You ever have something happen in life that is so tragic or impactful that it feels like you, in a way, died? Like whatever you were as a person before that event is gone and now you're....something else?

I felt that way when my father died in his mid 50's. I was in my 20's and it was just so painful it made me wonder how much I could enjoy life after that. Enjoyment came back, time healed.

Now dealing with a very impactful issue with a kid, and it's something that has been going on 3 years and something we'll probably always have to deal with. It can get so stressful it feels like I died, like I'm just an animated body at times. Like a spaceship carrying a crew on some deep space mission has a critical failure of all guidance systems. Technically it's still a spaceship, it's still flying through space, but rudderless and basically pointless.

Anyway, happy Tuesday! Any good tapas bar recommendations?

We all spend at least some time as Meat Puppets.

Yep. Parents died while I was in college, two years apart. Take it one day at a time.

John 14:1

Quote:

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Let not your heart be troubled: believe in God, believe also in me.

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Some things you cannot control.

My mom died my sophomore year at A&M. I'm pretty sure my life would be different today if she didn't die.

Yes, but in a different way. My kid was involved in an accident this year. His life is forever changed by it. I feel like the kid he was before the accident is gone forever.

Our family has been trying to move forward everyday, as I know time will help heal. I turned to God for help, and have tried to be the spiritual leader for our family, as I wasn't before. That has helped immensely.

Feel free to DM if you want to talk.

Pray often, and go to a therapist and open up. You will find that after a rough first month your entire life will improve for the better as you learn skills and strategies to better handle life. Sometimes we get stuck in our trauma life and the mindset of fight or flight when we experience that heavy trauma from our early life. It is important to learn how to grow out of that trauma but first you must heal from it by going back in. EMDR can really help too. I encourage you to be brave and open, find a therapist and if you don't like the first one go to another one. The first step is always the hardest, which is having the courage to book the appointment and walk through the door and leave the old familiar pain of the past behind for good.

Long story short: In the time before rescues, my parents divorced while I was in college, and I had to take the family dog to be put to sleep. My parents sold the house, we were all living in apartments, and he was inconsolable moving from the only house he had ever known and would just howl all day long. So my mom told me to take him and have him put to sleep. He was my best friend growing up. And the vet tried to talk me out of it. But I literally had no idea what else to do. So I went through with it. For reasons I won't go into, I left the room while he died. It really effed me up. To this day. I don't think I've cried at a funeral since. Even my dad's or my sister's.

People, especially those who aren't dog people, don't understand. And that's fine. But if you've ever been really depressed and alone, and had a dog be your best pal, you get it. It's not just that the dog died, it's that I had to do it, too, and he probably had a year or two of healthy life to live.

Parents long gone.

2nd child died at the age of 2.

Youngest child autistic.

Some days I feel blessed beyond measure and some days I feel snake bit.

Gotta realize that nobody gets through this life without scars and gotta find the positives along the way. No shame in asking for/finding help to do that.

Lots of wisdom in trying to be just a little bit better today than yesterday.

Good luck to you.

My sister died spring of my first year at A&M. I was walking to a mid-term exam when I saw my roommate and someone from the university waiting for me. She was the best friend I've ever had. 30 years later and I have never recovered from it. I just deal with it but there's absolutely a large piece of me missing.

I passed out when I had Covid, hit my head, did something to my arms that nobody has been able to figure out so they hurt every second of every day, had to get spinal fusion, and ultimately ended up with a pacemaker.

It completely changed my relationship with my son. Before that we used to rough house quite a bit and play all sorts of things on the floor of his bedroom. After weeks of recovery when I was able to get down on the floor with him again I was afraid to. I never really wrestle with him the same or play rough games that sons and fathers play because I'm afraid I'll hurt my back and neck.

My daughter is growing up with a different father than my son did when he was younger. I don't do little things like carry her around on my shoulders because it hurts my neck.

There are some bad things in life that people say they wouldn't change even if they could because without it they wouldn't be the person they are now. I would definitely not get out of bed that day if I could go back. No good has come from it and it never will.

I don't share too much personal stuff on here. Didn't really mean to say all this but there it is.

Complete Idiot said:

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You ever have something happen in life that is so tragic or impactful that it feels like you, in a way, died? Like whatever you were as a person before that event is gone and now you're....something else?

I felt that way when my father died in his mid 50's. I was in my 20's and it was just so painful it made me wonder how much I could enjoy life after that. Enjoyment came back, time healed.

