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The Anxious Generation

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double aught
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4:07p, 7/22/24
AG
Anyone read this book?

Lots of info on how terrible smartphones and social media are for children and why they affect them in such a negative way. It's an interesting read. I'm going to hold off on getting my two daughters smartphones as long as I can. I hope my neighbors do too.

https://www.anxiousgeneration.com/
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Lavender Gooms
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5:11p, 7/22/24
AG
Haven't read it yet, but it's on my list. Our church did a sermon series on mental health and this books was referenced a good amount, especially when our youth pastor spoke on kids and mental health.
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double aught
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In reply to Lavender Gooms • 5:30p, 7/22/24
AG
The author is an atheist, but he still has a chapter or more devoted to the importance of spirituality and the importance of being a part of something bigger than yourself, the biggest example being religion.
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Capitol Ag
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8:34p, 7/22/24
AG
Heard an interesting theory recently. One cause for anxiety can be the fact that we live in a world that is safer than it's ever been before at levels that even 100 years ago we'd never could have imagined. We no longer have to worry about a giant bird dragging us off or a saber tooth cat or cave bear killing us at night, nor do most of us have to worry about when we will get our next meal. We evolved from hominids that had to hunt and gather and there were no guarantees we'd have food tomorrow or this week for that matter. THAT was stress. Also, we likely socialized in tight groups that met our social needs b/c we had to to survive. A lot of things could kill us. Disease, animals, starvation. That was all we needed to worry about, and natural selection selected for that. As such it's still wired into us. Today, most of our basic needs are beyond being met. And really, survival was something that was still a concern even as recent as last century. Now, while not guaranteed, it's pretty much as close to guaranteed as we can get until science lengthens lives and gene therapy and future medicine gets rid of diseases maybe altogether. Anxiety has risen b/c our minds are still wired to survive, yet survival isn't that hard to do anymore. So instead of spending energy doing what we have to do to survive, we have yet to turn off the fight of flight instinct and it manifests itself partially in anxiety.
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Grindhouse
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In reply to Capitol Ag • 9:44p, 7/22/24
AG
Makes total sense. We are so lucky to be alive right now. Not long ago we were tying to find clean water. Now wake up in my house, in a super comfortable bed, and make an instant coffee from a machine. Yet we still "worry"….i do it myself and I always wonder what I am worrying about.
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double aught
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In reply to Capitol Ag • 11:08p, 7/22/24
AG
There's probably some truth to this. One of the main tenets of the book is that we are under protective of our kids online, but also that we are overprotective of them in the real world. Kids need the opportunity for free play with others so they can learn all those social skills and how to govern themselves. And they need to be able to take risks that they can learn from. Scrapes and bruises are good teachers.
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ToddyHill
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9:44a, 7/23/24
AG
As I reflect on my life, I personally believe my day-to-day life changed forever with the introduction of cable TV in the 70's, the adaptation of cellular phone technology in the late 80's, and the acceptance/use of the Internet in the 90's.

Growing up as a kid in Connecticut, we were 'fortunate' to have access to 7 television stations (all from NYC). During those days, the stations would shut down in the wee hours, leaving one to stare at a test pattern until 6 a.m. As a freshman at A&M in '75, I was introduced to HBO, available for $4 a month. One could now veg out on TV 24 hours a day. It's ironic how I'll go through the channel list and tell myself, 'there's nothing on TV right now.'

I used to think I'd never own a cell phone. I remember the scene in Wall Street where Michael Douglas was walking on the beach talking to someone on a cell phone...that was over 12 inches in length. At the time I traveled quite a bit on business. For whatever reasons, I still remember the locations of the best pay phones in the cities I used to travel...and the locations of the bank of phones at DFW Airport. Today, I wake up and one of the first things I do is look at my cell for email/messages/etc. I'd be lost without it.

The Internet was a game changer. In the early 90's I worked for Brinker...and I still remember using dial up to show a co-worker how to log on to AOL. Today, I lose internet access for 5 minutes and I'm upset.

It's a strange set of circumstances. Though I look at my past and marvel how simple life was back in the 60's, there's no way I'd give up today's technology. Personally, I feel that is one of the keys to those moments when I'm anxious. .

