I like this... fun, good-natured, get some good laughs. I can't wait for Baylor week to be over so I can actually think logically again. BTHO Baylor!

Do you know why Texas fans wear orange?

They can wear it hunting on Fridays, to the games on Saturday, and for their Monday jobs picking up trash on the side of the road!

Some one should have asked this question before. These are pretty good.

this is the best i got.sorry about spelling...

Two little boys were playing in a park in College Station, and one was suddenly attacked by a rabid rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy ripped off a board from a nearby fence, wedged it down the dogs collar and twisted it, breaking the dogs neck. A reporter from Bryan-College Station Eagle who was strolling by saw the incident and rushed over to interview the boy. ‘Future Aggie Saves Friend From Vicious’ animal, he started writing in his notebook. "But I'm not an Aggie," the little boy told him. "Sorry, since we're in College Station, I just assumed you were," said the reporter. He started again, ‘Young Aggie Football Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack...’. "I'm not an Aggie football fan either," said the boy. "Well, gosh," said the reporter, "I thought everyone in the College Station area pulled for the Aggies. Just who do you root for?" "I'm a Longhorn fan," said the boy with pride. The reporter started a new sheet in his notebook: ‘Little Hippie Freak-Boy Murders Beloved Family Pet.’

There was this man who commuted to work everyday. He had to drive thirty minutes through the countryside. Everyday he passed this farm house, and a few yards from the house there was an old outhouse that the family had fixed up. Well, one day the man drove by and there was an antenna coming out of the outhouse. The man was curious, so he stopped to ask about it. The farmer said that a couple of Aggies needed a place to stay over the summer, so he rented it out to them. The next day he drove by, and there was a second antenna coming out of the outhouse, so the man stopped to find out about it. the farmer told him that a couple of longwhorns, needed a place to stay, so he rented them the basement to it.

These three boys were on a field trip to Austin, and they were touring the forty acres. Well they walked by this fountain, and saw this man drowning, and they saved him. The man turned out to be Mack Brown. He told the boys "Since we won the MNC, I have some connections, and can give you whatever you want since you saved my life." The first boy said "I want to meet Vince Young." The next boy said "I want to go to this years Championship game." the third boy said "I want you to get the President of The United States to give me one of those military funerals." Mack said "I can do those, but why do you want one of those funerals?" the boy said "My Dad is an Aggie, and when I tell him that I saved your life, he is gonna kill me."

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That's one of my favorites.

This is entertaining. Too bad we can't have an Aggie joke thread, as there are really only 2 Aggie jokes.



All the rest are true!

How many tea-sips does it take to screw in a light-bulb?

Three.

One to hold the ladder.
One to mix the drinks.
And one to call Daddy.

I saved the son of a Sheik from drowning. The Sheik told me that he would grant me anything, $ billions, 72 virgins, etc. I said no.

He insisted on something.

Being a good Disney guy, I said a Mickey Mouse outfit, so he bought me tu, in spite of my subsequence insistence of Chevron, Shell and Exxon!

A Baylor Bear is laying on the ground licking his ball and one t sip looks at another and says "man I wish I could do that" and the other t sip says "don't think I'd try that he might bite"! Carry on.

how about Ricky Williams?

Why do they have a grass field at DKR Memorial Stadium in Austin? So the Homecoming Queen can graze!


A Longhorn was bragging to his Aggie neighbor about how big his ranch was. "Why, I can get in my truck in the morning, drive all day, and not reach the end of my spread by sundown!" The Aggie thought for a minute, then said, "Yeah, I had a truck like that once too!"



"Desire, determination, spirit, the will to win, love of contact - call it what you like; it still can cover a multitude of sins in a football game." Coach Dana X. Bible

"Ten Aggies can yell louder than a hundred of anyone else." Coach Paul "Bear" Bryant

A sip climbs into bed one night with his pregnant wife and, after a deep discussion of what they each would do with their lives if the other one passed on in their sleep, they both feel into a deep sleep. The next thing the sip knows he is standing at the pearly gates. "No, I can't die, I have to see my child grow up. You have to send me back now." says the sip. St. Peter frowns and says "They only way we can send you back is if you go back as a chicken." "Fine, says the sip, at least I may be able to see my child at least once."

