Negative life events

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Tanker123
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10:44p, 5/7/24
I have coached many people with PTSD successfully free of charge. When I coach people, I tell them to use the mirror technique. Go to the mirror at least 3 times a day and smile, even if it's a fake smile. Then talk about who and what you love, and who and what loves you. Proceed to indulge in positive affirmations and thinking. Finish the session with it will all get better. Do this if you are feeling overwhelmed or have too much anxiety to sleep.

This is what I see in a couple weeks most of the time. People start feeling a bit better. Talking about love and being positive about oneself makes people less depressed. They garner a sense of hope, then I have a good feeling they will continue to heal some more. I understand the mirror technique is peculiar, but I used it in my own healing and countless others I have helped.

These are the objectives with the mirror technique:
1. It breaks the cycle of negative thinking.
2. It gives you hope.
3. It helps counter racing thoughts.
4. It makes you emotionally and mentally stronger.
5. It reduces anxiety.

Does it make sense positive thoughts are more conducive to healing than negative ones and thinking about who you love and who loves you is beneficial?
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Sea Speed
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In reply to Complete Idiot • 10:58p, 5/7/24
AG
Complete Idiot said:
I'm a 26+ year user of Texags and have browsed the General board since it's creation - this is waaay too heavy and serious for the General board. At least the General Board of old. I really appreciate how people have connected in a very human way and it is humbling. I can get through this - I hope my wife and kid can. Thank you, fellow humans.


I've been in arguments with mods here about calling out trolls or obvious fraudsters that post here on a regular basis and they asked why I care if people like that post here. this thread is example number 1000000 of the community we have built here, as cheesy as that sounds, and why we should be encouraged to self police this place instead of actively stopped from doing so. Besides this place being a full of potential opportunity of all kinds, it is a great place to come together as people with a pretty strong common bond. In my opinion, of course, don't ban me again please staff.
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Tanker123
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In reply to Lex • 11:11p, 5/7/24
Lex said:
This thread is so sad. I feel like I understand some of you a bit better.
You are all Kintsugi. Kintsugi is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery by mending the areas of breakage with lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum. As a philosophy it treats breakage and repair as part of the history of an object, rather than something to disguise. The broken parts are still parts that make you you.
I'm always here for any of you. This is such a deep thread and I'm so proud you all got real and genuine.
Have you seen the greatest repairer who they call God Hand because he can fix everything?
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Tex117
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12:08p, 5/8/24
AG
No. You will absolutely never be the same person again. A part of the tapestry of your soul has been ripped out. You will never be put together the same way again. But that doesn't mean you can't be whole.

If anything, you will have gained a super power. You are changed. Stronger. And more importantly, you will be able to see beauty more vividly as it contrasts against the backdrop of pain. It seems that the beauty of life can only be truly witnessed through the lens of pain.

You insight into life will change. What matters. What doesn't.

Your insight into friends will change. Some, you realize are just fun to drink beer with, others will get down in the trench with you.

You will wrestle with the meaning of existence. Whether it matters or not. Whether life has meaning or it doesn't. Maybe get to the point where that question is immaterial and focus on what you do every day because what you do everyday is how you spend your life. One that will end. Maybe you seek Gods help with this, maybe not.

We can't see the arc of our lives while in it. All we can do is try and fill it with what we deem meaningful to us.

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Tanker123
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In reply to Tex117 • 1:03p, 5/8/24
Tex117 said:
No. You will absolutely never be the same person again. A part of the tapestry of your soul has been ripped out. You will never be put together the same way again. But that doesn't mean you can't be whole.

If anything, you will have gained a super power. You are changed. Stronger. And more importantly, you will be able to see beauty more vividly as it contrasts against the backdrop of pain. It seems that the beauty of life can only be truly witnessed through the lens of pain.

You insight into life will change. What matters. What doesn't.

Your insight into friends will change. Some, you realize are just fun to drink beer with, others will get down in the trench with you.

You will wrestle with the meaning of existence. Whether it matters or not. Whether life has meaning or it doesn't. Maybe get to the point where that question is immaterial and focus on what you do every day because what you do everyday is how you spend your life. One that will end. Maybe you seek Gods help with this, maybe not.

We can't see the arc of our lives while in it. All we can do is try and fill it with what we deem meaningful to us.

You will never fly the same again because your wings have changed. This is how I changed:

- Lost my passion for fishing and cooking.
- My memory is horrible.
- I am a bit numb to life.
- I have become quite humble.
- More sense of compassion.
- Sometimes I don't see and hear things properly, thus I am super careful when I drive.
- I still have a few racing thoughts.
- I was able to forgive myself.
- I often wake up somewhat depressed.

However, this is infinitely better than having severe PTSD. I don't think about my existence and survival anymore, nor do I want to trade a limb for my mind and life back. I healed myself 160 degrees and use the methodology to help others with PTSD.
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Ryan the Temp
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In reply to Tex117 • 1:18p, 5/8/24
AG
Tex117 said:
No. You will absolutely never be the same person again. A part of the tapestry of your soul has been ripped out. You will never be put together the same way again. But that doesn't mean you can't be whole.

If anything, you will have gained a super power. You are changed. Stronger. And more importantly, you will be able to see beauty more vividly as it contrasts against the backdrop of pain. It seems that the beauty of life can only be truly witnessed through the lens of pain.

You insight into life will change. What matters. What doesn't.

Your insight into friends will change. Some, you realize are just fun to drink beer with, others will get down in the trench with you.

You will wrestle with the meaning of existence. Whether it matters or not. Whether life has meaning or it doesn't. Maybe get to the point where that question is immaterial and focus on what you do every day because what you do everyday is how you spend your life. One that will end. Maybe you seek Gods help with this, maybe not.

We can't see the arc of our lives while in it. All we can do is try and fill it with what we deem meaningful to us.
I can relate to this. When my birth father and dad died three months apart in 2019 I finally, truly realized life is too short and it ignited a drive and determination to do what I am really passionate about and be the person I could started being 30 years ago. My life is vastly changed since 2019 and I am far more satisfied with life than I ever was.
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Tex117
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In reply to Tanker123 • 1:23p, 5/8/24
AG
Tanker123 said:
Tex117 said:
No. You will absolutely never be the same person again. A part of the tapestry of your soul has been ripped out. You will never be put together the same way again. But that doesn't mean you can't be whole.

If anything, you will have gained a super power. You are changed. Stronger. And more importantly, you will be able to see beauty more vividly as it contrasts against the backdrop of pain. It seems that the beauty of life can only be truly witnessed through the lens of pain.

You insight into life will change. What matters. What doesn't.

Your insight into friends will change. Some, you realize are just fun to drink beer with, others will get down in the trench with you.

You will wrestle with the meaning of existence. Whether it matters or not. Whether life has meaning or it doesn't. Maybe get to the point where that question is immaterial and focus on what you do every day because what you do everyday is how you spend your life. One that will end. Maybe you seek Gods help with this, maybe not.

We can't see the arc of our lives while in it. All we can do is try and fill it with what we deem meaningful to us.

You will never fly the same again because your wings have changed. This is how I changed:

- Lost my passion for fishing and cooking.
- My memory is horrible.
- I am a bit numb to life.
- I have become quite humble.
- More sense of compassion.
- Sometimes I don't see and hear things properly, thus I am super careful when I drive.
- I still have a few racing thoughts.
- I was able to forgive myself.
- I often wake up somewhat depressed.

However, this is infinitely better than having severe PTSD. I don't think about my existence and survival anymore, nor do I want to trade a limb for my mind and life back. I healed myself 160 degrees and use the methodology to help others with PTSD.

Man, all in all, this doesn't sound too bad! (I think some of this is just becoming an old man), amigo!)

I go back and forth on some of those. Interests ebb and flow. In the end, I'm stoked to be alive in all its meaningful and meaningless glory.

