I've fallen in and out of this trap a few times in my career. One thing not covered here that's probably relevant to most on this board is phone management. Work mobility is a fantastic thing, but most of us will forget or overlook that there's an element of management that comes with it. Us middle ageds like to laugh at the zoomers and millennials for their phone addictions, but phones much like caffeine are crack for all of us and we need to treat their use with some caution.

I made a couple of small but impactful changes last year. I put hard phone hours on myself. I stop checking my phone at 9:00 and don't open it until 7:00 in the morning. No exceptions. I've enforced that by charging my phone in my office to resist the urge to look at it middle of the night when I get up to go pee or something and got an alarm clock for my room instead of using my phone as one. Seems small, but there's studies done that looking at your phone at night is pretty much the worst thing you can do to hold steady sleep patterns.

It's little but has absolutely helped book end my days, get better sleep and give myself some bit of distance from work every day which we all need.

BTHOB-98 said:

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The money is hard to turn down. But not mental health breaks are problematic.

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I'd be curious to know what you consider a mental health break.

Quote:

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Never liked work, not a single day. I didn't find it fun, it is called work, not play. I didn't need it for some affirmation of my worth. It was a means to an end, nothing more.

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This is sad. Even in my worst jobs, I managed to find some fun & a sense of satisfaction at the completion of my days work. I can't imagine going my full working career & not getting some enjoyment out of it.

Thanks for the recommendation. Presently sitting in my doctor's office waiting to discuss my sleep issues. My brain won't shut down because I'm constantly thinking of work-related things. I generally don't have these issues when away on a trip.

Apache said:

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Quote:

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Never liked work, not a single day. I didn't find it fun, it is called work, not play. I didn't need it for some affirmation of my worth. It was a means to an end, nothing more.

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This is sad. Even in my worst jobs, I managed to find some fun & a sense of satisfaction at the completion of my days work. I can't imagine going my full working career & not getting some enjoyment out of it.

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I would much rather retire at 45 than work but I do find enjoyment in the creative aspects of my job. I don't know if it is a generational thing but I have zero issues shutting off once I'm done for the day.

Apache said:

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Quote:

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Never liked work, not a single day. I didn't find it fun, it is called work, not play. I didn't need it for some affirmation of my worth. It was a means to an end, nothing more.

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This is sad. Even in my worst jobs, I managed to find some fun & a sense of satisfaction at the completion of my days work. I can't imagine going my full working career & not getting some enjoyment out of it.

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You are in the minority. Most people simply do not like their jobs, or working in general.

BTHOB-98 said:

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I am in my mid 40s and I would consider myself to be pretty successful. The only problem is that post COVID I can not make myself stop working and relax. I have been working almost 7 days a week all year. It has been wonderful for my business and income but I am not sure how much longer I can do it. I try to sit down and relax but it does not work. I hardly sleep. If I go out of town I worry about work. Work is just on my mind all the time. I do have a lot of responsibilities and people that depend on me. Maybe that is it. What the hell is wrong with me???

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This is very common, especially among entrepreneurs who started their businesses from zero. Probably the best advice I can offer you is to join a program. I'm in a couple. Next to buying my company these programs are by far the best investments I've ever made.

I'm in Vistage which is a CEO peer group. Most but not all in my group are entrepreneurs. We meet as a group one day a month and do speakers on a wide range of topics, anyone struggling with issues can bring them to the group for help and advice. You also get one-on-one coaching once a month.

I also have friends who do Entrepreneurs Organization (EO) which is exclusively for entrepreneurs. Seems similar to Vistage. The people who love it REALLY love it.

I'm also in Strategic Coach which is a coaching program for entrepreneurs. It's really all about helping you with your mindset and how you think about your challenges. They have thinking tools that directly address a lot of the challenges you've mentioned in this thread. They do a lot of podcasts and put out a lot of content for free.


Everything you're describing is what people mean when they say "it's lonely at the top." But you don't have to go it alone. Happy to share more about my experiences.

BTHOB-98 said:

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Troglodyte said:

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One suggestion I would have is to see if you can take a sabbatical. I've had a couple of friends who's job required it after 20 years or something. I'm talking about a one month vacation. It's going to take you at least 2 weeks to chill out, so that gives you 2 more weeks to enjoy.