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KidDoc
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In reply to Capitol Ag • 10:06a, 7/23/24
AG
Capitol Ag said:
Heard an interesting theory recently. One cause for anxiety can be the fact that we live in a world that is safer than it's ever been before at levels that even 100 years ago we'd never could have imagined. We no longer have to worry about a giant bird dragging us off or a saber tooth cat or cave bear killing us at night, nor do most of us have to worry about when we will get our next meal. We evolved from hominids that had to hunt and gather and there were no guarantees we'd have food tomorrow or this week for that matter. THAT was stress. Also, we likely socialized in tight groups that met our social needs b/c we had to to survive. A lot of things could kill us. Disease, animals, starvation. That was all we needed to worry about, and natural selection selected for that. As such it's still wired into us. Today, most of our basic needs are beyond being met. And really, survival was something that was still a concern even as recent as last century. Now, while not guaranteed, it's pretty much as close to guaranteed as we can get until science lengthens lives and gene therapy and future medicine gets rid of diseases maybe altogether. Anxiety has risen b/c our minds are still wired to survive, yet survival isn't that hard to do anymore. So instead of spending energy doing what we have to do to survive, we have yet to turn off the fight of flight instinct and it manifests itself partially in anxiety.
This 100%. It is also the reason obesity and ADHD are "new" issues. Those are survival traits for the last 30,000 years and over the last 80 or so they are now problems. Our society has evolved light years faster than our bodies and brains have.

I'm just glad I personally have Christianity and prayer that works great for me to unload anxieties.

No material on this site is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See full Medical Disclaimer.
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K Bo
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In reply to Capitol Ag • 12:29p, 7/23/24
AG
The Comfort Crisis by Michael Easter does a good job discussing this theory. Highly recommended book for everyone.
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Leeman
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1:53p, 7/23/24
Didn't read - too anxious.
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FIDO95
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In reply to Capitol Ag • 9:07a, 7/24/24
AG
The problem with that idea, which Haidt points out in his research, it that the "hockey stick" upward in anxiety is heavily correlated with the rapid increase in social media consumption around 2012. Prior to that, the rates had been relatively stable. The modern era associated with many of the things you pointed out far precedes the current trend. I can't link the chart but you can see the trend on this link:

The Anxious Generation | Jonathan Haidt

I haven't read Anxious Generation but his book "The Coddling of the American Mind" is excellent, and it points out some of the things you are describing. Additionally, his research on predictors for the development of conservative values vs progressive values is fascinating (see Ted talk video below). I think he is more agnostic than atheist. But he is quick to point out the critical importance of religion in holding the fabric of a society together.

No material on this site is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See full Medical Disclaimer.
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KidDoc
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In reply to FIDO95 • 10:34a, 7/24/24
AG
FIDO95 said:
The problem with that idea, which Haidt points out in his research, it that the "hockey stick" upward in anxiety is heavily correlated with the rapid increase in social media consumption around 2012. Prior to that, the rates had been relatively stable. The modern era associated with many of the things you pointed out far precedes the current trend. I can't link the chart but you can see the trend on this link:

The Anxious Generation | Jonathan Haidt

I haven't read Anxious Generation but his book "The Coddling of the American Mind" is excellent, and it points out some of the things you are describing. Additionally, his research on predictors for the development of conservative values vs progressive values is fascinating (see Ted talk video below). I think he is more agnostic than atheist. But he is quick to point out the critical importance of religion in holding the fabric of a society together.

Good video but mostly about tribalism more than the rise of mental health disorders.
No material on this site is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See full Medical Disclaimer.
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FIDO95
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In reply to KidDoc • 10:54a, 7/24/24
AG
Yes, I know it was slightly off topic from the OP. It was more a response to the comments about his religious beliefs another poster had made. I believe most of his life he was atheist and progressive, but he has shifted more to the center probably by the results if his own studies. While I wouldn't fully agree with him on a host of topics, I appreciate his efforts to manage his own bias and follow where the findings lead him. Here is probably the best deep dive conversation on the "Anxious Generation" that I have seen him have on the topic:



I've been part of his substack, After Babel, where he has been freely presenting a lot of the research results on this and similar topics. It has been sobering and frightening. I'm sure you have as seen much of a spike in these pathologies in your own practice as I have in mine (I'm also a pediatrician). Here is the link for that if you are interested:

Welcome to the After Babel Substack - by Jon Haidt
No material on this site is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See full Medical Disclaimer.
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P.U.T.U
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2:12p, 7/24/24
AG
The Coddling of the American Mind is good, not sure what politics they are into now but when they both wrote the book they said they never voted for a single republican. Boys Adrift is another good one, and I started ADHD: A Hunter in a Farmer's World but not far enough into it to give an opinion.