Sounds like you are getting there!
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knoxtom
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1:26p, 5/8/24
Can it be more than one event?

Here is my last 5 months...

One of my best friends had a heart attack (survived)

One week later my Mom died

Then my wife's grandma went in the hospital and wasn't expected to make it (survived)

Then my dog swallowed a toy whole and had to be cut open from pecker to chest (survived)

Then our other dog tore his ACL and needed TPLO surgery

Then my wife's great aunt died

Then my wife's Aunt had a massive heart attack (survived)

Then I split my head open while snowplowing with the UTV, Too much snow to make it to a hospital so the neighbor stitched me up at the kitchen table

Then I went into the hospital for weakness and stayed 10 days for a triple bypass, that was three weeks ago today

Good friend of mine is on his last few days for brain cancer as I type

I am sure I am forgetting a few things

Been a busy few months.
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Tanker123
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In reply to Tex117 • 1:44p, 5/8/24
Tex117 said:
Tanker123 said:
Tex117 said:
No. You will absolutely never be the same person again. A part of the tapestry of your soul has been ripped out. You will never be put together the same way again. But that doesn't mean you can't be whole.

If anything, you will have gained a super power. You are changed. Stronger. And more importantly, you will be able to see beauty more vividly as it contrasts against the backdrop of pain. It seems that the beauty of life can only be truly witnessed through the lens of pain.

You insight into life will change. What matters. What doesn't.

Your insight into friends will change. Some, you realize are just fun to drink beer with, others will get down in the trench with you.

You will wrestle with the meaning of existence. Whether it matters or not. Whether life has meaning or it doesn't. Maybe get to the point where that question is immaterial and focus on what you do every day because what you do everyday is how you spend your life. One that will end. Maybe you seek Gods help with this, maybe not.

We can't see the arc of our lives while in it. All we can do is try and fill it with what we deem meaningful to us.

You will never fly the same again because your wings have changed. This is how I changed:

- Lost my passion for fishing and cooking.
- My memory is horrible.
- I am a bit numb to life.
- I have become quite humble.
- More sense of compassion.
- Sometimes I don't see and hear things properly, thus I am super careful when I drive.
- I still have a few racing thoughts.
- I was able to forgive myself.
- I often wake up somewhat depressed.

However, this is infinitely better than having severe PTSD. I don't think about my existence and survival anymore, nor do I want to trade a limb for my mind and life back. I healed myself 160 degrees and use the methodology to help others with PTSD.

Man, all in all, this doesn't sound too bad! (I think some of this is just becoming an old man), amigo!)

I go back and forth on some of those. Interests ebb and flow. In the end, I'm stoked to be alive in all its meaningful and meaningless glory.

Sounds like you are getting there!
Likewise you as well. I am so happy that I got a second lease on life. I can feel love and see beauty again. This is the best I can get - healing 160 degrees. Chasing the last 20 degrees is indefeasible.
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Tanker123
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In reply to knoxtom • 1:47p, 5/8/24
knoxtom said:
Can it be more than one event?

Here is my last 5 months...

One of my best friends had a heart attack (survived)

One week later my Mom died

Then my wife's grandma went in the hospital and wasn't expected to make it (survived)

Then my dog swallowed a toy whole and had to be cut open from pecker to chest (survived)

Then our other dog tore his ACL and needed TPLO surgery

Then my wife's great aunt died

Then my wife's Aunt had a massive heart attack (survived)

Then I split my head open while snowplowing with the UTV, Too much snow to make it to a hospital so the neighbor stitched me up at the kitchen table

Then I went into the hospital for weakness and stayed 10 days for a triple bypass, that was three weeks ago today

Good friend of mine is on his last few days for brain cancer as I type

I am sure I am forgetting a few things

Been a busy few months.
Absolutely. It is called Complex PTSD or CPTSD. Essentially you were bombarded with one trauma after another trauma.
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Tex117
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In reply to Tanker123 • 1:53p, 5/8/24
AG
Tanker123 said:
Tex117 said:
Tanker123 said:
Tex117 said:
No. You will absolutely never be the same person again. A part of the tapestry of your soul has been ripped out. You will never be put together the same way again. But that doesn't mean you can't be whole.

If anything, you will have gained a super power. You are changed. Stronger. And more importantly, you will be able to see beauty more vividly as it contrasts against the backdrop of pain. It seems that the beauty of life can only be truly witnessed through the lens of pain.

You insight into life will change. What matters. What doesn't.

Your insight into friends will change. Some, you realize are just fun to drink beer with, others will get down in the trench with you.

You will wrestle with the meaning of existence. Whether it matters or not. Whether life has meaning or it doesn't. Maybe get to the point where that question is immaterial and focus on what you do every day because what you do everyday is how you spend your life. One that will end. Maybe you seek Gods help with this, maybe not.

We can't see the arc of our lives while in it. All we can do is try and fill it with what we deem meaningful to us.

You will never fly the same again because your wings have changed. This is how I changed:

- Lost my passion for fishing and cooking.
- My memory is horrible.
- I am a bit numb to life.
- I have become quite humble.
- More sense of compassion.
- Sometimes I don't see and hear things properly, thus I am super careful when I drive.
- I still have a few racing thoughts.
- I was able to forgive myself.
- I often wake up somewhat depressed.

However, this is infinitely better than having severe PTSD. I don't think about my existence and survival anymore, nor do I want to trade a limb for my mind and life back. I healed myself 160 degrees and use the methodology to help others with PTSD.

Man, all in all, this doesn't sound too bad! (I think some of this is just becoming an old man), amigo!)

I go back and forth on some of those. Interests ebb and flow. In the end, I'm stoked to be alive in all its meaningful and meaningless glory.

Sounds like you are getting there!
Likewise you as well. I am so happy that I got a second lease on life. I can feel love and see beauty again. This is the best I can get - healing 160 degrees. Chasing the last 20 degrees is indefeasible.

Ehh. Whats life anyway without a little bleeding? 160 seems like a fine percentage. Cheers my man.
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Tanker123
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In reply to Complete Idiot • 2:00p, 5/8/24
Complete Idiot said:
You ever have something happen in life that is so tragic or impactful that it feels like you, in a way, died? Like whatever you were as a person before that event is gone and now you're....something else?

I felt that way when my father died in his mid 50's. I was in my 20's and it was just so painful it made me wonder how much I could enjoy life after that. Enjoyment came back, time healed.

Now dealing with a very impactful issue with a kid, and it's something that has been going on 3 years and something we'll probably always have to deal with. It can get so stressful it feels like I died, like I'm just an animated body at times. Like a spaceship carrying a crew on some deep space mission has a critical failure of all guidance systems. Technically it's still a spaceship, it's still flying through space, but rudderless and basically pointless.

Anyway, happy Tuesday! Any good tapas bar recommendations?
Thank you for broaching this topic. This is almost like online therapy comprised of people with somewhat like conditions and circumstances. I noticed there is good cross talk happening. There is a good likelihood someone will provide a perspective that will cause an aha moment to a person. Someone will help another connect the dots. This will ring true because people are at the various stages of mental, emotional, and PTSD challenges.

There are many issues and questions:
- What is PTSD?
- What to do when having suicidal ideations?
- How to become less depressed?
- How to deal with the powerful symptoms?
- How to make the marriage stronger.
- How to forgive yourself.
- How to get rid of the guilt and regrets.
- What to do upon relapse?
- Who will help you heal?


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Tanker123
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In reply to Tex117 • 2:11p, 5/8/24
Tex117 said:
Tanker123 said:
Tex117 said:
Tanker123 said:
Tex117 said:
No. You will absolutely never be the same person again. A part of the tapestry of your soul has been ripped out. You will never be put together the same way again. But that doesn't mean you can't be whole.

If anything, you will have gained a super power. You are changed. Stronger. And more importantly, you will be able to see beauty more vividly as it contrasts against the backdrop of pain. It seems that the beauty of life can only be truly witnessed through the lens of pain.

