Police suspect drunk tard frat boys stole the huge bronze beer can from the Bigass Hands of Imbibing at the entrance to the Tard School of Grain Misuse in January 2002. It remains an unsolved crime. The school's regents, after consulting with students, opted to add giant Scrabble tiles to the hands and move the sculpture to the College of Spelling, Tech's largest.
Saturday night means only one thing in Lubbock - running from the cops. The sculpture "Leave him! I can always get another fiance" embodies that weekly right of passage.
"The Mistake" honors the only four students in Tech history who had good enough high school grades to get into other four-year colleges, but instead chose to be tards. We honor their stupidity.
Blue Sky Chip, a registered champion quarter horse, was the first large animal to be treated by the Texas Tech veterinary school. The animal came in for a minor checkup. This is how the horse looked after only three days in Tech's veterinary care.
Texas Tech is listed in the Guinness Book of World Records for having the largest school-branded poker chip in the world. It was built after President Dwight Eisenhower, visiting the school, called Tech's campus "uglier than a trailer park casino in Bumf***, Nevada." Eisenhower, scholars contend, was the first American president to regret visiting the Lubbock campus, but certainly not the last!
Tier III? Hardly. The tard graduate school is quiet right before the 3:30 bell. Soon, the still air will come alive with the sound of giggling post-docs popping wheelies on their bicycles and yellow buses pulling up to the curb. Paper airplanes, made out of worthless tard degrees, will fill the sky and gum wrappers will litter the grounds. After that, the Boy Scout troop will tear down the monkey bars and hurl them at the Agigie Extension Center bus as it drives by.
While many colleges reject their image as a party school, Texas Tech prides itself on being a school for angry drunks. This is one of many open-air 'vomitoriums' for the always-drunken tard student body.
Here, drunken tards can return yard art they stole from Lubbock neighborhoods, no questions asked, during their weekly blackouts.
The Eternal Urinal honors tards who've been arrested for relieving themselves in public. Faculty and staff have their own, mahogany-lined piss buckets inside the Chancellor's office.
The Montford Open Air Latrine behind STD Jones is the largest such facility in a developed nation and the third largest in the world. It also serves as "Lovers Lane" for many drunken, desperate tards and their low-esteem partners.
The Lubbock County Jail annex was built in 2003 on the tard campus as a convenience to drunk and disorderly students, i.e. all of them. The sheriff saves $1.4 million a year in gasoline transporting drunken tards between the main jail and campus. Students get class credit for time served.
The campus is especially quiet in the morning after football games, as the entire student body waits for someone to post their bond. Behind the scenes, it takes university crews 28 hours to scrub all of the blood and vomit off campus sidewalks
Forty years ago, a member of the tard polo team got caught in one of the daily sand storms and was encased alive in dust. He serves as a chilling reminder to all tards to drink indoors during those daily storms!
Every year, more than 1,200 tards chipped their teeth on this sculpture, thinking it was a hamburger. To combat the problem, school officials put real cows (not shown) across the street to lure students away from the statues. And that ultimately led to creation of the still-unlicensed tard dental school.