Kids need less screen time, more outside time, and more time being bored.
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double aught
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8:22p, 7/24/24
AG
.
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MaxPower
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In reply to Capitol Ag • 8:45p, 7/24/24
Capitol Ag said:
Heard an interesting theory recently. One cause for anxiety can be the fact that we live in a world that is safer than it's ever been before at levels that even 100 years ago we'd never could have imagined. We no longer have to worry about a giant bird dragging us off or a saber tooth cat or cave bear killing us at night, nor do most of us have to worry about when we will get our next meal. We evolved from hominids that had to hunt and gather and there were no guarantees we'd have food tomorrow or this week for that matter. THAT was stress. Also, we likely socialized in tight groups that met our social needs b/c we had to to survive. A lot of things could kill us. Disease, animals, starvation. That was all we needed to worry about, and natural selection selected for that. As such it's still wired into us. Today, most of our basic needs are beyond being met. And really, survival was something that was still a concern even as recent as last century. Now, while not guaranteed, it's pretty much as close to guaranteed as we can get until science lengthens lives and gene therapy and future medicine gets rid of diseases maybe altogether. Anxiety has risen b/c our minds are still wired to survive, yet survival isn't that hard to do anymore. So instead of spending energy doing what we have to do to survive, we have yet to turn off the fight of flight instinct and it manifests itself partially in anxiety.
I agree with this theory. Thinking of my own anxiety, it's actually worse when I have little to worry about. It can also be bad when really stressed for a different reason but really the point is sitting around thinking a whole lot isn't healthy. We are meant to do and our brain should be aiding us in doing, not pontificating. If there's no stress then our brain will find a way to create stress.
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1988PA-Aggie
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8:58a, 7/25/24
I have two step kids, my step daughter, now 27, has multiple issues, anxiety one of them, most directly related to phones and social media.

She had a rough start with a bio father who was narcissistic, controlling, and manipulated the kids with promises and lies. Rarely came through on anything, spent lots of money on dating girls 15-20 years younger, the list goes on. She had big-time rejection/daddy issues so we did counseling as a family for many years. Boom, here comes phones and social media at the ripe age of 12 or 13. That combination was pure evil.

Now, I'm not going to get on a soapbox and say all phones and SM are evil. No, anything (except heroin?) in moderation in a controlled manner is likely okay or at least not too damaging.

But my step daughter took to it hard. She, like her mother, is considered very attractive. She learned around 16 yo that posting certain styles of pics and in turn getting 'likes' and compliments was fantastic and became her heroin. Her moods were strongly related to how many or how few 'likes' she got that day.

Wife and I were not social media or tech savvy people back then, and we completely dropped the ball when it came to monitoring her content. There are lots of things we SHOULD have done. Shutting down the wifi at a certain time, taking her tech away more often when rules were broken, etc. She was a bit of a wild child and it was difficult to reign her in other ways. Then she went to college and it became virtually impossible to monitor her SM activity.

At 27 she is just starting to mature, wake up, and see the world around her. Therapists predicted in her teens that girls from broken families, with a dad like she had, would need till about 23-24 before she started to figure things out. IMO she has a type of arrested development and I think much of it is due to her phone. She has spent so much time on her phone in the last 15 years that in a way, the world has passed her by. She only feels NOW that she is way behind. I feel her phone and activities have rewired her brain to some extent. My experience with her was unique that she already had issues due to her bio dad which multiplied things, that likely will not be your circumstance.