You insight into life will change. What matters. What doesn't.

Your insight into friends will change. Some, you realize are just fun to drink beer with, others will get down in the trench with you.

You will wrestle with the meaning of existence. Whether it matters or not. Whether life has meaning or it doesn't. Maybe get to the point where that question is immaterial and focus on what you do every day because what you do everyday is how you spend your life. One that will end. Maybe you seek Gods help with this, maybe not.

We can't see the arc of our lives while in it. All we can do is try and fill it with what we deem meaningful to us.

You will never fly the same again because your wings have changed. This is how I changed:

- Lost my passion for fishing and cooking.
- My memory is horrible.
- I am a bit numb to life.
- I have become quite humble.
- More sense of compassion.
- Sometimes I don't see and hear things properly, thus I am super careful when I drive.
- I still have a few racing thoughts.
- I was able to forgive myself.
- I often wake up somewhat depressed.

However, this is infinitely better than having severe PTSD. I don't think about my existence and survival anymore, nor do I want to trade a limb for my mind and life back. I healed myself 160 degrees and use the methodology to help others with PTSD.

Man, all in all, this doesn't sound too bad! (I think some of this is just becoming an old man), amigo!)

I go back and forth on some of those. Interests ebb and flow. In the end, I'm stoked to be alive in all its meaningful and meaningless glory.

Sounds like you are getting there!
Likewise you as well. I am so happy that I got a second lease on life. I can feel love and see beauty again. This is the best I can get - healing 160 degrees. Chasing the last 20 degrees is indefeasible.

Ehh. Whats life anyway without a little bleeding? 160 seems like a fine percentage. Cheers my man.
Are you there too sir?
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Carlo4
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3:08p, 5/8/24
AG
Things that have happened since Covid. We are numb to it by now but so thankful for our daughter and living with my mom. Thankful for our friends and being here.

But you are not the same persons. Part of you does change forever because of it.

Wedding (3/20)
Miscarriage (7/2020)
1st baby born (2/2022)

Dad in coma, mother in law in bad wreck, niece wit rare disorder summer 2022. Visited hospital 60 straight days while raising a newborn.

Mother in law dies of stroke December 2022. Mom
Has sepsis and nearly dies same day mother in law on hospice. Mom recovers. Spent all December in hospital. Cancelled Christmas.

Aunt dies March 2023.

Dad in coma again summer and fall 2023. Dad dies of dementia January 2024. Daily visit in hospital and memory care for 6 months.

Uncle dies April 2024.
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Max Power
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In reply to Tanker123 • 3:39p, 5/8/24
AG
Tanker123 said:
I want to raise a red flag. PTSD, emotional, and mental issues can put an inordinate amount of strain on marriages and relationships. The newer the marriage, the greater the risk for divorce. I noticed that young couples had like a 50% divorce rate. I was quite sad to see this transpire. I witnessed many young soldiers with PTSD lose their careers, themselves, and their families.

It is crucial for couples to conduct a meeting of the minds. Sit down in a relaxed and private place. Put away your emotions and talk rationally about how you two feel, the challenges, and the way ahead. It's not a debate nor is it appropriate to be accusatory. It's to get the husband and wife on the same wavelength. I am adamant couples should do this. This can save a lot of heart ache.

There are online support groups you folks can partake in. I personally know of one which is sponsored by Victory for Veterans. Your military status does not matter to that organization. Those support groups consist of people in the same boat to a large degree. Sometimes, someone will have an insight that will help others connect the dots.
When my depression really came to a head I wasn't really met with compassion from my wife, it was more of a situation where I was told get help or else - like she was mad at me, but I think that was because she didn't understand what I was going through. I've told her before, be thankful that the things that go on in my head don't happen in yours because it's not a burden you want to carry. I called my doctor that morning, they got me in ASAP, I was put on strong antidepressants the next day which I'm still on now a decade later.

Fast forward about a year after I got help and we had our kid, my wife got hit with postpartum depression really hard. Where I was told by her to get help on my own, I did the leg work for her and found a doctor for her specific issues, group therapy helped her too. She's not the type to ask for help, she wants to take on the world on her own.

I bring this up to illustrate it's easier for some people to ask for help than others, even though it wasn't easy for me, I was at a breaking point. Perhaps OP finds it easier to ask for help before his wife does. While you have to take care of yourself, sometimes you have to take on the additional responsibility of helping your partner find help too. Try to be a team that helps each other, especially when you're both struggling. No one will fight for you better than you will. It can really be a hard road, but you can't passively work on your mental health. Keep moving forward, don't give up on yourself or your partner.
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ned911
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3:45p, 5/8/24
I keep telling myself. You don't move on, you move forward.
FTA Class of 1988
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Tex117
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In reply to Tanker123 • 3:59p, 5/8/24
AG
Tanker123 said:
Tex117 said:
Tanker123 said:
Tex117 said:
Tanker123 said:
Tex117 said:
No. You will absolutely never be the same person again. A part of the tapestry of your soul has been ripped out. You will never be put together the same way again. But that doesn't mean you can't be whole.

If anything, you will have gained a super power. You are changed. Stronger. And more importantly, you will be able to see beauty more vividly as it contrasts against the backdrop of pain. It seems that the beauty of life can only be truly witnessed through the lens of pain.

You insight into life will change. What matters. What doesn't.

Your insight into friends will change. Some, you realize are just fun to drink beer with, others will get down in the trench with you.

You will wrestle with the meaning of existence. Whether it matters or not. Whether life has meaning or it doesn't. Maybe get to the point where that question is immaterial and focus on what you do every day because what you do everyday is how you spend your life. One that will end. Maybe you seek Gods help with this, maybe not.

We can't see the arc of our lives while in it. All we can do is try and fill it with what we deem meaningful to us.

You will never fly the same again because your wings have changed. This is how I changed:

- Lost my passion for fishing and cooking.
- My memory is horrible.
- I am a bit numb to life.
- I have become quite humble.
- More sense of compassion.
- Sometimes I don't see and hear things properly, thus I am super careful when I drive.
- I still have a few racing thoughts.
- I was able to forgive myself.
- I often wake up somewhat depressed.

However, this is infinitely better than having severe PTSD. I don't think about my existence and survival anymore, nor do I want to trade a limb for my mind and life back. I healed myself 160 degrees and use the methodology to help others with PTSD.

Man, all in all, this doesn't sound too bad! (I think some of this is just becoming an old man), amigo!)

I go back and forth on some of those. Interests ebb and flow. In the end, I'm stoked to be alive in all its meaningful and meaningless glory.

Sounds like you are getting there!
Likewise you as well. I am so happy that I got a second lease on life. I can feel love and see beauty again. This is the best I can get - healing 160 degrees. Chasing the last 20 degrees is indefeasible.

Ehh. Whats life anyway without a little bleeding? 160 seems like a fine percentage. Cheers my man.
Are you there too sir?

I try not and think about it in terms of "degrees of healing." That implies I can get back to where I was. I can't. And I can't say I want to either. Like you said, this has made me more compassionate, more thoughtful, more relatable to some people, more "adult" in many ways, and a wisdom (or at least a pondering of life) gained earlier than many.

For me, the absence of parents love, that unconditional love that is unique and only given by them is a loss that will forever be felt and mourned. But there is also a freedom in that. A life now that without question your own with no "safety net." Life is scarier and more thrilling. As is the very concept of love.

I'm just closer to the veil nowadays.
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Tanker123
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In reply to Tex117 • 4:15p, 5/8/24
Tex117 said:
Tanker123 said:
Tex117 said:
Tanker123 said:
Tex117 said:
Tanker123 said:
Tex117 said:
No. You will absolutely never be the same person again. A part of the tapestry of your soul has been ripped out. You will never be put together the same way again. But that doesn't mean you can't be whole.

