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Buying "Forever" Home

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Howdy Dammit
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11:13a, 10/22/24
AG
Interested in hearing opinions/consensus.

Currently live in a 3/2 house. Wife and I have two kids under 2 years old. Both sets of inlaws live several hours away. It's a major issue not having a guest room when they come to stay. Grandparents weren't built for sleeping on couches/air mattresses.

Because of this, wife wants to upgrade to our "forever" home that the kids will spend their childhood in. I wanted to do this in 2-3 years when we have at least 3 children. Her argument is that if you're gonna do it in 2-3 years, then why not now when the market is so slow. Take the hit on our current less expensive house and get the more expensive house at a discount. For some reason in my brain I just want to wait, but not sure there's a good reason to.

Thoughts? Concerns? Advice on when to buy a forever home regardless of the market?

Thanks
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EclipseAg
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11:24a, 10/22/24
AG
Non-financial advice.

Now may not be the right time, but don't wait too long. Your kids won't want to move once they get into school and have friends, etc.
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CC09LawAg
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In reply to Howdy Dammit • 11:26a, 10/22/24
Can't speak much to the business decision side of it, just be prepared for your wife's "forever home" to either 1.) require substantial renovations or 2.) not be as "forever" as she originally thought.
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Howdy Dammit
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In reply to CC09LawAg • 11:28a, 10/22/24
AG
CC09LawAg said:
Can't speak much to the business decision side of it, just be prepared for your wife's "forever home" to either 1.) require substantial renovations or 2.) not be as "forever" as she originally thought.

This kinda advice is almost more along the lines of what I think I am trying to get at. The new wears off of everything, so basically just looking for advice on if people regret staying in their "starter home" longer or if upgrading early was positive from a family and financial perspective.
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trip98
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11:33a, 10/22/24
AG
a lot depends on where you are looking to buy
what is current sale trends in the area? volume slowing down? increasing?
prices flat? increasing?
what about rates? I've seen expectations of more rate cuts coming the next several months. If that happens, how does that affect what you purchase?
with the recent ruling about agent commissions how much does that change your upfront costs both buying and selling?
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DannyDuberstein
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11:34a, 10/22/24
AG
I would just echo the advice above that it's easier to do before the kids are in school. If you've had your starter house long enough to know what you want and what you don't want (sounds like you have), that helps too. I would not count on the market slowing or improving. And who knows where rates will go. I tend to think those reasons lead to delays that in general cost you more.
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CC09LawAg
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In reply to Howdy Dammit • 11:36a, 10/22/24
We got into ours a few years ago when I finally made one correct financial decision and predicted rates were going to start going up.

We probably paid a little more than I would have liked, but we're in the neighborhood we want, with the yard and space we want/need for our size family. And we have both consistently increased our salaries so my thought process was by the time we're 10 years into the mortgage, it won't be as painful and we won't have daycare bills either. We were like you, had 2 kids and knew we wanted another and the third has since joined our family.

I bought knowing my wife was going to want to remodel and I was fortunate enough to get a little windfall that allowed us to do it sooner than we anticipated. I do believe this will be our "forever" home, in that we'll see all of our kids off to college and then reevaluate if it's the right fit for us once we are empty nesters. So while the money spent on the remodel is painful for me as a tightwad, I know our family is going to enjoy it for a couple of decades and my wife really did a great job designing it and making it a good fit for our family - it is going to be a much more enjoyable space for us as the kids grow.

From my perspective, there has been a level of comfort in knowing that the things I upgrade or buy are about as permanent as can be - I have a safe I've bolted down, gym equipment bolted down. I know if I spend money on a new fence, I'm going to get to enjoy the life of it. Same thing with a roof, the AC, etc. Those expenditures bother me less knowing that I'm going to be here for 20+ years, rather than maybe dropping $$ on the AC and then we up and leave in 2 years.
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txaggie_08
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11:47a, 10/22/24
AG
I'm not sure if the "upgrading" ever goes away. We bought our current house because my wife loved it, and within a year she was ready to upgrade to a bigger, better house. We knew we were pregnant and expecting when we bought the first house, and after that child was born she was thinking we needed to upgrade again in anticipation of a second child and wanting extra rooms for office/guests (we also live a long ways away from all parents/family).