The next thing the sip knows he is in a barnyard clucking and pecking away at bugs on the ground.
A short while later he starts to experience severe cramping and doubles over onto the ground. "What's wrong?" says the rooster who happened by. "I'm cramping up really bad and I don't know what's wrong with me."
"Well, you're getting ready to lay an egg." replies the rooster, helping the chicken into the hen house. Finally after what seems like hours of sweating and pushing...out comes a beautiful brown egg. The sip is overcome with emotions of parenthood/motherhood...thinking to himself how his wife might feel delivering their child. Suddenly...WHACK...the sip gets whacked on the back of the head. He turns around and all of a sudden he's back in his bed looking at his angry wife yelling at him.... "Damnit...GET OUT...you just shiat in our bed."

[This message has been edited by 92Ag95 (edited 10/24/2006 9:28p).]

Strolling through hell one day the Devil passes this guy sitting in a chair just smiling away. The Devil asks him "why are smiling your in hell and its gotta be 100 degrees right now. The man replys this heat reminds me of ft worth in july and i always had a blast in ft worth. So the next day the Devil turns the heat up a bit and starts lookin for this happy Texan. He finds him with an even bigger grin on his face than yesterday and asks "how are you in a good mood its even hotter and more miserables than yesterday. The texan looks up and says "Well it kinda reminds me of houston in August and i had some crazy times in houston. The devil is really pissed now and gets up the next morning and turns the temp down to -10 degrees and starts lookin for this "happy" texan. He finally finds him yellin and hollerin with an even bigger smile on his face and the devil asks "why are u happy now?!!!" The texan exclaims the AGGIES must have won the NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP

" He's not a hard man to track, he leaves dead men where ever he goes."

aren't most of these just old aggie jokes with "longhorn" substituted for aggie?

How many longhorns does it take to screw in a light bulb?


7001

1 to screw in the light bulb and 7000 to protest how unfair it is to deem that the burnt out light bulb is no longer useful.

What is the difference between a longhorn fan and a jackass? The jackass would know.

What is the difference between ut and A&M?

ut SUCKS

What does A&M do with ghey students?


Cut their middle fingers off and send them to tu. You can see them waving before every football game.

A lorghorn, Aggie, and a cornhusker were debating who had the longer *****. So they all decided to go on top of a 20 foot bridge that crosses over a river to hang them off the top to settle this debate. The Longhorn went first, dropped his pants and hung it over the ledge.....and it hung 1/5 the way down. The husker was impressed but not imtemidated and stepped to the ledge and it hung half the way down beating the longhorn. The Aggie replied "not bad, not bad" then stepped to the ledge and whipped it out, waited a second and replied "damn that water is cold".

Doesn't the one above go like this: (if you wanna make it an horn joke)

an aggie and a longhorn want to see whose p enis is bigger so they go to a bridge and both whip them out. The longhorn looks over and said the water is cold. the aggie looked back and said its deep too.


[This message has been edited by futureag10 (edited 10/25/2006 9:01a).]

Whats the hardest part about being a longhorn?

Telling your dad your gay.

Q: What's the dividing line between an Aggie and a complete idiot?


A: The Austin City Limits!

[This message has been edited by SA-AG72 (edited 10/25/2006 9:47a).]

the Communications school

Three guys get to talking at a bar.
The first one says "I'm doing very well at work, happily married, have three wonderful kids and they are all going to A&M to be with their kind."
The second guy says "I own my own business, am happily married, and my two sons are going to A&M to be with their own kind."
The third guy says "Well, I don't work, I've never been married, but I do have six kids and they are going to go to The University of Texas to be with their own kind."




Oh, I don’t blame Congress. If I had $600 billion at my disposal, I’d be irresponsible, too.

—Lichty and Wagner