If anything, you will have gained a super power. You are changed. Stronger. And more importantly, you will be able to see beauty more vividly as it contrasts against the backdrop of pain. It seems that the beauty of life can only be truly witnessed through the lens of pain.

You insight into life will change. What matters. What doesn't.

Your insight into friends will change. Some, you realize are just fun to drink beer with, others will get down in the trench with you.

You will wrestle with the meaning of existence. Whether it matters or not. Whether life has meaning or it doesn't. Maybe get to the point where that question is immaterial and focus on what you do every day because what you do everyday is how you spend your life. One that will end. Maybe you seek Gods help with this, maybe not.

We can't see the arc of our lives while in it. All we can do is try and fill it with what we deem meaningful to us.

You will never fly the same again because your wings have changed. This is how I changed:

- Lost my passion for fishing and cooking.
- My memory is horrible.
- I am a bit numb to life.
- I have become quite humble.
- More sense of compassion.
- Sometimes I don't see and hear things properly, thus I am super careful when I drive.
- I still have a few racing thoughts.
- I was able to forgive myself.
- I often wake up somewhat depressed.

However, this is infinitely better than having severe PTSD. I don't think about my existence and survival anymore, nor do I want to trade a limb for my mind and life back. I healed myself 160 degrees and use the methodology to help others with PTSD.

Man, all in all, this doesn't sound too bad! (I think some of this is just becoming an old man), amigo!)

I go back and forth on some of those. Interests ebb and flow. In the end, I'm stoked to be alive in all its meaningful and meaningless glory.

Sounds like you are getting there!
Likewise you as well. I am so happy that I got a second lease on life. I can feel love and see beauty again. This is the best I can get - healing 160 degrees. Chasing the last 20 degrees is indefeasible.

Ehh. Whats life anyway without a little bleeding? 160 seems like a fine percentage. Cheers my man.
Are you there too sir?

I try not and think about it in terms of "degrees of healing." That implies I can get back to where I was. I can't. And I can't say I want to either. Like you said, this has made me more compassionate, more thoughtful, more relatable to some people, more "adult" in many ways, and a wisdom (or at least a pondering of life) gained earlier than many.

For me, the absence of parents love, that unconditional love that is unique and only given by them is a loss that will forever be felt and mourned. But there is also a freedom in that. A life now that without question your own with no "safety net." Life is scarier and more thrilling. As is the very concept of love.

I'm just closer to the veil nowadays.
I carry a cross because my wife has severe PTSD caused by the death of our daughter a couple years ago. Irony is I have helped many people with PTSD, but I can't help my wife materially because I can't help her get rid of the trauma. The best I can do is to tell and show her that I love her and alleviate the burdens of life by committing to doing all the domestic tasks like cooking, cleaning, shopping, washing cars, and the yard work. I am remiss and should research trauma and ways to get rid of it.
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B-1 83
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4:18p, 5/8/24
AG
I know I'm not the same person I was before Teacher Wife was diagnosed and spent the better part of three years watching her fight to the last. I've been called an attention @#$&* by a couple of posters for spilling my guts on TexAgs for that one.

More recently, after my dad passed and the ranch he (and I) loved went on the market due to failed promises and help from siblings…….that left some scars.
Being in TexAgs jail changes a man……..no, not really
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Tanker123
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4:38p, 5/8/24
I think many of us could use online group sessions in regard to the mental and emotional challenges that confront us.
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In reply to Tanker123 • 5:19p, 5/8/24
AG
Tanker123 said:
Tex117 said:
Tanker123 said:
Tex117 said:
Tanker123 said:
Tex117 said:
Tanker123 said:
Tex117 said:
No. You will absolutely never be the same person again. A part of the tapestry of your soul has been ripped out. You will never be put together the same way again. But that doesn't mean you can't be whole.

If anything, you will have gained a super power. You are changed. Stronger. And more importantly, you will be able to see beauty more vividly as it contrasts against the backdrop of pain. It seems that the beauty of life can only be truly witnessed through the lens of pain.

You insight into life will change. What matters. What doesn't.

Your insight into friends will change. Some, you realize are just fun to drink beer with, others will get down in the trench with you.

You will wrestle with the meaning of existence. Whether it matters or not. Whether life has meaning or it doesn't. Maybe get to the point where that question is immaterial and focus on what you do every day because what you do everyday is how you spend your life. One that will end. Maybe you seek Gods help with this, maybe not.

We can't see the arc of our lives while in it. All we can do is try and fill it with what we deem meaningful to us.

You will never fly the same again because your wings have changed. This is how I changed:

- Lost my passion for fishing and cooking.
- My memory is horrible.
- I am a bit numb to life.
- I have become quite humble.
- More sense of compassion.
- Sometimes I don't see and hear things properly, thus I am super careful when I drive.
- I still have a few racing thoughts.
- I was able to forgive myself.
- I often wake up somewhat depressed.

However, this is infinitely better than having severe PTSD. I don't think about my existence and survival anymore, nor do I want to trade a limb for my mind and life back. I healed myself 160 degrees and use the methodology to help others with PTSD.

Man, all in all, this doesn't sound too bad! (I think some of this is just becoming an old man), amigo!)

I go back and forth on some of those. Interests ebb and flow. In the end, I'm stoked to be alive in all its meaningful and meaningless glory.

Sounds like you are getting there!
Likewise you as well. I am so happy that I got a second lease on life. I can feel love and see beauty again. This is the best I can get - healing 160 degrees. Chasing the last 20 degrees is indefeasible.

Ehh. Whats life anyway without a little bleeding? 160 seems like a fine percentage. Cheers my man.
Are you there too sir?

I try not and think about it in terms of "degrees of healing." That implies I can get back to where I was. I can't. And I can't say I want to either. Like you said, this has made me more compassionate, more thoughtful, more relatable to some people, more "adult" in many ways, and a wisdom (or at least a pondering of life) gained earlier than many.

For me, the absence of parents love, that unconditional love that is unique and only given by them is a loss that will forever be felt and mourned. But there is also a freedom in that. A life now that without question your own with no "safety net." Life is scarier and more thrilling. As is the very concept of love.

I'm just closer to the veil nowadays.
I carry a cross because my wife has severe PTSD caused by the death of our daughter a couple years ago. Irony is I have helped many people with PTSD, but I can't help my wife materially because I can't help her get rid of the trauma. The best I can do is to tell and show her that I love her and alleviate the burdens of life by committing to doing all the domestic tasks like cooking, cleaning, shopping, washing cars, and the yard work. I am remiss and should research trauma and ways to get rid of it.

Obviously, the loss of child ranks highest on the hierarchy of grief. I know… everyone's grief is different, but still, this is outside the natural order (or at least how we believe the world orders itself). It's hard to even fathom the pain and loss you are your wife have had to endure.

Your comment about not being able to "help" your wife reminded me of this quote from A river Runs Through It. (Starts about 42 seconds in). Essentially, it's harder to help those who are closest to us.


But I'm sure you are helping. In ways she likely can't even register at this point.
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Tex117
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In reply to B-1 83 • 5:23p, 5/8/24
AG
B-1 83 said:
I know I'm not the same person I was before Teacher Wife was diagnosed and spent the better part of three years watching her fight to the last. I've been called an attention @#$&* by a couple of posters for spilling my guts on TexAgs for that one.

More recently, after my dad passed and the ranch he (and I) loved went on the market due to failed promises and help from siblings…….that left some scars.

Posters who have never experienced true loss or pain would say something like that. It's as clear as seeing what color their eyes are.

Ranch/land stuff can effing hurt. Been there too. It feels like you are both losing them again and letting them down all at the same time.
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Eliminatus
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In reply to Complete Idiot • 5:57p, 5/8/24
AG
Complete Idiot said:
You ever have something happen in life that is so tragic or impactful that it feels like you, in a way, died? Like whatever you were as a person before that event is gone and now you're....something else?