Now dealing with a very impactful issue with a kid, and it's something that has been going on 3 years and something we'll probably always have to deal with. It can get so stressful it feels like I died, like I'm just an animated body at times. Like a spaceship carrying a crew on some deep space mission has a critical failure of all guidance systems. Technically it's still a spaceship, it's still flying through space, but rudderless and basically pointless.

Anyway, happy Tuesday! Any good tapas bar recommendations?

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I mean this with all sincerity, dont ever hesitate to reach out if you ever want to simply chat or talk about these issues or anything else at all. Any time anywhere. I'm obviously chronically online so it will never be a bother. My email is username 21 21 at g mail.

Had a 3 year period recently in which major negative life events happened usually every 6 months

Daughters cancer

Pandemic hit in which we were complete shut ins due to her risk of infection

Divorce

Cancer comes back, have brain surgery

Business i had for 25 years dies out mainly due to pandemic and other factors

Mother passes

Daughter passes



Pretty much hit about every six months, hit me and my now ex wife hard. She was my daughters rock.

I have gone thru major depression time periods and not fully healed from the previous hit by the time the next one came

Talked about it on the thread about friendships and just now trying to get out more and do stuff again...very slow process but getting there

Wife died of a heart attack suddenly 18 months ago. She was handing me a taro chip and just slumped back in her seat.

Still trying to break out of the funk of losing my best friend and partner. Therapy helps a little. Might be easier if the people I was counting on to help weren't ****ting all over me as well.

The above goes for you too.

2018. A few days before leaving on a trip during which I proposed to my now wife.

Saw a young woman attempt suicide with a shotgun in a park while running in a local park with my wife. She was sitting next to the running path with the gun as we came running by. It was dusk and I didn't realize she had a gun until we were very close because I didn't have my glasses. As we passed, I shoved my wife ahead me and put myself between her and the weapon to offer some sort of protection, fully ready to lay my life down for her. The young woman then turned the gun on herself and pulled the trigger. We stopped and called 911. I heard the woman whimper for help so I went over to her (I'm a former paramedic). Not much you can do for a GSW with no equipment so I just held her hand and told her help was coming. Emergency response was very fast. We talked to them about everything that happened and then finished our run. No idea if she survived.

That day still bothers me some. I'm not disappointed in my response to the situation nor my decision to protect my wife. Part of me wishes that I'd stopped and tried to talk to her before she pulled the trigger, but I was scared for our lives.

It didn't bother me at first, but about a year later I went into a pretty bad funk of depression. The dark thoughts that you sometimes couldn't get out of your head. I'd come home and lay in the middle of the living room and not move because I was terrified my brain would make me do something I couldn't control. I lost interest in everything. I grew up ranching and hunting. Loved shooting guns. I'm embarrassed to say guns make me incredibly nervous now. I never felt more embarrassed than when I took my guns and handed them over to my dad. He's very old school and I'm not sure he'll ever quite understand why I did it.

Life's gotten much better (although still stressful) thanks to my wife being my rock. Also got a puppy that year that was extremely helpful in making care about life again. Definitely will never be the same after that though.

I greatly appreciate the stories shared and offers made.

Some were more open than I was and it makes me feel guilty, but thank you. For the issue we are currently dealing with I most relate to DargelSkout in that we feel our kid is gone even if still with us. We have two other kids and need to be there for them. As hard as it is for me to deal with the kid in crisis, what the situation has done to my wife is just as hard. It has made her disconnect from life and perhaps contemplate worse so I struggle to deal with my kid's issue, my own issues resulting from that, and have to worry about my wife. It can be overwhelming.

There are people with harder issues they are dealing with, I have many blessings, I have to take one day at a time. I had counseling 3 years ago, first time ever and had never considered it before but I was in desperation. It did help to say things out loud, even if no one external to myself can really make it better.

Complete Idiot said:

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I greatly appreciate the stories shared and offers made.

Some were more open than I was and it makes me feel guilty, but thank you. For the issue we are currently dealing with I most relate to DargelSkout in that we feel our kid is gone even if still with us. We have two other kids and need to be there for them. As hard as it is for me to deal with the kid in crisis, what the situation has done to my wife is just as hard. It has made her disconnect from life and perhaps contemplate worse so I struggle to deal with my kid's issue, my own issues resulting from that, and have to worry about my wife. It can be overwhelming.