While I'm sure you are very important to your workplace, everyone can be replaced and the company will be ok if you are out a month. They way I would pitch it is, if I drop dead right now, it will take you at least a month to find a replacement anyway.

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Self Employment doesn't exactly follow these same rules. That is part of my problem.

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The whole point of self employment is that you get to create your own rules. Isn't that why you decided to take the risk and go out on your own?

You just have to guard your personal time like a hawk, because no one else is going to do it for you. Very few office workers are irreplaceble, very few. Unless you are the ceo/coo, they will replace you in 2-3 weeks if you get hit by a bus tomorrow. Understand that and dont kill yourself working 24/7 unless you are getting paid out the nose for it. If mgmt needs you to work 7 days a week rather than hiring some help, then they should compensate you for it, full stop.

Work your hours (or maybe +1 if you're feeling generous/competitive) and then check out completely. Don't use your personal phone for work. Uninstall Outlook/Teams on personal devices, you dont need that distraction unless you are on work related travel and need to stay in touch.

I leave office at 5:30 and I dont think about work plans until the drive in next morning. Prior career had the expectation of all day every day + weekend accessibility. That mess wore me down. Never again.

I have found I am better at my job when I work at 80% of my capacity. I took an opportunity to rebalance during covid and it's been great.

Just try it.

Workout 30 mins to an hour a day and pray/meditate 10-15 mins

That's help me. Also reading or audiobooks not necessarily related to work

GE said:

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BTHOB-98 said:

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I am in my mid 40s and I would consider myself to be pretty successful. The only problem is that post COVID I can not make myself stop working and relax. I have been working almost 7 days a week all year. It has been wonderful for my business and income but I am not sure how much longer I can do it. I try to sit down and relax but it does not work. I hardly sleep. If I go out of town I worry about work. Work is just on my mind all the time. I do have a lot of responsibilities and people that depend on me. Maybe that is it. What the hell is wrong with me???

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How often do you work out? I've seen a lot of people be able to change many other aspects of their lives once they either found a sport or started hitting the gym hard.

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This is going to be the key for 2023. I need to do this. It will help a lot.

dc509 said:

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BTHOB-98 said:

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I am in my mid 40s and I would consider myself to be pretty successful. The only problem is that post COVID I can not make myself stop working and relax. I have been working almost 7 days a week all year. It has been wonderful for my business and income but I am not sure how much longer I can do it. I try to sit down and relax but it does not work. I hardly sleep. If I go out of town I worry about work. Work is just on my mind all the time. I do have a lot of responsibilities and people that depend on me. Maybe that is it. What the hell is wrong with me???

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Covid did that to me. I learned to meditate and that helped. I downloaded the Calm app and spent 10 minutes day intentionally focused on relaxing and learning to organize my mind. I don't get overly detail on these posts, but I went from literally dreaming about work to a more sustainable level of focus. I still get after it and work a lot, but I am able to allow myself to focus on things like being present with my family.

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The last three years and the worst. I think that Covid affected me a lot to.

XpressAg09 said:

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BTHOB-98 said:

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The money is hard to turn down. But not mental health breaks are problematic.

---

I'd be curious to know what you consider a mental health break.

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I've worked seven days a week in 2022. The business has just been too good to turn down. I have not taken one vacation. Ive taken a few days off here or there but it's been very rare this year. I would consider a mental health break to be a week or two off in the summer and a week or two off in the winter. That's been my norm until Covid and then everything's been insane since. The good news is I have a particular is good set of skills that allows me to continue to work especially the environment where many people don't seem to want to work hard. Just brings me a lot of referrals and business, but it also causes me to work a lot.

bagger05 said:

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BTHOB-98 said:

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I am in my mid 40s and I would consider myself to be pretty successful. The only problem is that post COVID I can not make myself stop working and relax. I have been working almost 7 days a week all year. It has been wonderful for my business and income but I am not sure how much longer I can do it. I try to sit down and relax but it does not work. I hardly sleep. If I go out of town I worry about work. Work is just on my mind all the time. I do have a lot of responsibilities and people that depend on me. Maybe that is it. What the hell is wrong with me???