That second kid hasn't come yet, almost 3 years later. I'm sure we'll move eventually, but I'm trying to hold off on it.
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EclipseAg
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12:18p, 10/22/24
AG
We thought we'd be in our first home five years.

Twenty years later, we had filled that house up with kids and run out of room.

We eventually moved, but no doubt waited too long to upgrade. Should have moved sooner but inertia and worries over finances kept us planted.
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South Platte
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In reply to Howdy Dammit • 12:24p, 10/22/24
Howdy Dammit said:
CC09LawAg said:
Can't speak much to the business decision side of it, just be prepared for your wife's "forever home" to either 1.) require substantial renovations or 2.) not be as "forever" as she originally thought.

This kinda advice is almost more along the lines of what I think I am trying to get at. The new wears off of everything, so basically just looking for advice on if people regret staying in their "starter home" longer or if upgrading early was positive from a family and financial perspective.
Does your wife know anything about real estate or is she rattling off wants? It's a coarse question but legit. Unless you're in a rural area, nothing wrong with putting grandparents up at a nice hotel. Don't buy a home so the grandparents have a nice place to sleep in.

I think the forever home process takes a while to navigate.
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jja79
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12:28p, 10/22/24
AG
I've built 2 forever homes and don't live in either.
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Howdy Dammit
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In reply to South Platte • 12:28p, 10/22/24
AG
South Platte said:
Howdy Dammit said:
CC09LawAg said:
Can't speak much to the business decision side of it, just be prepared for your wife's "forever home" to either 1.) require substantial renovations or 2.) not be as "forever" as she originally thought.

This kinda advice is almost more along the lines of what I think I am trying to get at. The new wears off of everything, so basically just looking for advice on if people regret staying in their "starter home" longer or if upgrading early was positive from a family and financial perspective.
Does your wife know anything about real estate or is she rattling off wants? It's a coarse question but legit. Unless you're in a rural area, nothing wrong with putting grandparents up at a nice hotel. Don't buy a home so the grandparents have a nice place to sleep in.

I think the forever home process takes a while to navigate.

It's definitely just a want from her perspective, but to her point (Lord willing) will be a need in the very near future. And we could do the hotel, but the closest one is about a 25-30 minute drive. Not terrible, but not right around the corner.
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CC09LawAg
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In reply to jja79 • 12:34p, 10/22/24
Spoken like a man who has been in the trenches
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South Platte
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In reply to Howdy Dammit • 12:34p, 10/22/24
Howdy Dammit said:

but the closest one is about a 25-30 minute drive. Not terrible, but not right around the corner.
Well that's pretty rough on grandparents after already driving from out of town.
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CC09LawAg
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In reply to Howdy Dammit • 12:37p, 10/22/24
Unrelated to the thread, but they have really come up with some functional and cool murphy beds that function as desks for converting office space with guests. To the point that you don't even have to clear the desk off and can fold out the bed.
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Howdy Dammit
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In reply to CC09LawAg • 12:52p, 10/22/24
AG
CC09LawAg said:
Unrelated to the thread, but they have really come up with some functional and cool murphy beds that function as desks for converting office space with guests. To the point that you don't even have to clear the desk off and can fold out the bed.

That's actually very related. I'll look into it. Thanks!
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Tumble Weed
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1:07p, 10/22/24
My wife and I are empty nesters now. 3300 square foot house and we use 1000 square feet of it on a daily basis. Housing has become a vanity project in this gilded age. HGTV is a mind virus.