I felt that way when my father died in his mid 50's. I was in my 20's and it was just so painful it made me wonder how much I could enjoy life after that. Enjoyment came back, time healed.

Now dealing with a very impactful issue with a kid, and it's something that has been going on 3 years and something we'll probably always have to deal with. It can get so stressful it feels like I died, like I'm just an animated body at times. Like a spaceship carrying a crew on some deep space mission has a critical failure of all guidance systems. Technically it's still a spaceship, it's still flying through space, but rudderless and basically pointless.

Anyway, happy Tuesday! Any good tapas bar recommendations?
I haven't read the full thread but I can tell you from experience that the first most crucial step of all, is exactly your post. Saying it out loud. Even if it is to some internet strangers. Hell, I have found it easier for me to be more open to strangers than people actually close to me, as counter-intuitive as that may be. It makes it real, and when it is real, it can be confronted and addressed properly. LOTS of resources to start looking into if you want to work on this. Even TA of course. Feel free to drop a DM if you want. If nothing else, I can tell you what not to do. Pretty sure I went through most of the bad "fixes" over the years. Alcohol, extreme isolation, and the worst thing of all, denying it was even a thing for me. None of that worked for me and have to assume it doesn't work for most.

The bolded is what really caught my attention here. When I try to describe what the effect of a string of traumatic events I went through is exactly that. In my head, I had accepted I was dead and that was what I needed at some specific times to keep going but man, I never really snapped out of it once the events were over and that absolutely ruined my life for almost 2 decades. I am literally just now digging myself out of that hole (work in progress). So I get it.

My main thing is, as someone who bottled in everything for their entire life, don't do that. Do not let yourself fight this in your head alone forever. Keep talking, keep discussing, and if it is really dragging on you, seek professional help sooner rather than later. My family/culture instilled a stigma against it in me from a young age and I will never forgive them for that now. Still feels weird and wrong somehow but took some time to overcome that and it changed my life.

Good luck, keep at it, and again, feel free to reach out if ya need.

ETA: Read through the thread now and honestly, anyone feel free to reach out if ya need someone to listen/rant to. I've been through a bit in life and can relate/understand a lot of struggles out there. ****ty childhood, awful parents, seen a bunch of traumatic death, including both best friends, walked in on a suicide, had to choose which life to safe, I've died myself, been cheated on, been in love with an addict, lost multiple pets, been laid off, had drinking problems, etc. I am no expert but I am a pretty good listener and I don't judge. Sometimes, we just need reminders that we are not alone and again, I always found it easier for me to be more open to people I actually did NOT know very well. Weird I know, but the judgement stigma I invent in my head from those close to me was/is powerful.

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Tanker123
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In reply to Tex117 • 7:15p, 5/8/24
Tex117 said:
Tanker123 said:
Tex117 said:
Tanker123 said:
Tex117 said:
Tanker123 said:
Tex117 said:
Tanker123 said:
Tex117 said:
No. You will absolutely never be the same person again. A part of the tapestry of your soul has been ripped out. You will never be put together the same way again. But that doesn't mean you can't be whole.

If anything, you will have gained a super power. You are changed. Stronger. And more importantly, you will be able to see beauty more vividly as it contrasts against the backdrop of pain. It seems that the beauty of life can only be truly witnessed through the lens of pain.

You insight into life will change. What matters. What doesn't.

Your insight into friends will change. Some, you realize are just fun to drink beer with, others will get down in the trench with you.

You will wrestle with the meaning of existence. Whether it matters or not. Whether life has meaning or it doesn't. Maybe get to the point where that question is immaterial and focus on what you do every day because what you do everyday is how you spend your life. One that will end. Maybe you seek Gods help with this, maybe not.

We can't see the arc of our lives while in it. All we can do is try and fill it with what we deem meaningful to us.

You will never fly the same again because your wings have changed. This is how I changed:

- Lost my passion for fishing and cooking.
- My memory is horrible.
- I am a bit numb to life.
- I have become quite humble.
- More sense of compassion.
- Sometimes I don't see and hear things properly, thus I am super careful when I drive.
- I still have a few racing thoughts.
- I was able to forgive myself.
- I often wake up somewhat depressed.

However, this is infinitely better than having severe PTSD. I don't think about my existence and survival anymore, nor do I want to trade a limb for my mind and life back. I healed myself 160 degrees and use the methodology to help others with PTSD.

Man, all in all, this doesn't sound too bad! (I think some of this is just becoming an old man), amigo!)

I go back and forth on some of those. Interests ebb and flow. In the end, I'm stoked to be alive in all its meaningful and meaningless glory.

Sounds like you are getting there!
Likewise you as well. I am so happy that I got a second lease on life. I can feel love and see beauty again. This is the best I can get - healing 160 degrees. Chasing the last 20 degrees is indefeasible.

Ehh. Whats life anyway without a little bleeding? 160 seems like a fine percentage. Cheers my man.
Are you there too sir?

I try not and think about it in terms of "degrees of healing." That implies I can get back to where I was. I can't. And I can't say I want to either. Like you said, this has made me more compassionate, more thoughtful, more relatable to some people, more "adult" in many ways, and a wisdom (or at least a pondering of life) gained earlier than many.

For me, the absence of parents love, that unconditional love that is unique and only given by them is a loss that will forever be felt and mourned. But there is also a freedom in that. A life now that without question your own with no "safety net." Life is scarier and more thrilling. As is the very concept of love.

I'm just closer to the veil nowadays.
I carry a cross because my wife has severe PTSD caused by the death of our daughter a couple years ago. Irony is I have helped many people with PTSD, but I can't help my wife materially because I can't help her get rid of the trauma. The best I can do is to tell and show her that I love her and alleviate the burdens of life by committing to doing all the domestic tasks like cooking, cleaning, shopping, washing cars, and the yard work. I am remiss and should research trauma and ways to get rid of it.

Obviously, the loss of child ranks highest on the hierarchy of grief. I know… everyone's grief is different, but still, this is outside the natural order (or at least how we believe the world orders itself). It's hard to even fathom the pain and loss you are your wife have had to endure.

Your comment about not being able to "help" your wife reminded me of this quote from A river Runs Through It. (Starts about 42 seconds in). Essentially, it's harder to help those who are closest to us.


But I'm sure you are helping. In ways she likely can't even register at this point.
The worst-case scenario is LaDonna is destined to die with a broken heart. I have read grief evolves and changes over time. She is on a path and journey that is unknown to us to include the destination. She amazes me. Despite her infinite sadness, she still functions as a wife, friend, and employee at the hospital.

I am coming out of retirement to start my second career with the goal of making enough, so she can retire for good. My goal is to earn enough to tell her lets go to Japan for 30 days. Perhaps that would bring her some happiness and enjoyment. I will scour the world and kick over all the stones to try to find a way to help her heal. That is my mission in life to include whatever I can do to support her and make her days and nights easier.
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tandy miller
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AG
Yes I haven't been the same since I lost my dad at 11 and sister at 14. Sister was 16 and killed in a wreck. I will never forget the sight of her at the hospital, one earring knocked out of her ear. Other driver was my algebra teacher at the time. I faced her every day for the rest of my 8th grade year.

I have had a hard time managing emotions since these events, and to this day experience flashbacks of what I imagine the wreck was like. I probably have PTSD.

I feel like I am my age intellectually but at times feel stuck emotionally somewhere between 11 & 14.

There are times I wonder what might have been if I had not gone through that trauma.

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Tex117
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In reply to Tanker123 • 8:18p, 5/8/24
AG
Tanker123 said:
Tex117 said:
Tanker123 said:
Tex117 said:
Tanker123 said:
Tex117 said:
Tanker123 said:
Tex117 said:
Tanker123 said:
Tex117 said:
No. You will absolutely never be the same person again. A part of the tapestry of your soul has been ripped out. You will never be put together the same way again. But that doesn't mean you can't be whole.