---

This is very common, especially among entrepreneurs who started their businesses from zero. Probably the best advice I can offer you is to join a program. I'm in a couple. Next to buying my company these programs are by far the best investments I've ever made.

I'm in Vistage which is a CEO peer group. Most but not all in my group are entrepreneurs. We meet as a group one day a month and do speakers on a wide range of topics, anyone struggling with issues can bring them to the group for help and advice. You also get one-on-one coaching once a month.

I also have friends who do Entrepreneurs Organization (EO) which is exclusively for entrepreneurs. Seems similar to Vistage. The people who love it REALLY love it.

I'm also in Strategic Coach which is a coaching program for entrepreneurs. It's really all about helping you with your mindset and how you think about your challenges. They have thinking tools that directly address a lot of the challenges you've mentioned in this thread. They do a lot of podcasts and put out a lot of content for free.


Everything you're describing is what people mean when they say "it's lonely at the top." But you don't have to go it alone. Happy to share more about my experiences.

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Good thoughts! Thank you!

bagger05 said:

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BTHOB-98 said:

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Troglodyte said:

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One suggestion I would have is to see if you can take a sabbatical. I've had a couple of friends who's job required it after 20 years or something. I'm talking about a one month vacation. It's going to take you at least 2 weeks to chill out, so that gives you 2 more weeks to enjoy.

While I'm sure you are very important to your workplace, everyone can be replaced and the company will be ok if you are out a month. They way I would pitch it is, if I drop dead right now, it will take you at least a month to find a replacement anyway.

---

Self Employment doesn't exactly follow these same rules. That is part of my problem.

---

The whole point of self employment is that you get to create your own rules. Isn't that why you decided to take the risk and go out on your own?

---

I would argue that I don't have a boss and I can do what I want. However when you have your own business you eat what you kill. I have hundreds of clients which isn't much different than having hundreds of bosses. I have gotten to an age where I don't mind telling people I no longer want to work with them if they're a problem but I am very responsible and I feel that responsibility to my clients to be doing what is needed. That is why I have found success.

I replied to a lot of people here. I really don't want people to think I'm complaining. I do like my job and I've had a lot of success in my industry. It's just been a tough year. I have to find more balance in 2023 and take some time off. I may have to make myself do that. I want to thank everybody for the responses that they've given me. It's always interesting to hear peoples opinion and I think that this community has a lot in common just based on our common background of the way we learned in college. Thanks again, y'all!

My sister in law's boyfriend is similar OP. Works way too much. Seems better as of late but I think it's getting in the way of personal life (e.g. proposing, marriage, all that). It's to the point now where even if they do get engaged/married I worry about his longer term sanity and happiness.

I had a buddy like this and it was at the point to where it almost ended his marriage. His wife gave him a "cut back the hours or were leaving, you're not here anyway" type of ultimatum. His chosen approach was to seek out Psylocibin therapy and has been microdosing for the last year.

All I know is he traveled somewhere to do it, and I don't fully understand what changed for him, but he claims it saved his marriage. He's a much happier, and less compulsive, person than he used to be.

Have you asked your wife what she thinks? Good mentor of mine pointed out that the spouses will always know first if something is off at work.

And to each their own if this truly makes you happy. I hope you find balance. That's what I teach my kids and catch myself with when I'm getting too sucked in.

Personally, I'd find some other hobbies or charities to get passionate about. I say this as a pretty successful guy in a similar age bracket. Life isn't about making bank.

Without knowing anything about your health and whatnot, but I'm guessing you're about 46 based on your handle. I got a neighbor about 40 who was bustin his hump working and laid some homemade stats on me, I can't recall the exact phrase but he said something like "there's a 1:1,000,000 chance that something bad happens at work, and I reminded him that there's probably a 10:1,000,000 chance that he doesn't wake up tomorrow because of stress and all that.

My point to him was, if he doesn't take a break, there's a 10x bigger chance he dies than something bad happens at work.

My unprofessional opinion to you, and to him, was to make sure you're not working yourself unhealthy.