As for space for the inlaws, it is much cheaper to just rent a hotel room than it is to pay taxes, insurance, and maintenance on rarely used space.
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MAS444
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1:24p, 10/22/24
AG
Do it now if you can afford it. But not just because you think you're somehow strategically timing the market.

We moved into our current "10 - 15 year home" when our twins were 5. It's now been about 5 years and I'm very glad we made that move when we did because they'll spend their school years in the same home and schools, same school/neighborhood friends, etc.
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CC09LawAg
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In reply to MAS444 • 1:39p, 10/22/24
I agree. Obviously, don't make financially stupid decisions based on emotion, but understand that your wife is likely going to view this process through a completely different lens than you are.

And, as much as I hate to admit it, there are plenty of times when I look back after a few years and am thankful my wife made me think about the emotional/sentimental side of things, because with your kids, once that time is gone, it's gone forever.

Where I would want to always make the smart financial decision, save for this, plan for that...sometimes, the best decision you can make for your family isn't always the most prudent financial decision (within reason).

But OP, you know your wife better than anybody else and you know your finances. If you are waiting on the perfect alignment of financial and market and economic factors to line up, it just doesn't exist. Your mind will come up with all kinds of reasons to push off the purchase if you view things through that lens.

Above all, communicate with your wife and make a plan so that there isn't any resentment one way or the other. It sounds like you know this day is eventually coming, so it's good to start wrapping your mind around it.

Word of warning - don't give her the OK to "just start looking" in hopes that that will keep her happy and delay things a bit - that is how I ended up in my current house.
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2012Ag
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1:45p, 10/22/24
AG
Family with 2 kids here in a 4/2 house. Same issue, but we wanted a dedicated craft/office and separate guest room (boujie I know)

We wanted something bigger and with more bathrooms. We decided to build one of those backyard pods to have an office outside of the home (I work hybrid). This frees up a room in out house and allows us to avoid being house poor in a bigger house. We live in Cedar Park and love our neighborhood along with the great schools we're zoned to, so to get into something bigger means we'd need to move more north and further away from my office location.

Doesn't address the extra bathroom, but we may consider adding one in the future if it doesn't look atrocious, otherwise live with 2.
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htxag09
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2:15p, 10/22/24
AG
To kind of go along with the comments of the itch to upgrade never goes away.....

Potential solution for your stated issue:

Buy the oldest kid a queen bed. When the grandparents come visit the kids bunk in one room and the grandparents get that queen bed. This is what we did growing up.
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Tex117
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2:26p, 10/22/24
AG
So you want advice on keeping up with the Joneses and buying more house than you need?

(I kid I kid).

I would only go for a house that is in the neighborhood and school district you want. Sounds like you have a few years for this. But getting that dialed in when they start kindergarten seems like the best bet.

However, realize this is not strictly a financial decision. This is in large part driven by emotion. That's fine, but understand that and account for it.
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Howdy Dammit
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In reply to htxag09 • 2:50p, 10/22/24
AG
htxag09 said:
To kind of go along with the comments of the itch to upgrade never goes away.....

Potential solution for your stated issue:

Buy the oldest kid a queen bed. When the grandparents come visit the kids bunk in one room and the grandparents get that queen bed. This is what we did growing up.

Yeah. This will work down the road, but with two under two currently, we are still in the crib phase which kills that. Appreciate everyone who has given their opinion. Helps to hear others experiences.
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jagvocate
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3:41p, 10/22/24
AG
We're on our 3rd
Forever home

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jamey
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5:41p, 10/22/24
AG
Got my forever home about 8 years ago when daughter was born. We even chose a good public school district(paid extra for that) and considered it like putting private school dollars into the house so it appreciates


Already thinking we probably move when everyone is out of the house in a decade because it's more house than we'll need or see, AC running upstairs where nobody is, taxes and insurance all for holiday visits. We'll buy nice cots for the living room when everyone is in town and we'll still have a 3 bedroom, just smaller empty rooms.