If anything, you will have gained a super power. You are changed. Stronger. And more importantly, you will be able to see beauty more vividly as it contrasts against the backdrop of pain. It seems that the beauty of life can only be truly witnessed through the lens of pain.

You insight into life will change. What matters. What doesn't.

Your insight into friends will change. Some, you realize are just fun to drink beer with, others will get down in the trench with you.

You will wrestle with the meaning of existence. Whether it matters or not. Whether life has meaning or it doesn't. Maybe get to the point where that question is immaterial and focus on what you do every day because what you do everyday is how you spend your life. One that will end. Maybe you seek Gods help with this, maybe not.

We can't see the arc of our lives while in it. All we can do is try and fill it with what we deem meaningful to us.

You will never fly the same again because your wings have changed. This is how I changed:

- Lost my passion for fishing and cooking.
- My memory is horrible.
- I am a bit numb to life.
- I have become quite humble.
- More sense of compassion.
- Sometimes I don't see and hear things properly, thus I am super careful when I drive.
- I still have a few racing thoughts.
- I was able to forgive myself.
- I often wake up somewhat depressed.

However, this is infinitely better than having severe PTSD. I don't think about my existence and survival anymore, nor do I want to trade a limb for my mind and life back. I healed myself 160 degrees and use the methodology to help others with PTSD.

Man, all in all, this doesn't sound too bad! (I think some of this is just becoming an old man), amigo!)

I go back and forth on some of those. Interests ebb and flow. In the end, I'm stoked to be alive in all its meaningful and meaningless glory.

Sounds like you are getting there!
Likewise you as well. I am so happy that I got a second lease on life. I can feel love and see beauty again. This is the best I can get - healing 160 degrees. Chasing the last 20 degrees is indefeasible.

Ehh. Whats life anyway without a little bleeding? 160 seems like a fine percentage. Cheers my man.
Are you there too sir?

I try not and think about it in terms of "degrees of healing." That implies I can get back to where I was. I can't. And I can't say I want to either. Like you said, this has made me more compassionate, more thoughtful, more relatable to some people, more "adult" in many ways, and a wisdom (or at least a pondering of life) gained earlier than many.

For me, the absence of parents love, that unconditional love that is unique and only given by them is a loss that will forever be felt and mourned. But there is also a freedom in that. A life now that without question your own with no "safety net." Life is scarier and more thrilling. As is the very concept of love.

I'm just closer to the veil nowadays.
I carry a cross because my wife has severe PTSD caused by the death of our daughter a couple years ago. Irony is I have helped many people with PTSD, but I can't help my wife materially because I can't help her get rid of the trauma. The best I can do is to tell and show her that I love her and alleviate the burdens of life by committing to doing all the domestic tasks like cooking, cleaning, shopping, washing cars, and the yard work. I am remiss and should research trauma and ways to get rid of it.

Obviously, the loss of child ranks highest on the hierarchy of grief. I know… everyone's grief is different, but still, this is outside the natural order (or at least how we believe the world orders itself). It's hard to even fathom the pain and loss you are your wife have had to endure.

Your comment about not being able to "help" your wife reminded me of this quote from A river Runs Through It. (Starts about 42 seconds in). Essentially, it's harder to help those who are closest to us.


But I'm sure you are helping. In ways she likely can't even register at this point.
The worst-case scenario is LaDonna is destined to die with a broken heart. I have read grief evolves and changes over time. She is on a path and journey that is unknown to us to include the destination. She amazes me. Despite her infinite sadness, she still functions as a wife, friend, and employee at the hospital.

I am coming out of retirement to start my second career with the goal of making enough, so she can retire for good. My goal is to earn enough to tell her lets go to Japan for 30 days. Perhaps that would bring her some happiness and enjoyment.

You are an incredible husband. Dying with a broken heart… my goodness. I hope that is not her fate, or yours.

The depth of sorrow a parent, particularly a mother, is beyond intense. I hope she is seeking a professional to help her navigate that darkness. That has a risk of swallowing one whole.

You have clearly found meaning in taking care of your wife. Has she found meaning?
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An L of an Ag
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8:32p, 5/8/24
AG
Lost mom and her dad at 18. 2 of the remaining 3 grandparents the next 4 years, and the last grandparent 3 years later.

Best friend from 7th grade on committed suicide the year before I graduated A&M.

Was raised devout Christian, and after initially relying on faith and finding strength and solace in the church I found upon starting at A&M...threw it all away after 2 or 3 years of seeing my peers not only enjoying "the best years of their lives", but also excelling and moving on while I was slogging through quicksand in every way.

Took a long time of (re) learning **** the hard way before finding peace around 2010. Just because you suffer seemingly inordinately early doesn't mean you get a big ol reward to coast you through the rest of your life.

Took me a long time to figure that **** out.

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Tanker123
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In reply to Tex117 • 8:33p, 5/8/24
Tex117 said:
Tanker123 said:
Tex117 said:
Tanker123 said:
Tex117 said:
Tanker123 said:
Tex117 said:
Tanker123 said:
Tex117 said:
Tanker123 said:
Tex117 said:
No. You will absolutely never be the same person again. A part of the tapestry of your soul has been ripped out. You will never be put together the same way again. But that doesn't mean you can't be whole.

If anything, you will have gained a super power. You are changed. Stronger. And more importantly, you will be able to see beauty more vividly as it contrasts against the backdrop of pain. It seems that the beauty of life can only be truly witnessed through the lens of pain.

You insight into life will change. What matters. What doesn't.

Your insight into friends will change. Some, you realize are just fun to drink beer with, others will get down in the trench with you.

You will wrestle with the meaning of existence. Whether it matters or not. Whether life has meaning or it doesn't. Maybe get to the point where that question is immaterial and focus on what you do every day because what you do everyday is how you spend your life. One that will end. Maybe you seek Gods help with this, maybe not.

We can't see the arc of our lives while in it. All we can do is try and fill it with what we deem meaningful to us.

You will never fly the same again because your wings have changed. This is how I changed:

- Lost my passion for fishing and cooking.
- My memory is horrible.
- I am a bit numb to life.
- I have become quite humble.
- More sense of compassion.
- Sometimes I don't see and hear things properly, thus I am super careful when I drive.
- I still have a few racing thoughts.
- I was able to forgive myself.
- I often wake up somewhat depressed.

However, this is infinitely better than having severe PTSD. I don't think about my existence and survival anymore, nor do I want to trade a limb for my mind and life back. I healed myself 160 degrees and use the methodology to help others with PTSD.

Man, all in all, this doesn't sound too bad! (I think some of this is just becoming an old man), amigo!)

I go back and forth on some of those. Interests ebb and flow. In the end, I'm stoked to be alive in all its meaningful and meaningless glory.

Sounds like you are getting there!
Likewise you as well. I am so happy that I got a second lease on life. I can feel love and see beauty again. This is the best I can get - healing 160 degrees. Chasing the last 20 degrees is indefeasible.

Ehh. Whats life anyway without a little bleeding? 160 seems like a fine percentage. Cheers my man.
Are you there too sir?

I try not and think about it in terms of "degrees of healing." That implies I can get back to where I was. I can't. And I can't say I want to either. Like you said, this has made me more compassionate, more thoughtful, more relatable to some people, more "adult" in many ways, and a wisdom (or at least a pondering of life) gained earlier than many.

For me, the absence of parents love, that unconditional love that is unique and only given by them is a loss that will forever be felt and mourned. But there is also a freedom in that. A life now that without question your own with no "safety net." Life is scarier and more thrilling. As is the very concept of love.

I'm just closer to the veil nowadays.
I carry a cross because my wife has severe PTSD caused by the death of our daughter a couple years ago. Irony is I have helped many people with PTSD, but I can't help my wife materially because I can't help her get rid of the trauma. The best I can do is to tell and show her that I love her and alleviate the burdens of life by committing to doing all the domestic tasks like cooking, cleaning, shopping, washing cars, and the yard work. I am remiss and should research trauma and ways to get rid of it.