What I feel are the major issues because of major phone usage and SM:
-predators (my step daughter had a guy stalk her severe enough he ended up in jail for 6 months)
-danger of scams on IG (my step daughter has been suckered three times for thousands of dollars)
-believing everything on the internet is true
-scrolling Tik tok obsessively teaches you little and does not develop your brain's processing ability
-posting pics (nice or somewhat dirty in my step daughter's case) and waiting for results can build anxiety
-lots of internet 'friends' does not mean you have real friends (my step daughter has almost no friends)

That list can go on. OP, bottom line is that you are the parent and you need to stay that way. My wife and I made mistakes, some due to ignorance, others due to being too easy-going. I wish more than anything that I could turn back the hands of time and do things differently regarding phones and SM. Now, I can only pass on personal experience as advice to younger parents. I hope some of this helps, and thank you for letting me vent a bit.




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ATM9000
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12:15a, 7/29/24
AG
Much like people who call for complete eradication of fossil fuel usage… I find calls like Haidt's for government social media intervention and bans on smartphones as childish and not very realistic. The car can't go back in the garage on all of this: smartphones at this point are too convenient, cheap and easy to go away and people like what social media offers them too much for government SM intervention to ever work. So that's my first problem with this book

My teen daughter and her friends all have smartphones and I know loads of adults who are way more attached to their phones and social mediate than any of those girls. That's my second problem with this book… it paints this as a distinctly young person problem but this is just not what I observe in the real world. This is an everybody problem.

Ultimately, the proliferation of smart phones and social media isn't a trend. It's new technology to this world that's not going away. As a parent of a teenager, dogmatic declarations tend to not work with teens who can think for themselves and see my wife and I walking around with our own smartphones… if we aren't willing to carry around flip phones ourselves, she's calling bull**** on us if we give her one and say 'don't worry it's for your own good'. And you know what? She'd be right to call bull**** on this too. Our approach is set some rules in our house we are all willing to adhere to like no phones and TV at the dinner table or during family time, don't have the phones out taking excessive pictures all the time when we go places, etc. Set standards at home around etiquette and how to communicate with others and that's what will set how and who your kids will do so as they get more independent too. This has worked out ok for us thus far but we do pay attention and if/when it seems like it stops working, maybe I'll be back here asking what others do.
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double aught
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In reply to ATM9000 • 12:44a, 7/29/24
AG
Have you read the book? A lot of what you mention is addressed. He talks about how phones are a negative influence on adults, constantly distracting them from life. In fact, he didn't set out to write a book about children, but that's where the facts led him. It was initially going to be about how technology is causing people to be more divided.

Smartphones aren't good for adults, but they're worse for kids because certain parts of their brains haven't fully developed. So yes, phones and social media should be kept from kids as long as possible. There's plenty of stuff adults have access to that juveniles don't. That's life and that's parenting. And the more parents that make this decision, the easier it becomes. If very few of your classmates have instagram, there's less FOMO. That's one of the reasons I'm ok with government regulation in this area. There is collective benefit from it.
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1988PA-Aggie
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In reply to ATM9000 • 7:37a, 7/29/24
ATM9000 said:
Much like people who call for complete eradication of fossil fuel usage… I find calls like Haidt's for government social media intervention and bans on smartphones as childish and not very realistic. The car can't go back in the garage on all of this: smartphones at this point are too convenient, cheap and easy to go away and people like what social media offers them too much for government SM intervention to ever work. So that's my first problem with this book

My teen daughter and her friends all have smartphones and I know loads of adults who are way more attached to their phones and social mediate than any of those girls. That's my second problem with this book… it paints this as a distinctly young person problem but this is just not what I observe in the real world. This is an everybody problem.

Ultimately, the proliferation of smart phones and social media isn't a trend. It's new technology to this world that's not going away. As a parent of a teenager, dogmatic declarations tend to not work with teens who can think for themselves and see my wife and I walking around with our own smartphones… if we aren't willing to carry around flip phones ourselves, she's calling bull**** on us if we give her one and say 'don't worry it's for your own good'. And you know what? She'd be right to call bull**** on this too. Our approach is set some rules in our house we are all willing to adhere to like no phones and TV at the dinner table or during family time, don't have the phones out taking excessive pictures all the time when we go places, etc. Set standards at home around etiquette and how to communicate with others and that's what will set how and who your kids will do so as they get more independent too. This has worked out ok for us thus far but we do pay attention and if/when it seems like it stops working, maybe I'll be back here asking what others do.
ATM, good post. Yes, the genie (phones and SM) is out of the bottle. Moderation and limits are the way to go. Also setting a good example. Seems like you have a good strategy and set of rules to keep your kids on the right track. Good luck.
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KidDoc
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8:28a, 7/29/24
AG
The impact on young teens is significantly worse than adult smart phone addiction. Specifically the 11-13 year olds.

