CC09LawAg said:
There are a million different things that go into this, and I think every kid is different. But one thing that is important is, what apps is she using/what is causing her to use her phone so much?
If it's just apps, that is probably an easier fix. If she's using it to socialize via group texts/calls/etc., I think you're going to get more pushback and have to think about it more carefully. It's one thing to cut back on YouTube time for a 12 year old girl, but it's an entirely different situation if you're "cutting her off from all of her friends and ruining her life".
If it's the former, I think the screentime limit is an easy fix. If it's the latter, I think you have to explain to her that it's important to take time away from socializing with your friends, because inevitably when things like bullying start, or friends start talking/doing things she's uncomfortable with, etc., she will need the buffer of just being able to be "home". And tell her she can blame you (her parents) for being so lame and so awful so that her friends don't give her a hard time. Let her make you the scapegoat.
She may not appreciate it right away, but being able to avoid peer pressure a few hours a day is something she really needs at that age.
This post made me chuckle. Let her make you the scapegoat? Tell me you don't have preteen/teen kids without actually telling me that. In fact I'll guess you've got young kids where it's kind of easy to stop bad habits by just saying don't do it. You'll figure out soon enough that just legislating rules with explanations like that gets a lot harder and more complicated because while teenagers still aren't that smart… they are smart enough to smell through and question what they perceive as bull*****
The real challenge with all of this is all the kids around that age have a phone. They don't start addicted to it either and I'd say my own daughter really doesn't do her phone and screens much except in true dead time… even then, she had a smartphone for a full 18 months or so before she and her friends started socializing on their phones. And when did that start? When they all got old enough to have a bit of independence and it wasn't all of the parents planning their outings and stuff on their behalf anymore.
Expand that a level then and realize that most adults including probably people on this thread to some extent have a problem with their phones and screen time… and you realize you aren't really fighting your own kid with this stuff but rather you are fighting an entire culture shift… you aren't going to win against a culture shift.
Hard stop home legislation and strict regulation isn't going to do you any favors in this fight but rather practicing some softer principles and rituals at home such as talking at dinner or everybody doing their part around household chores and such does wonders for developing your kids into good communicators who don't feel like they NEED to be in front of a screen all the time to interact with society. Sad reality is if everybody communicates via screen time, just throwing strict boundaries up in a weird way is stunting your kid's independence which isn't great… so best you can do is emulate good habits yourself and find interesting alternatives for your kids. My daughter definitely has her screen time but I'd say it isn't out of hand and most prevalent in waiting rooms or on commutes rather than doomscrolling memes 24 hours a day and that's ok by me.