Obviously, the loss of child ranks highest on the hierarchy of grief. I know… everyone's grief is different, but still, this is outside the natural order (or at least how we believe the world orders itself). It's hard to even fathom the pain and loss you are your wife have had to endure.

Your comment about not being able to "help" your wife reminded me of this quote from A river Runs Through It. (Starts about 42 seconds in). Essentially, it's harder to help those who are closest to us.


But I'm sure you are helping. In ways she likely can't even register at this point.
The worst-case scenario is LaDonna is destined to die with a broken heart. I have read grief evolves and changes over time. She is on a path and journey that is unknown to us to include the destination. She amazes me. Despite her infinite sadness, she still functions as a wife, friend, and employee at the hospital.

I am coming out of retirement to start my second career with the goal of making enough, so she can retire for good. My goal is to earn enough to tell her lets go to Japan for 30 days. Perhaps that would bring her some happiness and enjoyment.

You are an incredible husband. Dying with a broken heart… my goodness. I hope that is not her fate, or yours.

The depth of sorrow a parent, particularly a mother, is beyond intense. I hope she is seeking a professional to help her navigate that darkness. That has a risk of swallowing one whole.

You have clearly found meaning in taking care of your wife. Has she found meaning?

She sees a psychologist. However, psychologists and therapists are a mixed bag of professionals with great variances in ability to help people with heal with PTSD. The process is a conglomeration of subjectivity, theories, professional education, and empathy or the lack of it.

I retired from the army with severe PTSD, and I can say with candor none of my psychologists and therapists helped me heal even remotely for several years. I healed myself 160 degrees. However, I do not blame them because it's not their fault that some have no empathy because they have not experienced PTSD.

Tex117, I wrote a PTSD healing book. Would you like to read it? It's a free PDF file. I wrote it a few months before I retired from the army, thus it was written in haste. My overriding objective was finishing it before I retired. I am endeavoring in a rewrite now.

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scd88
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9:01p, 5/8/24
AG
Great thread. I don't know any of y'all; I admire all of you for persevering. Thank you for sharing.
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AgsMyDude
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9:58p, 5/8/24
AG
Nvm
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In reply to Tanker123 • 10:25p, 5/8/24
AG
Tanker123 said:
Tex117 said:
Tanker123 said:
Tex117 said:
Tanker123 said:
Tex117 said:
Tanker123 said:
Tex117 said:
Tanker123 said:
Tex117 said:
Tanker123 said:
Tex117 said:
No. You will absolutely never be the same person again. A part of the tapestry of your soul has been ripped out. You will never be put together the same way again. But that doesn't mean you can't be whole.

If anything, you will have gained a super power. You are changed. Stronger. And more importantly, you will be able to see beauty more vividly as it contrasts against the backdrop of pain. It seems that the beauty of life can only be truly witnessed through the lens of pain.

You insight into life will change. What matters. What doesn't.

Your insight into friends will change. Some, you realize are just fun to drink beer with, others will get down in the trench with you.

You will wrestle with the meaning of existence. Whether it matters or not. Whether life has meaning or it doesn't. Maybe get to the point where that question is immaterial and focus on what you do every day because what you do everyday is how you spend your life. One that will end. Maybe you seek Gods help with this, maybe not.

We can't see the arc of our lives while in it. All we can do is try and fill it with what we deem meaningful to us.

You will never fly the same again because your wings have changed. This is how I changed:

- Lost my passion for fishing and cooking.
- My memory is horrible.
- I am a bit numb to life.
- I have become quite humble.
- More sense of compassion.
- Sometimes I don't see and hear things properly, thus I am super careful when I drive.
- I still have a few racing thoughts.
- I was able to forgive myself.
- I often wake up somewhat depressed.

However, this is infinitely better than having severe PTSD. I don't think about my existence and survival anymore, nor do I want to trade a limb for my mind and life back. I healed myself 160 degrees and use the methodology to help others with PTSD.

Man, all in all, this doesn't sound too bad! (I think some of this is just becoming an old man), amigo!)

I go back and forth on some of those. Interests ebb and flow. In the end, I'm stoked to be alive in all its meaningful and meaningless glory.

Sounds like you are getting there!
Likewise you as well. I am so happy that I got a second lease on life. I can feel love and see beauty again. This is the best I can get - healing 160 degrees. Chasing the last 20 degrees is indefeasible.

Ehh. Whats life anyway without a little bleeding? 160 seems like a fine percentage. Cheers my man.
Are you there too sir?

I try not and think about it in terms of "degrees of healing." That implies I can get back to where I was. I can't. And I can't say I want to either. Like you said, this has made me more compassionate, more thoughtful, more relatable to some people, more "adult" in many ways, and a wisdom (or at least a pondering of life) gained earlier than many.

For me, the absence of parents love, that unconditional love that is unique and only given by them is a loss that will forever be felt and mourned. But there is also a freedom in that. A life now that without question your own with no "safety net." Life is scarier and more thrilling. As is the very concept of love.

I'm just closer to the veil nowadays.
I carry a cross because my wife has severe PTSD caused by the death of our daughter a couple years ago. Irony is I have helped many people with PTSD, but I can't help my wife materially because I can't help her get rid of the trauma. The best I can do is to tell and show her that I love her and alleviate the burdens of life by committing to doing all the domestic tasks like cooking, cleaning, shopping, washing cars, and the yard work. I am remiss and should research trauma and ways to get rid of it.

Obviously, the loss of child ranks highest on the hierarchy of grief. I know… everyone's grief is different, but still, this is outside the natural order (or at least how we believe the world orders itself). It's hard to even fathom the pain and loss you are your wife have had to endure.

Your comment about not being able to "help" your wife reminded me of this quote from A river Runs Through It. (Starts about 42 seconds in). Essentially, it's harder to help those who are closest to us.


But I'm sure you are helping. In ways she likely can't even register at this point.
The worst-case scenario is LaDonna is destined to die with a broken heart. I have read grief evolves and changes over time. She is on a path and journey that is unknown to us to include the destination. She amazes me. Despite her infinite sadness, she still functions as a wife, friend, and employee at the hospital.

I am coming out of retirement to start my second career with the goal of making enough, so she can retire for good. My goal is to earn enough to tell her lets go to Japan for 30 days. Perhaps that would bring her some happiness and enjoyment.

You are an incredible husband. Dying with a broken heart… my goodness. I hope that is not her fate, or yours.

The depth of sorrow a parent, particularly a mother, is beyond intense. I hope she is seeking a professional to help her navigate that darkness. That has a risk of swallowing one whole.

You have clearly found meaning in taking care of your wife. Has she found meaning?

She sees a psychologist. However, psychologists and therapists are a mixed bag of professionals with great variances in ability to help people with heal with PTSD. The process is a conglomeration of subjectivity, theories, professional education, and empathy or the lack of it.

I retired from the army with severe PTSD, and I can say with candor none of my psychologists and therapists helped me heal even remotely for several years. I healed myself 160 degrees. However, I do not blame them because it's not their fault that some have no empathy because they have not experienced PTSD.

Tex117, I wrote a PTSD healing book. Would you like to read it? It's a free PDF file. I wrote it a few months before I retired from the army, thus it was written in haste. My overriding objective was finishing it before I retired. I am endeavoring in a rewrite now.


I would very much like to read it. Can you direct message me the pdf file?
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Tanker123
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In reply to Tex117 • 11:06p, 5/8/24
Tex117 said:
Tanker123 said:
Tex117 said:
Tanker123 said:
Tex117 said:
Tanker123 said:
Tex117 said:
Tanker123 said:
Tex117 said:
Tanker123 said:
Tex117 said:
Tanker123 said:
Tex117 said:
No. You will absolutely never be the same person again. A part of the tapestry of your soul has been ripped out. You will never be put together the same way again. But that doesn't mean you can't be whole.

