It's pretty crappy for your parents to put you in that position if you ask me. They are making her ask you because they know you'll have a problem with it. They likely see the same issues that you see, but don't care about them enough to say no to your sister. Good luck.

There are ways to do this without you getting screwed (trusts, life estates, right of first refusal, etc.), but you need to talk to someone who knows about estate planning.

As someone who has family land, you need to define how everything is going to work today on the front-end in writing. Don't assume that your relationship today will dictate that each party will act fairly in the future. Their property needs to be separable in a way where they can sell it or the other piece can be sold without a huge impact to any of the involved parties.

I would insist my parents do nothing about the land now, and that sister needs to go buy her own land if they want some. It really sucks your parents are leaving you to be the bad guy instead of being the adults in the situation and saying no. Hope it works out for you, but doubt it will.

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I would insist my parents do nothing about the land now, and that sister needs to go buy her own land if they want some.

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This is exactly the discussion I had with the parents months ago when they first brought it up. My Dad was dead set against it & said they needed to find their own. Later if the farm comes to us, they could sell theirs to buy me out & have the whole thing. Seemed like a good plan - she might not have liked it right now, but it could work out like she wanted later. I'm guessing the b-i-l is pressuring Sis and she's pressuring the parents. I told them I wasn't going to be put in the middle when this first came up. I am 2 seconds away from a family meeting where I demand to know who is lying & outing my parents on the list of reasons they didn't want them out there, but I don't want to hurt my sister, so I wont. I really want my parents to hang on to it because they might need the money for elder care - you never know. Heck, neither of us may end up with anything & I am more than fine with that - I just want them to be covered & comfortable as they get older.

Since they seem to have to do this now, I would have the property appraised. Split the value between you and your sister. Survey and put on two separate deeds. Then I would owner finance them your side once the time comes, collect a real nice dividend. Could put a higher interest rate on it and a balloon payment after 5 years so they are encouraged to refinance. If/when your parents need to sell for emergency purposes, they could because its deeded separately.

Just a thought, I'm not a lawyer.

You sound like you are dead set against this (justifiably). I would let that be known in no uncertain terms. If you give in just to avoid being the bad guy, you will regret it while your brother in law is sitting there enjoying your parents land.

Any chance of splitting off a "home site" of one or two acres so she could build now and the remainder stay with your parents? I would also want it on paper that the value of the home site at your parents passing be deducted from your sisters half.

I would also demand that if there is any chance of making it work, it all needs to be drawn up by a lawyer and signed off on by all. Let them know you are willing to work with them to make it happen but you want to avoid future conflicts.

No matter what you do, do not end up as partial owner of an undivided interest.

Here is one thing I would emphasize as the one willing to act like an adult in this situation. It is your parent's property. It isn't half yours or half hers. To stop and even think of it in those terms today is unfair to your parents. I would say no to this, because it sounds like the deal is already turning sour, and she hasn't even become financially intertwined in the property yet. This is just step 1 of you getting screwed in the end when things really are half yours / half hers. You will hear all kinds of crap like, "where were you when it came time to take care of mom and dad"? The BIL will recall all of the work that he put into the property. Even worse, what happens if the Sister / BIL have a falling out... that's now your problem and your parents. Do they have a contingency?

You need a family meeting, and it needs to be original family only. Spouses are certainly part of the decision-making process within their family unit (offer x is available, should we do it honey?), but that does not include getting to take part in your immediate family's decision-making process. That's her job.

Sis needs 50 acres to have enough equity to build their house... I can almost guarantee it. Tell me I am wrong.

Ugh. Never crossed my mind, but you're probably right.

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I would insist my parents do nothing about the land now, and that sister needs to go buy her own land if they want some.

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This is exactly the discussion I had with the parents months ago when they first brought it up. My Dad was dead set against it & said they needed to find their own. Later if the farm comes to us, they could sell theirs to buy me out & have the whole thing. Seemed like a good plan - she might not have liked it right now, but it could work out like she wanted later. I'm guessing the b-i-l is pressuring Sis and she's pressuring the parents. I told them I wasn't going to be put in the middle when this first came up. I am 2 seconds away from a family meeting where I demand to know who is lying & outing my parents on the list of reasons they didn't want them out there, but I don't want to hurt my sister, so I wont. I really want my parents to hang on to it because they might need the money for elder care - you never know. Heck, neither of us may end up with anything & I am more than fine with that - I just want them to be covered & comfortable as they get older.