There are people with harder issues they are dealing with, I have many blessings, I have to take one day at a time. I had counseling 3 years ago, first time ever and had never considered it before but I was in desperation. It did help to say things out loud, even if no one external to myself can really make it better.

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You don't have to feel guilty for anything. There's no use in comparing tragedies. That doesn't make it any less impactful on you. I'm a huge advocate for therapy. I finally started over 2 years ago but wish I'd done so decades ago. But you have to want to do it otherwise it's a waste of everyone's time. But when you find a great therapist it can do wonders for you. Without mine I'm not sure I'd still be here today.

And I'll probably regret sharing personal info on here as there are some deranged people out there but I can't stop myself from reaching out when I see someone in need. It's truly awful when you have no one to turn to.

Complete Idiot said:

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I greatly appreciate the stories shared and offers made.

Some were more open than I was and it makes me feel guilty, but thank you. For the issue we are currently dealing with I most relate to DargelSkout in that we feel our kid is gone even if still with us. We have two other kids and need to be there for them. As hard as it is for me to deal with the kid in crisis, what the situation has done to my wife is just as hard. It has made her disconnect from life and perhaps contemplate worse so I struggle to deal with my kid's issue, my own issues resulting from that, and have to worry about my wife. It can be overwhelming.

There are people with harder issues they are dealing with, I have many blessings, I have to take one day at a time. I had counseling 3 years ago, first time ever and had never considered it before but I was in desperation. It did help to say things out loud, even if no one external to myself can really make it better.

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I know thinking about the plight of others gives you perspective, but the worst thing that has happened to you is still the worst thing that has happened to YOU and you don't need to compare yourself to others. There is no need to feel ashamed of what you're feeling as you go through this obviously tough patch. I'm not religious but one Bible verse that always stayed with me was "It came to pass." I understand that it is not the context that verse is written in, but it is absolutely true and has helped me through a lot of ups and downs.

This is my wife's and my story. We lost an adult child, Allana, two years ago. What is even more tragic is she died during childbirth. Our grandson was born on the day his mothered died. Our granddaughter was 4 years old, and she has wisdom beyond her years and talked about her mother's death with a perspective of a much older person. The SIL wiped away every vestige of her mother at the house. All the pictures were gone. However, she identified with her mother's SUV, thus we acquired the vehicle which she likes riding in.

I have helped many civilians and veterans with PTSD and even wrote a book about healing with it. However, I can't help everyone, because I can't help them rid themselves of the trauma. This is the case for my wife. She believes if she stops thinking about Allana, then her daughter's life and existence would be negated. I really feel bad for my wife. Fortunately, I am retired, so I do all the domestic chores to include cook for her.

I will illuminate my paradigm for PTSD. Generally speaking, "normal" people have control over their thoughts. However, people with PTSD have minds that are overwhelmingly occupied by the trauma, symptoms, and lots of negative thoughts. People with severe PTSD will lose a lot of control of their minds and thoughts. My strategy when I coach people with PTSD is to help them become less depressed and give them realistic coping skills for symptoms. If done successfully, then trauma is the last component of PTSD we have to deal with. It is easier done with a lucid and rational mind.

Severe PTSD will attack a person's constitution and will disassemble him or her. Their wings and spirit are broken. Should they heal significantly, then they are reassembled, but they become new people because they are not completely glued back together perfectly, and the wings have changed. I know this, because this is what happened to me.

This will probably be the greatest battle in a person's life. It can be like a heavyweight boxing match. I was knocked down repeatedly but got up even when I wanted to throw in the towel because it was easier than to keep fighting. But keep fighting is a must. Don't throw away your only chance to achieve all that is wanted in life. Push yourself off the canvass, take a knee, take the standing 8 count, then stand up and fight the hardest that you can. Don't quit!

I am available if any of you need coaching. I have coached many people with PTSD successfully free of charge. I do this because I know how much it can hurt. I have empathy. I also feel morally obligated to offer my services. I can do this remotely.

There are several reasons why people are reticent in asking for help. If you feel overwhelmed, then don't wait and ask for help. The sooner the better because your disposition can become worse and it's easy to make mistakes, large and small.

Suffered a brain injury (stroke/brain bleed) a couple years ago. Left side is still mostly paralyzed. My fault for not taking care of myself and stressing too much about work.