If anything, you will have gained a super power. You are changed. Stronger. And more importantly, you will be able to see beauty more vividly as it contrasts against the backdrop of pain. It seems that the beauty of life can only be truly witnessed through the lens of pain.

You insight into life will change. What matters. What doesn't.

Your insight into friends will change. Some, you realize are just fun to drink beer with, others will get down in the trench with you.

You will wrestle with the meaning of existence. Whether it matters or not. Whether life has meaning or it doesn't. Maybe get to the point where that question is immaterial and focus on what you do every day because what you do everyday is how you spend your life. One that will end. Maybe you seek Gods help with this, maybe not.

We can't see the arc of our lives while in it. All we can do is try and fill it with what we deem meaningful to us.

You will never fly the same again because your wings have changed. This is how I changed:

- Lost my passion for fishing and cooking.
- My memory is horrible.
- I am a bit numb to life.
- I have become quite humble.
- More sense of compassion.
- Sometimes I don't see and hear things properly, thus I am super careful when I drive.
- I still have a few racing thoughts.
- I was able to forgive myself.
- I often wake up somewhat depressed.

However, this is infinitely better than having severe PTSD. I don't think about my existence and survival anymore, nor do I want to trade a limb for my mind and life back. I healed myself 160 degrees and use the methodology to help others with PTSD.

Man, all in all, this doesn't sound too bad! (I think some of this is just becoming an old man), amigo!)

I go back and forth on some of those. Interests ebb and flow. In the end, I'm stoked to be alive in all its meaningful and meaningless glory.

Sounds like you are getting there!
Likewise you as well. I am so happy that I got a second lease on life. I can feel love and see beauty again. This is the best I can get - healing 160 degrees. Chasing the last 20 degrees is indefeasible.

Ehh. Whats life anyway without a little bleeding? 160 seems like a fine percentage. Cheers my man.
Are you there too sir?

I try not and think about it in terms of "degrees of healing." That implies I can get back to where I was. I can't. And I can't say I want to either. Like you said, this has made me more compassionate, more thoughtful, more relatable to some people, more "adult" in many ways, and a wisdom (or at least a pondering of life) gained earlier than many.

For me, the absence of parents love, that unconditional love that is unique and only given by them is a loss that will forever be felt and mourned. But there is also a freedom in that. A life now that without question your own with no "safety net." Life is scarier and more thrilling. As is the very concept of love.

I'm just closer to the veil nowadays.
I carry a cross because my wife has severe PTSD caused by the death of our daughter a couple years ago. Irony is I have helped many people with PTSD, but I can't help my wife materially because I can't help her get rid of the trauma. The best I can do is to tell and show her that I love her and alleviate the burdens of life by committing to doing all the domestic tasks like cooking, cleaning, shopping, washing cars, and the yard work. I am remiss and should research trauma and ways to get rid of it.

Obviously, the loss of child ranks highest on the hierarchy of grief. I know… everyone's grief is different, but still, this is outside the natural order (or at least how we believe the world orders itself). It's hard to even fathom the pain and loss you are your wife have had to endure.

Your comment about not being able to "help" your wife reminded me of this quote from A river Runs Through It. (Starts about 42 seconds in). Essentially, it's harder to help those who are closest to us.


But I'm sure you are helping. In ways she likely can't even register at this point.
The worst-case scenario is LaDonna is destined to die with a broken heart. I have read grief evolves and changes over time. She is on a path and journey that is unknown to us to include the destination. She amazes me. Despite her infinite sadness, she still functions as a wife, friend, and employee at the hospital.

I am coming out of retirement to start my second career with the goal of making enough, so she can retire for good. My goal is to earn enough to tell her lets go to Japan for 30 days. Perhaps that would bring her some happiness and enjoyment.

You are an incredible husband. Dying with a broken heart… my goodness. I hope that is not her fate, or yours.

The depth of sorrow a parent, particularly a mother, is beyond intense. I hope she is seeking a professional to help her navigate that darkness. That has a risk of swallowing one whole.

You have clearly found meaning in taking care of your wife. Has she found meaning?

She sees a psychologist. However, psychologists and therapists are a mixed bag of professionals with great variances in ability to help people with heal with PTSD. The process is a conglomeration of subjectivity, theories, professional education, and empathy or the lack of it.

I retired from the army with severe PTSD, and I can say with candor none of my psychologists and therapists helped me heal even remotely for several years. I healed myself 160 degrees. However, I do not blame them because it's not their fault that some have no empathy because they have not experienced PTSD.

Tex117, I wrote a PTSD healing book. Would you like to read it? It's a free PDF file. I wrote it a few months before I retired from the army, thus it was written in haste. My overriding objective was finishing it before I retired. I am endeavoring in a rewrite now.


I would very much like to read it. Can you direct message me the pdf file?
Email me at AJourneyOfHealingPTSD@gmail.com. I would love your thoughts and perspectives.
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Tanker123
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11:11p, 5/8/24
Folks I am here if you want someone to talk to or you want a coach. I have more ears than mouths, thus I will listen. The stormy sea is challenging, but finding placid waters can be done. Don't give up. Let's figure out how to win.
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2:23a, 5/9/24
As someone else said, I do not know a single one of you, but I found it quite hard to read many of your stories. In fact, almost all of them I read part of your post then skipped the rest of it and went to the next post. It was painful to read. I have always said "I just cannot imagine..." about something someone lived through, or didn't live through, and I found myself saying (in my head), the same thing as I read this thread.

I have been spared a great deal of what so many of you have told about. All my grandparents were dead before I was born, so I was spared the loss of a grandparent which is often the first time a person has to deal with a death of someone close to them. Not always, but often. I recently turned 71, very active still, quite immature for my age. Lately, I have thought a lot about how things once important to me no longer are, and things that have moved up the important list never seemed to be until lately.

My dad died when I was 36, my mom when I was 53, I am the oldest of three boys, and the middle brother died nearly six years ago now. I think of each of them every day, every day. Like the loss of grandparents, the loss of parents, provided those deaths don't occur when they are young, as hurtful as that can be, is part of the natural progression of things, and to be expected. So, I guess we prepare for it all along. The loss of a sibling, or a child or grandchild, well I won't type anything else about that, too hurtful to think about.

I drowned, well nearly did, when I was six, my dad saved my life. Vomited water for what seemed like several minutes. Was nearly killed when I was 23 when working as a derrickman and the rig blew over. The latter caused daymares for a month or so. Then all faded away.

Over my third of century (plus) as a CPA with my own firm, I never was friends with clients. I had a few thousand over that time span. A few friends became clients, and when they did the friendship changed a little. But over those years, I was asked to call family members of some of my clients to tell them someone in their family had died. They would come by or call and ask if I would call a sister or brother or other family member. Sure didn't want to, but I did because they said they could not do it. I have been asked to speak at funerals, often to tell stories about the deceased.

Thank you all for sharing these stories. When I read things like this, I make a vow to be a better person, to be a more compassionate person, to be what God would have me be. Sadly, it doesn't last long.

Dealing with death is so hard, no matter how close the deceased is to you, they were very close and important to so many. Lives changed forever when someone goes. I wish had some magical advice I could give to ease the pain, but I cannot, I do not possess that ability. May God bless each and every one of you.

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The Fife
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7:05a, 5/9/24
Two events:

Unexpected loss of my brother when he was 31, and finding out by accident that my biological father is not who I was always told and this was intentionally covered up my entire life.

Both were pretty earth shattering, and both were sort of a before then / after then type thing, but in different ways. The first, the loss of someone close who I could tell nearly anything to and did all I could do to help.

The second, a huge violation in trust. I'm much more suspicious or skeptical in others, but I was too trusting or naive to begin with. Working through it with a therapist was the shove I needed to take the kids and get out of a bad marriage, and become ok with who I am after a lifetime of not liking anything there was to do with it.
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