Post your dad jokes here - Page 2

CDub06

8:21p, 7/23/19

How can you tell the sex of an ant?
Put it in some water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it floats, it's bouyant.

TequilaMockingbird

8:27p, 7/23/19

My son was getting ready to go to the local wildlife preserve with his new girlfriend.

Me: Yeah, I guess wildlife preserves are okay. But I think fresh wildlife tastes so much better.

Trust me, it got HUGE laughs.

F1uxCapacitor

9:17p, 7/23/19

What does a nosey pepper do?
Gets jalapeno business

What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear

Mr_mo8268

12:19a, 7/24/19

I have 2 funny ones. But 2019 ruined it for me.

wasntme

12:44a, 7/24/19

Speaking of "Dad jokes', when does a joke become a 'Dad joke"?

when it becomes apparent!!

Positraction

3:22a, 7/24/19

A grasshopper goes into a bar.

The bartender grins and says, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!"

The grasshopper asks, "You have a drink named Kevin?"

7yrplan

6:58a, 7/24/19

Why does a duck have feathers?

To cover his butt quack.

Carlo4

7:08a, 7/24/19

My son was cold. I told him to go stand in the corner because it was 90 degrees there.

zag213004

7:41a, 7/24/19

For my 3 yr old who knows her ABCs and wanted to know how to tell a joke (after I told her she wanted to tell the joke to other people)

What's a pirates favorite letter?

Arrrrrrrrrr!

somefatkid

10:26a, 7/24/19

In reply to zag213004

zwhag2010 said:
For my 3 yr old who knows her ABCs and wanted to know how to tell a joke (after I told her she wanted to tell the joke to other people)

What's a pirates favorite letter?

Arrrrrrrrrr!

Wrong Answer.

It's the Sea!

Claude!

10:32a, 7/24/19

In reply to somefatkid

somefatkid said:
zwhag2010 said:
For my 3 yr old who knows her ABCs and wanted to know how to tell a joke (after I told her she wanted to tell the joke to other people)

What's a pirates favorite letter?

Arrrrrrrrrr!
Wrong Answer.

It's the Sea!

No, it's the one from his long lost love, who tragically died while he was a simple sailor on a merchant ship. Coming back to find her gone, he gradually slipped into a life of crime, ultimately winding up serving with some of the most bloodthirsty pirates in the Caribbean. He kept the letter, though, and in his long watches in the crow's nest, he'll occasionally take it out and wonder what might have been while his tears are whipped away by the wind. Nothing can take away the dull ache in his soul, though.

tamuangry

10:50a, 7/24/19

My wife asked me to stop singing "Wonderwall".

I said maybe.

tamuangry

10:51a, 7/24/19

Why did Stalin only write in lowercase?

Because he hated Capitalism.

CDub06

11:17a, 7/24/19

Why does a chicken coop have two doors?

Because if it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

coolerguy12

11:39a, 7/24/19

What's the highest form of flattery?

A plateau.

West Texan

2:11p, 7/24/19

How do you catch a unique rabbit?

Unique up on it!

How do you catch a tame rabbit?

The tame way unique up on it!

oldschool87

4:08p, 7/24/19

If a guy and girl get married in Arkansas. They then move to California where they get divorced.

Are they still legally brother and sister?

aTm2004

5:02p, 7/24/19

In reply to oldschool87

Depends on whether or not the honeymooned in Alabama.

samsal75

5:14p, 7/24/19

Have you ever smelled moth balls?
........

Who held the wings?

Roll the Bones

5:30p, 7/24/19

How did Darth Vader know what you were getting for Christmas?

He felt your presents!

Positraction

6:14p, 7/24/19

Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine?

He's fully recovered.

crowman2010

6:25p, 7/24/19

In reply to CDub06

CDub06 said:
Why does a chicken coop have two doors?

Because if it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

Paging 1ags for a comment on this one

cohibasymas

6:26p, 7/24/19

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No-eyed deer

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no-eyed deer

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no sex organs?

Still no f****** eyed deer

jickyjack1

12:19a, 7/25/19

In reply to Positraction

Positraction said:
Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine?

He's fully recovered.

I laughed at this one . . . I'm so ashamed.

jickyjack1

brew82

1:32a, 7/25/19

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?

Because they have big fingers

Tanya 93

4:07a, 7/25/19

I think I have put almost all these jokes in my daily terrible lunchbox joke napkin.

TexAgBolter

5:25a, 7/25/19

Where does George Washington keep his armies?

In his sleevies.

CowtownAg06

7:21a, 7/25/19

My six year old is already into dad jokes. He made this one up on his own after watching Magic School Bus....

Where in the Library is there no friction?

The non-friction section!

Sticks&Stones

7:43a, 7/25/19

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?

"Aye Matey"

Direct Enter Enter

7:48a, 7/25/19

How did Hitler tie his shoes?

In little knotsies.

aTm2004

7:54a, 7/25/19

What do you call a cheap circumcision?

A rip off

aTm2004

7:55a, 7/25/19

What's it like living in North Korea?

Can't complain

aTm2004

7:57a, 7/25/19

If you're cold, why should you stand in a corner?

Because it's 90 degrees.

CDub06

8:16a, 7/25/19

In reply to Sticks&Stones

Sir. Refer to page one.

GiveEmHellBill

8:48a, 7/25/19

A Dad Joke from the 80's.....