We don't allow kids to drink, drive, vote until a specific age. I think it is completely appropriate to limit smart phones to an age, maybe 16 or 15, and just allow flip phones for texting or calls if needed in the younger kids.

No material on this site is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See full Medical Disclaimer.
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MRB10
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12:54p, 7/29/24
AG
For those of you who chose to delay smart devices to 15 or 16…

-how much push back did you experience from your kids?
-what strategies did you employ that were most effective when dealing with the above?
-do you feel that your kids are better adjusted(socially) for it in hindsight?
-how well did they manage screen time after you gave them devices?

This is a constant discussion between my wife and I and I'm always interested to hear anecdotal experiences. TIA
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howapi
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In reply to MRB10 • 6:57p, 7/29/24
AG
MRB10 said:
For those of you who chose to delay smart devices to 15 or 16…

-how much push back did you experience from your kids?
-what strategies did you employ that were most effective when dealing with the above?
-do you feel that your kids are better adjusted(socially) for it in hindsight?
-how well did they manage screen time after you gave them devices?

This is a constant discussion between my wife and I and I'm always interested to hear anecdotal experiences. TIA


While not 15/16, we chose to wait until at least 13 to let them have a (smart)phone. The biggest problem we ran into with waiting until a later age is the adoption of apps and phones in school. Many teachers, administrators, and club directors now expect kids to have a smartphone to participate.Our hands were kind of forced at that point.

We use Google Family to help limit/affect usage (I assume Apple has an equivalent). Kids are limited to 2-3 hours a day on the phone total and we have full control over app usage, approving purchases, etc.

The kids are really just excited to have a phone at all so they readily accepted the restrictions. As they get older we are are loosening up those restrictions and so far it has worked out pretty well, both in terms of device addiction and social adjustment*

*as a side note, I've heard about a lot of bullying and social exclusion from having no phone, a dummy phone, or even an Android. But when asked our kids said they have not experienced this.
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Matsui
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10:11p, 7/29/24
AG
Excellent topic. Saving.
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BetsyParker
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In reply to MRB10 • 10:36p, 7/29/24
AG
MRB10 said:
For those of you who chose to delay smart devices to 15 or 16…

-how much push back did you experience from your kids?
-what strategies did you employ that were most effective when dealing with the above?
-do you feel that your kids are better adjusted(socially) for it in hindsight?
-how well did they manage screen time after you gave them devices?

This is a constant discussion between my wife and I and I'm always interested to hear anecdotal experiences. TIA
We do not let our kids have a phone until their birthday in 9th grade (15 years). In 7th grade (13th birthday), however, we let them get a Google Voice number (the oldest 2)/Apple ID (the younger 2). This way, they could text their friends from a computer (Google Voice) that is in a common area of the house, or from an iPad (Apple ID) that can only be used in the living room. This was a compromise we were willing to make, and it meant that the children could communicate with their friends but only when they sat down to check messages...not because they had a device on them that constantly notified them. When it seems like a child is spending too much time texting, we might institute a period of 10 minutes checking and responding to messages in an hour period, set a timer, and you can go back each hour, but only for 10 minutes. This breaks the "excessive behavior" pretty quickly.

Phones, iPads, and computers are only used in the common areas of the house. They are charged in the kitchen overnight. We also have some parental controls to limit kinds of apps and time on apps, but we also know that a crafty kid can get around those. Our children know that we can and will pick up their devices at any time and read any messages, check histories, etc. Social media accounts are a no, but when our oldest went to college, he got an Instagram account, so that precedent has been set.

