How can you tell the sex of an ant?
Put it in some water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it floats, it's bouyant.
Put it in some water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it floats, it's bouyant.
Post your dad jokes here
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Last: 3 yr ago by tamu80
My son was getting ready to go to the local wildlife preserve with his new girlfriend.
Me: Yeah, I guess wildlife preserves are okay. But I think fresh wildlife tastes so much better.
Trust me, it got HUGE laughs.
Me: Yeah, I guess wildlife preserves are okay. But I think fresh wildlife tastes so much better.
Trust me, it got HUGE laughs.
What does a nosey pepper do?
Gets jalapeno business
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear
Gets jalapeno business
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear
I have 2 funny ones. But 2019 ruined it for me.
Speaking of "Dad jokes', when does a joke become a 'Dad joke"?
when it becomes apparent!!
when it becomes apparent!!
A grasshopper goes into a bar.
The bartender grins and says, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!"
The grasshopper asks, "You have a drink named Kevin?"
The bartender grins and says, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!"
The grasshopper asks, "You have a drink named Kevin?"
Why does a duck have feathers?
To cover his butt quack.
To cover his butt quack.
My son was cold. I told him to go stand in the corner because it was 90 degrees there.
For my 3 yr old who knows her ABCs and wanted to know how to tell a joke (after I told her she wanted to tell the joke to other people)
What's a pirates favorite letter?
Arrrrrrrrrr!
What's a pirates favorite letter?
Arrrrrrrrrr!
Wrong Answer.zwhag2010 said:
For my 3 yr old who knows her ABCs and wanted to know how to tell a joke (after I told her she wanted to tell the joke to other people)
What's a pirates favorite letter?
Arrrrrrrrrr!
It's the Sea!
somefatkid said:Wrong Answer.zwhag2010 said:
For my 3 yr old who knows her ABCs and wanted to know how to tell a joke (after I told her she wanted to tell the joke to other people)
What's a pirates favorite letter?
Arrrrrrrrrr!
It's the Sea!
No, it's the one from his long lost love, who tragically died while he was a simple sailor on a merchant ship. Coming back to find her gone, he gradually slipped into a life of crime, ultimately winding up serving with some of the most bloodthirsty pirates in the Caribbean. He kept the letter, though, and in his long watches in the crow's nest, he'll occasionally take it out and wonder what might have been while his tears are whipped away by the wind. Nothing can take away the dull ache in his soul, though.
My wife asked me to stop singing "Wonderwall".
I said maybe.
I said maybe.
Why did Stalin only write in lowercase?
Because he hated Capitalism.
Because he hated Capitalism.
Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
Because if it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.
Because if it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.
What's the highest form of flattery?
A plateau.
A plateau.
How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on it!
How do you catch a tame rabbit?
The tame way unique up on it!
Unique up on it!
How do you catch a tame rabbit?
The tame way unique up on it!
If a guy and girl get married in Arkansas. They then move to California where they get divorced.
Are they still legally brother and sister?
Are they still legally brother and sister?
Depends on whether or not the honeymooned in Alabama.
Have you ever smelled moth balls?
........
Who held the wings?
........
Who held the wings?
How did Darth Vader know what you were getting for Christmas?
He felt your presents!
He felt your presents!
Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine?
He's fully recovered.
He's fully recovered.
Paging 1ags for a comment on this oneCDub06 said:
Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
Because if it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No-eyed deer
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no-eyed deer
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no sex organs?
Still no f****** eyed deer
No-eyed deer
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no-eyed deer
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no sex organs?
Still no f****** eyed deer
Positraction said:
Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine?
He's fully recovered.
I laughed at this one . . . I'm so ashamed.
jickyjack1
Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers
Because they have big fingers
I think I have put almost all these jokes in my daily terrible lunchbox joke napkin.
Where does George Washington keep his armies?
In his sleevies.
In his sleevies.
My six year old is already into dad jokes. He made this one up on his own after watching Magic School Bus....
Where in the Library is there no friction?
The non-friction section!
Where in the Library is there no friction?
The non-friction section!
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
"Aye Matey"
"Aye Matey"
How did Hitler tie his shoes?
In little knotsies.
In little knotsies.
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off
A rip off
What's it like living in North Korea?
Can't complain
Can't complain
If you're cold, why should you stand in a corner?
Because it's 90 degrees.
Because it's 90 degrees.
Sir. Refer to page one.
A Dad Joke from the 80's.....
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