In all likelihood the forever home will be about 1,000 sq ft smaller and newer, and we'll take the 250K or so delta and shove it into a retirement account, travel, or whatever. And cut annual housing expenses significantly since it will still be paid off.

Buying the big forever home in a good school district was not a bad idea though, imo. The current appreciation alone on the price of the first forever home will already pay amost 2/3rds of the current cost of the smaller, real 2nd forever home.

In another decade when the current house is paid off it will pay for all of it, plus a nice chunk of change left over
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permabull
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6:49p, 10/22/24
AG
My family thinks I am crazy I won't host them, but there is a very nice hotel less than 3 miles from my house I am more than happy to pay for them to stay at anytime they want to visit. I am not going to give up my 3.25% mortgage, lose 6% to commissions and pay to move just so I have more room to host family the 7 or 8 nights a year they spend with me.

I actually have a ton of points with the hotel chain that I live near so I tell them it's "free" for them to stay there so that helps get them on board but I am sure they aren't fully on board.
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one safe place
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6:53p, 10/22/24
/We are about to move into our "forever" home, the builders are nearly done. It is our "forever" home because we will likely be dead before we can plan and build another one, lol.

We were talking about building a home out there right about the time of 9/11. Were within a week or two of signing the contract. Was going to be a cash purchase but when 9/11 happened, my investments fell by over half, and I wasn't about to sell them at that much of a discount just to build a house. Then, kids started going off to college, getting married, and we didn't need the room so stayed put.

Several months ago I was out mowing the acreage and I thought, what the hell. I want to build a new house, she will outlive me, and should be able to be able to live there pretty much major worry free until she goes.

My thoughts are that as soon as I could afford the home I really, really want, I would buy it or build it. Prices will go up and up, so why not now? Plus the kids would get to grow up in the newer and bigger and nicer place.

Good luck to you whatever you decide.
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Mas89
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In reply to Howdy Dammit • 9:43p, 10/22/24
AG
Do it. Things will only continue getting more expensive and you'll be paying a mortgage anyway. Inflation going forward is a certainty imo and you'll be at an advantage paying with inflated dollars over the next decades.

Our next home will be a one story with no stairs. In-laws can't do the stairs anymore and we have all had a spill on them over the years.
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one safe place
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In reply to Mas89 • 11:02p, 10/22/24
Mas89 said:
Do it. Things will only continue getting more expensive and you'll be paying a mortgage anyway. Inflation going forward is a certainty imo and you'll be at an advantage paying with inflated dollars over the next decades.

Our next home will be a one story with no stairs. In-laws can't do the stairs anymore and we have all had a spill on them over the years.
Growing up, we always lived in 2 bedroom frame houses (three different homes). My parents had one bedroom, we three boys had the other. From early on, I wanted one day to live in a three bedroom brick house, with a fireplace. I knew my parents could never do that, but I hoped to when I grew up. My wife and I have built two.

Later in life, my wish was for a house with a huge front porch, and two stories. The one we are building meets those criteria. All that to say, if I had it to do over again, I would not have built a two story home. They make sense where you have a small lot and thus build up rather than out. Though I am still fully functional, the stairs sort of concern me. And not just concerned about me and my wife, I can just see a grandchild falling down them.
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OldArmyCT
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3:56a, 10/23/24
AG
I'm on my 3rd forever home.
#1 was a 5 BR 2 story that was just too big after the kids left.
#2 was the perfect size with a big yard, single story, close to her sister who was married to my best friend.
#3 happened BC my wife suddenly died, as did my best friend.
My point is Forever is a fluid term when you get older. The best decision we made was staying in #1 until everyone was gone which gave us time to pay off the 1st mortgage and buy #2 with cash. Having enough on-hand assets to pay for your future care (I.e. a rest home) is way more important than pleasing relatives.
And one more thing, #3 home is huge, I bought it 50-50 with a girl I've known forever (not the wife's sister), we never go upstairs but we have almost equal assets so we're each living above our means at a 50% discount. Something neither of us planned for.
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Red Pear Luke (BCS)
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In reply to CC09LawAg • 6:51a, 10/23/24
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CC09LawAg said:
Can't speak much to the business decision side of it, just be prepared for your wife's "forever home" to either 1.) require substantial renovations or 2.) not be as "forever" as she originally thought.