All of this said, our children are pretty active in school, school sports, and extracurricular activities, and we do most things as a family, so they do not have much time to be on a phone. We only have one television in the house, so when it is on, it has to be a show that is appropriate for everyone who is home at the time. We have one gaming platform that is connected to the one television, so if someone wants to play a game, it has to be appropriate for everyone who is home at the time, and the pecking order of who was using the TV first has to be worked out. We make a concerted effort not to be on phones at dinner or while out together, but, if someone says, "What??? Jimmy Stewart is dead?" as a part of the conversation, someone will look it up.

We've also watched the Social Dilemma with our kids, and they are pretty adamant about not wanting to be manipulated or addicted. Jonathan Haidt has been on my radar for a long time, and we have talked about aspects of The Coddling of the American Mind and The Anxious Generation with them. We are also the kinds of parents who will, out of the blue, while riding in the car somewhere, ask whatever children are in the car something like "how many cubic feet are in a cubic yard?" so... file that how you'd like. (By the way, the children generally don't care for these abrupt Q&As, but I'm sure they will enjoy talking about it when they reminisce about all the ways we were insane as parents).

Of course, they likely wish they could have the newest phone and use it whenever and wherever they want and have whatever apps they want, but they have generally been good about accepting the "rules" that we have.
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ATM9000
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12:26a, 7/30/24
AG
We have lived and currently live in a huge city with loads of public transit and there isn't a lot of school specific transportation. Plans and schedules change and we wanted my daughter to have a way to navigate bus schedules and roads on her own if she had to. As such, she had a smartphone when she was 11. She pretty much never did anything with it other than throw it in her backpack during the week and put it back in the charging station at nights and on weekends. She did nothing with it socially. It was the same with a lot of her friends. They only started to do anything more than this with it when they all started turning 13 or 14 and actually wanted more social and general independence from their parents. And even now, none of them seem attached to their phone. I have checked my daughter's screen time on her phone week to week and it's always like 60-90 minutes a day… and her round trip commute time to school is about 60 minutes.

I've just not personally seen this zombification of kids with their phones that books like this purport and definitely not in they way I see it in some adults. I see the smartphones and social media as total red herrings to the parenting equation and it is no different than it was before them. Teach and demonstrate to your kids what is right and what is wrong, instill and demonstrate high self esteem and teach them to stand up for themselves. If you do this, the threats of social media will kinda figure itself out.
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Aggie_Boomin 21
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8:43a, 7/30/24
AG
But the employees that work at the really cool tech companies drink green smoothies and ride scooters around, they wouldn't do anything that would cause all these 14 year olds to harm themselves.

Dark joke aside, yeah not surprising at all. We aren't ready to have access to see the idealized versions of pretty much anyone's life that they put out there I don't think.
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KidDoc
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In reply to ATM9000 • 9:11a, 7/30/24
AG
ATM9000 said:
We have lived and currently live in a huge city with loads of public transit and there isn't a lot of school specific transportation. Plans and schedules change and we wanted my daughter to have a way to navigate bus schedules and roads on her own if she had to. As such, she had a smartphone when she was 11. She pretty much never did anything with it other than throw it in her backpack during the week and put it back in the charging station at nights and on weekends. She did nothing with it socially. It was the same with a lot of her friends. They only started to do anything more than this with it when they all started turning 13 or 14 and actually wanted more social and general independence from their parents. And even now, none of them seem attached to their phone. I have checked my daughter's screen time on her phone week to week and it's always like 60-90 minutes a day… and her round trip commute time to school is about 60 minutes.

I've just not personally seen this zombification of kids with their phones that books like this purport and definitely not in they way I see it in some adults. I see the smartphones and social media as total red herrings to the parenting equation and it is no different than it was before them. Teach and demonstrate to your kids what is right and what is wrong, instill and demonstrate high self esteem and teach them to stand up for themselves. If you do this, the threats of social media will kinda figure itself out.
You are lucky that you haven't seen it. I see well over 100 visits a week from very poor kids to high functioning phD kids and phone addiction is a very real problem. It skews to the more poor children especially those with a single working parent.
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ATM9000
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In reply to KidDoc • 1:51p, 7/31/24
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KidDoc said:
ATM9000 said:
We have lived and currently live in a huge city with loads of public transit and there isn't a lot of school specific transportation. Plans and schedules change and we wanted my daughter to have a way to navigate bus schedules and roads on her own if she had to. As such, she had a smartphone when she was 11. She pretty much never did anything with it other than throw it in her backpack during the week and put it back in the charging station at nights and on weekends. She did nothing with it socially. It was the same with a lot of her friends. They only started to do anything more than this with it when they all started turning 13 or 14 and actually wanted more social and general independence from their parents. And even now, none of them seem attached to their phone. I have checked my daughter's screen time on her phone week to week and it's always like 60-90 minutes a day… and her round trip commute time to school is about 60 minutes.

