. Is that how he talks in real life?! Also, why did Dane look as if he had been on a coke binge for two weeks and hadn't slept? Bird chested, coke binging, sleep deprived looking individuals are not believable as action stars.

3. Their relationship was freaking stupid and actually insulting to Caras character that she would like him. Why was she a lowly sergeant while he was a major? They are partners and were treated as equals by their superiors but had this massive gap in rank? Completely illogical and unnecessary. It's almost as if Besson was trying to pick a fight with feminists. Lol.

4. And the dumbest thing I've seen in a movie in a long while....the Planet Mul aliens are a no tech society living one with the planet (ala avatar). Their planet is destroyed in a super nova like event after a moon sized space ship collides with their planet.

Yet, somehow, a few of them survive this by shutting the door on a destroyed space ship that had previously crash landed on their beach. After showing the planet literally exploding you next see them floating in space in this destroyed space ship that I guess somehow retained hull and atmospheric integrity after crash landing from space and then catapulting back into space after the planet it crashes on explodes. Completely jumps the Indiana Jones and the Refrigerator of Doom shark.

Oh, but we aren't finished.....then this no tech society of a few survivors teaches itself mathematics, physics, engineering...you know, just all of the hard sciences.... while floating around in the void of space on a destroyed space ship until someone runs across them. The movie actually narrates this montage of learning osmosis.

That whole sequence had me laughing in glee at the audacity of it and I am one who almost always suspends belief in movies.