Or 3.) Cost way more then she or you imagine it should cost but the house is "perfect" and absolutely "the forever home"

There's always gonna be another house OP. Don't let her fall in love with one and get super emotional and attached to it.
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Red Pear Luke (BCS)
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In reply to South Platte • 6:58a, 10/23/24
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AG
South Platte said:
Howdy Dammit said:
CC09LawAg said:
Can't speak much to the business decision side of it, just be prepared for your wife's "forever home" to either 1.) require substantial renovations or 2.) not be as "forever" as she originally thought.

This kinda advice is almost more along the lines of what I think I am trying to get at. The new wears off of everything, so basically just looking for advice on if people regret staying in their "starter home" longer or if upgrading early was positive from a family and financial perspective.
Does your wife know anything about real estate or is she rattling off wants? It's a coarse question but legit. Unless you're in a rural area, nothing wrong with putting grandparents up at a nice hotel. Don't buy a home so the grandparents have a nice place to sleep in.

I think the forever home process takes a while to navigate.


Almost makes more sense and is cheaper if you just buy a queen bed for one of the kids rooms and put it in there for them to use. Then when grandma and grandpa come over, they can stay in that room and the kids double bunk.

One of my good buddies bought a 3/2 in 2012 before he was married. They still live there and the house is now paid off and he rolls $3K+ per month into his investment account and is financially independent at almost 40 years old. He doesn't need to work one more day to keep living or paying for his family's lifestyle. He's got two kids only though and is done with kids.
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beerad12man
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In reply to Red Pear Luke (BCS) • 7:31a, 10/23/24
AG
Red Pear Luke (BCS) said:
South Platte said:
Howdy Dammit said:
CC09LawAg said:
Can't speak much to the business decision side of it, just be prepared for your wife's "forever home" to either 1.) require substantial renovations or 2.) not be as "forever" as she originally thought.

This kinda advice is almost more along the lines of what I think I am trying to get at. The new wears off of everything, so basically just looking for advice on if people regret staying in their "starter home" longer or if upgrading early was positive from a family and financial perspective.
Does your wife know anything about real estate or is she rattling off wants? It's a coarse question but legit. Unless you're in a rural area, nothing wrong with putting grandparents up at a nice hotel. Don't buy a home so the grandparents have a nice place to sleep in.

I think the forever home process takes a while to navigate.


Almost makes more sense and is cheaper if you just buy a queen bed for one of the kids rooms and put it in there for them to use. Then when grandma and grandpa come over, they can stay in that room and the kids double bunk.

One of my good buddies bought a 3/2 in 2012 before he was married. They still live there and the house is now paid off and he rolls $3K+ per month into his investment account and is financially independent at almost 40 years old. He doesn't need to work one more day to keep living or paying for his family's lifestyle. He's got two kids only though and is done with kids.
This is what I would do for sure. Have them stay in the kids room and make the kids sleep on the couch. It's what, 8-10 nights a year? They'll be fine.

But it sounds like the OP is set on buying a new home anyways.
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EclipseAg
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In reply to permabull • 8:25a, 10/23/24
AG
permabull said:
My family thinks I am crazy I won't host them, but there is a very nice hotel less than 3 miles from my house I am more than happy to pay for them to stay at anytime they want to visit.
Oh man, I would choose a hotel any day over staying with relatives. Especially if there is one close by.
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CC09LawAg
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In reply to beerad12man • 9:25a, 10/23/24
I assume the kids are young since they're talking about having another - you just have to make it "fun" and build the kids a fort and tell them it's a sleepover or something and let them stay up 30 minutes later than normal and they'll actually be happy to be kicked out of their room.
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