I've just not personally seen this zombification of kids with their phones that books like this purport and definitely not in they way I see it in some adults. I see the smartphones and social media as total red herrings to the parenting equation and it is no different than it was before them. Teach and demonstrate to your kids what is right and what is wrong, instill and demonstrate high self esteem and teach them to stand up for themselves. If you do this, the threats of social media will kinda figure itself out.
You are lucky that you haven't seen it. I see well over 100 visits a week from very poor kids to high functioning phD kids and phone addiction is a very real problem. It skews to the more poor children especially those with a single working parent.
I'm not trying to infer that it isn't real… I'm just saying that I haven't personally witnessed it amongst kids.

But your last point is why I think while the technology is new, the underlying root of it is no different than it has been for generations with vices kids get into and their personal self worth. If parents aren't teaching teaching the right values or around enough to demonstrate them, then kids are going to dive into technology in the wrong ways whether they are 11 or they are 16 when they are first exposed to it.
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JeremiahJohnson
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3:32p, 8/1/24
AG
Michael Easter did a similar study/ book with "Scarcity Brain"

His Comfort Crisis Book was amazing. I enjoyed Scarcity brain too

I am 100% addicted to my cell phone. It helped me realize how dependent i was on it.
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GCRanger
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11:05a, 9/5/24
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I'm about halfway through the book. The principal and priest at our school, private Catholic in SA, bought the book for everyone on the school council to read. The intent is for us to discuss and set phone/device policy at the school. Right now the rule is for no devices out at school and they are supposed to stay in bag all day. I know kids sneak them out when grown ups aren't around. I'd like to go a step further and say no smart phones for students on campus, flip phones or similar limited devices only. Also have harsher penalties for breaking the rules. The school, though small < 300 students, has already had some issues with sexting and bullying through social media. The council is also trying to determine the best way to present this information to parents to try and influence them to lock down kids phones and reduce usage. We had a social media expert come in to do a presentation one evening last year but only had probably 10% of families show up, and they were the not the ones that needed the info.

A few parents have already complained about reduced phone availability during school/sports. "what about emergencies" "how do I contact my kid if schedule changes". I'm 47, it's not that damn hard to organize things and get in touch without kids having a phone. Coaches, teachers, school office, other parents, are all legit and easy ways to get in touch with kids just like in the "old" days. We have a few different parent groups for athletics and classes where teachers and coaches post updates daily. Most of the parents complaining are in early to mid-30s.

Our son is 11 and daughter is 10. We have family apps for Google and Msft to have usage time and installation of apps locked down. Still caught my son on the laptop with Henry Danger playing, while he was playing a game in split screen and also had his tablet playing Minecraft video, and listening to Spotify. Multi-tasking overload. Now we only allow one screen at a time.
Some of my daughters girl friends had full access to smart phone and social media as early as 3rd grade. When kids come to the house they have to turn in their phones/devices to us. One girl really complained rudely to us about that. She's not invited over anymore until her parents straighten that out.

We now reach out to other families when there are sleep overs to see how they handle devices and internet access, and sleep time. This started after our son slept over at classmates house with all the other boys for a 10th birthday. They were up until almost 4am watching movies and youtube gaming videos, possibly worse. Our son was mentally f'd for a couple days after that. Turns out that family basically has no restrictions on internet and devices, and had no plans to make sure the kids shut things down and went to bed at a decent time.

I'm trying to pull back my own usage and uninstalling apps that are just time sucks. No games. No Social Media. I have only used Facebook but no longer have the app on phone. We're trying to be better examples at home with usage. TexAgs is my primary fix but YouTube also takes a lot of my time and I've found myself addicted to the Shorts. I wish I could disable that.

Going to use some of the other advice in this thread to lock things down further.
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