While in the midst of recovery, i was on the unlucky end of a layoff at my [former] employer.

I sort of prepared for it, with careful saving and planning/investing the last several years. I'm currently still working on recovery and navigating the job hunt(and dating, even).i've got pretty far into the interview process at a few places but have yet to seal the deal, unfortunately.

Since the brain injury, i've also dropped over 100lbs(which I should have never had in the first place, to lose.)

Still gonna keep at it and pray along the way.

Know Your Enemy said:

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You don't have to feel guilty for anything. There's no use in comparing tragedies.

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Wanted to highlight this (and similar to Sea Speed's comment) because while I've had a rough few years of it I know others have as well and as I've tried to help others close to me deal with traumatic things, I try to remind myself (and others) that it's not a competition and that we all bear our own issues differently. Everything that's led up to the moment you're in now has shaped you and there's not a scoreboard that says you should think/act/feel a certain way. One example I always use is that you can ask me and my 2 surviving siblings how we all feel about our parents, and you'll get WILDLY different answers from each of us even though we all had the same parents.

Add me to the list of people whose DMs are open to anyone. It may not be much better than screaming into the void, but I'm willing to listen.

I want to raise a red flag. PTSD, emotional, and mental issues can put an inordinate amount of strain on marriages and relationships. The newer the marriage, the greater the risk for divorce. I noticed that young couples had like a 50% divorce rate. I was quite sad to see this transpire. I witnessed many young soldiers with PTSD lose their careers, themselves, and their families.

It is crucial for couples to conduct a meeting of the minds. Sit down in a relaxed and private place. Put away your emotions and talk rationally about how you two feel, the challenges, and the way ahead. It's not a debate nor is it appropriate to be accusatory. It's to get the husband and wife on the same wavelength. I am adamant couples should do this. This can save a lot of heart ache.

There are online support groups you folks can partake in. I personally know of one which is sponsored by Victory for Veterans. Your military status does not matter to that organization. Those support groups consist of people in the same boat to a large degree. Sometimes, someone will have an insight that will help others connect the dots.

Had that happen with a job. Without getting too far into the details, suffice to say my entire career trajectory changed overnight (I was not fired). I felt very depressed and lost for a long while before my husband helped me realize that the change created some opportunities for me to work toward becoming the person I really wanted to be, and always should have been. Ever since I realized how right he was, I feel like God has blessed me with many gifts and experiences that have set me on a path where I am truly happy and fulfilled in my daily life.

I'm a 26+ year user of Texags and have browsed the General board since it's creation - this is waaay too heavy and serious for the General board. At least the General Board of old. I really appreciate how people have connected in a very human way and it is humbling. I can get through this - I hope my wife and kid can. Thank you, fellow humans.

This thread is incredibly touching. I'm in awe of everyone who has shared, truly. It never ceases to amaze me how life can be so full of blessings and beauty, while also being so challenging and painful.

In response to the OP, I know exactly what you mean about being changed forever by one event or a series of circumstances. For me, my ex husband's affair and the insanity that followed my discovery of it was the catalyst for me becoming a completely different person. I went from pain so excruciating that I had that moment someone above mentioned where I handed my guns over to someone else because I was terrified of what I might do when the next wave of unbearable grief hit. And then I found myself in a fog for well over a year where existing and caring for my daughter was the full extent of what I could manage (and sometimes barely manage). With lots of therapy and the love and support of great friends, I got through it. But I will never, ever be the same person. Sometimes I mourn who I used to be, because despite all the therapy and work on healing, I still feel very broken. I've sort of given up all hope that I will ever be whole again, but I can also see that my life is so full that I have no right to feel sorry for myself.

Between January and March of this year, three people I cared deeply for passed away. One of them was only 23. It's been difficult to reconcile, but the one thing it has reminded me of with certainty is that life is so very short. We are only here for a brief moment in time. And it's our greatest responsibility to ensure that we use that time to love and care for each other. We can never really know what someone else is going through. Every one of you reading this deserves peace, love, and joy, and that will be my prayer for you all tonight.

This thread is so sad. I feel like I understand some of you a bit better.
You are all Kintsugi. Kintsugi is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery by mending the areas of breakage with lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum. As a philosophy it treats breakage and repair as part of the history of an object, rather than something to disguise. The broken parts are still parts that make you you.
I'm always here for any of you. This is such a deep thread and I'm so proud you all got real and genuine.