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I'm a little confused with your terminology when you are talking your half and your sister's half. Was the property left to your parents in trust with you and your sister as beneficiaries of half each? Or is it all your parents' land and you are just considering half of it yours because your parents have 2 children, so you think it should be 1/2 and 1/2?

If it's the latter, I would caution against calling family meetings and accusing your parents of lying, because they have no obligation to leave you anything and if things get ugly, you may find yourself with nothing from your parents.

Tough situation and adult children tend not to share land well. Best thing for your parents to do would be sell it all to a 3rd party and try to spend every penny before they die, and what money they can't spend, you and your sister get to divide. It's much easier to divide money than land. I realize that may not be the most practical advice and probably not what they want to do at all, but from my experience, that would make for a much happier life for them, and for you and your sister. A land dispute with a sibling or siblings can literally ruin a family. Seen it happen too often to count.

I have a similar situation with my inlaws though. My wife has a sister and their parents own land where they live. Not much, about 120 acres. It's in Texas hill country and my wife wants to move there when I retire. She figures she will need to take care of her parents at some point.

What we are about to do probably this summer (and this was not my suggestion nor do I think it's the greatest idea, just passing along how we are handling it) is we are going to buy 10 acres from them where we will eventually build an 2nd home which will also be our retirement home.

We are doing 10 acres so we can keep the Ag exemption for property taxes. Luckily for us, the land is situated so that there is about 20 acres that can be easily subdivided from the rest of the property. That is where our 10 acres will come out of and the same deal will be offered to the sister at same price etc, for ~10 acres out of the 20. She probably wont buy it because she is kind of a deadbeat, but at least she would have had the chance.

My inlaws will probably owner finance the property, though I would prefer to get 3rd party financing and pay them off, and we will definitely have to do that when we build.

I am sure what will end up happening is we buy the 10 acres from inlaws and sister doesn't, but she will end up getting gifted the other 10 acres or it will be left to her in inlaws Will. Kind of unfair to us, but not really, I consider ourselves lucky just to have the opportunity to have the land, didn't really do anything to deserve it.

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I'm a little confused with your terminology when you are talking your half and your sister's half.

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Our parents own the land, their will has us splitting anything left in the estate 50-50. So, yes, I could be written out if they chose to do so. I am trying to work out my issues (with everyone's help) prior to it getting to that point

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Thanks for clarifying. I'm not suggesting you are in the wrong or that you don't have very valid points, and you are being put in a bad situation. I just wanted to caution you that often times what elderly parents want more than anything is "peace" at least while they are around. Unfortunately that's not the best long term strategy as there are issues that need to be addressed and they may make everyone uncomfortable, but it will save a nuclear meltdown later on.

I have seen it go bad for the guy trying to do the "right" thing though, and parents side with one child over the other in the interest of keeping the peace. Really unfortunate for you and it sucks that brother in law seems to be so involved. He should be totally out of it.

One thing to consider in your approach... it's possible your parents will place more value in their daughter wanting to live on the property they worked hard to leave to both of you than the kid who wants to sell it. Tread carefully.

The other good thing, especially in a situation like this, is getting an unbiased third party involved takes the emotion out of the decision. A professional in estate planning will be able to see through anyone's anterior motives and ensure that everyone is treated fairly according to your parents' wishes. It will cost some money, but it will save everyone a lot of grief and angst when the time comes to split up the assets.
Best of luck to you that your situation is resolved amicably.

We had a situation with family land, building a home, access to the property, family dynamics, etc. Talked to a real estate attorney in College Station who gave us different scenarios of things that could happen (things we hadn't even thought of) and options. Best money we have ever spent.

I too understand your frustration in thinking your parents will need to sell it eventually to cover their expenses while living. I have gone round and round with my parents due to their continuous bailing out of my brother (who is 37 years old) financially. He's not destitute, he just makes bad choices and buys every toy he sees when he can't afford it. He knows my parents will bail him out every time if he can't pay his notes and sure enough, they do. It pisses me off to no end, but not because of it impacting my inheritance. It is because when my dad is dead and gone and my mom has no more money because she gave it all to my brother, where will she live? With my brother who can't pay his bills or with me, the financial conservative? I try to make her understand this but she just doesn't get it. Her explanation is "it's ok, we've accounted for everything in the wills." She just doesn't get it.